Aurora - Wings of the Goddess Pt. 05

"Can I tell you something, Becky?"

"Fuck off..."

Tanya let it hang until Beck eventually caved in.

"What?"

Tanya heaved a breath and said quietly, as if to herself, "You're the only girl I've ever met who made me wish I had a child of my own. Remember that night at the strip joint, when that bouncer asked if I was your mum? I nearly cried. Because even the thought was so wonderful."

"Really?" Beck sneered into her doona. "You've got a funny way of showing it."

"Maybe, or maybe you've just got a funny way of looking at it."

"Maybe you have."

Tanya rattled the door handle. "Becky? Sweetheart? This bloody floor is really getting hard on my poor old bot. You don't want to make it suffer do you?"

There was no response for a moment then Tanya heard the click of a lock. Struggling to her feet, she gingerly tried the handle and opened the door. Peeking through a two-inch gap she saw the frazzled blonde sprawled on the bed, face in a pillow, legs akimbo, yielding a little glimpse of heaven- Beck's little round butt and a tiny hint of slit in the stretched blue fabric of her knickers. In no mind for a conflict of desires Tanya averted her eyes, then took a deep breath and pushed through the door.

For a moment she stood, sizing up the destruction- drawers ransacked, clothes everywhere, books strewn all over the floor. Picking her way through she sat gently beside the sniffling girl. "Ahh... that's better." she sighed, "My bottom says thank you." Reaching out she lay a hand on the small of her back. Beck stiffened at first, but the tenderness of the gesture was simply too hard to ignore and she gradually relaxed.

"Now..." Tanya said, "what's this all about?"

"You know what it's about. Damon wants to get rid of me. That dirty old cunt wants to trade me in for another new fuck toy."

"Oh, Becky," Tanya sighed, "you don't really believe that."

"Well that's what he said." Beck spat. "You heard him. 'Looks like I'm gonna need a new cabin girl'."

"Oh come on, Darling. It was a joke."

"Yeah? Well lucky he's not a comedian."

"Becky, Honey. What Damon is doing is the ultimate gesture of love. He's giving up his dream, his idea of heaven for yours. That's self-sacrifice, pure and simple. He's really hurting, Honey, and sometimes when people are hurting they say silly things."

"That's okay, his new cabin girl'll help him get over it."

"Oh Becky, don't be silly."

Beck stiff-armed herself up off the mattress, hair plastered to her cheek with tear-snot, eyes red, nose streaming. "DON'T FUCKING CALL ME SILLY." she screeched and the portholes rattled. "YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHO I AM! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME AND I MEAN IT! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"

Tanya waited patiently until the screech died down to a howl, and the howl died down to a hiccupping sniffle. "You're right, Sweetheart," Tanya said, stroking her back, "you're not silly. I'm sorry. We all are, for being so insensitive."

"Wh... wha... what is that s... s... s... supposed to m... mean?"

"It means we should have used our bloody brains. Listen, Darling, you have to believe me. Damon is doing this for you. He doesn't want to go sailing around all on his own. While you're flying around, living your dream. You can't have both, it's impossible, that's why Damon's giving his dream up for yours."

"So why doesn't he just come with meeee?" Beck wailed. "W... why is he making me g... g... go on my own?"

"You won't be on your own." Tanya persisted. "You'll have Roger and me. And Caddy and Maya. And Ally and Macca and Ben. Have you ever seen that Ice Age cartoon? When that big old sabre tooth tiger teams up with those elephant thingies?"

"They're not elephants." Beck said thickly, "They're mammoths. Mammuthus primigenious. Don't you know anything?"

"So you've seen it?"

Beck nodded under a rich, unruly mantle of platinum hair. "It was one of our favourites." she muttered bleakly and her shoulders began to shake. Now there was no more 'our'. And no more favourites.

"Well there you go. We're your new herd. You're like the sabre tooth tiger, and we're the woolly whatchamacallits. Hmmm..." Tanya tapped her pursed lips, "I guess that means Rodge must be the dumb little critter with the lisp. Oh well, can't win 'em all."

"What about Damon?"

"What about him?"

"He's not gonna be one of my herd."

"Of course he is. There's always one elephant thingy who walks alone... it's a drama thing. And in any case, you're gonna be so busy you won't even notice. Doing your pilot's licence. Learning to fly."

Beck shook her head. "No I won't. Because there's not gonna be any pilot's licence. There's not gonna be any flying. If I can't stay with Damon I don't wanna fly. I don't wanna do anything. I'll just get a job. I'll start taking drugs. I'll just be a prostitute like I was supposed to."

