Asymmetric Bases Ch. 08

It had been three weeks since she left and two weeks after her last message, saying "OK."

I started to go to the gym again, I started to see my friends more often. But my mind was being consumed by Amy, more than ever. I was expecting that feeling to cool off but thoughts about her were still piling up and getting warmer.

For one more week, I visited her building once a day, the car did not move, I didn't see any sign of her being at home. Then I stopped doing that too.

Finally, my phone rang, two weeks before my wife's return date. It was Amy.

I answered, trying to stay calm "Hello?!!"

"Hi, did you miss me?" Her voice was cautious and distant. Not emotionless but not that warm.

"Of course I missed you! But I think you..."

"Me too, I missed you very much. I love you." Her voice changed suddenly. I never heard her like that before. She was happy to hear me say those. I was shocked to hear these. She probably wasn't sure that I felt the same.

I couldn't control myself "I love you, I missed you very much, why did you do this to me? You knew I would never give up on you, you knew I was yours, why did you torture me?"

Her voice changed again "I had to, my plans changed, they had to change. I will tell you everything but later, OK? Get your things and be here as soon as you can. We have two more weeks before our life changes."

I was at her place half an hour later. To be able to see her again was the most important thing for me at that time.

But on my way to her place, my mind was consumed with many questions. Was she really still mine? Where was she? Why did she stay so long? Was she with someone? Did she leave any of my red lines intact?

I wasn't prepared for our coming together after her departure.

She buzzed me in and when I knocked on her door, she opened the door and let me in. She hugged me and put a peck on my cheek. I was continuously trying to figure out how she felt.

She moved to the living room and sat down on the couch. I slowly joined her, sitting at the other couch. I needed to look at her face.

I finally managed to ask "Will you tell me what happened? Why did you..."

"I will tell you now, when we're having coffee. OK?"

Even serving her coffee made me feel better. In fact, this was never a thing. She never told me to do stuff, I always volunteered or she did the most of such things. She liked to serve me food or coffee.

But I didn't know our current situation, my place in her mind or in the relationship. So, me serving her coffee could be the first step of a different lifestyle, as in being a servant to her until the end. I had read stories where this had happened. I had no idea what she was planning for us. I was trying to figure out her every gesture or word, for any kind of conclusion.

When I brought the coffee, she started talking.

"OK, my plan was to go to my parents. And I did go there."

I was afraid to ask her about the dog, because if she heard that I went to the vet, she could get angry.

"I only changed the reality about leaving the dog at the vet. I know you visited him; he called me."

I couldn't hide my embarrassment.

"But before I talked to you the day I left, Mark called and he begged me on the phone. He wanted me to show mercy. Don't you agree that's ridiculous too? What does it have to do with mercy? When a relationship is over, it is over. Who continues just not to upset someone or out of pity?"

Did this sentence hold some hidden message for me, about my wife?

"Anyway, he begged and asked me to finish his misery or give him that chance I promised."

"Yes, finish his misery!" I blurted out. "Why torture the guy?"

She smiled.

I closed my mouth.

"I told him that if he took care of my dog when I was at my parents, I would reconsider. So, I didn't need to go to the vet. He was happy to oblige. If I told you that, you would be unhappy for no reason."

My brain was out of order at that moment, I couldn't decide if this was good or bad.

"My plan was to make you feel truly alone. As if I had left you. Because I really had no idea what you had in your mind about us; I mean, for the end of it."

"For your information, you made me feel not only alone but miserable too."

"Nice, we'll talk about that later."

Nice?

"I want to cut it short. When you sent me that message it occurred to me that I had to make a decision. I made my decision at that moment. I decided that you would be mine."

I had no words to describe how I felt. All my hurting parts got healed, I became empty and full at the same moment.

Also, I felt that this was a point of no return. All possibilities, risks were about to become realities. But I was empty again and full of her in a second. I wanted to kiss her.

"And I had to make another decision. Since you and I would be a real couple, I had to get rid of every baggage. I decided to end things with Mark."

It was getting better and better.

