Angel Lost in the Dark Ch. 05

“Thoughts,” she said. “Thoughts can sometimes be more private.”

Suddenly things started to make sense. “You mean fantasies?”

I noticed that she turned her eyes away. In as soft voice she said, “Yes, fantasies.”

In as soft a voice as hers I repeated, “Yes, fantasies.” I KNEW where she was coming from. If pain and pleasure were mapped out on a bell shaped curve, a fantasy could easily be plotted on either end. Kept secret it can be the source of extreme mental pleasure, but once exposed to the world it can become a dent in the armor, a soft spot that enemies could attack with impunity. Whether it was called a fantasy or a perversion or a preference or a predilection made no difference. What mattered was that it set us apart from others, made us different, made us examine our psyche, and made us wonder not only why we were the way we were, but why others weren’t. Because of my own fantasies I had always been open minded about the fantasies of others and now, I thought, was the perfect opportunity to prove my mettle.

I thought about Ellie and her fascination with exhibitionism. That was her fantasy and she had been just as guarded as Karen. We all live behind masks, I thought, and we all suffer from it. How much freer we are when we drop the mask and admit our kinks, and our shortcomings and our desires. How many regrets are needed for us to understand that it’s the naked person, the person that had nothing to hide, the person who will strip off everything – clothing, fantasies, faces – and proclaim loudly ‘This is me. This is who I am. Take me as I am or leave me alone,’ that cannot really be hurt? Ellie had come closer to that ideal than anyone I have ever known, yet even she indulged in a little hypocrisy. Her virtue was that she always practiced what she preached; her sin was that she always denied she was a preacher.

I didn’t want to bring up the subject of Ellie (despite my thoughts how people should act I was afraid it would hit to close to home) so I concocted a lie and said “There was a girl that lived down the street from my mother’s house when I was growing up and we were in the same class in school. We were about nine or ten at the time and every day we would walk home together. We could have walked along the pavement like the other kids but we got in the habit of saving time by using a shortcut through an empty field. There was a market and a gas station and a road nearby so we were always in view of others and there was never any danger. Anyway, we were walking together one day when she said “excuse me, but I need to pee” and with that she pulled down her panties and then squatted down over some weeds and let it go. I had no other option than to just stand there and watch. I never really saw anything except the yellow stream that poured out of her and the wet puddle that she made in the dirt, but I was still excited by the casualness in which she did it. Ever since then I’ve had this fantasy of seeing girls…women, actually…exposing themselves like that”

“You have a fantasy about watching women pee?” she asked.

“No, no, no. You got it wrong. It wasn’t the peeing part that I got addicted to, it was the complete lack of modesty she had. I only told you about this so you’d feel free to tell me about YOUR fantasy.”

“I guess I don’t care if you know. Right now you’re just a stranger that I might never see again and if you hire me I’m sure it would come out sooner or later anyway. My fantasy is about force and punishment. I feel silly making such a big issue of it, but it’s humiliating. It doesn’t make any sense if you look at it logically. I mean who wants to be forced and punished? I don’t know why it turns me on so much, but it does. I was embarrassed about taking my clothes with the drapes open, so when you suggested I make it erotic I thought the easiest way was to make myself feel erotic first. There are a lot of things I can do when I’m horny that I wouldn’t normally do. You know what I mean?”

I skipped over answering her question and instead started fishing for insight on her fantasy. “Were you using that fantasy when you pretended that Ken’s friend was a chair?”

“No, that was entirely Ken’s idea, not mine. If my fantasy was involved at all in the making of those tapes it had to deal with Ken and me, not his friend. When he first suggested it I was totally against it, but we argued. When he brought it up again I decided that I’d rather do it than go through another fight so I pretended he was forcing me to do it. The forcing part made me horny and it was the horny part that allowed me to do it. In the back of my mind I kept thinking of the wonderful punishment Ken would inflict on me once he saw how nasty I could be.” Suddenly embarrassed she hung her head down and looked at me with timid eyes. “I know that sounds crazy, but that’s how it was.”.

