Ann: The Married Years Ch. 55

Opening the overhead door, he stood just inside the garage with her warm robe open for her. She smirked as she got closer, turning just as she got to him so she could slip it on. She closed it and followed him silently, already feeling the warmth. Not just from the soft plush robe, but from the four new electric space heaters Neil had installed in the corners of the garage.

Inspired by the fun he'd had with Tina just a couple of months before, his goal was to create a heated garage similar to his father's. First he stripped down all of the pegboard he'd put up on the walls years before, installing insulation underneath before putting it back up. In between those steps he ran wiring, both underneath the house in the crawlspace, and then up the walls. He installed a new breaker so the heaters would be on a separate circuit, wanting to be able to shut them off there instead of a installing a switch. The project took him a couple of weeks, but the result turned out better than he expected.

Closing the garage door, the warmth quickly enveloped her. He was such an incredible husband, going to such lengths to make their life better. Other than when he'd work in the garage, he would seldom reap the benefits of all that work he'd done. He always parked outside in the cold, their garage being the one car variety. It was her and Owen that got to enjoy the warm comfort whenever they got in and out of her van.

She'd insinuated earlier that they had to make sacrifices because of his job. But she knew Neil truly made far more than she did. While she had to adjust to his changing schedule in some ways, he had to do it physically. She knew it was hard on him, but he did it willingly without complaining to provide for their family.

Guilt was already setting in when she walked into the house. He closed the door and went to the kitchen, motioning for her to have a seat in the living area of the great room.

"Can I get you a beer?" he asked, getting one for himself.

"You know better," she said as she curled up on her loveseat. "I may have only had five shots of whiskey, but I'm not going to start mixing alcohols. That never ends well for me."

"We don't have any whiskey. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, I only drink whiskey at those parties. I don't really like it, to be honest. But it does the trick. At least normally."

"That buzz you were talking about earlier?" he nodded.

"Yeah," she said, her eyes darting to the floor.

"Ann, if you're not going to talk about what's going on, this is going to be a long night. I have no intention of repeating this. I... I hurt you tonight. I might never forgive myself for that."

"Neil, you pinched and twisted my nipple. You've done far worse things to me than that and you know it."

"Not out of anger. That's... we need to resolve this. I hate that I lashed out like that. That's not who I am."

"That's why I love you."

"Well there's a start. All I've heard since we left Barry and Carol's is about all the things you hate. It's about time you loved something."

"Neil, I've loved you since before I met you. You are my soul. You know that."

He sighed. "Ann. Please, just get on with this. I'm in no mood now for dragging this out."

"Okay. Fine. Let's start with the things I hate. I hate your job. I hate that we live here. I hate that..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where is that coming from? You've never said that before."

"Neil, I hate..."

"Enough with the fucking hate. You don't like something, fine. But again, the vitriol that you're spewing is ugly."

"Semantics. Always with the semantics with you. I swear if I say it's red, you have to correct me and say it's more of a maroon."

"I apologize. I get that from my mother."

"I know. I love and hate that about you."

"What?"

"I miss her, Neil. I love your mom sooooo much. I don't think you understand. And your dad? Oh my God, what an incredible man. I... don't like it here, because it's too far away. I wished we lived closer."

"You think I don't want that? You think I don't want to be closer to your parents? I love your mom. She's awesome. And your dad? What I wouldn't give to be able to fish with him again. But I don't have a choice right now. I'm not at a place in my career yet where I can just move on. I need more experience to get to the next level. It's too big of a risk right now."

"It's not just that. It's... well, yeah it's that. Nine hours is a long way to drive with a youngster."

"I know. We just did it in November, remember?"

"But baby... we missed it. We missed it! Talk about never forgiving myself! I can't believe you wouldn't take off work so we could go. I can't believe you didn't want to be there!"

He was actually surprised the subject hadn't come up at the time. She'd seemed to accept the reasoning. But it obviously was something she'd buried inside, only to have it fester. Ann was talking about Tina, and about how they missed her adoption ceremony.

Darren and Betsy had followed through on their promise, filing the petition paperwork and doing all the legal steps required. It was their Christmas gift to Tina. She officially became their daughter, and Neil's sister, in a ceremony on Christmas Eve.