"I returned at Monday, after that weekend I told you I would return."

"?" She was here for more than 2 weeks? My mind was full of 'No' sounds of different volumes.

"Yes, I know you will not like this but you will understand."

I felt like crying inside. I didn't know why, I couldn't assume anything, I had no idea about what she was going to tell me.

I didn't move.

She waited.

I still was thinking. Did she get back together with Mark? Was this a stage for her to feed on my agony when she was going to leave me? Right after giving me hope to maximize my pain, to enjoy seeing me cry or whatever? Was she that cruel?

"I went to Mark, to leave him for good and take my dog back, of course. It was a scene you would feel sorry for him. He was begging me, crying. But I already decided. At one point he told me to honor our agreement, give him this last chance."

She stood up, walked a few steps and stopped to continue her words; she even wasn't looking at me. She looked like she was rehearsing some dialogue.

"There's another thing I want you to know. Maybe you already sensed that but I will tell you."

She looked at me and made sure I was listening to her.

"Before you and I, we had that arrangement with him and this arrangement didn't appear itself. It was due to my desire to try something. It grew during my relationship with Mark and due to his annoying behaviors time to time. I wanted him to hurt. And as I told before, I found a way to hurt him and break him, remove that annoying personality from him."

I wanted to talk but she didn't stop.

"Again, before you and I, this kept my mind busy for a period and in time, I started to become avid on that plan. I kind of was willing that to happen. Then we met, our thing started. You almost made me forget it. Until that weekend; the night that I made you jealous."

No's were coming back to my head.

"Maybe you noticed lately. I got a bit fixated on that arrangement's subject; I mean the arrangement with Mark. The one that you're sensitive about."

"Cheating? Is that what you were fixated at?"

She stood silent for a period, with no emotions in her face or eyes. What I said had no meaning at that moment. My situation was already helpless, why make her angry and make it worse?

"Anyway, I kind of felt like it was about to become an obsession, I mean the idea of 'experiencing that'. I couldn't help but practice that on you and you had to experience its side effects a few times. Even so, I decided to wait until the end of our schedule."

I couldn't help but interrupt her "Please don't get angry but what do you mean saying 'experiencing that', what 'that' are we talking about? I don't want to repeat the word but what I understand is that word."

"I don't cheat. I don't need to cheat. I leave or do what I want to do and rub it in the face of whoever will make a deal out of it. There's no 'cheated' in such a picture."

"I'm sorry." was all I could say. But I wasn't sorry, I was too chicken shit to admit that I disagreed or say that this was a stupid and abnormal explanation.

"As I said, I decided to wait until you made up your mind. And you sent me that message."

I was looking at her with dead eyes.

"I also thought about you and I. Please listen carefully when I say this." She was looking at my eyes very seriously now.

"I won't say this much but I love you. I really love you. I've been loving you for the most part of this but when I received your message, I knew you were the one. You are my love. Do you understand that?"

I did but I was so tense that I only could nod.

She looked at me with loving but sad eyes.

"I'm guessing you were that much scared of that subject because you unconsciously felt that if I don't get this thing out of my system, one day you will have to endure that. Because it was escalating and kept coming back."

I was just registering what I heard, I didn't have the ability to make conclusions.

"And, the time frame. It hit me that we would be each other's when I returned. But when you take a snapshot at that moment, you were married and I was engaged."

She waited me to understand and continued.

"I need to explain that feeling to you. I was curious about the highest level of jealousy of someone who loved me. I know I made you jealous but I still wanted to know how far a 'loving person' can endure and how will that person feel or act. And, of course how I feel about that. You may see this as a perverted mindset but I couldn't get it out of my head. I know this doesn't fit to my character but I was obsessed with the idea."

I finally started to understand what happened. Kind of.

"I also felt that it turned me on very much to see you in such a distress, a distress just about me. And you managed to live with that, without being a buzzkill. So, deep down, I knew I wanted you to suffer from the real thing, not just talk."

She was stopping between sentences to give me some time to stay on the same page with her.

