Aunt Jean

"What difference does it make how my head is?"

"Well, I'd like you to look at me just like you've started doing today, and ... and I think it looks really stupid to walk around with your head down."

"See? Even you think I look hideous."

"I didn't say that." His jaw clenched for a moment. He finally got an idea. "Your first grade kids, your students?"

"What about them?"

"What would you say to some little boy or little girl who always walked around looking down at the floor or... or never looked into your eyes when you spoke to them?"

Jean bit her lower lip. She wiped her eyes again with the damp tissue. "All right. I'll go and... and keep my head up, but if something... something bad happens, I'll never do this again and you won't make me do it again."

Ron exhaled. "Great. Let's go." He took her hand. "Look at me."

She raised her face and met his eyes.

He smiled. "Hi."

Her face scrinched and her eyes welled up yet again. Her voice squeaked, "Hi." She wiped her eyes with the tissue.

Ron kissed her cheek. "You look awesome." He headed to the door. He was glad he didn't have to pull Jean out of the room.

It took them less than fifteen minutes to drive to the restaurant. Ron walked around the car to help her with her door. He and Dad went to this Thai restaurant about once a month when he was home. He held Jean's hand. She was lagging behind a half step, as if she was trying to hide behind his back. He pulled the entry door open and nudged Jean so she'd walk in first. When she was inside she turned towards him as he entered, then when he took her hand again, she again lagged a half step behind him. He smiled at the hostess.

The Asian girl smiled. "Hello. How many? Just two?"

"Yeah, just us. Could we have a booth?" He didn't want to push Jean too much in one night and he liked the booths better.

"Is a table okay? All the booths are taken."

Ron saw the place was only half full. He looked at Jean. She had her head turned pretending to look at a framed travel poster on the wall. He tugged her hand. "Jean? Let's get a table, okay?" She didn't face him just nodded. "Pardon me?"

Jean stared at the poster. "I guess that's fine."

He tugged her hand. "What?"

She bit her lower lip and turned to face him. She knew the ugly side of her face would be seen by the very pretty hostess. Her eyes welled, then her jaw tightened for a moment. "Yes. A table. Okay." Jean's eyes glanced at the pretty girl. She was smiling at her, then at Ron.

"Table then?"

Ron smiled. "Yeah."

"Okay." The girl turned and headed towards an open table.

Ron released Jean's hand, his went to her back and nudged her forward.

She whispered, "Can't... can't you walk first?"

"Ladies first." His hand gave her another nudge. He whispered, "Head up."

Jean bit her lower lip again and started walking. She didn't glance at any of the diners just kept looking straight ahead to the table where the girl was standing. Near the table, Ron moved to her side and pulled out the chair for her, then sat opposite her at the square table. The girl smiled at her as she handed her a menu, did the same with Ron, then walked away.

"Dad and I come here about once a month. I like it. I hope you like spicy, but if you don't there's a lot of things that aren't all that hot, you know, spicy hot. Do you like Thai food?" He realized he should have asked earlier.

"I... I've never had it."

"We always get the yam neua and the pad thai. The first one's a really spicy beef salad, and the pad thai is not spicy hot but really tasty. Oh... and the fresh spring rolls are really good as an appetizer and so is the sa..." He glanced at Jean. She was hiding her face behind the menu. "Jean?"

"Yes." She kept pretending to read.

"Our deal, you're... you're supposed to look at me when we talk."

She raised her face. "I was reading the menu. People do that, you know."

Ron grinned. He knew she hadn't meant it as a joke but it had sounded like one. "Yeah, someone told me that once." He chuckled.

She liked his blue eyes very much as well as his boyish grin. The corner of her mouth curved slightly but her eyes teared a little once more.

He kept looking at her and smiling. She was cheating, her hair on the scar side was forward, near her dumb eye glass frames hiding most of the scarring and disfiguration. "I was going to say we should try a couple appetizers, and a few entrees. Dad and I always over-order then doggy bag the leftovers. They're good miked the next day."

"All right. May I go back to reading the menu?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, sure."

"Do... do they serve drinks here?"

"You mean alcohol?"

Jean whispered, "Yes."

"Nope."

"I... I think you should order everything since you know the food here."

