Ann's Enlightenment Ch. 03

David nodded, "That seems sensible."

Sarah looked at Ann, "Can you say what has happened and how you feel about it?"

Ann took a deep breath before beginning. "Sarah, on Friday, I arrived as David was going to leave, case packed. I persuaded him to let me show him that I hadn't been having an affair. I sat topless in front of him and a large window. I told him everything, about Brian, my response and our talks. I gave him two options. David took a third. He used his belt on me. I have never felt such pain yet I have never cum so hard. We did make love later. On Saturday, we made love, went out with me dressed so that I was almost exposed. I was so conflicted and aroused by the reactions of others and myself. David's face said how much he was loving the new me. We made love again when we came home, doggy style, curtains open, lights on. In fact we had sex twice while out. Sunday David took me to a place neither of us had ever been, a sexual nirvana. Afterwards we didn't need to speak, a look, a touch was all we needed for the rest of the day. Last night, David punished me for my indiscretions at work and I came again through pain, a lot of pain.

"I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm conflicted and worried about where I, we are headed."

Ann's body language showed that conflict. She couldn't keep eye contact with Sarah and when she looked at David, there was concern.

Sarah asked David, "What are your thoughts on these events?"

David replied, "I'm just as conflicted as Ann. While much of the weekend was all I could ever have asked for, loving, empathetic, arousing, exciting, some were more challenging as they exposed parts of both of us which I never knew existed."

Sarah probed gently, "In what way challenging?"

David considered his reply, "Ann said when she talked about you, you needed honesty above all else as without that you can't help.

"In our time together I have never struck her. We have never even play spanked or anything like that. I have never had any thoughts that I would like to do so. While I admit I wanted a more diverse sex life rather than just missionary with the lights out, I did not wish to drive Ann away if I crashed too often into her boundaries. I do love her though what you will hear may not show that."

Sarah looked intently at him. He had no way of knowing what she was thinking.

"Over the last month, Ann had been avoiding me. She became secretive, something we have never been. I was told she was having an affair. Everything I was told matched her behaviour. I had never thought her capable but my brain told me 'so did a few of our friends and they had.' I decided to leave. I cannot condone adultery.

"As I was about to leave, Ann arrived home early. She persuaded me to stay to show she had never had an affair. Being topless helped."

Both Ann and Sarah smiled.

"I felt such a fool for believing that she would but I was angry at her not coming to tell me about Brian and her problem before then. I have always told her to come to me as together we can defeat anything. Ann was by now nude in our dining room, curtains open, people seeing her. She told me if I believed she had an affair to leave or I could fuck her, get my anger out. She lay face down on the table. Anyone passing would see her most intimate places.

"I sat for minutes trying to work out my feelings. I love her and didn't want to leave so I took the other option. I decided to fuck her though I knew that wasn't enough. I just didn't know what I needed. I still don't. As I took off my trousers I removed my belt. I never had a conscious thought. I belted Ann's bum, eighteen strokes, one for each year we have been together. I shouted at her that she had to tell me in the future. I could see her pain, the reaction of her bum muscles to the belt. The tears were flowing but she never moved, she let me beat her. I could see the strain on her arm muscles as she held on so she wouldn't flee.

"Afterwards, I tongued her to several massive orgasms before fucking her like she had instructed. She came again with an absolute monster orgasm. As I was fucking her, I mauled her breasts instead of the usual light touch she allowed. She came from that. A first.

"Afterwards, I was in shock. I didn't know why I had hit her. I felt so guilty. Her response had shocked me as well. Where had that come from? We showered together, I gave her another oral orgasm and she blew me. A first. The rest of the evening we spent together and we fucked, being seen by a neighbour and friend.

"Saturday and Sunday we had more normal sex, not pained, more loving if way beyond what we had had previously. Ann was so hot I ended up fucking her in an alley and later she rewarded an act by me with a blow job behind a club.

