All Comments on 'Ashley's Revenge Ch. 13'

Well I'm glad it was resolved with the missus being found out and Ash getting her man, but killing? Oh well.

Talk about a blast from the past! Glad to see the series ended; not loving that Katherine got knocked off. I am hoping you follow up with their adventures in Belize - hopefully sooner than three years from now!

I apologize for the large gap of time in getting this story finished. Life, work and a health issue got into the way.

I did struggle with exactly how to end this series, killing off the wife did seem a bit harsh to me at first but I kept playing the scenarios over and over again in my mind. The more I did the more it just felt right to have Katherine go to the same manic edge that Ashley appeared to be nearing.

In the end, I felt it was more about the competition between Ashley and Katherine and a showdown that ended with anything less than a big bang, pun intended, just did not feel right.

I hope everyone who has read the series has enjoyed it, it was my first attempt at doing anything like this. I already have a new short story in the queue and hope to continue exploring the genre. I've started to set up a patreon page if anyone is interested in buying me a cup of coffee to help me cover the time it takes to write these stories.

I would love to hear more input from the readers, either in the comments here or in the feedback form emails. Hope everyone has a great 2017!

Love this series very much, just give us an epilogue to fill in some final details. Or better yet, a new series about their adventures in Belize would be awesome! Wow Jahoo

Is still a crazed, violent, manipulative threat to Brian. Lindsey is close behind. Sleep lightly, Brian. Very creative, well-written series.

Leave it to a man every time. After all a man wrote the story. It was a good story until the end! I hope he sleeps with one eye open.

esp for a first effort. It is a shame you didnt post it in loving wives section, as that section generates the most comments, both intelligent and otherwise. For The reader's there this would've been red meat for the lions.

While I love all comments, I wish that more people that comment would register for an account so I could reply to them privately at times.

It's your prerogative to say that the story was great up until the moment the wife was killed off, I'm sure if I took a poll you wouldn't be alone. Of course, there seemed to be just as large of a group, or an even larger one, that wanted to see Ashley walk away the winner. I thought about all the scenarios and felt this worked best. Actually, I thought about writing three different endings in the vein of the "Choose Your Own Adventure" stories I read as a kid and still may do so at some point.

Thanks for reading!

Isn't that what makes her the most fun? :-)

It was a lot of fun to consider just how much your average middle aged married guy would be willing to put up with to fuck an extremely hot, teenage girl. There was an episode of "How I Met Your Mother" where Barney had a chart showing that as a woman's hotness score rose so did the acceptable craziness score, I just took that to an extreme here.

The point of fiction, at least for me, is to push the boundaries of reality a bit. If everything written here was completely realistic the stories would be boring, the sex scenes would be a LOT shorter and the married guy would almost never wind up in bed with a sexy blonde and a sexy redhead at the same time!

Thanks for reading!

Please continue the story. There is a lot of potential for more.

I never saw it coming to an end in this chapter or ending the way that it did. I really was not expecting any of what happened in this chapter and just kept saying to myself that this is pretty fucked up.

Thank you for writing such a captivating, erotic and surprising story. I loved every bit of it.

Thank you for posting here.

Three shots and three girls hmmm who exactly wounded Ashley? OR who fired twice?

The author wrote what seems to be the final chapter 29 months after the last one. At least he figured out an interesting way to bring this story to a conclusion.

Wow, I did not expect to see any further progress on this series. It's pretty cool that you came through though, and I'm sure a lot of us are glad you found the time to wrap this one up. Good luck on your future endeavors, and thanks for not abandoning ship.

One of the better long stories I've read. Keep up the good work. Ashley is a dangerous little slut but I wouldn't kick her out of bed!

Although there was a deus ex machina ...... or maybe that's pistol ex machina event. It was an awesome read. Worthy of 5 stars.

It was indeed a wild ride; a well written fantasy with a nice twist. It ended with a true caveat emptor, one normally stated by men, a favorite saying of my wife's... "Bitches be crazy".

That was an impressive saga all around. If I had been in Brian's shoes, I don't doubt that I would have also given in to the temptation of a vixen as hot as Ashley. After Ashley murdered the wife, however, it would be tough to get over the guilt and have any attraction for someone so calculating and ruthless, no matter how hot and perfect she were sexually.

