All Comments on 'Au Naturel Nature'

Well, it started out pretty hot, then fisseled like a premature egectulation....

I agree with kaf. Your punctuation is terrible. Your sentence structure is barely less terrible, since those two things go together. I almost quit reading after the first few paragraphs--it was almost unreadable. And the beginning is weak because you are telling us, not showing us.

Then in the middle, during the sex with Kelly and Mary you did a better job. And then you committed coitus interruptus. What the moose did to the narrator and his girlfriend, you did to the story.

Sorry, but your work needs a lot of work.

Great work! Well done, thanks.