All Comments on 'Awakening Pt. 04'

keep going please , so hot !!!!

I'm loving this story so far and can't wait to see where it goes. Quick critique; watch your tense. It changed in the in the first paragraphs after the section break. I understand using the third person for other viewpoints,but other than that it should be Amy telling the story (a recounting of her past at that), so it should always be in first person.

I'm very fascinated with your work. Its very very well worded. I understand the site I'm on and why most people read here. I'd really like to see you expand the world more put more details into the background make it more of a novel instead of just a story. Its very good as it is but I feel you could actually make it into a real book through the effort. And it'd be a wonderful thing to watch. If you got it published maybe even get some money back.

Really liking it so far but the ending was a bit odd considering the nature of the two characters. I would've expected a more 'cuckqueen' type deal for Vicky. Maybe in the future? And could it perhaps be possible for Vicky to feed off of other people's envy of her, or of any other person nearby?

I quite liked the ending. I think it keeps the relationship balanced, whereas a cuckqueen is inherently submissive. So far, Victoria hasn't seemed submissive. The private role reversal lets Victoria can have a strong, dominant personality some of the time, and she has an outlet for her jealousy and envy.

The reverse is also true, of course. Amellia's magical strength puts her in an inherently dominant position (e.g. Mr. Pride, nerd boy on the bus), but in private she can submit and be more balanced. Plus, odds are she'll get off on the spankings. :)

Bravo!