Audrey Ch. 03

It was Saturday morning.

Bryan awoke feeling groggy and spent. It took him a moment to realise he was in the spare room instead of the marital bed, another to remember that his wife had been in bed with him. She was no longer here and he heard children's voices from downstairs, but he felt no desire to move.

Bryan lay on his back, his head on the pillow, gazing at the closed curtains with bliss and trepidation. He had had sex with two women last night, one after the other, and he felt good about it. No, he felt great about it! He felt like climbing onto his roof and shouting it out to the world!

He would do the exact opposite, of course. He would keep it top secret, and not just for the women's sake. Bryan thought of his male colleagues at work and realised he could think of only one man he would trust enough to confide in -- and even he would say, 'Keep it to yourself.' Men who succeed with women are deeply resented by the men who don't, and Bryan didn't need that kind of grief.

He heard hurried footsteps on the stairs and the door opened. It was Becky. She was in her bathrobe, her face without makeup and she looked absolutely beautiful. He watched her walk barefoot around the bed, back straight, her stride confident, her glance at him full of love and amusement. She was so different from the impatient, complaining wife of yesterday morning.

Becky pushed Bryan's leg aside so she could perch herself on the bed. She leaned on his raised knee and looked down at him.

'Hello, handsome,' she said.

'Morning, beautiful.'

'And how are you feeling?'

'Pretty damn good.'

'I'll bet.'

She bent down to give him a big sloppy kiss, their tongues greeting each other. Then she forced herself to stop and sat back up.

'We have a situation,' she said.

'Oh?'

'Sarah was rather hurt that you disappeared from the bed in the middle of the night to come and sleep with me.'

Bryan let out a huff of annoyance.

'She was the one who said, "Be utterly selfish".'

'Yeah, I know,' said Becky. 'But when a woman gives her husband permission to spend the night with another woman, I think Sarah expected that he'd want to make the most of it, not leave at the first opportunity.'

'That's not how it was.'

'Darling, you don't have to explain it to me!'

Becky leaned forward and put a hand on his cheek.

'I love it that you stole into my bed in the dead of night and fucked me into the Wide Blue Yonder. Sarah knows that too. She's not stupid. She knows she's being unfair, but this is about feelings not fairness, and I want to do right by her.'

'And how do you propose to do that?'

Becky straightened her back and took a deep breath.

'Here's the plan,' she said. 'Tara and Max are downstairs having breakfast right now. When they're done, we're going to drive up to the Paradise Play Park, next to the multiplex.'

'And when you say "we", you mean you, Sarah and the kids?'

'Yes.'

Bryan stared at the curtains, his mouth tight.

'Darling, Sarah and I need to talk,' said Becky. 'And the play-park will be perfect. The kids will be off on the trampolines and slides, while Sarah and I can have a private conversation while keeping an eye on them from a distance. And you can have a morning to yourself!'

Bryan gave her a look. Becky moved closer to him, leaning on his chest and looking him in the eyes.

'Listen, I know I fucked up,' she said. 'And I'm sorry.'

'Becky...'

'No, hear me out.'

Becky took a deep breath.

'I was a coward,' she said. 'I brought Sarah into our lives and then chickened out when things got real. And the only reason last night happened was because Sarah had the guts to be honest with me -- to tell me things that fucking hurt, but which I needed to hear. But now she's the one that's hurt and I'm the only person she can talk to. Who else can she tell? Anyone else will think she had it coming because she had sex with a married man! So I want to be there for her as a friend.'

Bryan gazed at Becky, once more impressed at the change in her. She put a hand over his eyes.

'Don't look at me like that,' she said.

'Why not?'

'Because I need to shower and get dressed. And when you look at me like that... well, let's just say it distracts me.'

Bryan removed Becky's hand and sat up in bed. He took his wife into his arms and drew her into a hug, holding her in a way that was loving rather than sexual.

'I love you, Rebecca Sandford,' he said. 'And I love the honesty you are showing right now. I want you to know that I see it.'

Bryan felt the woman's arms tighten around him. She squeezed him as hard as she could and her mouth went to his ear.

'Thank you,' she said, and her voice was thick with emotion. 'It means so much that you say that.'

She moved back to look him in the face. Becky seemed almost on the brink of tears, yet there was also hunger and need in her expression. She shook her head roughly.