"Oh, Becky."

"Well that's what The Thing said I'd be." Beck sniffled. "She said if she couldn't love me nobody could, and she was right. Nobody does."

"She said that, really? Your own mother?"

"I DIDN'T HAVE A MOTHER!" Beck railed. "I'm talking about The Thing. Who gave birth to me. She told me... she said... never ever think I'd be any better than her. She said I fucked her life so she was gonna fuck mine."

Tanya bit her tongue. The Thing in question was already deep in the ground, her rotting flesh so laced with drugs even worms wouldn't touch her. Telling Beck might be the making of her, or enough to push her over the edge.

"It was stupid dream anyway."

Tanya stroked Beck's back. "But it's not a dream. It's a path, it's a plan. You already know that. Because you've already done most of the exams. By self study! I mean, that's just incredible."

"The exams were just multiple guess." Beck sniffed, "I just ticked random answers."

"Coool!" Tanya said brightly. "Let's grab a pen and you can pick some numbers for lotto."

"Hah hah."

"Look. You only passed those exams because you knew the right answers."

"Who cares?" Beck shrugged. "Even if I get my licence I'll be no good at flying."

"I bet you will. I bet you'll be one of the best little pilots ever to strap on a Gulfstream. That's what Ally said, and who's gonna argue with her?"

Beck pushed up and smeared her face with her arm. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, her upper lip glazed with snot. "But wha..." she said and hiccupped, "what am I gonna do without Damon?"

"You won't be without him. He just won't be there. Well, he will, some of the time, when he comes to visit. But he'd be like a tiger in a cage if he lived in the city. We couldn't do that to him, could we?"

Beck shook her head. "N... no."

"Of course not." Tanya said with a roll of the eyes. "I mean, can you imagine the whining?"

"And now I've said those horrible things he's never gonna take me back."

Tanya crossed her legs on the bed and held out her arms. "Come here, Darling."

Beck shuffled onto Tanya's lap and settled into her embrace. Eyes closed, Tanya inhaled the scent of Beck's hair. "Poor baby." she said. "We gave you a bit of a shock back there, didn't we?"

Beck nodded on Tanya's chest. "What will I do? I really w... want to fly so much, but I just don't want to lose Damon."

"You won't lose Damon, I promise."

"For r... reals?"

"He's patient. He'll wait."

"But where will I live? Who's gonna look after me?"

"Well..." Tanya hedged, on the brink of spitting it out. On second thoughts she said, "That's all been arranged. Main thing is to get over this little hiccup."

"So why didn't anyone tell me?" Beck whispered. "Why drop it on my head like a fff... flippin' great anchor?"

"That's our fault, Sweetheart. This whole thing was Roger's idea and he so wanted to tell you. We wanted to make it a big surprise."

"Well you sure did that."

"I'm sorry Darling."

"Are you and Roger paying?"

"Well the firm is, yes, cos' we can write it off in tax. It'll be cheaper that way."

"Cos' you've got a plane?"

"That's right."

"But Damon wanted to pay." Beck said in a tiny voice. "He said if it costs nothing it's worth nothing."

"It would have taken him years, Sweetheart, and he didn't want to make you wait. And it will cost something anyway. It'll cost the effort you'll have to put in. And cost Damon what he has to give up... namely the opportunity of doing it for you. A lesser man would have stood on his digs. What he's doing is a very wonderful thing."

"So why are you guys even doing this for me?"

"You know when Roger said you'd changed our lives?" Tanya asked and Beck nodded, "well he wasn't kidding. You gave us a fabulous gift, Becky, both of you, and I'm not just talking about the sex. You opened our eyes to the world, the real world, a world that was totally invisible before we met you. Non-existent. Irrelevant. But now look at us. Living a life of excitement and adventure, with just a teeeny pinch of danger which just gives it spice. You did change our lives, Becky, and now we want to change yours."

"Then what happens? When I'm a pilot?"

"We'll own your hide. You'll have to work your little butt off after you graduate, flying all over the world. London, Paris, New York, Ulaanbataar. Just ask Ally. I'm a slave driver."

"Where will I live? With you?"

"We thought about that. But we're away so much you'd be rattling around in the shack all on your own. Then we thought about Caddy, but Maya's in her last year of school then she's off to the states to do Uni. As much as she'd love to, this is a big year for Maggie and I don't think she can use the distraction. Same goes for poor old Caddy. Mum's got dementia. It's a full time job looking after her."

"Well where can I stay?"

"Well..." Tanya hedged. Roger had so wanted to tell her himself, but here they were gaining ground. "Macca owns a two-bedroom apartment. About twenty minutes by train from the school. She said you could stay with her."

