All Comments on 'Ava'

that was so interesting and hoooot

I've always had a soft spot for the second person P.O.V., so I was immediately won over. Aside from that, however, I love how this played out despite it being short and succinct! Ava and the narrator already sound interesting. Really makes you wanting for more-- what happens after? How did the sexual tension (if there was already any) build up before? I love the nature of the conflict (Ava being the narrator's girlfriend), and I love how you established that Ava really liked the narrator more. Looking forward to more of your work, thanks for sharing!

This is awesome. Will there be a part 2?

It's great that you wrote it from the second person POV. Hopefully, it will continue:D

(a) 12:57pm is early afternoon, not the middle of the night; and (b) you should put dialogue in quotation marks.

Very nice story description in second person (pointing at 'you' making the person reading induce n seducing him. Great job. I hope the story will continue as 2nd, 3rd part with bit more lengthy making the person 'you' not to leave reading 'you'.

I usually detest 2nd person POV but this still managed a 5*. In a longer story it would get to me, but this was quick and hot. (Meekly requests 1st person, or at least 3rd, if there's a prequel/sequel/series.)

yummy-thanks

Honestly, short, but very, very discriptive. Wish my brother girlfriend did this for me.

Underlying the lack of flow I think there is a great story wanting to get out but it came across as disjointed and somewhat confusing, there was a second male?