Waxing or Waning

Author's note: This story changed immensely from the original version I sent to my editor, therefore, I will not list him to have my mistakes assumed to be his. It changed from a flash story to a longer one where I plan to add one more chapter. I hope you like it. This should be my 100^th story published on Literotica.

JAMES

"I'm pregnant."

Those two words have provoked two totally different reactions in men over history. In my case, the 'Joy' that can be felt at the prospect of fatherhood was NOT my reaction. Since I had had a vasectomy after the twins were born 20 years ago, the onerous implications of how my wife got pregnant flooded my mind. I guessed that she was prepared to leave when I heard the words and saw her suitcases by the couch. I stood stunned and said nothing.

"I didn't mean to hurt . . . "

"Be quiet! I need to process what you said."

"I'm sorry, Jim . . . it just . . . "

"SHUT UP! I don't want to hear it."

"But Jim we've had over twenty years . . . "

This time I went over to where she was sitting and got two inches from her face. "I have never hit you before, but I swear to God I will smack your face if you say one more word." She nodded she understood as the tears streamed down her face.

I finally decided. "GET OUT SLUT! Get out before I do something foolish."

Leslie looked incredibly sad as she got up and tried rolling her suitcase to the door. She was struggling to move the heavy load. She looked at me with a 'Help me' expression on her face. I got up, opened the door, and threw her suitcases out the door. Leslie walked to the door and I grabbed her arm. Suddenly, she seemed hopeful. I pulled her closer and snatched her purse. I reached in and got her keys. I took her copy of the house keys and threw the rest of the keys at her car. I pushed her out the door and slammed it shut. Then and only then did I start crying. I cried and cursed for quite a while. Having your heart torn out can do that to you.

As soon as I calmed down, I called the girls. They were roommates at college, so I got to speak to them both at the same time. Just as well as I never could tell the difference in their voices and they often finished each other's sentences. Holly answered and identified herself. She immediately asked me to call later because she and Barbara were getting ready to go out on an important dinner date. I told her I would be quick so as not to interfere with their busy social schedule. My anger at their mother was leaking over. "Your mother has gotten pregnant by another man. I'm divorcing her. She no longer lives here. Have a good evening." I hung up and turned off my cell phone.

The only question in my mind on what to do at that moment was where I wanted to get drunk. I could do it at home so I didn't make a fool of myself in public, or I could try and find someone to talk to and receive some poor schmuck's pity. I drove to the liquor store. It was Friday night, and the drive-thru window had a long line. Check cashing was causing most of the delay. As I waited impatiently, I saw 'Old Charlie' using the side of the building to prop himself up.

Old Charlie was a town icon. When he was sober, he would walk the streets with his push mower and gas can. He would go to enough homes and businesses offering to mow their lawns and earn money for booze. It would take him several days to use up his liquor money and then he would be walking and mowing again. Today, it looked like Charlie had barely made it out the door of the liquor store before he sat down next to his mower and started drinking. After taking a big gulp of cheap rotgut whiskey, he sighed in satisfaction. Recognizing me, he smiled and waved. I smiled and waved back. That's when it hit me. That could be my future even if I resorted to using expensive bourbon instead of cheap whiskey to deal with my problem. I went home, without anything to drink except coffee.

I went home and started writing to get my feelings out, hoping that would be therapeutic. I worked on my speech that I would say to Leslie if I ever talked to her again. I worked on an apology to my daughters. I worked on a story to tell my boss and any non-family members. I worked on what to ask for in the divorce. I had already decided on who to call and talk to first -- Leslie's mother.

Why Leslie's mother? Sarah Crandall was like a second mother to me, especially after my mother died of breast cancer a few years ago.

"Hello."

"Hey, Sarah, this is Jim."

"Jim, I just heard. I am so sorry. I can't believe she could do this to you and the twins. Are you sure she's pregnant?

"She's the one who told me and it's not April first."

"Dear Lord. How are you doing?"

"Not so well, thanks. So, Leslie hasn't called you?"

