Andy Comes Home

"Four years, I think," Andy told him as Mario gave him an appraising eye.

"Almost five years, actually. And you are thin. You need to put some weight on," Mario told him with a great deal of real concern and kindness. Andy just nodded.

"I was in a relationship for almost five years which was a mistake I found out recently," Andy explained to him.

"You're home now and that's what is important. Your Dad will take care of you and you will come here once a week, twice if you want, and I will feed you until you gain some weight back. On the house!"

"Uncle Mario, I can't let you do that," Andy told him.

"Listen to me, Andy," Mario started in a softer voice. "I love you like a son. You and your Dad helped Tony and me so much when we needed it. Now, I get to help you." There were tears in Mario's eyes. "I will never be able to repay you both."

"Andy," I intruded softly, "just say thank you."

"Thank you, Uncle Mario." Which was followed by another almost crushing hug.

"Is Tony around," Andy asked as he sat back down.

"Yep. In the kitchen," Mario told us. "I'll make sure he comes by the table."

Mario started to walk away and then turned back to us. "You two are family." And then he continued to check on the diners.

Our salads were brought to the table by a different server, this time a young woman, and I caught Andy looking at her with eyes that grew a bit wide. He looked at me with a question in his eyes and I just nodded.

"Andy, remember our talk with Mario when Tony told him that he was gay?"

"Oh, yes," Andy replied as he smiled. "Tony thought Mario was going to disown him for sure."

"And, what happened?"

"Mario just loved Tony. Hugged him and told Tony they'd figure it out."

"And, they did," I told Andy. "Take a look around the restaurant. What do you see besides them being busy on a Monday night?"

Andy put his fork down and looked around. He saw male and female employees all working together; happy and efficient. Then he looked closer and I could see the light come on.

"I think they're all gay or trans," Andy observed with a smile and I nodded.

"This is Mario's way of helping people. A decent job where they are respected and their orientation just doesn't matter," I told him. "This happened as a result of Tony and our chat with Mario. We helped change things in a small corner of the world. Pretty good, huh?"

"Wow. I never knew or thought this could happen," Andy replied with a satisfied smile.

We finished our salads and our meals were brought to the table with fresh warm bread. I watched Andy eat and eat. I was so glad to see that happening. Glad to see Andy not worrying about what he ate or his weight. We talked about plans for shopping and what he thought we would need to get to finish the house.

"Andy, we both need to agree on the purchases and how you plan to decorate, okay?"

"Of course, Dad," he said smiling.

The dishes were cleared and we were thinking about leaving when Tony came out with dessert for us. When Tony and Andy saw one another they just beamed as Andy jumped up to hug Tony. The two of them had been through so much together in high school - it was so good to see them together, again. My hope was that Tony would be able to help Andy get back to his old self. I knew that would take a while.

As they talked, I slipped away to the bar to give them privacy and had a cappuccino while I just watched them. Then I felt this hand on my shoulder and turned to see Mario watching them as well.

"That's family," Mario observed and I just nodded. We just watched the two young men for a few minutes. I noticed that Andy was showing how tired he was and decided that now was a good time to leave.

I went over to the table and let them both know it was time for us to leave and that Tony was welcome any time at our house. Mario, too. As they got up, I left a very, very generous tip on the table. If I wasn't going to pay for the food, at least I was going to help the servers.

Andy and I got home and he went directly to bed. After checking on him, yeah, he's an adult, but he's still my boy. I went to bed and had the best night's sleep I had in a long, long time.

Andy slept in the next morning. When I began to hear him move around I made fresh coffee and fixed him a simple breakfast of bagels and fresh fruit so it would be waiting for him. I heard him make his way to the kitchen and was smiling as he came in through the doorway; I liked having him home. But what happened next told me that he was more damaged than I thought.

"Oh God, Oh God. Oh God," Andy exclaimed with a look of panic on his face. "I'm so sorry I didn't get up to fix your breakfast." I was surprised to see that Andy was in such a state and so close to tears. What was he so afraid of? I quickly went to him and as I got closer he actually flinched just as I put my arms around him and held tightly.