"Dad and I usually split all the dishes, you know, like family style. We'll do that too, okay?"

"All right."

"I think you should at least pick one entree. Maybe you'll choose something I've never had and it'll be good."

"Okay." Jean raised the menu again, then furtively glanced around only moving her eyes. No one was looking at her. She finally started to actually read the menu.

The waitress came up with glasses of ice water. "Are you ready to order?" She smiled at the guy then at the girl. She noticed the awful looking, big frame glasses and wondered how bad the girl's eyes were and if it had anything to do with her terrible wound.

Ron glanced at the pretty girl. "We're not quite ready to order."

"Okay. I'll be back in a few minutes."

Jean's breathing had quickened. The girl had looked at her ugly eye. She told herself to calm down. The girl hadn't stared that long, but longer than most of the sales girls and cashiers had at the mall. Jean's eyes followed her to see if she told some other waitress about it or the hostess. The girl walked up to the kitchen window and picked up some plates of food. She didn't talk to anyone. "Ron, the waitress... she.... she..." Jean bit her lower lip. She didn't really know what to say. The girl hadn't made a scene, hadn't pointed her out to anyone, nor had she even made a face about it.

"Huh?" He raised his eyes from the menu. Jean's eyes were welled up again. His heart sank, then he got irritated. "What about the waitress?"

"I... I... she's... she's very pretty."

He looked at the menu. "Yeah, Asian girls are pretty, at least the waitresses here. Most of them, I guess." He knew that wasn't what she was going to say. "Oh... and Thai iced coffee, that's really good afterwards, but... if we're going to the cafe... ahh... we'll see. Do you like pork?"

"I... I... it's okay."

*

He watched Jean pick up her iced coffee and suck the straw. "It's good, isn't it?" He smiled at his nearly undeniable urge to kiss her lips. She looked so damn cute at the moment, and would be even cuter without the dumb glasses.

"Uh-huh. You're right, it sort of reminds me of a coffee ice cream shake, but... much thinner." She smiled softly.

"Jean, take your glasses off."

Jean's smile instantly disappeared. Her eyes started darting around the room. People had come and gone. There were still as many people in the restaurant as earlier though. A few people had stared at her. She was sure they had been looking at her ugly eye. "Ron... please... please don't make me do that. I... I came out tonight. I... I'm not looking down. Isn't that enough?"

"No. Take 'em off."

"This... this was okay, it's been.... very nice... why are you ruining it now?"

"Oh, jeezuz, Jean, take the glasses off... now."

Jean clenched her jaw. Her eyes welled. She tilted her head down, slipped her glasses off and put them on the table. There was an edge to her voice, "There. Happy now?"

"No. Look at me."

The edge disappeared from her voice, replaced by a pleading whine, "Why are you being so mean to me?"

"I'm not being mean. I'm being normal. I... with any girl, I might... I'd probably ask her to take her glasses off, just to see her eyes better."

"No, you wouldn't."

"I would if she was wearing fake glasses."

"They're... they're.... I.... I need them."

"No you don't. Don't lie about it."

"You don't understand."

"I think it's you who doesn't understand."

"You don't know.... you just don't know." She started to cry, but then constrained it somewhat. She trembled as tears ran down her face.

"Raise your face."

"No." Her hair hung like curtains at the sides so she didn't see the waitress approaching with the check.

The pretty waitress walked up to the table with the take home bag and little check tray. She glanced at the guy then looked at his date. She thought the girl was crying. Guys could be such asses sometimes! She set the bag on the table then leaned forward and put her hand the girl's shoulder. The girl flinched and had a terrified expression on her face when she looked up. The girl's hand quickly combed her hair over her scarred wound. There were tear trails on her cheeks. "Are you all right? Are you feeling sick?" She suddenly hoped there wasn't something wrong with the food. The girl's good eye was open very wide. The injured one couldn't open as large.

"Yes... I mean... no... I mean I'm... I'm fine." Jean wanted to run away, then thought about looking away but the girl might ask if she was all right again.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes... yes, I'm fine." Jean watched the girl's face turn as she straightened up. Her beautiful almond eyes glared at Ron.