"No. I assume she hasn't had the courage to call. The twins phoned me and asked what I knew. I told them she hadn't called me. I tried calling my daughter, but evidently, she's not taking my calls. The girls said that after she told you that she was pregnant with another man's child you kicked her out. Is that correct, son?"

"She was ready to leave well before she announced her pregnancy to me. I just ushered her out the door a little faster than she had probably planned. I don't guess I was very polite. I'm a little ignorant of the mannerly way to treat cheating wives."

"Well, I'll certainly give her my two cents worth when I have the chance. Right now, I'm worried about you and the girls. Are you going to be alright? Now, just because my daughter cheated on you, don't let the girls be collateral damage in your reaction to being hurt. They still love you and need you."

"Thanks. I imagine we are all in for a rough time ahead."

"What do you plan to do?"

"I intend to show her Genghis Khan style mercy."

* * * * *

I was on the phone bright and early Monday morning. I called the lawyer we had used in a civil suit years ago. I told him I wanted the nastiest divorce lawyer around. He immediately recommended Kinsey Wimsett. She usually was known for neutering cheating husbands, but she enjoyed spaying cheating women as well. I called her up. Her secretary told me that I had to send over $1000 for her to even talk to me. My first reaction was 'Shit! That's too expensive.' Then I thought, that's what I should expect from the kind of lawyer I wanted. I agreed if I could come in today. I was scheduled for 1:00 pm.

At 1:15 I was ushered into Ms. Wimsett's office. She stood up to shake my hand. "Mr. DeLong, a pleasure although I imagine the situation you're in is quite the opposite."

"James, please." Ms. Wimsett did not offer me the use of her first name. So noted.

Ms. Wimsett looked like she had just come down the runway at a fashion show. As soon as she spoke, however, I knew she was all business. Still, it was hard to concentrate at first. I told her my story with as little anger as I could. We agreed on drawing up two petitions depending on Leslie's response to the first one. I also had her prepare an 'Interference with Marriage' lawsuit against Leslie's lover as soon as I had his name and contact information. She was to be served in her office the next morning. I was about to be $5000 poorer, but I already felt emotionally richer. I considered it a good investment.

The scene was videotaped for me. Two professionally dressed women (less likely to be thrown out) marched into the middle of the corridor at Leslie's place of business and announced loudly. "We're looking to serve a divorce petition to Leslie Delong for Adultery resulting in her pregnancy by a man not her husband. If anyone here can give us details on the identity of the man in question, we will pay a $100 reward." Leslie came running out of her office just as one of the two servers was receiving a note from one of the office members.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Are you Leslie Delong, wife of James Delong?"

"Yes."

"Well, you probably won't be a Delong very much longer. You've been served for divorce because of adultery. We will be sending an Interfering with Marriage lawsuit notice to your boyfriend soon.'" They walked away between a gauntlet of people staring at the spectacle they had witnessed.

* * * * *

LESLIE

Leslie went over to the secretary who had given the server a note. "What did you give that woman?"

"I gave her the name and office number for Cameron, your lover."

"And just what makes you think Cameron and I are lovers?"

"You mean besides his bragging to other men about knocking you up?"

"You're lying. He wouldn't do anything like that."

"I would think you might want to know the father of your baby better than that. He did say it. Ask the people at Hogan's Bar and Grille."

I went back to my office to cry first. Then I called Cameron. I chose to ignore the comment about Cameron bragging. I had placed too much faith in him for my future. "Cameron, I just got served divorce papers from James." I started crying again.

"Calm down, baby. We knew that would happen. It's no big deal. In fact, we can start planning our wedding for as soon as you're divorced from that loser. What are his conditions for settlement? Do you think James is going to be a hard ass about negotiating the divorce?"

"I don't know. I haven't looked at the petition. The people who served me said he was suing you for Interference with a Marriage. Isn't that what they used to call Alienation of Affection?"

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it. He'll probably drop that if you threaten to accuse him of severe mental and physical abuse. You can always do that if he gets serious about suing me. Now, tell me what the petition says."

