As You Wish

Nothing had changed in Ethan's room. The machines still beeped softly and he still looked small.

But this time, I felt like he almost looked... I don't know.

Safe.

I didn't put Spike beside him since I figured someone would just end up moving him. Instead, I tucked him at the end of the bed near Ethan's feet so when he woke up, he'd be able to see that Spike was there with him. Then I held his hand for a while again, my mind wandering.

When the nurse came by to tell me she needed to take Ethan's vitals and that he'd be going for more tests soon, I kissed his forehead and pointed Spike out to her so she knew to keep an eye out for him. She nodded and I left, walking slowly back to the waiting room.

Mom and Noreen were sitting there quietly, Noreen still looking at the magazine and Mom looking at her phone. They didn't notice me at first, not until I took a breath and cleared my throat.

"Mom, would you be okay for a couple of hours if I went home for a shower? I can be back before you have to go pick up Dad from work."

"Norm already said he'd drive Dad here after work," she replied. "Take all the time you need, honey."

I nodded and swallowed hard before glancing at Noreen. "Could I bother you for that ride home now?"

She smiled and put the magazine back on the table. "As you wish."

And despite everything, I couldn't stop myself from smiling back.

Noreen apparently made some decent coin at the Wish Mission. She was parked in the nearest lot and drove a car that was possibly the nicest one I'd ever been in. It's not like that was really saying much since I'd never had a reason to be in a super expensive vehicle or anything, but it was somewhere above the standard of what most people would consider a "nice" car.

"Are you hungry?" she asked as she pulled out of the lot.

"I should probably eat," I said. "I'll make a sandwich or something when I get home."

"You sure? I can stop."

I shook my head. Stopping for lunch meant spending money and I was pretty sure the cost of the ambulance wasn't going to be covered. Besides, nothing was stopping me from making the sandwich and eating it in the truck on my way back to the hospital.

When we got to my apartment building, I expected Noreen to drop me off by the front doors, but she pulled into the visitor parking.

"You're tired, overwhelmed, and doing your best to be polite and not inconvenience anyone," she said when she saw the confused look on my face. "I know you have a hard time asking for help. But I also know you're probably already trying to figure out how fast you can get back to the hospital. So you're going to take a shower and clean up, and while you're doing that, I'm going to make you that sandwich."

"You don't have--"

"I know." She looked at me earnestly. "I wish I could make Ethan better, but I can't. All I can do is make things a little easier on you."

Maybe if my mind wasn't exhausted from stress and hazy from a lack of meaningful sleep, I could have thought of a better response. Instead, I stared at her for a moment longer, trying vaguely to figure out why this woman was being so kind to me, of all people, then nodded gruffly.

"Okay. But only if you have one with me."

She smiled and I led her up to my apartment.

That haziness in my mind was something to be thankful for, otherwise I might have realized long before I was putting the key in the door that I should be embarrassed about the state of my apartment. In fairness, I'd left in a bit of a rush and hadn't done the half-hearted tidying I usually did after Ethan went to bed, but still. I winced as I realized there were still dirty dishes on the counter and toys scattered in an intricate chaos all the way from the places Ethan had dubbed as the Cliffs of Insanity to the Pit of Despair--that is, the back of the couch to the bathtub.

Worst, I realized, was the fact that Ethan's toothbrush was on the ground in the hallway from after he'd passed out. If Noreen noticed, she thankfully didn't say anything, and I tucked it into the garbage can with a mental note to buy him a new one.

The thing was, even underneath all that, my apartment was a shithole. I hated the fucking place; I hated the worn out rug and scratched lino and furniture that looked like I found it beside a dumpster because some of it was found by a dumpster. I hated the fact that I could barely afford that shithole, that I was only a few months away from having to ask my parents if Ethan could sleep in my sister Shayla's old room and I'd sleep on the floor in my old room.

Noreen was the first woman in... fuck, who knows how long that had been in there. And my mind wasn't quite hazy enough to completely forget what an embarrassment my place was.

"Sorry for the mess," I muttered.

"What mess?" she said politely, then put a hand on my arm when I started clearing the dishes from the night before. "Jeremy, stop. Go take a shower."