Beck unfolded and swept back her hair. "Umm... Tanny." she said and sniffed. "Macca and me have been having sex."

"So I gathered."

"Are you cross?"

"Well... no... not really, though I must confess I'm a little surprised. I would have thought she stood a better chance of flying to the moon."

"Would you mind? If live with her?"

Tanya heaved a secret sigh of relief. The crisis had reached it peak and was beginning to ebb, and now Beck was thinking downstream. "Of course not, Darling," she said and tousled the little blonde's hair, "but first things first. What are we gonna do right now?

Beck looked around in a quandary. She'd stuffed her backpack with a random grab of belongings, and her aviation textbooks lay strewn all over the floor. "I don't know. Clean up this mess I guess."

"That would be a good start."

"What about Dommy?" Beck implored.

"Oh," Tanya said with a dismissive wave, "he'll calm down. He was hurt, that's all. He didn't really know what he was saying."

Beck hooked her hair behind an ear. Her eyes were brimming with tears again and a big fat teardrop zig-zagged over her cheek. "That's not what I mean."

Tanya tilted her head and squinted into Beck's bleary blue eyes. "Well what do you mean?"

"Who's gonna take care of him?" Beck whispered, then paused to gulp down her anguish, "The new cabin girl?"

"Oh, Beck," Tanya sighed, "for the hundredth time."

"Who then? He's old you know. Someone has to take care of him. It's dangerous out there. What if he falls overboard? What if he slips over and breaks his back on a winch?"

"Que sera sera." a voice said and they both jumped. Watson stuck his head through the door and Beck flew off the bed, knocking the breath out of him on impact. Watson ruffled her hair. "Remember our favourite song, Moosh? Whatever will be will be."

Beck nodded, howling into his chest as Tanya slung her legs off the bed. "Jesus, Captain. Awesome timing."

Watson grunted with laughter as she came up beside him. "I pride myself on it. Everything okay?"

Tanya teased out a skein of Beck's blonde hair and slid it between finger and thumb. "I think so. We all good, Becks?"

Beck nodded on Watson's chest without looking up.

"Thanks Tanny." Watson said wearily, shoulders stooped under the weight of so much angst. "Where would we be without you?"

"Exactly where you're meant to be," Tanya said, patting his arm, "or so a wise man once said. Anyway, the questions Beck's asking are probably best answered by you."

"Taking over, Tan. Oh, and sorry about all that blubbing earlier. All very embarrassing."

"What is it with guys and crying?" Tanya demanded. "If men could only learn to cry the world would be a much better place."

"No." Watson shook his head, "It would sound like someone just fired a gun in a nursery."

"Bloody Men!" Tanya lamented. "Where are the others?"

"Back at the hotel."

"I'd better go and put them out of their misery then. Can I have her back for a minute?"

Watson levered Beck off his chest and she folded straight into Tanya's embrace. "Everything's okay now, isn't it Sweetheart?" she said and kissed the top of Beck's head. "It was just a little bit of a speed bump, wasn't it? A little bit of a shock? But everything's back on an even keel and it's steady as she goes. That's nautical talk, you know."

Beck looked up, smearing her eyes with the back of her hands. "Th... th... thanks Tanny. For not ge... getting mad at me."

"What's to get mad? We gave you a fright. It's all our fault."

"And it's been a big couple of weeks." Watson pitched in. "We're all a bit overwrought."

Tanya arched her eyebrows. "You know I am looking forward to hearing about that. Where will we meet?"

Watson surveyed the devastation. "We'll clean up here then meet you back at the Flow. What do you say, Moosh? Let's go and poke fun at the landlubbers."

Tanya rose on tiptoes and planted a kiss on his lips. "Well don't be too long. Us landlubbers have been hanging out to see you."

Watson bent to pick up Beck's scattered books while the little blonde stood forlornly by. "Does this mean you'll have me back then?" she sniffled.

Watson looked at Beck, still gathering up her belongings. "Well that depends."

Beck's face fell. "What on?"

"On whether you want to come back."

"What do you mean? I never wanted to go in the first place."

"Really? Well it sure as hell didn't sound like it."

"I'm sorry." Beck whispered. "When you said that thing about the new cabin girl, everything just went sort of grey. Even the sound. I don't know what came over me."

"Sounds like shock." the old man mused. "On top of everything else I guess it was all a bit much."

"I'm sorry, Dommy. Honestly. I am so fucking sorry."

"Oh well, it's gone now, racing away from us at the speed of light.That moment's halfway to Jupiter by now. Just let it go."