“Are you into pain? Has Ken ever beaten you?”

She turned again around so I could see her nude body from every angle. “Do you see any scars or welts? I wonder what it would be like, of course, but I’m not brave enough yet to actually experience it. The most Ken’s done to me so far is to whack me on the ass with a ping-pong paddle on my birthday. It stung for fifteen or twenty minutes and it hurt like hell, but it was well worth it. After he was finished spanking me he tied me down on the bed before fucking me and it was the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had.”

Despite my promise to be more open minded, the casual way she used the word ‘fuck’ still made me cringe. I never really thought of myself as a chauvinist, but to hear that word pass from the lips of a twenty-year-old ‘girl’ still had the power to surprise me. Once again I chided myself for my Puritanism and decided that never again would I allow my inherent modesty to bother me.

“You have a beautiful body, Karen, but it’s time for you to get dressed again.” I picked the cutoffs off the floor and handed them to her. “Put these on instead of your skirt. I want to see how you look in them. Then, if you’re comfortable, I’d like to take you on a short ride and have you perform a short task. Once you’ve completed that I’ll give you the $100 I promised.”

There was a large mirror hanging on the wall on the far side of the room and when she had finished dressing she walked toward it. She looked at the image that was reflected back and saw how exposed she really was. I hadn’t given much thought to the discrepancy between our body sizes, and what had once fit me was way too loose for her slender frame. The strap that went between her legs didn’t quite touch her body, and the shorts hung low on her hips and were threatening to fall off. From where I was standing I could almost see the lips of her pussy peeking from under the loosely stretched material. It was certainly more daring than I had expected, but if she was still willing to accompany me on our outing I was willing to let her.

“Feel free to move around,” I said. “Stretch your arms over your head, bend over and shake your body, lie down on the floor and wiggle around a little, do anything and everything you can think of that would exaggerate your normal movements. I want you to notice how you look in those bottoms and imagine how you would look to others.”

Not turning to face me, she instead looked into my eyes through the mirror’s reflection. “I don’t need to move,” she said. “I can see everything I need to see as I am.” Her eyes returned to the image in the mirror as she continued. “I suppose that the field trip you mentioned includes me parading around in public like this.” It wasn’t a question so much as it was a statement. She knew my fantasy and she could see how she was dressed. There was no longer a reason for me not to be forthcoming about the nature of what I wanted.

“I thought you’d come to that conclusion after I told you about my fantasy,” I said it with a sense of relief. “Let me just add a few things first and then we’ll go. To begin with I’m not going to be taking the camera with me. This trip is intended to be a short introduction to what I’ll be looking for over the course of your employment. If I hire you our taping will be much the same, only with different locations, different situation and different clothes. The amount of nudity required will vary from day to day and will be based on my judgment and your comfort factor. In short, the next few weeks will be all about showing off your beautiful body whenever, wherever, and however we can manage to do it. You can forget all about the questions I asked you about the tapes you made with your boyfriend since they don’t really matter. You will not be asked to have sex with anyone. There will be nothing that would be considered X rated. To me exhibiting one’s body in an erotic way is a form of art. For the most part it won’t be much more explicit than what I have planned for today. Do you understand everything so far?”

She turned and looked at herself in the mirror again. The loose shorts had shifted while we talked and the strap was pulled to the side. Her entire pussy was visible, lips and all. She readjusted herself to modestly cover what was exposed and then said, “These jeans are so loose I’ll have to hold them up when I walk, and even then I’ll have to be careful not to show too much. Do you REALLY expect me to go out in public like this?”

“No, not really. I want you to go on public like this.” I untied the knot that held her shirt closed and then retied it so it was much looser. The knot was now nothing more than decoration. It held the shirt together but did precious little in keeping her covered. There was now a straight line of exposed skin from her neck to the top of her Levi’s, and the entire swell of her breasts were uncovered. The nipples themselves were covered for now, but it would be near impossible for her to keep them that way.

