Animal Café Ch. 17

"Here, take a bite in your toast. Haha... It reminds me of when you met Accalia for the first time. She did that too, remember? She put her toast in your mouth, and you were so confused about it. She is a bit odd, sometimes. Did you know she is asking about you all the time? I'm sure in a few years, she will be like Lucy, all motherly. She loves taking care of people."

"..."

"Ah, by the way. I don't know if Lucy told you already, but Misti finished moving all your things from your apartment yesterday. Don't worry. She didn't work too hard as Lucy hired two movers to take care of the heavy items. Everything is in the basement at the café now. You didn't lose anything."

As Asha was feeding me eggs and bread, she was chit-chatting about many random things. There were no real questions or expectations in her monologue as she was aware that it would be a one-way conversation, but she seemed okay with that.

It was a relief to hear that my apartment situation had been resolved. It felt good to know that my few belongings were in a safe place, but it was a bit frightening to be officially homeless. Lucy kept me in her apartment for now, but it was not my home, and I couldn't see myself moving to the pethouse anymore. Yes, I was truly homeless, jobless, lifeless...

"Clara... You know... When Lucy asked me to go check on you because you went missing in action... when I got in your apartment and I found you... well... I was very scared. But Misti was with me, and she had nightmares since then. I think she thought you had died. So, Lucy doesn't want her to come to see you yet. She thinks Misti will freak out. She probably will."

"..."

"I mean, it's not your fault, right? I hope you know that. It's just that Misti... well... She lost someone very close to her before... and she thought it had happened again. You understand?"

I nodded.

The girls at the café were pets for a reason; that was what Lucy had told me. I didn't know if she had done it on purpose, but Asha had perhaps exposed Misti's dark secret. Did she really lose someone she cared a lot about? A parent? A sister? I couldn't ask, but a feeling of empathy rose within me as I imagined those possibilities.

I didn't like it. I didn't want Misti to be sad because of me. Asha said that it was not my fault, but it certainly was. With Misti, it was all about her friends. A few days ago, when she broke her costume and Lucy got angry at her, she irrationally thought she would get separated from her friend. It was clear that she would quickly jump to extreme scenarios when placed in a challenging situation, which I had unfortunately provided.

Why did I feel so bad? I put an end to my breakfast and rolled to my side, not wanting to impose my sad face on Asha anymore.

"Oh? You... you are done?"

"..."

"It's okay... You ate enough... I... I'll go do the dishes... Just try to rest, okay?"

Closing my eyes didn't help. A torrent of images rage-flowed through my brain, not allowing me to make sense of anything.

If I were indeed ready to abandon all my friends to isolate myself from society, why was I feeling so bad about it? Thinking about them being sad just got to me so badly. I had thought they would have been happier if I were not in their life, but what Asha had said was the opposite. It wasn't fair. I was sowing chaos even when I wasn't around people. I didn't want that. They didn't deserve that. I was the one who was supposed to suffer, not them.

Unable to stop crying, it was a miracle that I managed to fall asleep.

A while later, when I cracked my eyes open, I stopped breathing. I was still on my side, but next to me was Asha. She had laid down on my bed, her back towards me, and her head rested comfortably on the other pillow. Perhaps she needed a nap as well.

I remembered the first time I had shared a bed with someone. It was with Vix while she was a rubber pet. Lucy had forgotten us in the capsule room, and I got to spend all night cuddling with the small fox.

Then there was that time when I slept with a real girl for the first time. Trixie had invited herself to my place for the night, and we had shared a bed like this together. It was the first time I got to touch a naked girl too. Trixie's hair... it was so soft...

Asha's hair... it was soft too...

I carefully extended my arm until my fingertips reached her jet black hair. This was so wrong. Just this morning, I had prevented her from touching me, and now, I was the one who reached her while she was unaware. This was such a hypocritical move from my part... so selfish...

But... I was attracted to it...

Gently combing her delicate hair with my fingertips made me feel fuzzy inside. I had not done this enough so far to really understand why I loved hair so much. It was too new to make sense...

"I like when you do this, Clara..."

"..."

I immediately withdrew my hand to my chest. Asha... She was not asleep, and she had felt what I did. Now she knew how hypocritical I was... That I was going left and right at the same time for obscure reasons.

