All Comments on 'An Unexpected Surprise'

This should be a fun marriage!

5

Well, cock-whip her hairless pussy and then fill it with your baby batter! Five stars! Chapter 2?

A good depature from the ordinary slam-bam romance in that time was taken to develop the characters. Still, sizzling sec, and have to find a Mandy in my life. More please.

Would have rated it higher but the one sided conversations just got to be way too annoying.

This is was a fun read for me. The plot is interesting and engaging. Although the reader knows where it’s going, it isn’t a straight and smooth path. I love the setting with references to Hawaiian geography, culture, language, and attitudes. The characters are interesting, believable, likable, and well-developed. You write description very well.

I think you might improve your dialogue a bit. People don’t speak to each other with several long paragraphs at a time, responding to unspoken questions. When I read this, it just doesn’t sound natural. Your characters also got a bit long-winded during the sex scenes in a way that didn’t seem natural.

Despite my criticism, I enjoyed the story, and I appreciate your writing. It’s your story, and you can write it any way you want. Thank you for writing and thank you for sharing your work.

Life with Mandy will I am sure be one full on roller coaster of a trip particularly with at least 4 kids. 5 well deserved stars. One for each of those kids ? Oops.

Excellent story in paradise.

There are a few annoying things about Mandy. The baby talking would get old for me. But they made a solid and emotionally authentic start. As long as they can keep the smoking hot sex life going, Nick should be able to forgive her for an awful lot. Nicely written in general. You've got some grammatical errors, mostly in the later chapters. But your richly descriptive language is solid. I feel like I got to know these crazy kids in love a little bit. I enjoyed your story!

Nicely paced, with excellent characters, this is a fine romantic tale that builds carefully, holding the reader's attention throughout. The climactic love scene is very well written, but much too short. A sequel for this story is not only warranted but badly needed.