"It seems very simple. We would split the checking and savings. I would not receive alimony or household support. We both would continue to support the girls through college. He will buy my half of the equity of the house unless I want to buy out his half or we can sell it."

"That's Bullshit. You can get a lot more than that. We need to call the lawyer I told you about."

"Wait, he attached a note. It says, 'Leslie, sign these papers quickly or I will revise my petition to something you really won't like.' Cameron, I think we've made him extra mad. Maybe I should sign it now. We don't need the money plus fighting it would delay our being able to get married. It's important to me for us to be married before the baby is born."

"I don't give a shit if he gets mad or not. We need to get you your fair share not the crumbs he is offering."

I decided to try and call Jim and smooth his ruffled feathers if possible. After several calls and several messages had been left about wanting to explain what had happened. I tried once more. Since he had not responded before, I was surprised when this time he answered.

"Well, well, how's the expectant Momma today?"

"Fine, thank you. I'm glad to see you have more polite manners today."

"Hey, I'm about to dump a cheating bitch. What could possibly make my life any better?"

"I'll ignore that insult. I received your petition this morning in front of everyone on the floor."

"Oh good, I hope the video came out well."

"You had it videotaped?"

"Sure, I'm starting a new collection of memories of you since I have been getting rid of all the old ones."

"What do you mean getting rid of 'memories of me?' You can't mean you've forgotten about our marriage and life together already."

"Oh, I remember our shame marriage and your recent surprise party for me quite well. What I am referring to is those things called pictures. Like the wedding album and the albums of photos with you in some of the pictures we took on our honeymoon and then there are those of us taken on special occasions with our children?"

"Surely, you didn't throw them away, did you?"

"Heavens no. I wouldn't dare throw them away. It wouldn't be ecologically sound. They went up in smoke. Best fire I've ever had in the fire pit. The only problem was the smoke from the photos kind of made the Smores taste bad. I don't see what the problem is. I can use the ashes for fertilizer since you turned my life to shit. You didn't care about our marriage so why do those pictures matter? Anyway, it's not my fault. Since you didn't take the albums with you, I assumed you didn't want them."

"You bastard! What about all my other stuff like my clothes?"

"They earned me a very nice charity tax deduction from Goodwill. I considered that a parting gift from you."

"James, I will not play your childish games. I just called to let you know that we are not going to accept your proposal. I deserve a lot more for putting up with you all those years."

"No, you don't. I don't think you want to get what you truly deserve. You showed me that our marriage was a farce from the beginning. All our talks about the future we were going to spend together meant nothing to you once the children were gone. Evidently, all you cared about was what you wanted for yourself. I do wonder though, was Cameron the only choice for father? Nevertheless, did you get my note with the petition?"

"Yes. I got your threat."

"Oh, it wasn't a threat. It was a promise. Tell you what: You and Cameron can tear up that petition you got because after this call I will have a new one sent to you tomorrow. I think you will enjoy it even more than the first one. Bye."

* * * * *

THE TWINS

"Girls, I wanted to apologize for being so short with you the other day, but you can guess why I wasn't in a good mood."

"You had no reason to be mad at us, Dad. You SHOULD apologize. We didn't cheat on you, Mom did. We found it hard to believe she would do something like that, so we called her. She explained to us why she had done what she did and accidently getting pregnant. We told her we understood, but she still wasn't being fair to you. We told her how upset we were with her and Cameron. How are you doing?"

"Well, I'm having trouble being as nonchalant about it as you two seem to be. I thought you two might be more furious at her. The woman who taught you your morals of how to treat the people you love, just got pregnant by a lover, and destroyed our family in the process? I don't know now. It sounds like I am the only one destroyed."

"Look, Dad. It is what it is. We can't make her un-pregnant. And she is our Mom and will be forever. Unlike you, we're going to have to get along with Cameron and our new half-sibling after he or she is born."

"You're right. I tell you what. I'm going to make it easier on the both of you in your desire to mollify two divorced parents in the future. Don't worry about inviting me to any gatherings with you two whether your mother will be there or not. You two are legally competent adults. Since you obviously don't need me anymore and don't seem to particularly WANT me anymore, I'll just say Good-bye!"

