All Comments on 'An Unexpected Twist'

ok, and?

the LW audience to read .

I never read anything without some clue . Makes one suspect the worst if you try to slip stuff by .

Needs to be more erotic, less pedantic. The authors' pleasure in their own phrasing disrupts the readers' immersion in the story.

Also, for such an erudite piece of literature, there are several extremely sophomoric grammar errors. The incorrect uses of lie and lay are examples.

Upon reflection, the women coming together seemed too facile, too neat, too swift. Was there no discovery dialogue before the decision that turnabout would be fair play?

Had the wife had previous suspicions?

But I liked it.

what?

was it a dream?

Was it lesbian sex?

Was it a threesome?

If any of the above how did it happen so fast? Was there history not mentioned?

OK story but it felt like a lot was missing and the author was just trying to show the reader how smart he thinks he is...

Kind of lost me at the end as there is no recounting of what happened between Maria and his wife. You referenced a mistake was made but we never are allowed to clearly see what the mistake was...in a sense. Will there be a follow-on?

No score until finished

Not my taste! A story that suggests a lot in terms of content but does not deliver any result. When I want to dream I go to sleep and not read lit!

Confusing

Lots of potential, but over-written. Something different, for sure.

Like a dessert that is too sweet--and too small.

It goes- too smart for your own good.

Would you like your goose egg scrambled; perhaps over easy?

A whole lot of something that was nothing and gave us what?

Are Kathleen and Maria lovers? Was Mike originally seduced by Maria at Kathleen's request? The content of the story and the ending kind of imply it.

The main part's that stick out to me were:

1) Maria's hoodie.

2) Kathleen's comment about them waiting for a long time.

P.S. Story was great until the end. I think you implied too much. While explaining too little.

Yup, you are clever. You like to show off your cleverness, and what better place to do it? Sort of like a college sophomore in an advanced writing class, trying to score points. But the audience here is more ham and eggs, give us the story so we don't have to think too hard.

I appreciated the attempts at cleverness but there is a thing "being too clever by half." Some of the phrases and images were very good, exciting my libido. So don't stop writing because you get slagged by the hoi polloi. Just dial it down a notch or two.

R.

but just as obscure, and tedious. I bet there was a real interesting and compelling story in there, somewhere.

Thanks for the hints, and the effort.

Do you have any story that is not a question and is completely finished ❓

The absence of guile, that is innocence.

You're wasting your time and I'm

AMerryman...... HA, ha, ha

I think you are asking for a type of reader sophistication here that Lit just isn't made for. We don't do well on "finish your own mental story" stories here. We need real plain English with general editing (timelines, spelling, correct tenses) to understand what the author means. Other than that, you had us going there. That last step was too much of a doozy for us to understand it and give you a worthy response. Sorry.

Can it be an appetizer without a main course? Is it dessert if there is no main course? I guess so. You have written the appetizer and the dessert, but there is no main course.

Very nuanced, inferences, subtleties. Hot. Very well done.

The inferred Ménage was very nice.

Thank you for this.

It was long and hard, just like he hoped it to be. He knew everything was good.

That is the way a healthy guy should take a crap. Uhhh, hmmm now he felt the warmth and detected the odor. Yeah, a good one.

Five turds for a latrine.

Don't find it intriguing or interesting.

Depending of the outcome it could be a very erotic story, As fan of bisexual females I hope for a threesome and ongoing threeway liaison.

Teachers cannot fuck our children.