All Comments on 'Asleep'

Woah, didn't see that coming

I suppose it was well-written, but I don't think it belongs in LW. Just not that type of story and the type I'd rather not read.

The Sixth Sense was pretty far-fetched once the effect of the whole 'shock reveal' had passed. Same problem here, though it avoids close scrutiny by leaving a lot up in the air. Like the ghost actually didn't figure out for over 6 years, or do their memories reset every now and then to a point before their death? Sounds like a bum deal.

There was at least one other story here that used the same plot. IMO the ones that are most effective are those from the wife's perspective, where you think she's cheating because of her inner monologue, but it turns out she feels like she's cheating on the memory of her departed spouse. Once you bring the actual ghost as the protagonist, it's a lot harder to make the tightrope act work.

Beautiful & poigant

Yes, its been done before, can't think of the authors though.

A very well told short story. The emotions that were brought out in such a limited tale showed a level of complexity that was surprising. Well done.

Unoriginal. This is Bruce Willis's character in The 6th Sense.

It was a good idea for a story, but you gave away the twist much too quickly. Her first line of dialogue made it obvious that he had died.

You did this very well. I have seen it done before but usually not this well. Congrats

Till death do us part!

5

I get it.. you watched Jurassic Park!

Well written. Concise. Unique.

I wondered why I was reading this half way through. I persevered. I am glad I did. Wonderful.

I see dead people.

Azpiri has a similarly themed story, but this could be fleshed out into a truly poignant story.

Very nice, thank you. Neat trick to turn an old trope into a beautiful ending

better off in non erotic or maybe even romance. Was OK but felt more like an outline and no drama that is IMO greatly needed for these type of stories.

Why do I have this feeling the story was stupid?

Bruce Willis springs to mind

Very poignant, beautifully done. Thank you.

amazing

I can confirm having previously read stories like this one on LW. Don't ask me their titles, though - some of them are probably in my Favorites, so you maybe you could track it down there.

One question this flash arises from me is what exactly was the trigger that made this 'spirit' seek out his wife - he seems to be have been dead for awhile now, given she had time to remarried and all, so why visit her now, after all this time?

Probably a Halloween thing, I don't know.

I'm expecting this to be among the better offerings of the day; so I thank you for the share, author.

Woke up this morning and found myself dead.

Wonderfully written story. Very sweet.

@HarryinVA it's super awesome that you KNOW there's no heaven or hell. Most people just have beliefs. How did you come by that knowledge? What proof do you have?

Now that she knows, the guilt will eat her alive!

ok, absolutely great writing. Also absolutely gut wrenching sadness of a loss. 5 stars because you style deserves it, but try to put a smile on our faces on the next one. My old heart cant take too many of these.

Nicely done! 5*

Good story. More of a romance the loving wife though.

I think a lot of people are hoping it will be something like this. You showed us what really matters in life "as long as you're alive in someone's heart, you're not dead"! 5*!

Just not my cup of tea.

Nice... I have something in my eye!

Interesting and thought-provoking. Four stars

I usually don’t like short stories, but this one worked for me. Thanks!

Amazing. Extremely rare a story gets 14 Followers and it is still early in the day. Very well done and lovingly portayed.

I HAVE read something very like this story on here some time ago. Can’t remember exactly what or by who.

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That said…nice job.

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4 ****

beautiful story

Very nice...........

Very well done

No, it’s just smoke from the forest fires in my eyes….

Very well done.

Didn't See that coming! 5*

Definitely different, I liked it.

While I don't believe in an afterlife, if there is one it would be comforting to think stories like this could be true. The author is right, it is, till death do we part. At my age, I could not see trying to be so lucky twice in a lifetime. Nicely done. 5-stars.

Yes, there are similar stories, I'm sure they are even on this sight, of that. One that first comes to mind was a movie, 'Ghost' (1990) with Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze.

This was an Outstanding Read. It reached out and touched emotions.

It will earn great comments on both side of the spectrum (pun intended). Haters are going to hate and will make those comments. Others will be like me and will give the other point of view on how it is a Hallmark ghost story.

Thanks for writing it. I enjoyed the uniqueness, and I loved the ending.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

Fantastic story. I wasn't expecting the ending.

Brief and beautiful

Very well written, but too similar to others (even down to the "squeaking stairs" bit) to give a fair score.

Well written. Unique story. :-)

I enjoyed it very much. Please just ignore the haters.

I do enjoy different slants on a story. Yours was refreshing. Thanks!

How’s it a nice story. Here’s another dumb ass killing himself over some whore. Now if he killed her or them I’d get it. But the with a final look at my widows face. That’s dead not divorced.

I think this fit better on supernatural or romance

Five stars. Well done.

I don't see anything nice nor beautiful in the story. 6 years cheating is a life time. Why not end it sooner if she was not happy with the husband? *

Wow different but well played. Like it ( 4 )

Novel take no-one else I have read has done it so well as yours keep the writings flowing

Unexpected twist!

5* Very nicely focussed and you kept the reveal very well hidden until it was needed - tricky to do in such a short story. Thank you for posting it.