Beck upended her backpack over the bed. The last item out, therefore the first one in, was her pink vibrator.

"At least you had your priorities right."

"I thought I might get lonely."

Shelving the books, Watson sidled up to Beck and commenced organising her clothes, carefully folding and stacking them. "So." he asked conversationally. "The plan. What do you reckon?"

"Flying school?"

"Uh huh."

"Honestly? It just doesn't feel real. It's just too much to imagine. I think that's why I freaked out. And when you said you wouldn't come."

"I know. I should have chosen my words a little more carefully. I guess I've just been in denial."

"But why don't you come? We could all just be one big happy family. And you could fuck Maya again. And Caddy. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Watson turned and sat heavily on the bed, suddenly feeling all of his years. "I really did think about it," he said quietly, folding a pair of her knickers, "I really did. But the city." He affected a shudder. "Blame it on the sailing. I've just become so addicted to solitude. No crowds, no traffic jams, no glaring strangers with that look on their face, 'outta my way or I'm gonna kill you'. The noise, the pollution, the... the... the energy. I spent too long getting out to ever go back. Besides, you're gonna be at school every day, then off to Dubai, and-"

"Where?"

"Dubai. In the Middle East. To learn the Gulfstream."

Beck turned around and sat down beside him. "The Gulfstream?" she breathed, "Is this really for real?"

"Well that's the plan."

"Me," she pointed at herself, "a dumpster-diving, shoplifting scummie, flying a Gulfstream Aerospace G five-fifty?"

"You know what they say, Moosh. Be careful what you wish for."

"So once I've achieved the impossible? What then?"

"You go and work for Roger. Which means flying all over the world with Ally. And in five year's time you move into the captain's seat. If you last that long."

"And what'll you do?"

"Keep sailing, I hope. Supported by a Gulfstream pilot. Maybe I can write my book. Maybe I can come on a ride-along sometimes."

"Will you miss me?"

Watson slung an arm around her shoulders. "Like crazy. Like part of me's been amputated. And not just a finger or toe, but a good bit. A favourite bit."

.

"Are you really gonna find a new cabin girl? This is my boat remember. I'm pretty fussy who sails in her."

"A new one? I've got enough trouble with the one I've bloodywell got." Watson gave her a squeeze. "And I was never in the market for one to begin with. You just sort of... happened, remember? Don't worry, you're not about to be replaced."

Beck patted his leg. "Neither are you."

"Don't be too sure. You're gonna be living with Macca soon. She can't get enough of you."

"Don't be silly, Dommy. That's just a bit of fun."

"Then there's Tan, and Caddy and Maya, not to mention Rodge. And you know what? I bet you a fuck you get to fuck Ally."

"What are you suggesting, old man?" Beck teased. "You saying I like to put it about?"

"It's just the Beck Effect." Watson sighed. "You're irresistible."

"Until I turn scumbag."

"Umm... yeah... I have to say that was pretty impressive."

"Were you scared?"

"I had to change my undies at the hotel. We'll have to find you a tool for that, make sure it doesn't happen again."

Beck put her face in her hands. "I can't believe I could have said such terrible things."

"They were jaw-dropping, actually. Especially that one thing you said."

Beck peered over her fingertips, bracing for impact, the shame of having her words come back to haunt her. "Which one?"

"You called me..." Watson wobbled his chin, "you called me..."

"What?"

"...old."

Beck slumped. Of all the terrible things she'd said, he was making a joke out of the least.

"Old, Watson cried, "OLD!" Throwing his head back he howled like a wolf, "Oww oww oww ollllllld!"

Beck laughed in spite of herself then burst into tears. "It was horrible." she wailed. "I sounded just like them."

"Oh well," Watson said, hugging her, "let's not sweat it. Come on, now, enough of the drama. You finish folding your stuff and I'll put the kettle on. What do you say?"

"Do you th... think Roger still l... l... likes me?" Beck gulped, smearing her eyes.

"Probably not."

Beck stared at him, mortified. "Seriously?"

"Of course he does you little drama queen. Even if he's a bit scared of you."

Beck put her face in her hands and shook her head. "How am I ever gonna look him in the eye?"

The old man got to his feet. "You'll think of something." he said, bending over her dresser and stowing her clothes, "Anyway, we're nearly done. How about I make us a cuppa while you finish up?"

He was in the galley mixing a brew when there were footsteps overhead, and a voice called, "Damo? Hellooo? Anyone home?"

Watson looked up as Vicky appeared, head and shoulders framed by the hatchway. "Come on down, Sweetheart."

Vicky descended the companionway, looking furtively around. "I just came back for my stuff."