"Okay, where did you get that I didn't want to be there? Why would you ever think that?"

"Because we didn't go. If you really wanted to be there, we would have been."

"Ann, I have a job. I didn't have any more vacation until after the first of the year. We talked to her. You know for fact that I tried to get her to wait. She said she didn't want to, and I respect that."

"You could have asked Andy. He would have let you borrow vacation from this year. Did you ever think to ask?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, I did."

"You did? Well why didn't you then?"

"Fine. Whose wedding would we be skipping if I had?"

"What?"

"Which wedding would we miss? I know they haven't set the actual dates yet, but we also know they both might happen this year. So if that's the case, would we have skipped Tina and Matt's wedding, or Val and KT's? You're supposed to be standing up in both of them. Which bride would you have disappointed. I only have so much vacation. We both know we're going back to Indiana for the Fourth of July and for Thanksgiving. Those are traditions we've set. You've said so yourself. So which wedding would you have chosen to miss?"

"I never thought of the weddings."

"No you didn't. But I did. It bothers me that you think I wouldn't want to be there for Tina; to actually welcome her as my sister. I love her Ann. Now more than ever. I suppose I could be upset with her about not wanting to wait until we could be there with her to share that joy. But instead I chose to think of it as how she couldn't wait to join our family. That makes it okay."

"Oh my God... that's. I'm sorry. I never should have doubted you wanting to be there."

"That's right. You shouldn't have. You should have just talked to me. And normally you would have. I'm confused about why you wouldn't over something that personal to both of us."

"I'm just lost. I told you that."

"But what does that even mean?" he said as he crossed from the kitchen to the living room, sitting down in his chair with the beer in hand.

"I miss your family. Now more than ever since there's another person in it. I miss mine too, don't get me wrong. But I... I have this connection with your mom. In some ways I'm jealous of Tina."

"What?"

"I know. It's stupid. But I feel like Betsy's daughter."

"You are Ann. She's treated you like that from day one. Tina isn't going to change that."

"Oh, I know that. I'm jealous because she's a Thomas now."

"So are you, or did you forget?"

"But I'm a Thomas by marriage. It's not a blood thing."

"You do know how adoption works, right? They didn't give Tina a transfusion at the ceremony."

"I know it's not real like that. I'm not explaining myself very well."

"Or at all. Slow down and tell me what you feel."

"Your parent's love. Same as Tina must now. But she's there and we're here. That's why I'm jealous. She gets to experience them every day."

"Okay. That made more sense."

"Look, I don't want to move just to move. I do love it here. I love our friends. I love the fun we have. But if the opportunity ever came up to live closer to home, would you take it?"

"If it's good for us, I'd listen. It would have to be a position where we'd be better off. I wouldn't make a lateral career change. It's too risky. But I'm open to anything that would be better for us."

"Good. I know it may never happen. But I can't bear the thought that it never could."

"Does that help? Does that make things better?" he wondered, knowing there was no way it really could.

"No. I still hate your job."

"I told you, I can't do anything about it right now. I know the hours suck. But we've done okay, haven't we?"

"Until a few weeks ago," she smiled. He knew what she meant. Owen had his second birthday, and it was like he became a terror overnight. "Seriously, do they turn terrible on their actual birthday? Is that how it works? I'm dreading not having you here at night."

"He's active. He's not a monster."

"He's into everything, Neil. He found my dildo in my drawer the other day and was running around with it. He threw it at Sam when she was up here. That only made things worse, because she couldn't stop laughing about it, so he kept doing it."

"You should probably find a new place to hide it," he chuckled.

"It's in that drawer for my sanity. I'm going to need it more when you're on second shift. Not less!"

"Look, I understand it's stressful."

"Well maybe I wouldn't be if I could... never mind."

"What? Ann, talk to me. This is good, but you need to get it all out."

"There's no way I can talk to you about this. It'll open up too many other things. And it won't do any good because you can't do anything about it anyway because of that damn job."

"Okay, you said a whole lot of nothing right there. I'm sure you can..."

"No I can't, because it involves your parents."