She turned and studied herself in the mirror again, only this time she was concentrating more on the upper part of her body. She had spent a lot of money on her boobs and I surmised that had to be proud of them. The shorts had shifted again, and while not as off center as before they were still skewed enough so I could plainly see the patch of hair that she hadn’t shaved. My reasoning had been correct. She was now so intent of studying her barely concealed breasts that she was no longer paid attention to the other parts of her body.

“Can you tell me where we’re going?” she said when she finally finished her exercise in narcissism.

“Certainly. I’m taking you to an adult bookstore. I’m going to give you some money and I want you to spend at least fifteen minutes in the store looking at the merchandise. When the time is up I want you to make a purchase and then return to the car”

“I’ve never been in an adult bookstore before.”

“It’s as good a place to start as any,” I told her. “At least there no one is going to object to the way you’re dressed. Are you ready?”

She was slow in answering and I was afraid for a second that she was going to decline, but finally I could see a look of resolve cross her face and she said, “Sure. Why not?”

As we walked to the door I was beside her and her nipples were noticeably visible. I was pretty sure that she would pop out completely at least once while she was in the store.

**************

It took us about ten minutes to reach the bookstore. It was funny watching the way she scrunched down in the seat with her arms crossed over her chest and her legs pressed tightly together. It was apparent to me that she was far more nervous than she pretended to be.

“We’re here,” I said as I pulled into the rear parking lot and turned off the motor. There were three cars already parked there and out of consideration for her obvious discomfort I took closest space possible.

l

“It looks tacky,” she said as she studied the place.

“It looks classier from the front, but I thought you might be more comfortable here. In the front you would have to contend with pedestrians and cars driving by. Here you have a little more privacy.”

“Do we have to go here? Isn’t there someplace else?”

“I suppose. There’s a mall not too far from here. How about Bullocks or the Broadway?”

I heard her groan. “I guess you’re right. I suppose this is as good as it gets. Shit! What did I get myself into?”

“You’ve made it this far, you might as well go through with it. If nothing else it will mean being paid $100 for your interview. Besides, it will be a memory you’ll have for ever.”

“Have you been here before? What should I expect?”

“Yes, I’ve been here before,” I replied, “ and what you’ll find beyond that door is a small hallway that leads into the store. There are racks of adult books and magazines on three walls and in the middle of the store are various displays of adult toys, sexy lingerie, fetish paraphernalia, gimmicks such as massage oils, herbal vitamins, pseudo aphrodisiacs, and of course prophylactics. At the far end, where the main door is, there is a cashier who faces the inside of the store. It’s usually a man, but I did see a young girl about your age there once. To the right of the cashier is a curtained door that leads to a row of Video booths that show pornographic movies if you put in the right amount of coins. If I were you I would stay out of there since it’s fairly dark and you never know who you might run into.”

I lit a cigarette and then handed her fifty dollars. “Buy what you want. That’s NOT a part of the $100 and whatever you don’t spend you can keep, OK?”

I inhaled deeply and then just watched her as I blew out the smoke. When she realized that I was through talking she tentatively opened the door and stepped out into the sunshine. With the car no longer protecting her from view I thought she would hurry to the door. Instead she stood waiting for me to join her. “You ARE coming with me, aren’t you?” she finally said.

“Me?” I said as I took another puff on my Marlboro. “No, I’m not going to go with you. I’m going to have a few more cigarettes and time you, but don’t worry. I promise to be here when you get back.”

“Oh, shit!” was all she could manage to say as she quickly looked around and then headed for the door holding her shorts up with both hands.

“Remember, fifteen minutes.” I then watched her trim little ass walk away. I had to smile as I noticed that the strap between her legs was hanging to one side again and even from this distance I could see the crack of her ass.

***********

She was stayed inside longer than I expected. I assumed she would be back to the car after ten minutes or so, which I would have accepted, but almost twenty minutes had past and still no sign of her. I lit my fourth cigarette and told myself that I would check on her if she hadn’t come out by the time I was finished. I had only taken a few puffs when I saw the door open. She no longer was hurrying. She walked casually toward the car, looking over her shoulder twice in the process. In her hand she was carrying three or four magazines and a paper bag that I assumed contained a souvenir of her visit.

