All Comments on 'AU Ch. 03'

Its good. Glad they are going to try and make it work....but i kinda agree its a bit bland and over so fast. But i really like the story and the boys!

It has me hooked I want to learn more about the significance of the tats and the burgeoning relationship btween Maddox and him.

it worked better as separate chapters and the proof of quitting the job was a great catalyst for Mark figuring it out that you cant deny the one you are meant to be with. The pleasure in the reading is that they dont know anything about each other but how they are together and we get to go on that journey with them.

No need to be brutal Fangs, another amazing chapter. Please please please give us more!!!

Hey! How can you feel that you're losing the readers?! It is a nice chapter a balance between plot and some hot office romance hehe. Its coming along great. And knowing Mark's history would even be better! Can't wait for moreeee

dont be hard on urself...this is amazing...also..get a little humour into it...also i love ur editor's name..lol

I like that Mark & Maddox got back together. It was hot how Mark found Maddox near his office. I also LOVE that little twist you left us with at the end. I can't wait to hear how this plays out.

I think this was quite good, have to have plot to make sense with character development.

This is so wonderful. Just don't keep us waiting!

I also think it works better as two chapters, the way it is.

Still loving it, great chapter. And I'm SOOO glad they're giving it a go! :)

Of course you had to tease us with that last sentence again. Where's the next chapter?! ;)

Keeping the chapters separate was the right idea. Creating and solving a problem in the same chapter reduces the sense of drama.

If I had any critique of this chapter, it would be the scene where they fool around in Maddox's office. I know that they're hot for each other and relieved to be back together, but they go from being willing to go to all lengths to keep out of trouble to having sex in the riskiest possible place in a moment. I would have liked it if you made them work to figure out a safer situation. Perhaps a closet they could lock or sneaking off campus?

You asked for honesty, so I will give you that. I felt like the beginning was a tiny bit boring b/c it felt like we were reviewing ground already covered. It was kinda wierd when Mark was surprised and excited over Todd's suggestion he get another job when he'd already offered to do so himself to Mark when they spoke on the phone the first time. I liked how Mark reacted to seeing a new teacher there. How he didn't want to lose the chance to get to know him. At the same time, I think it is important that the next chapter get these two guys together and allow them to get to know each other b/c it is ch.3 and they know nothing about each other on a personal level. Yet, they are making life changing decisions based on one another. The part I most liked was the end when you threw a curve ball about his last name being different and that it is now that of this Noah person! Who is he? Look forward to finding out. Keep trying to dig down and peel off a few more layers as you go. Give more descriptions and draw more dots together maybe. I guess I kinda am let wanting to understand and know more. I'm gonna try to be patient and I know that learning more about these characters as they get to know one another will help. We know a bit about Maddox at least, but Mark is such a mystery still. Keep writing!

cannd

Thank you everyone for the the feed back. I promise you hear A LOT about Mark in the next chapter and they do get to know eachother. Considerign the poor guys haven't even gone on a first date yet their romance has all just been in the heat of the moment. I was a bit surprised no one noticed that he went from being part of the Jameson family in the first chapter to Maddox knowing him as Mark Langley. I should get Chapter four finished over the next week, it takes my editor about a week and then three days to post. Sorry for the delay but I have finals coming up soon and I am working on somethign else that I am not posting until it is completely finished.

much, much to like about your writing. Good job, keep at it.

You must tell us about this "Noah". That will certaintly give us some good usefull info.

You were right to keep the two chapters separate. The story is developing nicely. The scene in Maddox's office was good, and it might be a risky place to have sex, but that's the kind of risk that men in love do take. But the only way out of this situation, if they want a long-term relationship is for Maddox to quit his job and maybe get one in another college. I am VERY interested in how you are going to resolve the teacher/student scenario without them getting caught and both being sacked. Also the sex is good and sweet little Justin fills the role that a girl usually fills in this type of story. I hope that you tell us more about Justin.

..about your problem over Mark's surname. As a writer on Literotica with a similar serial story, I also have made this type of mistake. No matter how carefully one reads it through beforehand, these cockups stick out like a sore thumb to the author, once the story has been posted. But often the readers don't notice. In my case, I sometimes forget which of the two narrators is telling the story and transpose their names in mid-paragraph.

Please make another chapter. I love this story and I love your writing!

is with my editor, I am assuming the holidays were busy for her. Thank you everyone for the feed back it really helps. WittePiet thank you for commenting on the break between chapters, I really wasn't sure. However the switch in last name was completely on purpose. I will have to learn how to be less subtle with foreshadowing. Mark took Noah's last name and you find out why in chapter 5. I am working on a few other things which I hope to get back and posted soon. I hope everyone had a good holiday and New Year. Thank you all so much for reading and letting me know what you think. Hearing it from people I don't know in real life really does help my improve and I could not thank you all enough for that push in the right direction.

why dont you stick to the teacher shagging his student... this all over the place. you keep loosing me.? however the room mate sounds more intresting...why not kill the teacher off and so the two roomates can get it on.

I disagree with dinkyboots' comment. I feel that the story was conveyed in an easy to understand way. The only problem that confused me was how Maddox referred to Mark as "Mr. Langley". I thought Mark's name was Jameson.. Good stuff! I very much enjoyed reading this, thank you.

so want to know what happened there.

Re the writing, in Maddox's room, wasn't too sure if they were standing or sitting, when Mark kneeled down.

This deserves a fresh comment in response to the A/N question at the end. I’m a fan of the “love wins” bit here with their agreement to try a year in secrecy. This comment will never reach the author’s eyes but I really like your storytelling.