Guys can be such jerks! She spoke curtly. "Would you like anything else?" She hoped her eyes were telling him what an ass she thought he was. He probably just broke up with her or said her boobs were too small or something. Guys could be such heartless jerks.

"Ahhh..." He wondered what got into the waitress. "No, we're finished."

The waitress's eyes and voice softened as she turned to the girl. "Would you like anything else?" The girl had her head bowed again.

Jean didn't look up. "No... um... no thank you."

She glared at the guy and placed the little check tray down. "I'll pick that up when you're ready." She abruptly walked away.

Ron realized the waitress had thought he had been an asshole to Jean, made her cry, sad, whatever. His jaw clenched. "Great. Now she thinks I'm a jerk."

"What?"

"You haven't gotten any creepy looks, but I just got one. She probably thinks I just.... I just told you I cheated on you or something."

"What are you talking about?"

"She thinks I made you cry."

She bowed her head again. Her voice was hurt and pouty, "You did."

Ron sighed. "Lift your head up."

"No... she... she stared at my... my eye. I told you it would happen."

"If she stared, she was staring at you crying. Jeezuz, Jean.... you...."

"What? I was right about tonight."

"Raise your head. If you don't... we're.... we're going to restaurants for the rest of... for... forever." He watched her pick up her glasses. "Without the fake glasses."

Jean started crying. She put the glasses on and stood up trembling. She turned towards the entry door. A group of eight people were walking in. She turned towards the short hall that led to the bathrooms. She bowed her head and her fingers raked her hair over the ugly side of her face as she started walking quickly. She held back on sobbing until she got into the small ladies room.

Ron saw the waitress watch Jean, then she looked at him with glaring eyes once again. Great... just great! He sipped his iced coffee and wondered if he was just wasting time and effort. He was almost angry at himself for caring about Jean. Maybe he should never have cared at all about her and just fucked her, fucked her like she was some crazy slut.

He frowned as he pulled out his wallet. He didn't know enough about girls, about anything really. Jean must have had some sort of psyche therapy about her eye and the accident. Why didn't that work? If she was okay with her first grade students, why not in a restaurant with strangers? Who cared if anyone looked when you were with someone who cared about you and didn't think the damn freak eye mattered at all, and the guy just wanted her to be normal, have a regular life not just get drunk and hide away? He knew he had screwed up again.

He put the money on the little tray. He looked around and saw their waitress. She still had a piercing stare as she started towards him and still had it as she stepped up to the table. "Listen... ahhh..." He took a deep breath.

She picked up the check tray. The guy looked nervous. She had seen it before when some guy was about to ask her out here in the restaurant. She'd enjoy turning him down. What a jerk! He makes his date cry and now he's going to ask me out?! What an asshole! He's just like my ex! Her voice was curt, "What?"

He was sure the girl thought he was a prick. "Listen, my friend, my... my date, she..."

She interrupted, "You mean the girl you got so upset she had to run to ladies' room to cry?"

"I... I really didn't do that." He wanted to tell the waitress she had actually done it. He knew he shouldn't, and he knew it had mostly been his fault anyway. He shouldn't have made her take the damn fake glasses off. He needed help.

"Well, it looked like you did. If not you, then who? Or... is she upset about something else?" The guy actually looked really concerned. Maybe she had misread the situation.

"The second and third thing."

"What do you mean?"

He glanced at the hall that led to the johns, then looked at the girl again. "She's self-conscious about... about the way she looks and... and I'm trying to get her to not be that way, and... and go out more. I... I tell her she looks fine, looks great, even... beautiful, because... because I think she does, but... but she doesn't believe me and... and thinks I'm lying, and..." He exhaled. "She..." He didn't know what else to say and why would this chick give a damn about any of it?

Maybe she really had read it all wrong. Her voice softened, "What?"

"She just said... well, sort of said that she wasn't going to go out anymore because... she... she thinks people stare at her... at her eye. She thought you were staring at her eye, you know, a few minutes ago." He quickly added, "I don't think you were. I... hell... I don't know why I'm even telling you all this, but... since you just saw it... saw it happen, I was wondering what... I was wondering if you had any suggestions, about... you know, what I could do or say." He took another quick breath. "Never... nevermind. I don't even know you and... and you don't know her. It's... it's stupid to talk to you about it." He blinked at the beautiful girl. It was the most he had spoken to a hot chick in his entire life, and he had because he was worried about another hot chick, Jean. He suddenly realized it wasn't any big deal talking to a pretty girl.