"It's okay... I won't talk. Keep playing with my hair if you want. I won't say anything and won't look. It's okay."

"..."

Why? Why was she offering me that after what I had done earlier? Why would she give herself as a toy for me to play with? Was it because she was so used to being a pet most of the time and that it was just a job? Was I just a client in need of affection?

I didn't know... I didn't... care...

Her soft hair... It made me feel so good.

I slowly reached the back of her neck and let my fingers plow through her black hair once more. As promised, she didn't move or make a sound. She didn't turn around. Asha simply gave me this moment, just because. It felt as if it had lit a candle into a very dark room. It wasn't like daylight, but it somehow helped a bit to find where I was going.

***

I spent the next two days with Asha. Similar to what had happened with Vix, we spent most of the day not doing much. I listened to her telling me about random things between random tv shows or one of my multiple naps. Several times I tried to talk, but not a sound exited my throat, and every time I failed, I cried, I just cried.

Not being able to talk well all my life had been really hard for me, so this enormous set back was so painful. Knowing that not only I had returned to square one but even farther back in my speech inability was something tough to accept.

Yet, Asha didn't judge me. During those small meltdowns, she kept repeating that it was okay and that Lucy specifically told everybody not to put pressure on me. I was ashamed that this directive had to be applied, but perhaps it was better that way. I was so fragile that it was not hard to imagine that I could break easily.

Back in bed after dinner, I tried to relax as Asha was washing the dishes. Lucy was supposed to show up a moment ago but was a bit late. Every night so far, she had joined me in the bedroom and let me cry in her arms, talked to me, and convinced me slowly that only time could bring clarity back in my life. Coming from the person I trusted the most, my subconscious gradually acquired that line of thought.

I didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing, but I didn't overthink this situation despite her lateness tonight. She had a life too, and I was sucking time out of her busy schedule. Being demanding would not be right, and being messed up didn't mean I had no morality.

And thinking about Lucy, her apartment door slammed open and banged on the wall with way more energy than usual. This was different since, in an attempt not to startle me or wake me up, she had always been very delicate when opening the door.

A powerful little voice explained everything.

"Aaah! Asha! Where do I put those grocery bags?"

"Tone it down, Trixie. Clara is resting! What are you doing here, anyway?"

"Aww, sorry! Lucy asked me to go grocery shopping with her. Can I go see Clara?"

"No! Lucy said not yet."

Trixie. The girl who gave me my first real kiss. She was right there in the kitchen, so close. Insisting on seeing me caused Asha to raise her voice to make her point clearer to the rabbit girl. How could Trixie be this desperate to see me after I had walked away from them all? Vix and Asha stayed with me because Lucy had tasked them to, but Trixie had no apparent reasons to do the same thing.

Then Lucy, who entered her apartment next, put an end to their bickering quickly enough.

"What are you two doing? Do you want to wake up all the neighborhood? Go back to the pethouse, Trixie. I'll take it from here."

"No! I want to see Clara!"

"Trixie, you'll see her when she feels better."

"Shut up, Asha! She is my friend too! I want to see her."

Lucy had to intervene again as there was some tension in the air, all because of me.

"Asha, go wait outside. I need to talk to Trixie."

"Bah! Hurry, rabbit face. I'm tired."

I heard Asha leaving, and the apartment door closed slowly. Then there were some whispers going on between Lucy and Trixie, I couldn't make out what they were saying. Was she going to allow Trixie in? The thought made me nervous.

Trixie was high energy and would probably jump on my bed and bounce around until she got what she wanted, and... and... and what I just thought about her was not fair. Sure, Trixie had always been happy and ready for action, but she was more than this. I remembered...

The first time I had brought back a pet home, it had been Trixie, and it felt like it was yesterday. Lucy had made me walk from the café to my home, holding a leash. At the other end of it was a white latex bunny wearing a fuzzy pink coat causing everybody to stare at us.

Sure, this had made me very nervous, but at that time, something else more important had been on my mind. Back then, I already had a clear knowledge that Trixie was very sexual. Neither the rubber bunny nor Lucy had hidden that fact. I remembered how terrorized I was about what was to come once we would reach home.