"I definitely don't want to lose you, because I may. And I knew I would probably risk that to get all these out of my system. So, I had to consider this as an extenuating argument to reach to a solution, at least on my point of view."

Listening to all that heart breaking conversation, I still was amazed how attractive and delicate she looked and how much I adored her.

"Given with all these, technically I wouldn't be cheating you or doing that to you because you and I already are technically each other's affairs. Until today. After this talk is over, you will reconsider your decision and make your final decision. My decision is final and I already told you. I will be yours; you will be mine. You will decide after I finish my words."

I had no words, I was listening.

"So, I got that out of my system and I am waiting for your final decision."

What? So many words for set-up of her story but no words for the story itself?

"What do you mean? Is that it? You 'technically' cheated on Mark and that's it?"

"What do you want to know? I cut it short because you feel bad hearing such stuff. If I tell you, I will tell it graphic and I will finish what I started."

She was right but if I didn't hear it now, I probably would beg her to tell me later, if I stayed.

"I want to hear it all."

"No."

"But you just said..."

"No, you're not in the correct mood to hear it."

"So? Is that it?"

"For now, yes. I will tell you the details when I feel that you can handle that. And I have to know your decision before telling you that."

"But how can I decide if I don't know what happened?"

"You know what you must know. You can guess what happened. I had sex with another guy that I wouldn't want to be seen walking hand in hand in the crowd and made Mark suffer for that. He didn't know I was keen on leaving him so he endured the pain genuinely."

"For two weeks?"

"That's all I need to tell you now. I believe this is enough for you to make a decision. You will have to swallow that fact and live with it or change your mind. I am not your fiancée or wife. You already have a wife; I just left my fiancé. He won't be coming back, whatever you decide to do will not change that fact."

"What about the other guy?"

"Not now."

"Will he be coming back?"

"That depends on you."

"What the hell does this mean?"

"If you decide to leave, this will not concern you."

"If I don't?"

"You can ask that question when I'm yours. Not before."

What the fuck? What if her answer was yes? What if she was planning to use the same guy for a similar scenario when we were together? Or without me knowing?

Then I thought that if the answer appeared to be yes, I could change my decision. Wait, did I already decide to swallow and stay?

"I think..."

"Don't think, I want you to be as willing as the day you sent me that message. Or you can leave now."

"What do you mean? Do you want me to say yes now? Without thinking? How will we know how I will feel tomorrow?"

"You're right and I didn't mean 'leave now for good'. Just come back when you decide."

"But you said that I had to suffer eventually? Was that it? Do you consider this as I already suffered or are you planning to do this to me too?" I asked sheepishly.

"You make me sound like a monster. I'm talking about feelings and finding ways to remove risks for our future."

I was again looking at her with empty eyes.

Her expression changed a bit and she continued "I see you didn't understand clearly. You will suffer. When you decide to be mine, you will suffer about this. But this will be something a bit easier for you than what Mark went through because it already happened, you just don't know the details."

"So, you will make me suffer telling me what happened?"

"Believe me, you will suffer. When I want you to."

I had to hear what happened but I didn't want to. I knew she would find the correct time to tell me, that I would be paralyzed by her somehow and I probably would be horny beyond my imagination, so I would endure that and love her more. We had been there. But this time it was far serious than what I experienced before.

This didn't mean that my misery would end there. Another horrifying possibility could occur, she could conclude that I loved her more after every incident and decide that I was ready for the real deal and pursue that, to make me love her more. At the least, she could start using this possibility to torture me again.

If I could, I had to try to be a buzzkill when she told me the story. I wished I could do that.

But I had to make a decision. For real.

"I need to think then, if that's OK."

She smiled, came near me, kissed my head and I hugged her.

I returned home and had one of the hardest days.

I considered everything and convinced myself that she wasn't really mine at the moment and she really did it for the benefit of our real relationship.

About hearing the details, I knew I would eventually want to learn. I just didn't want her to put me in a situation that I would feel ashamed later, such as getting aroused or submitting to her even more, not when hearing those.