"SSShhhhh...ssshhhh," I whispered softly as he trembled. "Andy, you're home. With me. And I fixed your breakfast. You're safe," I assured him gently. Slowly he stopped trembling. "I love having you here. I love you. Today, this moment is when your life begins again." As he stopped trembling, he began to hug me more and more tightly.

"Andy," I began softly, "tell me where you are."

"I'm home," there was no question in his voice; it was a statement of fact.

"And, like we always have, we'll figure out how to live together," I told him, "and love one another." As I said that, Andy buried his face in my chest.

"First step is to eat your breakfast," I told him. "After breakfast, take some time and finish getting settled. Okay?"

"Yes, Dad," he said with mock seriousness and a smile. I released him, poured him a cup of coffee and put it on the breakfast counter with his bagels and fruit. I poured myself another cup of coffee and joined him.

"Eat up, Kiddo," I told him. "We're putting some weight back on you starting today. And, Andy, I think you should see the doctor just for a check-up, okay?" He agreed.

As he ate, I drank my coffee and read the news on my pad. I knew I needed to be close to him and it seemed he wanted me there. He ate everything! Then after taking care of his dishes he went to get settled in his room and office. After an hour I went and checked on him and saw he was nearly done.

"Great progress, Andy," I told him. "Is there anything you need to be successful for work?"

"Maybe some artwork; the walls are kind of bare," he told me, "and some pencils, pens and pads of paper?" He asked and looked at me as if he was testing me and almost afraid. If his ex, Russell, had been close, I know I would have beaten the shit out of him for what he did to Andy.

"No problem. We'll take care of it after lunch," I told him. "Is that okay?" He smiled and nodded.

"Get what you think you need online," I said, "and remember to have it delivered here", I added with a smile. Later we'll go by a couple of places that have prints to see if there is anything you like, as well. Remember that you have to think about my poor bare walls, too. And, for lunch, we'll go to Amy's - you used to love it there." Andy just beamed. "We'll leave in about an hour so we miss the lunch rush."

I was waiting in the family room when he walked in about an hour later. Again, the pants and shirt he was wearing were a bit big on him. He used to be so fastidious about how he looked. This had to be killing him.

"New plan," I told Andy. "After lunch we're going to get you a few pairs of pants and shirts that fit correctly. Not many because you will begin to gain weight pretty fast. We have to get you looking like the successful analyst you are. And you are seeing Doc Ivan tomorrow late afternoon."

"Thanks, Dad," he said with a smile. I had given Ivan a call, let him know the circumstances and he said to have Andy come in at the end of the day tomorrow. It's good having your doctor also be a close friend.

Again, I drove, and again I opened the doors for him. At lunch, Amy was so happy to see him, but I could see the concern in her eyes about his weight. Andy ate one of her great burgers, a baked potato and salad. At the end of the meal, Amy came by the table.

"God, it's good to see you, Andy," she told him. "I better see you here often. We need to fatten you up!" Andy blushed at her words, which seemed a bit funny to me. Amy was a hard-core tri-athlete who was slim no matter how much she ate. But, she was a toned, healthy slim.

"Don't worry, Amy. We begin exercising this afternoon," I assured her. She nodded and smiled as I paid our bill.

The rest of the afternoon was spent getting Andy some clothes that fit, and an art supply store that sold prints and did framing. Andy found three images he liked and arranged for framing. They'd be ready in a few days.

When Andy tried to pay for the clothing with a credit card, it was rejected. A call to the company revealed it had been maxed out. When he told me we both said, "Russell." at the same time. While he got on the phone with the company, I paid for his clothes. Andy shut off the card and had a new one re-issued. He checked his ATM card at the same time. Russell had hit it for just over $2,000. Andy had more money in the account and immediately shut the ATM cards down.

We made an unplanned stop at my bank. Andy opened an account and had his funds transferred to both checking and savings. He had an investment account that he also moved. I was really impressed with how well he had been doing and how he managed his money. He told me with a smile that Russell didn't know about everything.

After Andy finished his business with the banker, I quietly gave the banker instructions to move $7,500 from my account into Andy's checking account. After using my PIN to authorize moving the money, Andy was given a new account balance and just looked at me.