"What does my job have to do with my parents?"

Exasperated, she finally blurted it out. "Baby, I want to smoke pot. But I can't, because of your job. I don't want you to get fired."

He shook his head, trying to process what she'd just said. "Is that what you meant by buzzed?"

"Yes. There are times I want to get high, but I know that's not something you're able to accept. Or even do. I don't even know if you'd want to with me," she sighed.

"Where did all of this come from?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Of course I do."

"I'm not sure you'll feel that way once I tell you. And there's no sense going there since I can't anyway."

"Why can't you?"

"Because of your fucking job. If they drug test you and they find second hand pot in your system, you'll get fired. We obviously can't risk that."

"The only thing we'd be risking is getting busted. I didn't worry about that in college. Why would it worry me now?"

"You act like this is something you can do. Don't tease me, Neil. I'm really not in that kind of mood."

"Who's teasing? Ann, I'm not going to be drug tested. I'm in management."

"They drug tested you when they hired you."

"Exactly. To make sure I wasn't doing anything. But that was more about hard drugs than pot. We don't random test."

"But you said last year that one of the employees at the plant got fired for pot."

"Because he did damage to a machine. They'll test you if you have a plant accident. But they aren't pulling you in at random. Babe, if we fired all the employees that actually smoked pot, we wouldn't be able to run the plant. And once were hired, managers are pretty much exempt. We've had more issues with alcohol than drugs."

"Why am I just finding out about this now?" she wondered.

"Why am I just discovering that this is something you wanted to do?"

"Neil... do you want to? With me?" she said nervously.

"Sure. I'll just run down to Walgreens in the morning and pick up a pound of hash."

"I'm serious. Is this something you'd do with me, or am I alone on this?"

"You really want to start getting high?"

"I wanna get high with you. I've been dreaming about it, actually."

"Why?" he asked, very confused.

"Because I have it from a very credible source I trust that it makes sex even more incredible. I want to find out for myself."

"Who?"

"Give me a yes or no first."

"Yeah. Sure. It's been a long time. But I can certainly remember sex being amazing when I was stoned in college. I'm kind of surprised you haven't."

"Almost all of the guys I fucked before you were lousy in bed. I highly doubt it would have helped other than to take my mind off the fact that I didn't get to cum most of the time. Now I want to make sure... are you serious about doing this with me?"

"I can't think of a reason why not."

"Oh my God! Wait right here!" she yelled excitedly.

She took off down the hallway. He could hear her in their walk-in closet, rummaging around. She returned a short time later with a big baggie filled with fat joints, along with a lighter. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head as he realized she actually had a stash, and a rather large one at that.

"Where the hell did you get that?"

"Our bedroom," she winked as she lit the end of a joint and took a long, deep toke. Handing it to him, she nodded while holding the smoke in her lungs for as long as she could.

He shook his head again, but took a big hit of his own. The familiar burning sensation in his throat and lungs came back to him quickly, as did the initial stage of what was going to be a really good buzz.

"This is some really good weed. Where'd you get it?" he said before taking a second hit and handing it back to her.

She took her second before answering, and then only offered, "Indiana."

"Tina?" he wondered.

"Close. Her mother," she grinned.

"Oh. Okay. Wait! What?!"

"You heard me. She's my reliable source on the sex part too."

She hammered two more strong hits before handing it back. He instinctively put it back between his lips, trying to process what she'd just said.

"You got this pot from my mother," he stated, more confused than ever.

"She's not as innocent as you try to pretend, baby. She's into sex and drugs. I'm sure you already knew she loves rock and roll."

"You're bullshitting me."

"About her loving rock and roll? Absolutely not. She told all about how she wants to fuck Robert Plant... to this day. She's been fantasizing about him since she first heard your brothers albums. She'd play them when he wasn't home."

"Ann, you know what I'm talking about."

"Then no. I'm not bullshitting. I love her. I wouldn't say anything about her that wasn't true. Your dad does it too. They don't do it as often as when they were younger, but she got me to smoke it with her one night the week Owen and I went out there. You should know by what I just said that we shared a lot more besides just weed. But if you can't handle me telling you this about her, I'm not about to go any further."