In any case, you should write a screenplay for a film noire movie!

Ashley said she would fuck him to death in 10 years or so; with the two of them they could wear out his heart in about 5, especially after the stunt they pulled with his wife.

I thought I would add that the ending perfectly matched Ashley's obsessive personality. The wife's acceptance of Lindsey's advances also fit with her earlier comments about not being able to resist Ashley, but given the circumstance her easy seduction gave you a clue that she wasn't as upset as you would expect.

The wife's cheating was handled with finesse; there was no conclusive evidence, but small clues like her starting to work out and a recent increased interest in sex/fantasies gave you pause. I was impressed at how the human and flawed the characters were allowed to be, even if their bodies were right off the Victoria Secret model catalog.

A very good story series overall, well written, with great characters, hot sex and a fitting ending. I liked this one a lot.

By Ch. 6 I was ready to give it up. The scenarios were more and more redundant, contained little but gratuitous sex and the vocabulary juvenile.

I know this is an exaggeration but if the words: moan, groan and giggle and the phrases: white hot jism, my big, strong hands, manicured fingernails, such a bad girl and catholic high school girl were removed from the story, I think about 5 chapters would disappear. The repetitiveness of these words and phrases was nauseating.

And BTW, are you some kind of religious bigot? The frequency of the phrase "Catholic high school girl" in connection with Ashley's slutty behavior seemed intent on being mean spirited instead of descriptive. How many times do you have to tell the reader that Ashley went to a catholic high school? I think 20 times is overdoing it. Especially since you didn't bother telling us Katherine's, Brian's, or Lindsey's religious affiliation. Should we assume that protestant, muslim, jewish, atheist, animist, buddhist et al women are by nature sluts so the writer doesn't have to mention it?

And the crack about Bill and Monica was just unnecessary and stupid. It distracts the reader, is insulting to many readers, and adds nothing to the story. BTW I'd feel the same if Bush, Obama, or Trump were the object of scorn.

I pressed on to the end and was surprised at the novelty of Ch 13. I do not see the need for Katherine to die. She could have been wounded. Lindsey would make the same phone call. Her lover's vehicle would still be in the driveway. Katherine's cheating would still be discovered and the story end in a divorce rather than a funeral. Katherine would be in jail for attempted murder and Brian would be as free and rich as if she died.

I only wish this story had been written with the skill the author demonstrates in his later efforts.

Thank you for the comments. I think you're way off-base on some items, but I'm glad you must have liked the story enough to see it through to the end.

Were some words and phrases used more than once? Sure. Perhaps I needed to consult a thesaurus more. I don't quite think I'd lose 5 chapters of content by removing a few words, but repetition can happen in a story like this which extended to novel length instead of the short story it was meant to be.

I'm glad you enjoy my later works. I wouldn't expect this one to be as good as those, even though I love the premise, since this was the first story of any sort that I had ever written. I believe I am learning and growing as a writer and getting better as I go. I don't see any stories attributed to your account, so I'm guessing you are not writing any. Perhaps you should give it a try, it is a lot of fun.

Am I a religious bigot? No, I cannot say that I am. I'm a good Irish Catholic boy who attended an all-boys Catholic high school. The slutty Catholic high school girl scenario was not meant to be mean spirited at all, it's a fantasy.

I believe that anyone that finds great offense in one line about playing Bill and Monica is way too sensitive to be reading any adult material. It was an off-handed remark that fit the scene. Again, if you think you can do better, please do so. I'll look forward to reading your submissions.

The ending of the story could have come in many different forms. This is the one that I chose. I thought it brought home the real consequences that could happen in a situation like this. And again, since you know the "better" way to write a story than I, decided upon please do so. Write away. Contribute something to the web site for all to enjoy. I'll be waiting.

Cheers!

Wonderful story which I enjoyed immensely. Who do people like Loejtc think they are making such gratuitous and fatuous criticisms? As you say, let’s see what he (I assume it’s male) can do.

Just one tiny observation. It grated on me every time you used the word grinded when it should be ground as in “ground against me”.