"Yeah, but you need space and... like, sorry, it's gross."

"It's lived in." She tapped my arm insistently and reached for a dish towel. "Leave it. Go shower."

Resigned, I sighed. "Fine. Just... don't clean up or anything. Please. You're already doing too much."

"We'll see."

"Noreen."

"Well, I might need this... this plate," she said, reaching for one that had ketchup smeared across half of it. "It looks like a good sandwich plate."

I tried not to laugh. "There're other plates."

"Right, but there might also be some plates over in the living room that would work. I'll probably go check and see."

"Don't make me beg here, Noreen. You're already doing enough. Stay in the kitchen and make the sandwiches." She raised an eyebrow and my face went red. "Fuck, I mean--"

But she burst out laughing and shook her head. "Anyone else, I would give a whole lecture about women staying in the kitchen. But for you, Jere? I'll let it slide."

She called me Jere.

I intended to shower quickly, but as soon as I stepped under the water, that intention dissolved. For a while, I simply stood there, eyes closed as relief rushed over me, through my hair and down my face and over my ears. It was quiet and loud at the same time, warm and refreshing, as comforting as Noreen's hug had been.

I felt kind of bad for taking my time, but I couldn't help it. I scrubbed and shampooed the layer of hospital grime off me, then took my time trimming my beard and brushing my teeth. By the time I got dressed in fresh clothes, I felt practically human again and more awake than I had been all day.

With a last glance in the mirror, I ran a hand through my hair, shaking any excess water out of it, then opened the door just in time to see significantly fewer toys in the hallway as Noreen stepped out of Ethan's room.

Which was a weird, weird thing to see. I was the one who tidied up after Ethan. That she was the first person I'd ever seen to do the same startled me and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Was I supposed to be embarrassed? Appreciative? Did she... did she even know how big of a thing that was? And what about the fact that the sight of it made my breath hitch a little, like seeing her standing there was something beautiful and normal and--

I couldn't.

Apparently, the look on my face made it obvious that I was having mixed feelings and Noreen shifted uncomfortably. "Jeremy, I--"

"It's okay," I said. "Thanks. Thank you. This is too much, but thank you."

She looked concerned, but simply nodded and tilted her head towards the living room. "Come on. Sandwiches are ready."

The sandwiches were delicious. I mean, considering the ingredients I had, which consisted of white bread, bologna, mustard, mayo, and cheese. But she'd also found some baby carrots I'd had in the fridge and put those on the plate and poured us each a glass of juice. I didn't have a kitchen table, just a coffee table that Ethan and I ate at each night for dinner, so we settled on the couch and ate there. It was unusually and awkwardly quiet, which felt all the worse when I realized how comfortable I usually was with Noreen.

I didn't like how that felt, and apparently, neither did she.

"I'm sorry," she said after I finished my sandwich and was working on my carrots.

"It's okay," I said.

"It's not." She put her plate down on the coffee table. "I didn't mean to overstep. I was trying to help out and I didn't even think that putting things in Ethan's room would be an issue."

"It wasn't. It, I just..." I stared down at my plate as I tried to figure out what to say. "No one's ever tidied up after him like that. Other than me. I just had a weird moment where I realized that and that made me think of his mom and how..."

She didn't say anything, probably because the last time his mom had come up, I'd snapped at her never to talk about it again. But now? I couldn't keep my fucking mouth shut.

"It's been me and him forever," I said. "And I, you know, don't... don't date much or whatever. So seeing someone else do something like that so, I don't know, like... naturally? Maybe? Not that I like, think you're like, a mother figure or something. It just was a, a sort of..." I sighed heavily. "Am I digging a hole here or just over-explaining myself?"

"Neither," she replied. "I understand."

I swallowed hard, staring at the carrots left on my plate. "She gave him Spike when he was just about a year old."

"Who?"

"Ethan's mom. The night she left, she put Spike in his crib, closed the door, and left him there alone."

"Alone? You weren't... home?"

"We didn't live together." I half-snorted, shaking my head. "We'd never even been in a relationship. But we both wanted him. At first, anyway. And that's what I don't get about her, you know? I love him. I loved him before he was much more than a friggin' conversation between two stupid people who should've probably used a condom and a bit of common sense. But her?"