"Going out she about set the taxi driver on fire. Coming back she had the female driver so aroused she could have seduced her. I was ready to fuck her in the taxi, on the bonnet in front of the taxi driver. When I found Ann in just her lingerie inside I asked what she wanted to do. She had told me about your challenge to her. She wanted that. We fucked and she had an almighty orgasm, not as big but far bigger than any previously.

"Sunday she played nurse and we had highly arousing and more than satisfactory sex. I was so turned on, I tried to bring her to that mythical sexual nirvana. It was truly mind blowing. It was as if we had fused as one.

"Last night was set up by Ann. She knows I have always wanted her to show a little more as she is gorgeous. The office girls had been teasing Jonathan to try and get him to ask one of them out. Ann planned to do it yesterday if I agreed. If she did, I should punish her that night. Her choice of words.

"We bought some restraints and I sent her out while I spoke with the sex shop assistant to get some more things to play with her. Once she was blindfolded, I put a bondage chastity belt on and filled her pussy and bum with vibrators which I secured. I restrained her. I told her the time she was to be left alone. I switched the vibrators on. She came fairly quickly. I increased the level and she came again very hard. I increased the level further and she came again. Then she went from pleasure through to pain and like Friday back to massive pleasure as she came and came. Her body had been fighting it but boy did she cum.

"She looked totally wiped out and sated. She never said stop!

"I let her recover before lightly caressing her with two micro filament dusters that relaxed and aroused but didn't truly stimulate. I replaced those with two pinwheels. They both aroused and stimulated. Ann was rising to meet them, to keep them on her flesh, especially her breasts and inner thighs. As I built the pressure her breasts were seeking the pinwheels. She came but I continued. She came again but I knew she had more. She built up again and as she was about to cum, this time I drove the pinwheels across her nipples. She exploded.

"She looked wrecked but again she hadn't said "Stop!"

"I let her recover and gently caressed her with a silk scarf. She slowly relaxed, enjoying the mild stimulation. I wrapped her breasts in it, pulling it tighter, restricting the blood. She started to become stimulated as her breasts filled with blood. Her nipples expanded further. I attached nipples clamps which caused her to scream. I then fucked her. I could see her conflict, between the pain in her breasts and the pleasure in her pussy. I didn't last long with all the teasing earlier in the day. As I did I pulled the clamps and she screamed.

"I teased her clit and attached a clamp to it. She screamed in pain. Her whole body was jerking off the bed. I turned on the clamps vibrators. I entered her bum and let her bring me off as she was bucking so forcibly. She was fighting the pain. I thought the bed would break. She really struggled until the pleasure overcame the pain. She came by her breasts first. We didn't know she could until Friday. Then her bum orgasmed causing me to cum and lastly her clit. It was maybe not as intense as Friday's but was close. As soon as she had cum, she was in great pain and screaming at me to take them off. I did it as quickly as I could but she was wracked in pain.

"I held her until she recovered enough for me to go and order a takeaway. We had been in the bedroom for two and a half hours.

"I admit last night was a bit of an experiment for me. I wanted to know if Friday night could be repeated. Not for the sake of hurting Ann, that is something I have never consciously thought to do. But to see if it was something she may need. If she had said stop at any time I would have.

"I don't know how I feel. On one hand, I can't deny giving Ann such pleasure has caused mixed feelings, good and bad. Does she now need this all the time? If I accept that what does it say about me?

"On the other hand, there is one thing Ann said when she was telling me about the non-affair and how you had helped her to address her sexual awareness. I wondered if this was part of that and because I had beaten her she thinks I have wanted to do that to her so she will agree to it.

"It is that statement from her I vehemently disagree with! That's about the only thing from the weekend I can say for certain."

Ann looked at David bemused by that final statement. She was still blushing from his explicit telling of their adventures.

Sarah asked Ann, "What did you tell David?"

Ann blushingly replied, "The only thing I can think off which covers what David said was that I said, "the only time I would refuse him sex I would be very ill!""

David nodded.

Sarah smiled. She had an idea of why David didn't like that and it would help them to bring it out.

"David, why don't you like that? Many men would be more than very happy with that."

