Baby Boy Blue

A pair of panties dangled from Jacob's fingers. White and made of fabric so flimsy it was almost see-through, they were adorned with lace trimming around the leg openings, a ruffle at the back, and a little blue bow on the center front. "Come on, Ash. Just try them on. You can take them off if you don't like it," he said.

I stared at the light blue bow and the silky ruffles, trying to imagine the delicate pair of underwear on me. The little bow on my belly. Low. Lower. Below my belly button. A little lower still. Right above the line of my pubic hair. "I don't know," I whispered.

"You'd look so good, Ash." Jacob shoved the panties at me. They looked ridiculously tiny and frilly in his big hand. Like a pair of doll underwear. There was no way they'd fit a grown man. Me. Where did he even-

"I bought them for you." Jacob's eyes had gone almost entirely black as he bore them into me, as if they were all iris, and for a vacant moment, I wondered if they appeared so dark because of the dim light in his sparsely furnished apartment. He'd been living there for two months, ever since he came back from his secondment in the north, but had not so much as installed the ceiling lights yet.

He asked all his friends to help him move although he didn't even have that much stuff. I barely had to do anything. Didn't lift a thing, just read the instruction manual while he assembled the bed he'd bought from Ikea.

I was standing by the same bed now, half-naked. Jacob ran his finger across my belly. The tips paused at the waistband of my boxer briefs, coaxing, tempting. "Come on, Ash. Just try them on."

"Okay," I agreed weakly. I reasoned that it barely mattered what I was wearing because the way things were heading, I was soon going to be fully naked anyway. Jacob was standing very close, so close I could feel the heat radiating from his body and smell the deodorant he was wearing. It was some generic drugstore brand, totally ordinary and cheap that anyone could wear, but right now, the scent of it was making me go weak at the knees. His white t-shirt was tight around the chest, and he was hard. I could almost feel the solid heat of his erection in my hand.

I imagined him at the lingerie store, browsing the models, choosing the right size. Did he tell the sales assistant he was buying a gift for his girlfriend? Or did he dare to say the panties were for a boyfriend? Boyfriend. I wasn't even sure I was one.

We'd started dating soon after he came back from the north, and we'd been having sex for a month. That's how I counted, anyway: from that one night in early January. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend soon after. Jacob was only a year older than me, but ever since he'd come back, the age gap had felt much bigger, and I felt stupidly shy about asking him if we were officially a couple. I guess we are, I figured as I stepped out of my boxer briefs.

"You look so fucking good, Ash. Sexy as hell," Jacob said as I slipped into the panties. I was surprised at how good they felt on me, soft and silky. The silk was warm and intimate like skin on skin. I felt too flustered to meet Jacobs eyes, so I fixed my gaze on the little blue bow on my belly. Jacob trailed his finger along the waistband of the panties, pausing at the bow. I drew in a shaky breath, embarrassed by how filthy my erection looked inside the cute, frilly panties.

When Jacob slid his hand inside the panties, my knees nearly buckled. I swayed unsteadily on my feet, off balance. Eventually I rested my forehead on his shoulder, eyes cast down between our bodies. He was jerking me off now. A wet spot appeared on the front of the panties and spread quickly. I watched his hand move rhythmically inside the panties, making the silky surface pulse and undulate like a caterpillar I once saw shedding its skin in a nature documentary. I stifled a nervous giggle as I remembered the plump body of the creature that crawled out of the wrinkled, opalescent skin.

"Oh fuck, you're gorgeous. Pretty baby boy. I should have bought you that pair of lace garters," Jacob said and knelt down in front of me. A restless buzz began building in my chest, but all thoughts flew out of my head, and I moaned out loud when Jacob licked me through the panties.

He slid his tongue along the length of my cock before pressing a kiss to the head. His mouth was wet, and I could feel his saliva mixing with my own wetness through the delicate silk. Thighs shaking, I grabbed his hair to have something to hold on to and whispered, "That feels so good."

Jacob didn't answer, just put his hand down the panties through the lace-trimmed leg opening and started jerking me off again. While his hand worked, he sucked the tip of my cock through the fabric. I closed my eyes but had to open them again immediately because the world started spinning around me. The blue bow twitched and jumped on my belly as Jacob moved his hand.