My voice caught, shaking as I thought of her. Noreen didn't say anything, but after a moment, soft fingers touched the back of my hand and I swallowed back my anger.

"She left him by himself with a fucking stuffed dog," I continued. "I showed up the next morning to pick him up 'cause it was my day with him. I was just gonna take him to my parents' and hang out or whatever, but I showed up and no one answered the door. It was unlocked and I could hear him crying, so I let myself in and that's when I found it."

"What?" she asked, her voice softly horrified.

"Note," I grunted. "Just a sheet of paper saying she couldn't do it anymore, she was leaving, she wanted nothing to do with him. I thought maybe someone had forced her to write it, like she'd been kidnapped or something, 'cause her family was pissed about it, right? But nope, she just left him there. He could've died overnight. His diaper was full and he was so hungry. She just wanted a head start."

If it had been up to me, I would've gotten rid of Spike. I hated the fucking toy, but Ethan loved it. He'd carried the small dog around with him everywhere and couldn't sleep without it. He didn't know where he'd gotten him or that it was his mom's pathetic way of apologizing for what she'd done.

I didn't know where she was anymore. When she first left, I tried to track her down and found just enough information to figure out she wasn't with her family. The last I'd heard, she was in Vancouver or Cranbrook. Something far west and far removed from her son's life. So far removed that she didn't even know he was sick.

She wouldn't have even known what he looked like.

"That's horrible," Noreen said. "Jeremy, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." I shrugged, blinking hard to keep the tears out of my eyes. "It's just, that's why it threw me off, seeing... seeing someone do something like that. Seeing someone just, you know. Care. About him."

"Of course I care about him," she said. "I can't imagine how anyone couldn't care about him. Or you."

It took me a moment to process those last two words. Even when I did, I was half-certain I'd misheard. She couldn't mean... but when I looked up and met her eye, she was looking at me with wide, earnest eyes and my heart stuttered.

And I don't know what I was thinking.

Really, I don't.

I could blame it on the tiredness or the stress, and that might've been accurate. I might not have been thinking straight, or thinking at all, even. But I looked into her eyes, and then something made me look down at her lips, and then I...

I kissed her.

Well, sort of.

I stared at her lips, and then they were slightly closer, and then I glanced up and her eyes were still on mine as I felt her breath against my face. There was barely an inch between us and I stopped, I paused, I forced myself to at least try to think a bit. I hadn't even asked her if I could kiss her and the last thing I needed was to push away this woman who cared about me and Ethan by seeing signs where there weren't any.

And then she kissed me.

Her lips were soft and her breath was sweet. It was almost dizzying, that kiss, in a way that was beyond intoxicating. I couldn't stop myself from bringing my hand up to her cheek and cupping it. That sweet breath puffed against my lips, followed by a soft noise as I stroked a thumb against her cheek. It was heaven, touching her, tasting her, indulging in the warmth of her. It was what I needed, so desperately that I hadn't even been aware of how much I needed it, and part of me wanted to take even more from her than she'd already given me.

That very, very insistent part of me wanted to keep indulging. It wanted to move in closer, feel her body pressed against mine, to push her against the couch and undress her and grip her hips, feel her skin and the softness of her curves beneath my palms and fingertips.

But this was Noreen. This was Ethan's Wish Granter. This was someone far too important to him and to me for this to be a good idea. She'd done so much for us and I was in a spiral of guilt and stress and fear. What I wanted... that wasn't fair to her.

Her fingers moved from the back of my hand to the top of my thigh and I put my hand over hers.

"I don't want you to do something you're going to regret," I whispered against her mouth.

"What makes you think I'm going to regret this?"

There were a lot of reasons, but there were a few things preventing me from being able to think properly. Instead, I just pulled back slightly and looked at her.

"I... I want you so fucking much," was what I managed to say, which in my mind, was a reason that she would regret it.

"Do you want me to leave?" she asked.

"Of course not," I said instead of saying something smart like "yes."

She kissed me again. "So I'll stay."