"What are you talking about?"

"We've talked. A lot, Neil."

"Okay, but about what, exactly?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"I'm sure I want to know where all this is coming from, and what's bothering you. The only way to do that would seem to risk hearing some things I may regret later. But for you, I'll take that chance."

"Okay. Well, as far as what I shared with her... she knew pretty much from the start that you take naughty pictures of me. She found Polaroids you left out in your room from our day at the Botanical Garden in Fort Wayne. So I told her more about what we've done with the camera, and how it introduced us to Rose."

"I knew she found the pics, babe. I wasn't exactly hiding them."

"She knows why you call me Anna."

"Everyone does, don't they?"

"She knows I'm bisexual. She knows I was with Tina every day when I was getting my hair done. And that I had sex with Penny."

"She knows about that?"

"Yeah, and that I sucked Garrett. And that he ate me while I was there. And she knows you were with Heather during that time."

"O... kay. Does she know what I was doing with her?"

"Besides fucking her?"

"Babe, please." She'd mentioned Heather, and he wondered if his mother knew about the BDSM games they'd played while Ann was away.

"Yes."

"Damn, Ann. Are you serious?"

"I told her all about Annabelle, baby. About Colorado. And the spare bedroom. And yes, I told her all about the dungeon you made for me."

"Fuck. How am I ever going to look her in the eyes again?" he said dejectedly.

"With a smile on your face, I hope. Neil, you should know that your mother is incredible. She's understanding. She's loving and supportive of me. Baby, she is me. Well, almost."

"I'm scared to ask what you mean by that."

"Then don't ask. We can leave it right where it is. But I think you know more about your parents than you let on, and part of why I'm feeling like I do is because I feel like I'm holding family secrets from you. At least now you know that I know all about your parents. By the way, Tina does too."

"What?"

"She was there. Look, this is about to become really weird for you. I need to know if you want to know any more than you already do. There's no sense saying any more if you don't want to know. But at this point, if you say you want to know more, I'm telling you all of it. It's going to be too hard to explain just parts. Betsy is complicated, like I am."

"I don't understand what you mean by that."

"I mean it's like trying to talk about Anna, but not Anna Renee, or Annabelle. There are a lot of things that cross over. Your mother is no different. But you already know that, don't you?"

"Well, yeah. I do. I may not know the details, but it's pretty obvious the Richardsons and the Fosters are a lot more than just friends. Tina really knows about all of this?"

"It bothers you that your new sister knows things you don't, doesn't it," she giggled.

"Yeah. It kinda does."

"Well just know that it's because she knows that Tina became your sister in the first place. That and a few other things that happened. So I have to ask, what are we doing?"

He let out a long sigh. He had come to realize that a lot of the angst Ann was dealing with came from carrying a silent burden. She felt closer to Betsy than ever, distance aside. But keeping her mother-in-law's secrets from Neil was something she didn't realize would weigh on her like it was. Something as simple as wanting to smoke pot had become a clandestine pursuit.

While Neil didn't know just how heavy that weight was, he could see the look in her eyes. He knew what his answer needed to be. In the words of his unofficial family motto, he needed to step the fuck up.

"Tell me. All of it." Her eyes sparkled, the excitement in them making her heart jump. She pulled out a second joint and lit it, handing it to him after taking the first hit. "Is it that bad that I need to smoke a whole joint?" he wondered.

"I need you relaxed, baby."

"So it is that bad."

"You already know what it is. I keep telling you she's pretty much just like me. The main difference is I have a hard line... while she doesn't."

He nodded. His knowledge of Paula was really all he needed to know to accept the premise that his parents were sexually active with others. "So why the second joint?"

"Because I'm not just going to tell you. I'm going to show you."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ann was slowly stroking Neil's cock as they lay together in their bed. The window shades to their left were up, as they often were since no one could see into their room. They had the heat set high in the bedroom so they could be naked, and yet not have to feel like they had to cover up. It was one of the few advantages of having electric baseboard heaters. Each room could be set to whatever temperature you wanted. Their room was set at eighty. In contrast, the spare bedroom was set at just fifty-five degrees to save energy, so they kept that door shut in the winter.