'Fuck it,' she said.

She moved off the bed, pulled the duvet aside to reveal her husband's naked body, then undid the belt of her bathrobe. Within seconds, she was on top of him, riding his cock for a pre-breakfast orgasm.

*************************

The Paradise Play Park was housed in a building originally designed as a sports centre. Becky and Sarah parked their cars in the giant car park serving the whole complex and opened the back doors for their respective children. It was just past ten o'clock and there were a few other cars, but Becky knew it would be packed by lunchtime. As she watched Sarah straighten her son's coat and lock her little black Fiat, she wondered if they were still going to be friends after this conversation.

They paid the entrance fee and headed for the section marked '5-11 years'. You could still tell this was a huge gymnasium despite the flowers, balloons and animals painted on the walls. The structure containing the ladders and slides and crawl tubes and mini-trampolines ran all the way along the length of the gym, and was covered with so much padding and netting that a kid had to be truly ingenious to hurt themselves in it. Most accidents were caused by other kids, and three stewards wearing green polo shirts wandered around keeping an eye on things.

Running parallel to the maze of attractions were rows of trestle tables and benches. This was where parents could read a book, drink coffee or chat, while being able to watch their kids from a distance. As it was early, only a dozen or so seats were taken, so Becky and Sarah chose a spot in the far corner. Tara and Max were impatient to go and both mothers virtually had to hold them in place as they took off their shoes and reminded them where they were sitting. Then off the kids ran, like greyhounds when the traps are opened, leaving the two mothers holding their shoes and sweaters.

'Oh, to be young again,' said Sarah wistfully.

'You are young,' said Becky.

'You know what I mean.'

Sarah began organising their little camp, piling coats and shoes together. Becky went to get coffee and before long the two women were sat next to each other, quietly talking as the screams and laughter of children echoed around the hall.

Becky decided to let Sarah bring up the subject of Bryan in her own time, but after twenty minutes of chatting about their children and the trials and tribulations of being a mother, she began to wonder whether Sarah was waiting for her to bring it up. Finally, there was a natural lull in the conversation and both women sat in companionable silence. Sarah cleared her throat.

'Go on then,' she said.

'Go on then, what?'

'Ask me about last night.'

'Not if you don't want to talk about it.'

Sarah looked sideways at Becky.

'I thought you and Bryan had an arrangement?' said Sarah. 'No secrets?'

'Yes, but that doesn't extend to you,' said Becky. 'Besides, we made that agreement when we knew you as "Audrey" from Tara's school, our fantasy lover. Knowing you as Sarah in the real world is a completely different ball game.'

Sarah turned away, pondering this. She looked into her empty coffee cup and her expression became sad.

'You know, I had a fantasy,' she said. 'I was lying in Bryan's arms after making love and it was time to go to sleep. But even as I lay there, feeling happier than I'd felt in god knows how many--'

She stopped, her voice cracking. There were tears in her eyes. Becky wanted to put a comforting hand on Sarah's shoulder, but some instinct warned her not to. She waited as Sarah pulled herself together.

'But even as I lay there...' she resumed. 'I knew I had to let this man go. I had to find a way to say goodbye. So, in my fantasy, we wake up together spooning. And Bryan's hand goes down my body, wanting to go between my legs... and I stop him. I turn around in bed, look him in the eye, and say, "Bryan, I love you very much. But it's time for you to go back to your wife." And his eyes become sad because he knows I'm right. And we kiss one last time and he quietly leaves. And I lie there in bed feeling unutterably sad, and yet also proud. Proud of how brave I am. Proud of my understanding. Proud of being a woman who keeps her promise, even though it breaks her heart to do so.'

Sarah was staring fixedly into space, her small hands bunched into fists on the table.

'But then I wake up in the morning... and he's gone. And his side of the bed is cold, and I realise that he must have got up in the middle of the night. And I wonder whether he even had sex with Becky after having sex with me, and this voice in my head says, "Of course he did! Becky is a goddess! She's ten times the woman you'll ever be!" '

'Sarah...'

'Let me finish!'

Sarah turned to Becky, her eyes full of pain and anger and anguish and despair.

'You gave Bryan permission to spend one night with me,' she said. 'And he didn't even want it! He didn't even want it!'

