All Comments on 'Awkward Pt. 01'

It’s well told, and wonderfully sensual and sexy. The grammatical errors are distracting though.

Keep up the good work and complete the story, it’s a great start!

Beautiful story. One suggestion please don't shy away from using Mum to address the Mother. If you want to use Mum instead of Mom, please use it -- Mum holds a great emotional value to a lot of us. There is no compulsive need to change every Mum to Mom...

holy shit that was good pls write the second part

GREAT Story..now close the deal ..next chapter.

Keep writing. Re-read your stuff and make sure it's easy for you to read. If it isn't, re-write it until it is.

More as quickly as possible PLEASE !!!!

You have to continue.....sister need to become involved as all 3 become close.

You did a good job for a first effort. Thank you for having the courage to, um, put yourself out there like that. Some feedback:

Get yourself an editor. Someone with good writing skills and the rapport to give you honest input. There are some errors and clumsy spots, but nothing that couldn't be fixed easily.

Lots of readers here appear to like a slow build up. That is fine as long as you hold the reader's interest. This story had too much repetition of the details, e.g. seven days of showers. That felt especially sharp with such an abrupt ending without, let us say completion. Clearly you are intending to have more to the story; however, if you piss off readers...

All that being said, keep writing and improving. If you enjoy this it will be its own reward. Thanks.

Really nice 1st story. Two suggestions. Don't put instructions in the middle of the story. Like when you say mom's thoughts are in italics. Also, if you are going to write in 1st person, stick to one point of view. The switch is distracting.

hope theres a lot more to come

This story must be continued. Well written.

Awesome story, very believable, nice pace.

Ended to abruptly, maybe a 2nd installment?

Congratulations on your very erotic first story. Yes, there were many misspellings and writers mistakes. But, you managed to tell the tale of a mother/son love story quite well. I’m looking forward to the next chapter ☀️

Definitely gonna need much more if this

More...please!

I’m only about halfway through page 1 but I wanted to offer some constructive feedback since you said this was your first story.

The events and actions of your characters have to be plausible, otherwise the reader is pulled out of the story due to inconsistencies. The doctor said no bones were broken yet his arms are in casts.

The prior paragraph has him grabbing his head, which he couldn’t do with casts on his arms.

The mom kneels in front of him and pulls his pants and underwear off, then he said he was sitting with his back to her. Impossible.

These may seem not-picky but it really makes a difference.

Also, the story shifts from past to present tense and back again. Try to keep the tense consistent thru the entire story.

I’ll read the rest to get to the good parts (the sex) !

Keep up the good work

Great story please write the next part soon

Wow what a great story and told by you in a great way back and forth between mom &son. We need MORE from you.

Your Enlish grammar is terrible.

Love the build up in this story; most other ones just go for it and leave subtlety at the door.

Not bad for a first story, but you do drag on a little to long and a little to much babble. You almost have to much double talk almost flashing back to yesterday and all of Mum's thoughts to I should not be doing or thinking this or these thoughts. On your next part if you carry on with Big Sister coming home in the front door at stories end then get her involved with a lesson or two. Keep it up !!! We are all looking for your next chapter. A reader in Florida.

Really need to find an editor, or learn to take the time and effort to proofread your own writing.

Great slow build up. Think u r going to be a great writer. Let's have the sequel.

Loved this story! I’m ready for more.

Very sloppy writing. There is way too much repetition, and the careless disagreement in number between subjects and verbs is third-grade stuff. The transitionless, abrupt jumps between scenes are jarring as well.

Too bad, because slowly evolving eroticism between sexually deprived mother and horny son is pretty nicely developed and affecting.

These are all great comments and needed but perhaps the author would also like to know if it made your pussy wet or your cock hard, I'm rock hard and dripping oozing precum, cheers

Outstanding looking forward to next! Tv

Don't be discouraged by neg comments let your style evolve organically, you are a talented writer polish will cum with time.

Keep it up. Great first story.

Bastard! LOL... 5*

oh my WOW what a great story.... such sexual tension then BANG. I do hope you are writing more !! Well done.

I've been reading incest since 1974 and this is in an elite category. So realistic and masterfully crafted from beginning to end.

"*Olivia's thought will be in italics*"

.

It's good that you did something to indicate the POV change, but it's bad that you indicated this in the story and not as a note at the beginning.