I had never had sex with anybody before, and I feared that it probably was what Trixie had in mind. It was going way too fast for me, and the closer we got from my place, the worse it got.

And then, once at home, while I was leaning over the skin, prisoner of my own worrying mind, her two small rubber arms had wrapped around my waist in a very delicate way. She pulled me back to the bedroom despite my attempt to push back on the intention I had given her.

But just when I had thought she was about to express the sexual side of her personality, she had seen through me already. She had pierced my fears with her cute black eyes and had understood everything about me. Instead of doing what I had expected from her, she had instead asked me to read her a book. At that time, she knew that listening to me talking while gently cuddling would be way more satisfying than any sexual activity. On that night, she had highlighted my irrational fears of people.

Here, in Lucy's apartment, after my mental breakdown, I believed that, perhaps, Trixie would be the one who could understand me.

Her little footstep approached, meaning that she probably had convinced Lucy to let her visit me.

I didn't know what got into me, but I closed my eyes as if to pretend I was asleep, too scared to face her. The footsteps approached some more, and then I felt a presence near me as the mattress softly reacted to the small woman who had climbed on it.

And then an emotional whisper... almost a crying.

"Clara... I miss you so much. I don't know if you are asleep, but it doesn't matter. I'm sure you can hear me anyway."

Her murmur was so close to my ear... a tone made not to scare me. It was the version of Trixie that could get to me.

"Lucy said things about you, but I don't understand them. My brain doesn't work like that. I'm stupid. I need to know from you what your problems are. That way, my body will just do its thing and help you. She said that you couldn't talk anymore, but I don't care. You never talked much before, and it never prevented us from becoming friends. Right?"

It was the truth. Trixie and I became friends without talking. Same with Vix and the other petgirls. We all got along well without having to build a relationship through voice. Some petting and light cuddles were all that had been needed to strengthen our bonds. Words had never been a significant part of the equation.

"Clara, I want you to show me what you need, or else I won't know what to do. Okay? Lucy only gave me a minute... so I have to be quick... but I'm a rabbit, right? I'm always quick. If you show me, I'll get it right away. I'm sure of it."

I wasn't sure what she had meant until I felt something on my lips. The sensation was the same as when we had kissed for the first time in the spa's locker room. Back then, we had a conflict and were upset at each other, and that kiss had healed us right away. It was the same kiss that she was offering to me right now.

Her lips gently pressed on mine while I pretended to be asleep. Lucy, Vix, and Asha had nursed me with love for the past week, well enough that my internal dilemma, even though not resolved, was easier to understand. Between listening to what an unloving mother had tried to convince me of versus a strange life surrounded by Lucy and the petgirls, this choice was now visible to me. Lucy had asked me to choose her love over my mother's love, choose the pets over my loneliness, and choose my friends over my unwillingness to trust that good things could happen to me.

And now, this kiss from Trixie, unsolicited, yet, not imposed, felt like a request to make this choice.

Show me.

She had asked me to show her what I wanted. Her body waited for my answer. Could her body really find a solution to my problems if I showed her what I wanted? Could Trixie have this power that no other people had?

What was I waiting for? She waited for my answer and Lucy had not given her much time. She was sacrificing those precious seconds that had been granted to her to see me just to allow me an opportunity to tell her what I wanted... what I needed. She gave me her precious time.

Show me.

I had to show her.

I had to at least try.

I opened my mouth, which was easier to do when I didn't do it for talking, and I stole more of her sweet kiss... and she did the same.

That was it...

That was my choice at this very moment.

My body had shown hers something, and I got a response back.

Her response was, "I understand."

"Okay, Trixie, that's enou... Oh..."

Relatively unconscious about my surroundings, I had not seen that Lucy had arrived to pull Trixie away from the room after her allocated time was up. When the kiss ended, I slowly opened my eyes. A few inches in front of me was the pretty blonde girl, not smiling, but her deep blue eyes communicated all the emotions I needed to feel.

Lucy gently recalled her.

"Come, Trixie. That's enough for now. I'll let you see her again later."

"No."

"Trixie, don't make it harder than it is..."