Sarah's face stretched, collapsed and opened up crying. She tried to disguise her weeping as coughs, but this made snot come out of her nose, adding humiliation onto despair. Becky grabbed the other woman, briskly wiped off the mucus with her hand the way she did with Tara, then she wiped it on the leg of her own jeans.

'That's gross, I'm sorry...' wept Sarah.

'Shut up, you silly woman, and let me hold you.'

That got a brief smile out of Sarah, then she collapsed into Becky's arms, weeping like a child. Across the hall in the play-park, Tara and Max were leaping from one mini-trampoline to another. They didn't even notice.

*************************

Sarah had a good cry and then went to the toilets to wash her face. Shortly afterwards, the children showed up, hair stuck to their foreheads, panting with thirst. Becky took the kids off to the refreshments kiosk while Sarah watched their stuff. When they got back, the four of them sat together, Tara and Max glugging their orangeade in between gasping accounts of what they were doing. Listening to them, it struck Becky that Max wasn't the quiet little boy she had taken him for at first sight. He was holding his own pretty well with her own rumbunctious daughter.

After the children ran off to resume the serious business of playing, Becky shared her thoughts on Max with his mother. This led to a conversation about the differences between single mothers and married mothers which, perhaps inevitably, led to the subject of Max's father.

'I know he was violent,' said Becky carefully. 'But what are you going to do when Max starts asking about him?'

'Oh, that began ages ago,' said Sarah, with an undertone of bitterness. 'Not long after he could talk.'

'And?'

Sarah gave Becky a sideways look. She shifted on the bench so that one of her legs was out from under the table. Sarah was wearing jeans and she spread a hand over a specific area of her upper thigh.

'I have here a patch of scar tissue instead of skin,' she said, 'where my beloved husband poured half a kettle of boiling water while I was in the bath.'

Becky was speechless. During that first dinner, Sarah had talked about her short, brutal marriage, but this was a new horror story. She shifted her leg back under the trestle table.

'At present, I tell Max that Mummy spilt a pot of tea over herself by accident,' she said. 'But when I think he's old enough to process the information without having nightmares, I'll tell him the truth. Max is quite logical in the way he thinks. I'm pretty confident he'll understand that a man who can do that doesn't belong anywhere near a child.'

Sarah sat leaning on the table, her eyes searching for her son in the brightly coloured scaffolding of the play-park. There he was, waiting behind a couple of other kids to go down the twisty slide into a sea of plastic balls. She shook her head sadly, then looked at Becky.

'Didn't Bryan mention the scarring?' asked Sarah.

'No,' said Becky.

'Why does that not surprise me?'

Sarah turned her gaze back to the play-park and a tear ran down her face. Yet when she spoke, her voice was calm and matter-of-fact.

'You're married to a man who knows how to love,' she said. 'And I feel deeply grateful to you for last night and at the same time almost beside myself with envy. I want a Bryan of my own, and please don't tell me "He's out there, somewhere" because I'm not so sure that's true.

'Besides, I'm sick of hearing it. I'm sick of being alone, sick of longing for true love, sick of pining for my soulmate every goddamn day. And do you know what's sickest of all? There are times when I actually miss being with my ex. Is that fucked up or what?'

Becky didn't know what to say. None of the men in her past, no matter how disappointing, had ever crossed the line into abuse. Sarah gave a great sigh. She propped her cheek on her hand and looked at her companion.

'All right, Becky,' she said. 'What happens next?'

'What, when the kids are done playing?'

'No, I mean with you, me and Bryan.'

'Oh,' said Becky. 'I don't know.'

'What do you want to happen?'

'I don't know that either. I suppose I assumed...'

Becky stopped.

'You assumed...?' prompted Sarah.

'Well, I assumed that last night would be a one-off,' said Becky. 'And to be honest, when you suggested we come here to talk and insisted on separate cars, I was expecting the I've-got-no-regrets-but-can-we-be-friends? speech.'

Sarah sighed and nodded.

'Yeah, I was expecting to do that too. I rehearsed it and everything.'

'But...?'

'But... after this talk, I've had second thoughts.'

Sarah met Becky's gaze and seemed to make a point of not looking away. Becky frowned and said softly:

'You want to sleep with Bryan again.'

'I don't know what I want,' said Sarah quickly. 'But I know that I don't want to be the one to end this. If you and Bryan say no, I'll be fine with that. I will accept your decision and gladly be your friend. But I'll be honest with you, Becky... I'd rather have this than nothing at all.'