David had watched Sarah's face and understood why she asked the question. He decided to address the answer directly at Ann. "It sounds too good to be true and it is."

Ann frowned.

"I get what I want, when I want, how I want. No matter what type of day Ann has had, whether she feels up for it or not, I get what I ask for. She means it. I could tell she meant it with every word she spoke. But, in reality how long before my requests come to be seen as demands and how soon thereafter that, as Ann realises she has no control, no say in our sex life, those demands change to become in Ann's view, basically rape. She'll no longer wish to please me; she'll want it over and done with. She'd no longer be involved mentally. With that our relationship is over. It's gone from loving to abuse.

"I don't want a sex slave. I want an equal partner. Each one can say not tonight, let's have a cuddle. Each one can instigate sex, suggest roleplay, etc. One where we can speak about acts and maybe incorporate those on occasion but not as the main course. Saturday and Sunday are the type of main courses I would prefer."

Sarah was smiling again. Ann was nodding her understanding.

Ann asked, "David, do you think I accepted the pain to please you as I was in your terms, "your sex slave?""

"I don't know. It did cross my mind. I don't know if you need pain to release yourself or endured it because you thought I wanted to hurt you. Do you know? We have never discussed Friday in any depth as we didn't know how to approach it.

"The weekend has been a rollercoaster for me and I suspect you. We both agreed that we needed Sarah's help to understand our feelings."

Ann could only add, "I don't know!"

Sarah said, "There are a number of elements in play, probably out with your conscious thoughts. Firstly, Ann has explained to me her feelings of guilt over how she has failed, in her view, to give you the sex life you both would have wanted. By denying you the sex life you craved, as she did, she could well have believed she needed some form of punishment."

Ann interrupted, "As David was beating me, two thoughts came into my mind. He needed to punish me because of all I had done and I needed punished."

Sarah picked up on that, "Ann's sexual release, that monumental orgasm was a combination of factors. Pleasure as she had done something she had never done before but which you wanted, being topless and seen. The pent up relief that you didn't leave. She had described you as a creative and thoughtful lover. When, after beating her, you put her pleasure first and drove her through several orgasms. When you fucked her, all her emotions joined together with the feelings you were generating to create that almighty orgasm. The different parts made themselves felt as her whole being came together as one.

"When she recovered, she sought to please you so the other actions later that night and on Saturday and Sunday were for that. Last night was an experiment as you suggested not only for you but for Ann I suspect."

Ann nodded, "I didn't know what David planned but I was going to let him do whatever he wanted. He deserved that for the way I have treated him. David stopped it. I didn't feel capable of saying stop.

"Was that only because I felt guilty? I've agonised since Friday about that pain/pleasure threshold. Did I actually need that? If I did what does it do to us? Am I a submissive? I wanted to give him a blow job this morning but couldn't decide if that was me in control or a submissive act so I didn't. I haven't been able to rationalise anything."

Sarah interjected, "Ann, can I ask David his thoughts on this? What did he feel? Where does he feel the relationship is going? David."

David thought carefully, "I didn't enjoy hurting Ann. There was part of me screaming at me to stop. Her response showed she wanted it is what I told myself as I continued. When I finished beating her I was disgusted with myself. She'd no option, no consent had been given apart from her acceptance of it. Her orgasm seemed to say she needed that pain for pure release. I struggled with that concept against the Ann I knew.

"I now know she endured both Friday and last night, through feelings of guilt. The orgasms she had have clouded our thoughts, our realities of the event. We will need to fully discuss this when we have more of a handle on our emotions.

"She has no reason to feel such guilt. I'm equally at fault for not being more assertive over our sex life.

"Sunday morning was everything I wanted, it was loving, caring, arousing, explosive and at the end we fused as one.

"Sarah, you mentioned that Ann gave me the sex she thought I wanted over the weekend. It was and it wasn't. I loved everything about it apart from the ones where I inflicted pain on her. Having said that, I don't want us to have a sex life based solely on her perceptions of my needs. I want her to engage in our sex life because she is doing what she wants, not under any feeling of compulsion.