I am English from the UK and perhaps grinded is in common usage in the US. but I have never come across it before as you have used it.

Apart from that it was an amazing saga. Thanks and good luck in future.

And so well written. Wild premise but completed fully. Thank you. Look forward to more.

I think I'd have liked to burn the late model Mercedes to the ground and seen what the owner would say about the loss.

Overall, everyone in this story is a piece of shit with the possible exception of Lyndsey who was initially blackmailed into the situation.

I have been married for over 20 years now and I can honestly say with my hand on my heart , if there was a Ashley living next door to me, I would grab her , and then you wouldnt see us for dust. Heres hopeing.

Umpteen chapters back when Katherine had Brian pretend K was Ashley, I figured K had a nanny camera and saw/heard everything Ash said about playing house, etc. She would maneuver Brian into totally reenacting the critical scenes, make him admit the reproductions were true to life, and finally divorce him.

Even money Brian dies a mysterious death in two years when Ash is ready to move on.

I usually only read incest/taboo stories on Literotica, but someone recommended your work. I'm glad they did, as I thought this was a very sexy tale, on the whole. Although I'm an incest fiend, I do like a bit of adultery. And an older man fucking a teenage girl is pretty hot too.

I do have a couple of issues. Like a lot of people, I'm not all that keen on the ending. It seemed a bit rushed and came out of left field. But it didn't ruin what was a very hot story.

The other thing I might've changed: You kept referring to Ashley as a Catholic high school girl. So, why didn't she dress up as one? I think the slutty school girl look (plaid skirt, pigtails, knee high socks etc) would've been a good look for her. Oh well, you can't have it all...

PS: Have you ever thought about doing an incest story? I'm sure the topic and your writing style would be a great match.

I read stories here for the fantasy or the plot. This one captured me for both, nearing the end I figured Ashley was obsessed. I did not see what was coming at all though, perhaps Katherine’s fate was over the top for some, in the end it is your story. I enjoyed Ashley’s golden rule and knew something would come of that. Keep on writing and I will keep reading. Ignore those that complain about spelling, grammar and such what is important is the story. If you have it in you more adventures would be welcome about Brian and Ashley, cause we all know what Ashley wants Ashley gets..... cheers

Only older men like myself will truly love this story . I really liked the ending and hope we see some new adventures with Brian, Ashley, and Lindsey

Woh man just WOW. I mean this should be made in a television series. I want you to write more about Ashley and Brian. Perhaps like when they're having children or sth like that.

Lol, nice one but too kuch to take for a human mind

Definitely need some more adventures here. Such a crazy wild ride. Keep up the good work.

Great ......

interesting ......

thriller in disguise of erotica....

But hey a man wrote this. Ashley and Lindsay will eventually kill Brian when they tire of him (these stories conveniently forget the fact the even the little blue pills don’t do too much for older men), take his money and move on to greener (as in younger) pastures.

Ok I admit it I was hooked on this series! Could not wait to see what happened next. I was so enthralled with the storyline I sped read the sex scenes in the latter chapters I mean I absolutely skimmed them in many cases. I was amazed at the final twist ending with the wife dead. Yep loved the two teens following him to Belize. Great read Well done.

I loved the whole series up until this chapter. This was Off on so many levels. Ashley really is a psycho bitch, convincing Brian that his wife is having an affair when they don't know she it.

But let's see, the wife leaves her lover at the Spa to come home in his car to catch her husband cheating. Finds him in bed with someone she doesn't know and soon she is making out with her.

Then she tries and set's up Ashley, even though she wasn't sure if Ashley was involved with her husband.

She loads Brian's gun to kill Ashley, or maybe to kill all three of them. But, there would have been no alibi for her if she had.

Then, an 18 year girl with a concealed carry kills her. And both girls set that up this deadly scenario just so they could get rid of the wife.

I would suggest a re-write of this last chapter. Otherwise, a very hot fantasy.

Sorry I did not like the ending .Over all it was a good series

Main character has no backbone and is fra key despicable.

I think it was a really weak way to justify Katherine getting murdered, by doing the “oh she was cheating the whole time so she deserved it.”