"Wait until we get to the car before you ask," I quietly told him.

"Okay, Dad, why did you give me that money," Andy asked after we were both in the car.

"Because I want you to throw away every single item of clothing that Russell ever saw," I told him. "I don't want any reminders of him anywhere. This is a new life for you and you should have new clothes," I told him with a smile.

"$7.500 buys a lot of clothes," he commented.

"Silly person," I smiled, "you have to buy Andy's and Andi's clothes. Shoes, pants, slacks, panties, blouses, jewelry...as I think about it, that might not be enough money," I said thoughtfully. "But, it's enough to start."

He sat there just looking at me. Then I saw his expression change as a thought went through his mind.

"Andi. Of course you know about her...about me."

"And, from the first time I saw her on stage when you saved the play, I fell in love with her," I confessed. "I know it's wrong. And, I respect any and all limits, but I want the very best for you, Andy.

"I'll pay you back for everything, Daddy," Andy told me as we walked to the car.

"Don't worry about it, Andy. We'll work it out," I told him thinking there was no way I'd take money from him. "When we get home, meet me in the storeroom behind the garage." He wanted to ask why, but didn't. "Oh, wear comfortable shorts and a t-shirt," I told him.

That afternoon we began a workout routine that would strengthen him without adding bulk. It was a routine he became dedicated to doing almost daily. It included a stationary bike for endurance. I actually put him on a lighter routine that I followed and knew it would only take him about 40 minutes a day.

His boxes arrived the next day. We took time to separate clothing we could donate like shoes and heels, pants, outfits and blouses. Lingerie and other 'clothing' we took to the dump.

After the visit to the doctor, Ivan pronounced him healthy but he needed regular rest, exercise and to gain some weight. We were already working on those things but I felt much better after having a medical opinion.

In addition to my work and home life, I volunteer once a week at a food bank. While I contributed money, seeing people the food bank was helping was very important to me. To my surprise, after being home for a couple of weeks, Andy insisted on coming with me to which I agreed. While he was in high school Andy volunteered at the food bank. It would do Andy good to see there are folks who are having it really hard and don't have support systems or family. By giving to others, Andy would be helping himself get back on his feet.

And, between everything else, Andy and I went shopping to finish decorating the house. I didn't have a real budget; I just wanted items that meant something to us or that we just wanted to see everyday. God, we had such a good time laughing and enjoying one another as we talked about each item.

After we selected the bigger pieces of decor, Andy went into the boxes of items I saved from his school years. He surprised me by having some of them framed for display. The kid made me cry with that surprise; he was so proud of himself!

Andy and I went into a period of several months during which we established a routine that worked well for us. We ate most meals at home and we both cooked. I made sure we went to Amy's and Mario's once a week mostly so they could see his progress. Work re-started for him and I had the impression he was doing better than ever. Life was beginning to get really good. Andy was putting on weight and becoming healthy again. Not just that, he was smiling and confident. My old Andy was back!

Also, Andy and I started to do things together like going to movies, galleries, car shows - he loves almost any car that shows quality of care, and sometimes we'd just take a nice hike together. I was getting to know Andy again. We talked about everything and anything including our work, plans for the garden, planning a vacation we would like to take, and of course how he was doing. Anything two people who liked one another would talk about.

As the weeks went by, Andy was re-building his wardrobes. Pants and shirts for work were a priority. Then he purchased feminine attire. Heels and other shoes. Dresses, skirts and blouses. Comfy clothes as well as clothes that showed off his improving body. And, of course, lingerie. Everytime a new package would arrive, he got so excited. Quite often I would get an impromptu fashion show after dinner, and I'd comment on how he looked. How did he look? In three words: beautiful, feminine and sexy.

We often worked as a team to make dinner. It gave us a few moments to just work together and we rediscovered that we work very well together. It still amazes me that we can anticipate how one another will move in a kitchen and just what they might need next and have it ready for the other. We may not finish one another's sentences, but this ability to work well together might be even better!

One night after we made home-made enchiladas, which were great by the way, and we were eating, Andy asked me a question.