“You were in there a long time,” I said as she opened the door and got in. “As hesitant as you were I expected you out in about ten minutes. What took you so long?”

“Oh, man,” she said excitedly, “What a fucking rush! I got so much adrenaline running through my body right now I can hardly stand it. I had no idea what all went on in a place like that. You should see all the stuff in there. And these magazines, they’re, well, they’re….”

Yeah, I know, they were…well, they just were…

She had taken the time between sentences to bite through the cellophane cover over one of the magazines and was busy flipping through the pages as she talked. She stopped on one of the pages and showed me a full color picture of a girl being fucked in the ass while still sucking on an extremely engorged penis. I say ‘still’ because there was a large gob of cum dripping down her cheek and it was obvious that he had shot his wad on her face to enhance the eroticism of the photo and she was simply cleaning him off.

“You’re not going to make me do anything like THIS are you?” Her face was contorted into a smile/frown contadiction.

“Nothing even close,” I said.” I’m a little more conservative than that.” I was looking straight at her when I said it and I noticed a sudden change in her expression. It couldn’t tell if it indicated pleasure or disappointment.

“You can’t BELIEVE what happened to me in there. As I was looking through the magazines on the rack I saw one that interested me on the bottom shelf so I bent over to pick it up. I forgot what I was wearing until I heard a loud voice behind me say “Nice ass, lady!” I was so fucking surprised that I stood up suddenly and both of my tits fell out. I made the mistake of using both hands to scoop them in again and my shorts slipped down. There were six guys in there and they saw everything. I could have died of shame.”

“Yes, but you didn’t. Instead of thinking about your embarrassment, think of the enjoyment you gave them. They’ll probably remember it for the rest of their lives.”

**********

As we left the parking lot and began the drive back to the house, I noticed that she was no longer scrunched down in the seat. Her legs were spread further apart than they had been before and the lips of her pink pussy were parted right down the middle by the thin strap that was meant to cover them. The pointed nipple of her artificial right breast stuck out of the shirt completely and she was making absolutely no attempt at correcting the situation. Passing cars probably could not observe the nudity that she was offering my eyes, but the fact that she was unconcerned was a definite plus in her favor.

Her nipple was still on display when I drove into my driveway. At that point I was certain she would tuck it back in, but as bold as brass she got out of the car and walked brazenly up the brick pathway that led to the front door I really didn’t give a shit what my neighbors thought, but I did care about was going on in Karen’s mind. Was she unaware of her disarray or had her experience at the bookstore convinced her she could get away with it? She stayed that way while I fumbled with the house keys, but when I finally got the door unlocked she entered before me. I couldn’t help but notice that she still had a strong grip on the magazines she had purchased as well as the mystery bag.

Once we were inside and the door was closed she said, “So, how was I? I did what you wanted me to do. I really didn’t want to do it in the beginning, but it really wasn’t that bad. It was certainly scary though. See how hard my heart is pounding?” She grabbed my hand and placed against her breast. God, it was hard! I never had felt an artificial tit before, but it felt exactly like I had imagined it would. Regardless of their perfection I couldn’t imagine myself playing with them for any long period of time. Their artificiality didn’t offend me but they did nothing to turn me on either. It was obvious that she was inviting me to do more than just feel her heart beating, so to keep her happy I tweaked her nipple a little and squeezed it gently. She cooed softly.

“Can I take these things off now?” she asked. Before I had a chance to answer she wiggled her hips and the shorts fell and puddle up around her feet. She pulled one foot out of them and then with the other kicked them high in the air and sent them flying across the room. “May I use your restroom for a minute?” she asked.

I told her where it was and as she walked away my mind filled with erotic longing for her. Nudity and eroticism are as much psychological as sexual, and to see her like this was perhaps most erotic thing she had done so far. Watching her walk across the room completely bottomless while still wearing her white shirt was far more personal than total nudity would have been. It seemed somehow more intimate and more familiar. Definitely more erotic.