But I also knew she would ruin me in the most pleasurable way. Was I diminished to this? Secretly desiring to be tortured? Ignoring all logic and principles just to get sexual satisfaction or new peak levels of pleasure?

I didn't want to answer that but the answer was obvious. I decided that either way, it wasn't possible for me to end this relationship, with given situation. Considering possible risks in the future would not change that.

I called her at night. She answered "Hi."

I said "Hi. I decided. Can I come to you?"

"What's your decision?"

"I prefer to talk face to face."

"No. Tell me."

"I can't leave you. I don't even want to consider such a thing. But I'm afraid. Can't I come?"

"Oh, I thought it became late and you weren't going to call. I was going out with friends."

What friends? Was she going to that guy? Or was she hoping me not to say yes? Inferior thoughts were consuming me when I was trying to act cool "Oh, OK then, we'll talk later."

"Are you kidding me? I was waiting for you. How could you stand this long? I was hoping that you decided without leaving my building, at that moment. Anyway, I'm waiting. I said that because I was angry at you." She wasn't surprised but she sounded full of beans. Just like a kid ready to open a new present. Possibly she was waiting for this day, I was in her paws now...

By the way, she even managed to make my heart jump at such a moment, just because it took for me to decide a bit longer than she expected.

When she opened the door, I knew this was a special moment, she was prepared for this. She had a pearl white linen strap dress, black nylons, black flat maryjanes. Her hair was tied, pony tail. She was beyond gorgeous. She turned her back and walked to living room.

I was looking at her in the entrance, my mouth open. Was she always this beautiful or did I want her that much? She was standing strong, looking at me with one foot in front of her, arms crossed at her chest. It was written "I'm gonna mop this place with you" all over her.

She moved her hand and made a gesture telling me to close the door. I didn't respond because I didn't understand.

She said "You will be embarrassed if someone sees you in a few minutes."

My brain was working on her words in slow motion, 'embarrassed', 'in a few minutes'. Tens of images were floating in my head. I knew that I would be embarrassed and very happy. I closed the door. She crossed her arms again and kept staring at me.

This was different than our previous 'moments', she was eager to mark her status in her brand-new relationship.

Normally, she always liked to create an atmosphere first, work me up, make me desperate and only then, at the end, she did such things.

Not this time. I understood that she was as excited as I was. Probably this would be the one and only time I would see this happening. She was ecstatic, impatient to live this moment.

I walked to her slowly, kneeled down in front of her and looked in her eyes.

I had been waiting for her too long. I was also impatient to touch her. She was beyond attractive; I couldn't take my eyes off her.

The thought of someone touching her never left my mind and this prevented me from filling with joy. But in her presence, especially at that moment, those became silent thoughts.

"I'm listening." she said.

"To?"

"I guess you are about to ask me to be your girlfriend." She smiled. If she told me to propose, I would.

"Please be my woman. Please claim me right now."

She moved her hand to me to kiss it. I held her hand and kissed gently, looking in her eyes.

She bent down and kissed me on the lips and said "I accept, from now on you are mine. And I am your woman." before she stood up. Then she returned back to her statue pose.

"I know you will need time to end things with your wife but never forget this moment. You are in my possession as of this moment."

She put her hands on her hips. Her head got high, eyes on me. This was the moment when talking was over.

I bowed down to kiss her shoes. She lifted one heel to expose her heel to me. I kissed her nylon covered heel. I missed this so much. Especially that perfect moist smell of her foot, fresh out of her shoe. She put her heel back in the shoe and I started to kiss her ankles, legs, then her ankles while I tried to take her shoe off. She didn't let me. I started kissing her legs up to her thighs but she stopped me there as well.

She was so good looking, making me go crazy but she wasn't letting me do anything other than kissing her legs. That night went on like that. She made sure that I wouldn't forget that night.

Just by not letting me, she had me begging her to let me kiss and worship her feet. It took almost half an hour of begging until she let me do it. It took another hour of me worshipping her feet and begging her to let me eat her pussy and so on. It was almost daylight when I was finally in her bed and she was sitting on my face, edging me with her hands on my cock, before we slept in her bed.