"Dad, do you date," he asked.

"I don't." My reply was simple, direct and I didn't feel the need to expand on it. I could see Andy thinking about my response as he took a bite of dinner and chewed. I knew there was going to be another question or two, but decided I'd let him ask.

"Did you date after Mom left us," he asked me.

"No."

"Why not," he asked. I had just taken a bite and used the time chewing to just look at him. His eyes were so clear now. His complexion was better. He was stronger, but at the same time he was soft; almost feminine. I knew he loved expressing his feminine side and was surprised I hadn't seen it more. Mostly, though, I saw someone who was so much better than just six months ago.

"I didn't date after she left because you were my focus," I explained to him. "I didn't want to bring a woman into your life only to have her leave again if things didn't work out. I loved you and wanted to protect you. I wanted to give you my full attention and love. And, Andy, I wouldn't change a thing I did!"

I watched him pause and a tear slipped down his cheek.

"Dad, I have never thanked you. I have never thanked you for loving me and giving me a great home and childhood."

"You don't need to thank me," I told him. "I loved you then and love you now. You are my boy and I am so proud of you."

"Oh, Daddy," he said as he put his warm soft hand over mine on the table. He held it there for a few moments as I just smiled at him. A slight tremor went through my body at his touch.

"It was my pleasure and honor, Andy," I told him. "I wouldn't change a thing."

"But, what about now? Why don't you date," he asked. I looked at him thoughtfully.

"What is a date?"

"Two people doing things together," he started. "Two people getting to know one another better and finding common interests. Two people who enjoy spending time together. Building trust."

"And, what have we been doing the last few months," I asked him.

"Doing things together. Finding we know one another well," he started as he smiled. "And, I love spending time with my Dad...or Daddy," he added softly.

"I didn't start out to 'date' you," I explained seriously. "I just love spending time with you. If what we have been doing is dating, well, I like it. And if others don't like it, that's their problem. I'd like to continue to do things with you; to date you if you want."

Andy was beaming and crying at the same time.

"Daddy, I have loved you for years; been in love with you since I was in high school. I've tried to deny it and have made terrible mistakes in my life because I really wanted you but didn't think I ever could have you."

"That is up to you. I never want to hold you back from something or someone," I told him quietly. "But you deserve an honest answer as to why I have not dated anyone."

"I really don't want to," I told him. And, then I paused, knowing he needed the truth. "Years ago women used to flirt with me, so I guess they wanted me to ask them out. But as I told you, I wouldn't bring another woman into our lives only to have her leave. They soon stopped flirting. Now, a few flirt and are pretty aggressive, but I'm not interested. They all seem to have a lot of baggage. The life I've made doesn't need a woman in it." There, I gave him the basic honest explanation. "Besides, Andy, I love you."

"What about sex," he asked me. Okay, now this was a bit weird, a son asking his dad about his sex life. But, since I was being honest...

"I made the decision to be celibate..."

"Wait, you've been celibate for 20 years," he interrupted me to ask.

I gave him a smile and nodded.

"In the beginning I felt I had to give you my full attention. That was my decision. Then when I looked around me, I didn't see many women who attracted me. And, before you ask, I have never met a man who I thought was attractive. Maybe what it comes down to is that I never cared enough about another person in that way. Don't misunderstand, a pretty woman can still get my attention."

Andy looked at me as he digested what I just explained to him. And, then he just nodded and smiled as if he had come to some decision. We finished dinner and then did the clean-up.

"Dad, what makes a woman pretty to you," he asked as he dried a pan.

"Intelligence. Caring for others. A sense of humor. Those have to be there first. Then a nice pair of legs," I told him smiling, "I prefer slim hips to big hips, a certain sense of style, and she has to care about her appearance without being fussy about it. I think that covers it. Why do you ask, Andy?"

"I was just wondering," he told me with an enigmatic smile.

I stood in the kitchen watching Andy put away pans. I love him. He knows that. Society won't like it, but I want to go out with him. He's the only person I want to date.

"What are you thinking about, Dad," he asked me. "You've been lost in thought for a couple of minutes."