I almost said something else, but she slipped her tongue into my mouth and that was it. I wanted her, so fucking much, and she seemed to want it as much as I did. So I gave in and I kissed her harder, capturing the surprised little noise she made. My hand stayed on her cheek as my other arm went around her, tugging her in close. She shifted her legs so she could move in even closer and I think she meant to crawl into my lap, but as soon as she'd adjusted her position, I leaned forward.

Another soft gasp brushed against my mouth and she put her hands on my shoulders just in time for me to guide her onto her back. I moved between her legs, pinning her against the couch as I kissed her with a passion that I hadn't felt for so long, it seemed unfamiliar. Fingertips skimmed up my neck and to my hair, making me shiver, and I nipped at Noreen's bottom lip before moving my hand to the soft curve of her waist.

Her ribs rose and fell slightly as my hand moved up, then even more when I touched her breast through her shirt and she inhaled sharply. I almost hesitated, worried she was having second thoughts, but the whimpering sound she made was accompanied by a wiggle of her hips that made my cock twitch in my jeans.

It twitched again when I cupped her breast. I was getting hard fast, which wasn't saying much because while it had been some time since I'd been with anyone, Noreen was also fucking gorgeous. Her breast was firm beneath my palm, filling my hand with enticement and promise, and I almost groaned against her mouth as I squeezed gently. That made her make another one of those needy little noises and I couldn't handle it.

My hands were controlled by my head and not my mind. I ran my hands down Noreen's body to the hem of her shirt and nearly growled as I started lifting it. She helped me bring it over her head, leaning forward so I could tug it away completely and throw it to the floor. Her bra was nice, probably; I didn't really look at it before moving my hands beneath her so I could unhook it. My head was focused on one thing: finding out if her breasts looked as good as they'd felt beneath my hand.

In good news, they were.

They were fucking perfect.

I dipped my head and kissed the bare mounds in front of me, making Noreen sigh. A kiss between them gave me enough time to decide I'd pay attention to her left breast with my mouth while I fondled the right one. A trail of kisses led me to her delightfully hard nipple and I traced my tongue around it before taking it in my mouth and sucking.

She moaned and writhed beneath me when I did, her hands moving up to my head and winding through my hair. Clutching me to her breast, she wriggled, pushing herself up against my now-incredibly hard cock through my jeans. It felt fucking amazing, so I pushed my hips forward against her, craving the friction of her warm body against mine.

Part of me wanted to stay there forever, with my face buried in her tits and my cock pressed against her, listening to the musical noises she made. But that was only a small part of me; the rest of me wanted to fuck her, and fuck her hard.

That part had to wait, though, mostly because I still had her on my couch and was starting to feel like the Cliffs of Insanity were severely limiting what I was capable of.

I placed a last kiss between her breasts before sitting up.

"Come to my room?" I asked, and she nodded eagerly.

I led her there, barely paying attention to the mess in the room. The bed was made, at least, since I hadn't slept in it the night before, and that was what mattered. Standing at the edge of the bed, I kissed her heatedly, running my hands along her sides and down to her jeans. She nipped at my lip as I unbuttoned them, tugging at my shirt.

"Off," she gasped, and as much as I didn't want to stop trying to get her pants off, I stopped and took my shirt off as quickly as I could.

Things were a blur of hands and fingers. I was lost in it, lost in that haze of need, of touching and being touched. I wanted to relish her like she was a luxury, like she was something to be savoured and drawn out and enjoyed, but I don't think either of us were capable of that. We stripped and as soon as we were both naked, I urged her onto the bed, following closely behind so I could bring myself over her again.

Before I could move my lips down her body and taste every inch of her, she stopped me, taking her turn to run her hands along my body. I shivered as she touched me. Her fingers slid along my chest and stomach and sides, travelling lower and lower until she was feathering them along the base of my cock. My arms nearly shook as she teased me and I was only a moment away from begging when she finally wrapped them around me. She stroked slowly but firmly and I closed my eyes, unable to focus on anything but the feel of her for a moment. Then, with much less finesse than she'd treated my body, I pushed my hand between her legs.

She squirmed and moaned as I traced my fingers along her soaked pussy. Slick and hot, I couldn't stop myself from dipping a finger inside her entrance, the feel of her pussy surrounding my finger almost more amazing than the feel of her hand surrounding my cock.