Becky looked aghast. Sarah smiled.

'Did that sound too pathetic?' she said.

'I wasn't thinking that.'

'Liar.'

Sarah looked utterly unfazed. She leant close to Becky and lowered her voice.

'All right, let me put it another way,' she said. 'Bryan is a wonderful lover and you are something of a sex goddess. If you both were to invite me into your bed on a semi-regular basis, I would consider myself an extremely lucky woman.'

*************************

'She said what?' said Bryan.

It was evening and he had spent that morning doing absolutely nothing, a luxurious activity. When Becky arrived home with an exhausted Tara, they had spent a relaxed, low-key afternoon together as a family. Bryan cooked the evening meal and put Tara to bed, then went to join his wife on the couch in the living room. He sat with his body turned towards her and massaged her bare feet and calves as she told him about her conversation. Becky had her head propped on a cushion, watching the man's face with half-closed eyes as she talked.

'Why the frown, my dear?' she said.

'Well, I assumed last night was a one-off.'

'So did I. So did she!'

'But she wants to do it again? Despite what happened this morning?'

'That's what she said.'

Bryan's hands concentrated on one slender foot, his thumbs gently kneading the arch. He seemed buried in his thoughts.

'Bryan, you're still frowning.'

'Yes. I'm worried we're playing with fire.'

'Of course we're playing with fire! Duh!'

'Well, in that case--'

'Bryan, before the Night of the Great Fuck, we had three years of socially-approved marriage!' she said. 'You were the faithful husband; I was the dutiful wife. And we hated it. We hated it! If it wasn't for that almighty bust-up, we'd be separated by now! Or do you disagree?'

'No,' said Bryan. 'No, I think you're right.'

Becky withdrew her feet and sat up, cross-legged, looking at her husband with shining eyes.

'But that night, I discovered that my husband was not the uptight, passive-aggressive, trying-to-be-feminist wanker I thought he was. That underneath all your Nice Guy bullshit, there was a Cave Man, a monster, a man who took what he wanted and didn't give a shit what anyone thought! Bryan, do you have any idea how exciting it is for a woman to be claimed by a Man?'

Bryan looked at his Woman, no longer frowning. He sat back and spread his arms wide on the back of the couch, sitting like a company director looking at his secretary. He was getting a hard-on.

Becky smiled.

'You get it, don't you?' she said.

'Yes, I think so,' he said. 'But it feels highly selfish.'

'Of course it's selfish. It's meant to be selfish! But you can be selfish and generous at the same time, right?'

Becky climbed onto the man, straddling his lap. As he sat back unmoving, she knelt facing him, her breasts just above eye-level, and rested her forearms on his shoulders.

'Since last night, I'm not afraid anymore,' she said. 'I'm not afraid of losing you, I'm not afraid of you loving another woman, I'm not even afraid if you're reluctant to trust me.'

'But I do trust you.'

'Then prove it.'

'How?'

'You make the decision what we do about Sarah. Don't try to figure out what I might want. Dare to be selfish! And trust me that I trust your love for me.'

Bryan looked up at his beautiful wife, not knowing what to say. She moved down to look him right in the eyes.

'Be the Man,' she whispered. 'Be the Man and I will love you for it.'

*************************

In the morning, Bryan told Becky that he wanted to talk to Sarah one-on-one before making his decision. Becky gave him Sarah's phone number, he programmed it into his phone, and then they showered and got dressed. They had breakfast with Tara and afterwards prepared to go for a walk in a local park where there was a children's playground. But as they were putting on their coats, Becky turned to her husband.

'Why don't you catch us up?' she said.

After promising his daughter that he wouldn't be long, Bryan kissed them and saw them out. Then he stood in the hallway of his house and took a moment to appreciate what a lucky bastard he was. In his youth, Bryan had struggled with insecurity, often wishing he was someone else, but right now being Bryan Sandford was the best fucking job in the world! He wouldn't swap places with anyone.

He went into the living room, took the phone from his pocket and dialled Sarah's number. It rang a few times, then went to voicemail. It occurred to Bryan that Sarah wouldn't recognise his number, so he sent a short text saying 'It's Bryan', put the phone into his pocket and headed for the kitchen to get a drink of fruit juice.