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Also, if you're going to change POVs, don't make it for just small paragraphs -- often just one sentence -- at a time. It stops the story. It would be better to have whole sections of here thoughts rather then the piecemeal sections. Better yet, write in third person omniscient, where the narrator knows all of their thoughts.

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That said, it doesn't seem to be a complete story but there's no chapter number to indicate this wasn't a complete story. Neither option is good.

I thought it was very good. Forget about all the naysayers that you need to get someone to proof read your story. You had just the right mix of desire and reluctance and embarrassment. You might have gone into a little to much detail, but not enough to discourage anyone from continuing to read. I for one am excited about reading more of your stories. Keep up the good work.

I repeat don't listen to anyone telling you to get a proof reader, In my opinion a few grammatical errors just proves you are telling the story as you feel it. At least 5 STARS

Drawn out way to long for nothing to happen.

Perfect cliffhanger. Love it! 💕

You would benefit from a proofreader. Some minor grammar and spelling. Definitely keep writing, at least the rest of this tale. I’m trying to keep from guessing too much. Please make it soon.

5*

Tc

Brilliant, well paced, a real turn on

Better not stop now.

I loved it where is part two

Good story, poor grammar - please consider an editor, inexcusable ending.

*****Wow that was a great piece of storytelling. Great storyline real hot read. Thanks for sharing.

Awkward was a great title as it was an awkward read. It needs editing

Hot story where's part 2

Loved the story, I like the back and forth between mom and son.

You're lucky you didn't break any bones but we're putting you in cast just in case????? Really?

Gave you five stars for the story, but you really need an editor to help with grammar. Past tense and present tense especially. Decide on one and stick with it, lol.

It gets frustrating. Are you telling us something that happened a while ago, or is happening now?

Where is part two?

Great story. Need more. Don’t leave us hanging like that .

I finally finished this story and I’m glad I did. The long, slow build-up is just what an incest story needs and being able to know them mother’s inner dialogue was very arousing. The abrupt ending caught me by surprise but it means there should be another chapter soon. Well done!

Looking forward to part 2.

Good start, but I hate a tease.....3/5 because of the tease.

Hey good story. Keep writing. Thanks.

bruh this was written by a literal child, the grammar is awful and the plot is screwed up.

Well done!

Good one. Now let Jenice come up to assist mom.

Wtf washing him nude still thinking wrong

This has to be continued!

Very Hot mom son action. Can't wait for more.

Decent story but needs better editing.

Great so far could have used another page as you ended it in an awkward place lol

It improved. It started so badly with my son's arms were fractured (broken) Doctor cam in and said you have broken nothing. Then discharging someone who had just become conscious after an accident. Two seconds checking would show no doctor would do that. Those sort of details jar.

One of the better and then some.

A continuation would be interesting !!

The story was well done, needs better editing though. Please write a sequel to this first part, had me wanting more, good job want more.

More please

My 2 cents

I liked the story. I like the build up and the way you describe their actions. I will go on to part 2. Thanks for your time and your imagination.

Wow! What a great job you have done with your first story. I have no criticism and now only look forward to your next chapter!!!

Have you ever been to a doctor? Why would their arms be cast if nothing was broken? Doctors wouldn’t discharge a patient that had a head trauma so soon after regaining consciousness.

I wont nitpic but I will suggest you might do just a little research on technical things if you want to write about them. Many inaccurate details in just the first few paragraphs. But I understand you have a plot to a story in your head and you wanna get it out. However I almost said screw this ill read something else because the beginning was so inaccurate.

I gave it 5 stars for a good storyline but a couple of strange things. No broken bones but casts put on just in case. Just in case what???. First shower not to get casts wet but he covers his cock with his hands. Where does the water go???

"OMG!" (mom's dialogue line) Sorry, but does ANYONE over the age of maybe fifteen actually speak the letters OMG instead of saying "oh my god"? I seriously doubt it. Just makes this read as if the adult characters were written by a child, which they probably were. The stupid mixture of first person writing from the son's POV and third person 'thought quotes' from the mother further demonstrates this writer is nearly illiterate.

Not a very good story to many things wrong! Who is writing this a child must not be clear on medical issues and to much of nothing making since, but I still gave it an average but you need to finish it and think before you write!!!!!!!!!

Lots of inconsistencies but I don't care, it's still a very erotic story!

Loved it but no incest YET 5 stars

Love how you build your story. The details are not superfluous, but truly paint a steamy, sexy picture. Great work!!!