"I'm not. Clara wants me to stay with her tonight. That's what she wants. I know it is! She just told me."

"Trixie, Clara didn't say a word. Come now, please."

Reluctantly, Trixie slowly got off the bed, her eyes begging me to tell Lucy what I had just said in a silent voice. Lucy had grabbed her wrist and supportively led her toward the exit.

"W... Wait!" "..." "Lucy, wait!" "Clara?" "Can... Can Trixie sleep with me... tonight?" "... Sleep with you? Are you sure?" "Yes. I need Trixie. Please."

With those words, the first ones since my breakdown, I had restarted to choose for myself.

I wanted to spend time with my friend.

***

So warm.

I slept on my back with Trixie wrapped around me. It was the first time that I felt somewhat normal in the morning, not fearing the rest of the day. What happened last night had somehow lifted an enormous weight off my shoulders and, in some ways, made me feel like an idiot.

That selfish desire I had to sleep with Trixie, spontaneous, and inappropriate, made me realize that I didn't want to walk away from her. This desire was too strong not to see.

It had to be her. It had to be Trixie, the girl I might have been attracted to the most. A girl who had hidden problems but who wouldn't let them stop her. If there was one thing I could learn from her, she knew what she loved and wanted it all. She had a real crush on all her pet friends and played with them all and didn't want to be forced to choose.

Perhaps it had been the reason why she had managed to get through me. She had an immense heart available for everyone to hug, so it was not as intimidating to steal a small chunk from it for myself.

I ran my fingers through her delicate blonde hair while she drooled on my shoulder, still deeply asleep. The morning sun flooded the bedroom with an orange light for the first time in a very long time as we forgot to close the curtains last night. Was this a sign that this day would be different? Was this brightness the reason why I didn't feel as miserable this morning?

Trixie and I did nothing special after our kiss. She went to take a shower and met me under the blanket, and we just drifted to sleep while holding each other. We healed together.

The bedroom door opened slowly, and Lucy peeked into the room, and when she saw I was awake, she whispered to me.

"Oh, you are awake already? Can I come in?"

I nodded.

Lucy, holding a cup of coffee, tiptoed to the bed and carefully sat next to me. Surprisingly, she didn't check on me first despite this considerable development in my sick life. Instead, she did the same thing I did a moment ago and brushed her fingers in Trixie's hair before resting them on her sleepy cheek as if to check on her.

"Trixie is such a cutie, don't you think?" "Yes." "She hadn't slept well since your visit to the hospital. She is always reacting like that when her friends are sad. She must be the most empathic person I have ever met. Just by looking at people, she can tell if they are sad, and then she is driven to make them feel happy again. She is such an innocent girl." "Yes. Trixie is nice." "So, what changed? Do you understand what I mean now, when I said you should choose us over your mother?" "Yes... I like you and your pets. I don't want to lose them. But I still want my mother." "Yes. Over time, you'll learn to have a different relationship with her. You'll understand that she is a person with problems, probably sick, and it won't affect you as much. Perhaps you can even help her one day. It's too bad she hurt you that much, a sweet little thing like you."

She kept petting Trixie as if there was something therapeutic about it. Lucy probably had a good reason for having surrounded herself with all those sweet petgirls. Sure they could drive her nuts, but I think she liked it a lot. Having all that energy in her life and tons of opportunities to take care of those pets and teach them how to behave was something she needed to feel whole. In return, they gave her back a lot of love.

The more I thought about it, the more I came to realize that we all needed each other. There was nothing easy for anybody, and without our friends' love, it was more difficult to advance in life. Problems felt bigger, loneliness was too heavy, and responsibilities were overwhelming.

"Did you notice?" "Notice what?" "Your speech. It's very good this morning." "..." "You are not scared anymore... It's good. Now that I'm thinking about it, you probably don't have a speech disorder, at least not the way you thought. You just grew up in a toxic environment where you couldn't say a word, and when you did, you were crushed under a never-ending flow of reprimands."

What Lucy theorized reminded me awfully of the words that came out from the mouth of a certain intimidating Asian girl that I had met at Elizabeth's place, Kitty. She had not used such complex words to say it, but her quick and convincing assessment had been the same.