by plusseven
SO much that didn't happen in this story, & should have been left-out & saved for a prequel!!!
I get that it's a vignette, but without any comparison to her behaviour prior to this seduction, it comes off pretty shallow. Sure, it's a challenge to describe a convincing seduction that happens in no time at all, but that's what separates the good writers from the rest.
Make a part 2 or one similar , older white gig maybe 60s with young latina
You have potential... this is a hot idea. But, it needs some background and build up.
I liked it a lot. There has been a proliferation here of people who write ten page stories and don't get to the goods until page nine - and then you get a TO BE CONTINUED that never gets followed up on. Sometimes you want to get right into it. Keep this series going.
Your story just seems to jump into it ... there's no build-up to the plot and no explaining anything. You've been around this site for awhile ... use somebody to bounce your work off for suggestions. It's not a bad story, it just doesn't develope.