Also, what did Brian just stop loving his wife? He didn’t mourn her at all.

Ashley is a psychotic , manipulative, murderous lying whore. Not wife material at all.

Brian is a weak willed piece of shit.

Katherine is a lying cheater but she didn’t deserve to be murdered, and worst of manipulated into being murdered, and Lindsey was almost as bad as Ashley was.

Story should have ended with the wife dead, Ashley and Lindsey in prison, and Brian alone with only his sins , his thoughts, and his memories. He deserved to wallow in guilt and shame for the rest of his life, and the two girls deserve to be in prison.

A “no deed goes unpunished” sorta vibe. Not really a satisfying conclusion, and no justice was done whatsoever. Despite her cheating, Katherine was still the victim here, by a LONG shot.

ending was a let down

Fun story until the wife got killed. All the characters were real assholes - I mean what grown man lets himself be seduced by a teenager? And what teenager wants to have anything to do with a much older man? His wife was having an affair? What happened to the man waiting for her? What happened to his car? And what person is allowed to completely move out of the country while a murder investigation is on going? How do two teenagers magically show up in Belize? So many questions, so few answers.

People, people! Checkov’s gun has to be fired. It’s a rule

No revenge for the guy that owned the Mercedes?? He had to come get the car, and Brian had his keys. Beautiful setup to serve him with a suit for alienation of affections, right? Most states require you carry the registration in the car in the event you are stopped by police, so they would have him IDed, right, and served when he came to pick it up, prearranged with Brian. Surely the would have settled out of court, and it would have paid for his little trip to Belize. By the way, how did the girls find out where he was? Did I miss something? TO A COMMENTER - The girls were over 18, probably closer to 20, so they were women not kids. The permit to carry proved that, and where does it say he had anything to do with the shooting, so he was free to go anywhere he wanted? Yes, Ashley flew to Belize after he had been down there for weeks, which would mean there was no investigation, it was cut and dried - they knew who killed who and who shot who, and it was self-defense, so there is nothing wrong with the story. Don't ask me what I think of some of the commenters. Good story line. Well done. Keep writing.

XYZ

I’m fine with what happened to Katherine, it fit this story. I just wished you ditched the Lindsey angle for the end. It would’ve been better for Ashley and Brian to have wound up together in Belize, married, and starting a family without the baggage from home.

Hope there can be an update that Brian & Ashley marry & start a family.

What a long story, I think the plot was a good one, but just tooooo much orgasms for everyone, especially him.

The girls should dress in lingerie all the time and the three should live happily ever after.

I would love to read a follow up of this sexy trio!

A follow up would be great, I am sad about Katherine.

A great twist after all of that time

I loved the first half of the chapter when they were gonna get revenge on Ashley. I hated the second part where they provoked her into getting shot and then covered it up as self defense. I hated how Brian said he wanted Katherine, then said he wanted Ashley. I hate that Katherine was last called a terrible, demeaning insight before getting shot, and then she may not be able to pass over peacefully. I hate that Ashley and Lindsey got away scot free and even justified their actions. I hate that Brian got Katherine’s life insurance policy. If I could have asked for a different ending, it would’ve been Katherine taking everyone by surprise by shooting Brian in the heart. He passed away instantly. Ashley and Lindsey lose their shit and end up in a mental institution, being SA’d by the nurses repeatedly. At least their hotness would service horny medical professionals. And finally, for Katherine to get away with it and cash on Brian’s life insurance policy, and move to Belize with the guy who treated her better. RIP Katherine. No hate on the author, by the way. I’m just kind of pissed.

Just freaking awesome! Some of the chapters got a little mundane but the ending made up for everything.

It seemed to me like a much more believable, intriguing ending would be that Katherine was spying the whole time via hidden camera. She had been dead inside, but was was getting off on watching her husband cheat. She left her rings because she really did want to see Ashley wear them.

It comes to a head as she envisions herself as part of the threesome (or foursome).

Would have been an interesting exploration of guilt, voyeurism and polygamy as they hide the truth from Ash's parents.

The current ending just felt rushed and contrived. 12 good chapters though. It ended in Jerry Springer instead of Eyes Wide Shut. Too bad.