All Comments on 'Anniversary Suprise'

Bit too bare-bones, we don't learn anything about the characters, so it's hard to care what happens to them, however outlandish the scenarios are.

Misogynistic crap

If only life was like that where good guys always finish first every time

Giving it a 3

and finds out her penalty payment is. TK U MLJ LV NV

Hateful

You need an editor.

Hell, you need a story.

Take step. Take a pause. Figure it out.

Its the sketch notes for a story - not the story though

Your stories continue their speedy downward spiral toward oblivion. 1*

Not enough of a story to feel any sympathy for any of the characters, not that good

Secretsal nailed it. I thought the exact same thing. Just too bare bones; had the makings for something decent. No investment as a reader into any of the characters.

The concept was good, but way too short.

Story sucks with key elements entirely MIA. Trite statements like "I had called in numerous favors" are a poor substitute for substance.

Old Army buddies, Mexican whore house, well, sort of, Recycling old cliches? Couldn't we at least get a explanation of how he did it? Or couldn't you come up with a "good" idea?

Damn good to have army brothers. How many times did he save their lives??

How is this story like Effie?

.

They both suck.

Dr beulahthebrit; Usual `williepeter' BTB crap, what a surprise, he's got `friends' from when he was in the military, who of course will do anything for him. Just where do we find such brain-dead twats and of course he's wife is now an aged, drugged dim whore. Total shit, minus 5.

Another story with a decent setup, then a terribly executed follow thru.

.

Not even hinting at how hubby got out of the predicament he was in…much less how he managed to both set up Jay or sell wifey to the proverbial Mexican whore house.

.

Not worth more than 2 **

Bloody knife, blood everywhere, drugs in his system drugs laying around everywhere, missing person, a witness hearing someone screaming murder, and Jay never went to jail???

Author Are you high or what?

A wife & a lover who planned to murder him & also drugged him.

He was bound,

Then how the hell he managed to get away, dumbass ?????????????????

It's no accident that this so-called 'author' can't even spell the rather simple words in the title correctly.

There was a jump cut which didn't really work.

Needs a major rewrite...too mamy open questions..

DOL

You come up with a good story idea and then fail to deliver after that.

Its like the idea is all that matters and not the actual story. That is an all too common issue around here.

Building to a crescendo up until "The next few months...", then it started to go flat. Too bad because this was beginning to show some promise. Maybe someone can do a redeaux? - TANSTAAFL

This is so awful that I won’t comment further than that!

Bad lack of continuity. Had to reread part way through to see if I had missed something. Would have been worth it if you had explained how he had turned the tables on them. Fitting ending though.

???

Nice outline. Where's the story?

a little short. D

Missing the middle of the story

Two. There was an interesting story buried in there but it went by at break neck speed with the tired old trope of "Army buddies" to speed it along. This doesn't need to be a novel but it would be nice to see some backstory, some meat to the story explaining what happened and how it happened, some more focus on the revenge aspect. Right now this feels more like a story outline then the actual story.

Too cruel

Piece of garbage, not worth reading. 1*

Hateful Odiouser? Having your cheating bitch of a wife and your best friend scheming to murder you for insurance money isn't hateful. A little beating, and a working Mexican vacation could have been worse. At least both lived.

That was too much for me even for a BTB but unfortunately tit for a tat for wifey as her husband knows how play the game too

I have to agree with 26thNC on this. Its to much, they plotted to kill him. At least he helped her with her new career.

Such a brief version of much more popular stories where the wife is sold into slavery. Unfortunately, it isn’t even interesting. No character development or dialogue, no hint of how he found out or what he did. It’s kind of like when my dad backed the boat down the ramp and forgot to replace the drain plug. It sank!!

Last story of yours I am going to bother reading.

That story went quicker than Karnevil blowing a load in his pink panties watching gay midget clown porn...

Makes no sense that please stop writing

It's what I would call a load of fucking bollocks

The basic plotline and characters are OK, however, that's the problem, its basic, no development from what reads as a decent idea, hopefully the author continues and develops

Weak, lame.

Rimmerdal!

I hop your disgusting spouse cheats on you.