Nope, just creepy

Beautiful, haunting, dont know what movie you refer to but this was a decent tale.

I liked it. Not really a criticism but I had a hard time imagining a ghost that was able to smell. But it was a nice little story, a quick hit with an emotional punch, well done.

Very nicely done. Thank you.

Nice twist! Among all the LW garbage one has to go through, this was warm and heartfelt. Thank you

Original. Creative. Touching. Good hob.

Ed

Ghost!!!!

Ditto!!!

Good but sad story.

4/5

Mind blown.....nicely done.

Very nice, there is another story here much akin to this, but its nice to have someone write something for the non-homosexual readers here.

Thanks!

Well done. That's exemplified that until she mentioned death, I thought I was in the grasp of another formulaic LW tale. The surprise was complete. Very well done!!! Keep writing.... 5+++++/5!!

Wow...

Loved it

5 stars - i like this one

There have been other stories on her with a similar theme,some longer, but this one has to be among the best. Very simple but the emotion is there, you sense how much he loves her even in death.

Wrong category, and a cheap way to get attention. But thanks for the effort.

Stupid story. Not believable. *

A very obvious rip off of another story previously published in this site.

Thank you. A sincere tear jerker in a quagmire of crap most days. That as a beautiful story.

Sad, but also touching and beautiful.

5 stars

Clever and well written. Thank you

Nice story, but placed in wrong category. Non-human, but that would not be much of a twist there. Late Hubby reacted like a ghost should, Sweetie was very calm … which is hard to imagine!

Incredable story for only having 5 total. Very creative and well written.

Well done development of the movie Sixth Sense.

Beautiful! Sad, but lovely.

“It doesn’t belong in LW.”

“It is too short,”

“Why doesn’t he know he is dead?”

When so many of the stories here seem to be written by illiterate 12 year olds, just enjoy a creative, well written story. I’m surprised that nobody is upset that he didn’t go all BTB on her ass!

2 commenters seem to have missed the fact that he is dead, who knows for how long, and she has remarried. There is no indication of how he died, certainly not that he committed suicide or that she had been unfaithful. It is a poignant story of love and loss.

I lost my love of 40 years to cancer nearly 8 years ago. After 6 years alone and having nearly died myself, I found a new love, or more correctly, she found me. Our love is not better or worse, just different. I will be content to spend the rest of my life loving and being loved by, her. As I am 23 years older than her it is likely that I will be the one to leave her. I already feel the pain of her being alone again, as well as the joy of us being together. Because of that we are determined to make the most of whatever time together we have.

There is another similar story. I believe the husband died in a motorcycle accident in the rain

A beautiful thought

What a breath of fresh air in LW, so unique, so very good, such impressive writing. You are a writer I'll follow as I see great things coming from your keyboard. Thanks

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6******, Hooyah, many Salutes!!!

Too pat. Would’ve been interesting if he’d been alive.

5+ thank you

Oh that made me cry so hard. It was so lovely.

You seem to know how to write properly and understandably.

Cheesy AF, but enjoyable

To all the folks that are complaining because this story “has been done before”, please help me compile a list of forbidden elements for future stories.

Wife cheats with: bother, father, sister, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, uncle, co-worker, boss, gardener, pool cleaner, delivery guy, delivery gal, maid, butler, guy at bar, guy at pool, guy at fundraiser, guy on beach, guy on sandy beach, guy on rocky beach,

Husband finds them cheating:

In their bed, at a motel, at a hotel, at a cabin, at a conference, at a convention,

The wife’s name is Traci.

The category is “Loving Wives.” That already narrows down the number of available plots.

This was a great story, that has been haunting me since yesterday.

Doesn't work that way.

It remembers me to" Bringing Carrie Home "

@Tilan: sure, you're the smartest man in the room*, but are you this much of a pompous asshole in real life?

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*entirely self-appointed

That was a nice story, The man's reaction was true. It was was touching he wished the best for his wife as he walks into a better existence.

That being said, some guys are not wired that way. During a briefing about military life insurance, the speaker made a point about the importance of declaring beneficiaries that if it is not declared the wife will get the insurance benefits by law. He said one guy responded he did not want the wife getting the money. When asked why, he said he was not going to give her the money so some joker can do her. The speaker concluded everyone has their reason for whom they leave their money. It's up to the soldier to fill out the form and make their selection or the military will.

Of course, that was years ago. Not sure if the wife can be aced out of life insurance with today's military.

AA++

Wow, that was powerful, very moving. Thank you. KS

With apologies to PastMaster, who put together a very nice story (please write more):

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@Tilan. Ah, it's fun to poke holes in puffed-up pseudo-intellectuals such as you. As for your upcoming story (oooooh, is this the one where "the gloves come off"? I'm shaking in my boots!), thanks, but after subjecting myself to your height of intellect, the sophomoric hot-mess that was "CuckRoach", I won't waste my time. The "coward" comment is further hilarity, given your propensity to delete any non-fawning comment. Own a mirror?