"Dad, don't be that way . . . Dad? . . . He hung up!"

* * * * *

LESLIE

The new divorce petition was served to her with less fanfare the next day. Leslie sobbed as she read the new provisions:

Leslie was to get nothing other than what she left the house with and whatever money was in her personal account at the bank. Her car was in her name and paid for, so she could have that.

Leslie had to buy out his half of the equity of the house or he would sell the house and give her half of what he would get. He informed her that he planned to sell it for just enough to cover the remaining loan and closing costs.

Leslie had to give him half of their joint assets and half of the remaining college funds set aside for the twins. He was withdrawing his financial support for them.

Leslie had to pay him half of the costs of raising the girls for 18 years unless she could get DNA reports that show he is their real father.

Leslie had to pay $1000 for every time she fucked her lover while she was still married to James. The payment ceiling would be $1,000,000. The number of times could be rounded off to the nearest 100 fucks.

There was the following note from Jim: "Unless you don't want to marry your baby's father until well after your bundle of joy hits the hospital bed sheets, you need to go back to my initial petition and sign it as soon as possible. Call my lawyer for a new copy in case you actually tore it up."

Before she had the chance, Cameron called her. "I just got served an hour ago. The damn servers announced the suit to all my office just like they did yours. My boss called me in and put me on probation. If you and I had worked together her, I probably would have been fired. I called my lawyer and sent him the suit. He estimated that his costs for defending me could easily equal or exceed what James is asking for depending how long James wanted to delay a settlement. He's being a son-of-a-bitch."

"Cameron, how did you expect he would react? I did cheat on him. He did nothing to deserve what I did to him. I'm going to sign the original petition. We don't need all this grief to starting a new life together. We need to be rid of my old marriage so you and I can get married for the sake of our child and our new family."

She sent the signed petition to James's lawyer with the note about hoping James would drop the lawsuit against Cameron. The lawyer said she would ask her client to consider it, but she was prepared to pursue the matter if he wanted.

* * * * *

THE WEDDING

With both parties agreeing to a settlement, the divorce went on the fast track. Leslie and Cameron's wedding was hastily arranged as soon as the divorce was final. James did not get an invitation, but he found out about it from his daughters. "Dad, we're going to be in town for Mom's wedding this Saturday. Can we come by and see you? We don't want you to stay mad at us."

"Sure, give me the details on when you'll be here, and I'll plan something."

Jim did plan something alright.

The wedding went off without a hitch. Leslie looked good even with a considerable baby bulge. They went from the church to the reception hall. Once there, a commotion ensued. Jim walked in with an older woman with a huge set of tits, a big ass and her hair dyed purple. Her dress came up well above her knees and not much else about her body was covered. She looked like the hooker she was. Jim was smiling ear to ear as he escorted the woman over to where Leslie and Cameron were standing.

"James, I can't believe you would stoop this low just to embarrass me and our daughters like this."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Pardon my manners, Leslie, this is my date for the day and as much of the night as I can last, . . . what is your name anyway, honey?"

"Tiffany, baby or anything you want it to be. Is this the ugly bitch who cuckolded you?"

"One and the same."

"Boy, you ought to thank her for leaving you. She ain't got enough tits to breastfeed a mouse."

Leslie was fuming, "James how could you bring someone like her to my wedding. She looks like you picked her up right off the street."

"That's where you're wrong. I'll have you know that Tiffany was clearly on the sidewalk with her friends when I found her."

"Auuugggghhh. You've had your fun, now get out of here."

"Just a minute, I have one important question to ask you." Leslie stood ready for whatever insult she was sure was to follow. "Can you tell me the difference between a waxing moon and a waning moon?" The room went deadly quiet. Everyone was paying attention.

"What kind of question is that? Are you drunk or just out of your mind?"

"It's an astrophysical question. It's obvious that you don't know the answer. Here, let me give you a visual aide." Jim turned his back to the bride and groom, bent over, and dropped his pants. "Now tell me, is my moon waxing or waning?" The people in the crowd groaned in disgust and some even left.