All Comments on 'An Unlikely Romance Ch. 06'

Hi there...

So sorry about this... it's another 3 from me... and here's why...

Minor things: a few typos here and there. "complement" for "compliment", a , instead of an "m", etc. Nothing big.

Also I am surprised that Judy Lynch is right-wing, because from what I understand, the right would be very much behind Monica Devereaux. There'd be some leftists and some rightists who wouldn't approve of her actions, calling it lawlessness and extremism, but some on the left would probably see her as a champion of the people, and some of the right would see her as representing the toughness on crime that the law ought to have. Maybe this is what you had in mind and I just didn't pick up on it.

I am starting to find major plausibility issues in the plot progression. Personally I was expecting that when Simon came back, Monica would've found something very suspicious from the unofficial background check, not outright incriminating but something to make her question his honesty in some way. Instead, he comes back to that... There simply wasn't enough of a transition from one situation to the other. My personal feeling is that this hurts the story, and I can't see where it is going from here...

But I am looking forward very much to the next installment.

reborn into the city. TK U MLJ LV NV

I gave this CH a 4 because I liked Monica's story, her past. I enjoyed reading how she became her. I like Simon fighting his "urges" but the ending felt abrupt. By that I mean, I get Monica deals with her frustration/anger by inflicting pain but why did she go for someone else when she could have gone for Simon? Because he hung up on her? It felt too easy and yet in RL that's kind of what we do isn't it.

Here are the thoughts I had as I read the entire thing:

Why does Simon have sex with the hookers before he kills them? The one he even goes down on? Who does that and then kills that person? Seems kind of intimate right before murder?

Why did you shift POV from Ch 1?

Overall I thought the story was very well written, especially since I know it was written over a short period of time and I appreciate how difficult that can be and to get everything right.

I enjoyed the story and voted accordingly. Great job.

Didn't like the Right Wing Slut comment.

Other than that, Simon's descent into madness is well-done. The scene with Monica is heartbreaking.

in writing her, you made her too tough, her epiphany that she liked simon wasn't enough to soften her, then she goes and does this - she's weaker than simon, who throough his guilt and love for monica is willing to confess all

I read all of them at once, better than reading a chapter at a time to get the feel of the black horror, creeping like mold to cover and stain. Well done.