by Dreamrogue
I agree with the other comment. Like the lesbian scene, but it seems like you wrote it in one go and didn't proofread it. The sex scene really hot though. ;)
Try to make the story interesting too.
Not bad for a first attempt, you should go back and proofread it. Also the story itself is pretty bland, but the details for the sex were pretty good!
Since it plainly states,
"I was so confused. I'd never even had sex with a guy, and yet here I was picturing dirty thoughts with me and another woman, whom I had just met!"
How could she,
"...never go back to relationships with men."
And since she had never had sex with a guy, how would she know that,
"There was no way that I could give such pleasure, or receive such pleasure, from a man."
Such closed mindedness/ignorance is very unbecoming.