All Comments on 'An Unusual Gym'

Are you kidding? I gave up after six broken paragraphs of rambling. Half sentences, split paragraphs. It would have only been more frustrating reading on I am sure. So I don't know if the content was any good as the writing standard is about year 5 level. Get an editor to read and fix the errors BEFORE you submit it.

For one thing, this should have been uploaded to the Lesbian category, not Exhibition. The nudism is merely a vehicle for the lesbian seduction plot.

The broken paragraphs are a technical issue I'm sure. You must have passed the story through a text editor that's limited to 255 character lines.

There are other issues like missing end-quotes that made this story hard to read. I second the notion of getting an editor to help you out before posting another story -- which you should do. Get those technical issues under control and you'll get much better reviews, I'm sure.

A good start. Interesting concept. I agree with previous comments that it is in the wrong category. It needs to be fleshed out and to be edited so that it reads better. Take your time, build the suspense. This feels like it rushes to the end like a teenager in the backseat on his third date!

Certainly the wrong category, hard to read thanks to the choppy sentences, gave up and just skimmed after the first couple of paragraphs.

Im usually good at reading just about anything but I just couldnt handle the choppy/sloppy paragraph work. It also moved so fast that it was like reading two different stories. Sorry, it could be a great story but it really needs some help.

The first rule of writing is to make the reader believe what you are telling them. You open the story with a woman who just casual walks into a gym full of naked women. No entry way to discourage onlookers, no door code for members only, no security at all. Then as if to make the story even more outstanding, you have these women performing sex acts like it is part of their cardio, which would be fine IF the gym was a little less accessible. Plus, thee basic plot line of your story is flawed from the beginning when your main character just happens to have gym clothes and is just nonchalantly in the mood to jog for an hour RIGHT after eating. C'MON! Add to all this, your choppy prose, multiple typos, and plain old BAD SEX, and you have a recipe for eye vomit.