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Click here"I said: go! Unless you want me to use that weird power I have to kill you instead." Bradley didn't think twice about it and left the room, letting the knife fall on the floor.
Once he was gone, Riley shot a glance at Eleanor who had a mixed expression. She seemed still in shock about the earlier events, but she looked relieved that it ended well. There was quite something else he couldn't explain, though. Like she was itching or something, she was holding her hands to her sides while swinging back- and forward from her seated position on the bed.
"So, what just happened here?" he asked still holding the necklace in his right hand. He just noticed it now, but the iris from her eyes have gone from blue to pure gold. It was not just some shiny reflection like for Bradley, but it was the actual color of her eyes that have evolved, just like the pearl of the necklace.
"That would have been me." She explained truthfully.
Not understanding what she was talking about, he replied, "What do you mean? What is this necklace? And what happened to you and your eyes?"
Upon hearing this, she slightly blushed, not knowing why she even cared that he paid attention to the difference.
"I'm a genie" she answered. 'What now!' was all the thought Riley managed to gather at the moment.
____________________________________________________________
And that's it, folks!
Pheww, just introducing the MC and he's already almost got killed. That was a close call.
Leaving you on a little cliffhanger here. You'll have to wait for the next chapter to have some more explanations. So while this chapter was introducing the main character's state of mind and starring a little battle brawling, the next chapter will be mostly talking and a slight explanation of the universe I'm beginning to develop, but don't worry I'm already working on a sexy scene to conclude the third chapter.
My main worry is that I might have been a little carried away with the way I placed certain information, or that I might have given too many details at some point. So any feedback about what you think could be improved is welcome (as long as you don't insult my entire family in the process, thank you).
I also happen to be french, which means my syntaxes or even vocabulary have good chances of not being perfect. Any advice on that part is also welcomed.
Anyway, I think I'm gonna leave you here. I'll try to post another chapter next week, depending on my planning. So stay tuned for the next chapter.
Take care and see you around.
- COMMENTS
SimplyJamesDalmost 2 years agoI agree with SecretBunny, it's tough to form an opinion from just what's here, I'm curious as to backstory for the MC to fill out his character some more. It does need some editing apart from the differences that arise from being a non-English native speaker. Not to mention having what I assume to be his love interest turn out to be a genie, I would imagine an entire chapter or two just from her point of view would be needed in order to provide the reader an idea of who she is. As well as giving time for some world building to establish the setting.
Anonymousalmost 2 years agoA good start. I liked the main character, as well as the different take on genies. Could use some minor editing, but overall good for your first story.
NovemberComingFirealmost 2 years agoI hope you’re not like every other lot writer that does a genie story only to quit after 2 or 3 chapters…..
Anonymousalmost 2 years agoI really enjoyed it, even with the cliffhanger. Looking forward very much to the next part.