"I'm sure tonight will serve as an awakening to both of us. I have been shocked well beyond what Ann said on Saturday about your sessions and her fear about how others may judge her. I have to listen better and explain better.

"We have needed to talk openly about our sexual desires, our wishes and our limits for years. With your guidance, I hope we can build a new, better sex life but one based on mutual understanding and love, not guilt. I know it won't happen overnight."

Ann was tearing up. Sarah gave her a tissue.

Ann spoke, "David while I'm beginning to unravel some of the reasons behind my reactions to your beating of me and as Sarah has said, it will take more time. There was so much involved. Last night's experiment was solely about my guilt, which fuelled my need to let you get your anger out in any way which you needed. You've said and Sarah has said there is no need to feel guilt but I do.

"The rest of the weekend love making wasn't in any way about me trying to assuage that guilt. I did engage in acts which I had never done before, never spoken with you about before. Nothing I did had any element of coercion.

"Everything I did, I have wanted to since we first met. I couldn't get over my upbringing until Sarah helped me. You saw how conflicted I was when we were out. Yet, the same me was so aroused during our tango that I flashed the female taxi driver.

"David don't feel guilty about hurting me. In some way, I think it has helped as we both were shocked by our response. It has certainly made me look at myself differently. I don't have answers yet. We have never spoken to each other like we have tonight. I'm sure we are taking a step forward and can move on together."

Sarah smiled, "David, everything Ann said about you, you have shown this evening. Because of that, I'm more than hopeful you will as well.

"Tonight you have managed to discuss and explain some very difficult thoughts which arose. If you continue to discuss your feelings and allow each other to explain, accepting those words may be difficult to say or even to hear, you will build not only a better sex life but better life altogether.

"Not all of this weekend was about pain, much, much more was about love. Focus on that.

"I think we can discuss more fully in coming sessions not only what you both want but also why. Tonight we have established there is no need for either of you to feel guilty over your sex life. That doesn't mean those thoughts will go away today but you can challenge them when they appear as they will.

"I don't think a serious BDSM or SM relationship is in your future but I wouldn't rule anything out yet, even if just play."

Ann asked, "How do we talk, we haven't been able to because I stopped it?"

Sarah replied, "Continue as you have this evening. Tonight, you have opened up to each other, allowed deep introspection and shown your fears. You cannot overcome the past overnight but as you take each conversation, allow yourself to be open to the other. Listen. When I heard you speak about the other, what came across was the love you have for each other. That will form the basis of your future.

"The disgust, disquiet you both are feeling about what had happened is in part because it was so far from your normal that it has rocked you both. You will discuss it, as it needs to be discussed. Be open. Ann you haven't said how you felt mentally and physically as we have just touched the surface but those feelings have to come out. You endured because you felt guilt. The orgasms have confused some of your thoughts I'm sure. You can't believe you could have them in that way so you rationalise that you may be submissive. The circumstances are what have driven the orgasms and your thoughts.

"Time to think, discuss, put it in perspective will help but again that won't happen overnight.

"David hasn't spoken fully about his feelings as he did this. He has feelings beyond the revulsion he spoke about. We will address the emotional aspects in the future but discuss them before if you wish.

"Both of you were very positive about Saturday and Sunday and next time we should focus more on those. I'm interested in this sexual nirvana you both mentioned. In my experience if you reach that it shows a deep connection between you. That's a big positive.

"The only wrong would be if you do something for the other because of a false premise.

"If we take this weekend as an example. Ann felt David needed to punish her and that she needed punished. She accepted that punishment because in her mind David wanted it. David felt Ann needed that punishment to fulfil her yet he was unhappy doing it to her. He was concerned by her apparent need for punishment. To have continued it due to those thoughts, not having addressing them, your relationship would suffer as neither of you would be in a happy place.

"By discussing this openly and we have only lightly touched on it today, you both realise that neither of you were correct in your assumptions. This opening of communication allows you to set any ground rules for the future regarding such play. Take that home with you, only do what you are comfortable with, explain why you wish some act or why you don't."