It seemed she had been totally wrong about the guy. Her mind raced. "She's... she is in the bathroom, right?" There was an alley door farther down the hall.

"Yeah." His gut tightened. He remembered an exit door at the end of the hallway. "I... I think so. Oh, jeezuz... do you think she..." He started to push his chair back.

She set the check tray back on the table and interrupted, "Stay here. I'll see. Be right back." She headed to the ladies room, although she really wasn't sure what to say to the girl. She knocked on the bathroom door.

Jean wiped her eyes again. "Just a second." She blew her nose, then put on her glasses. She unlocked the door, her head tilted downward, then she opened the door. Her stomach knotted. She saw the black pants and white blouse and knew it was their waitress without looking at her face. "Sorry. Excuse me."

"Are... you all right?"

"What? Yes. I'm fine." Jean stepped into the hallway and tried to move around the pretty girl but she moved too.

"I... I almost told your boyfriend off."

"What?" Without thinking Jean looked up.

"I thought... well, I wasn't like spying on you guys, but I could tell you were upset, and... I... I kinda thought he like just broke up with you or something. And I, you know, thought it was awfully stupid to do it in a restaurant. And... anyway, I was picking up the check and... then like I noticed he was upset too." She suddenly wondered if the guy had lied and his girlfriend was pregnant or something.

"Um... no... it... it wasn't that. Excuse me." Jean again tried to get around the girl, but she got in the way once more.

"Oh... well, that's cool. I... I thought, like before that, you guys looked like a great couple, cute guy, cute girl and... like I wasn't watching, but you know, when I brought water over and that kind of thing, you both seemed to be having a good time with each other, you know, like you two really fit together, until... you know, just now." She really hadn't watched them at all. "Anyway, like I'm glad you're not breaking up and... you know, I'm like sorry for butting in or whatever."

Jean's mind began racing. "Did... did he say why... why I started cr... got upset?"

"What? Oh... no, I... gawd, I think I told him it was really mean or something for breaking up with you in a restaurant, something like that, and... and then like I saw he was upset too, you know, like how a guy looks when they're upset?" She made sure she didn't stare at the disfigured eye socket of the girl. She looked older now than she did sitting at the table. The waitress rolled her eyes. "I'm such a dope sometimes, but... well, like I broke up with my boyfriend recently, maybe that's why I thought... well, like... whatever." She smiled. "But like... are you like okay now?"

"I... um... yes. I'm fine. Thanks."

The waitress grinned. "Thank god it wasn't the food. My uncle would be crying in the kitchen right now." She giggled softly. "That's what I thought it was at first, you know, too spicy for you or something."

Jean had a brief sensation of being transported back to her high school days before the accident. She felt herself smiling. "The food was great. Be sure to tell your uncle that."

The girl giggled again. "I will."

"What's your name?"

"Tami... well, that's, you know, like my nickname. What's yours?"

"Jean." She held out her hand. The girl shook it. "The food really was delicious. I... I bet we come back again."

"I think I've seen your boyfriend here before. I think he comes in with his dad every now and then."

"Uh-huh, he does. He told me that."

"Well... I better get back to work. Nice meeting you."

"Yes, you too." Jean smiled again, then as the girl turned, she realized she had completely forgotten about her facial disfigurement for a half minute.

Jean stood in the hall gathering her thoughts. Her stomach knotted tightly, her heart beat a little faster. She inhaled a slow breath, took off her horn rimmed glasses, folded them closed, held them in her palm, straightened her back, held her head level, then took another slow breath. Tami, at least for the most part, hadn't been staring at her ugly eye. Maybe, just maybe, Ron might be right. Tami had said they looked like the "right fit." Something like that. Jean realized that was exactly the way she felt with Ron during sex and a few times today, like they really did fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. It wasn't a perfect fit but they were still getting to know each other. She refused to think about why it would never be perfect. She needed him, needed to be with him. She took another slow breath, held her head level and started walking down the hall to the table. She told herself to only be concerned about Ron's eyes on her. No one else mattered.