With the way he was kneeling in front of me, I couldn't see his eyes, only his long black ponytail, the fans of his lashes, the bridge of his nose. His shoulders were broad, the t-shirt tight around the biceps, and his hot breath puffed against me as he sucked and licked me through the silk. I tried to speak, but all that came out of my mouth was a breathy mmh because Jacob chose the moment to twirl his tongue around the head of my cock.

"I wanna see you come in those panties," he said, pressing his lips to the inside of my thigh to suck a bruise there.

"Yeah," I said breathlessly and then whimpered as he bit down on the same spot.

Then he began to jerk me off in earnest, and all I could do was breathe and hold onto his shoulder as he pumped his fist fast and firm inside the panties. My pleasure crested so fast it left me reeling. I was close in no time at all. The panties were soaking wet by now, and I could see as much as feel myself pulsing in Jacob's grip. With a hastily gasped, "I'm gonna-" I came hard inside the panties.

Stomach heaving, I stared at the liquid welling through the fabric. A few droplets spattered on the floor with a rain-like sound. A gooey blob stuck to the silk. "Fuck, baby, you're gorgeous," Jacob said in a strange voice, pulled his hand out of the panties, and stood up. He squeezed my softening cock through the wet fabric, neglecting my feeble sound of protest.

"I wanna fuck you in these panties, baby," he said, pushing me down onto the bed. "On your belly." He turned me onto my stomach, straddled my thighs, and slipped his hand inside the back of the panties. The front was wet, and I winced as my own mess pressed against my skin. Fear and thrill fluttered in my stomach like a pair of butterfly wings as Jacob pulled at the crotch of the panties and groped me roughly, but I found myself tongue-tied, unable to object, until he pushed a finger inside of me dry, and I yelped.

"Come on, baby," Jacob grunted, but still reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a bottle of lube from the drawer. "I wanna fuck your ass. You're so fucking tight. Pretty little boy, so tight for me." He slapped my buttock, and I whined. A restless feeling began to buzz inside my chest once more.

I lay still with my face pressed against the pillow as Jacob coated his fingers with lube and squeezed it - cold, cold - in my butt crack. Tears stung in my eyes, and I bit the pillow when he thrusted his fingers inside of me. "Fuck, you're tight," he said, voice strangled. With the fingers of his other hand still buried inside me, he groped my butt with the other over the panties.

Then his weight shifted on top of me. Fabric rustled. I glanced over my shoulder and saw he'd unbuttoned his fly and pulled out his cock. Although we'd fucked before, and I knew it would fit, a shiver of fear ran down my spine. He was going to fuck me like that - fully dressed, his pants only barely pushed down his ass - while all I was wearing was a pair of girls' panties, wet and messy with my own come. My head was spinning.

His hot and heavy cock slapped my buttocks. "You've got a nice little ass. Pretty baby boy. Ash. You like this, don't you?" His words made my skin tingle all over. I felt queasy, unsteady, but I arched my back and rubbed my butt against the hot press of his erection.

I was not aroused, not exactly. This feeling - a peculiar vibration that made everything seem unreal and at the same time, more real than anything else ever before - resided in my head, deep inside my chest. Jacob's eyes looked like black beetles, shiny and hard like the needle-pierced chitin shells of the insects in the vitrine in the Natural History Museum I visited with my biology class as a kid.

I could say no, but I didn't. I know I could. Could I?

Jacob pulled at the crotch of the panties, holding it aside while he used his other hand to guide his cock at my entrance. He rubbed the slick, smooth head against my rim before ramming the whole length inside in one, brutal thrust. I cried out, and he pressed my face into the pillow.

And then-

This was what I wanted. From that first night at the bar with all our friends just after he'd gotten back from the north. Maybe I wasn't as drunk as I made out to be, maybe I wanted him to catch me when I stumbled and fell. It's sooo good to see you again. Oh, you've been working out? I couldn't even wait to break up with my ex before I let him put his hand down my pants. I don't remember a single thing about the movie we were supposed to be watching; I was sitting on his lap the whole two hours, shamelessly grinding myself against his hard-on.

I always made a fuss of him being so big. Of me being smaller than him. Your hands are so big. Let's compare. Look. My wrists are so tiny, it's ridiculous. About him being so strong. You could do anything you wanted to me. And when he fucked me for the first time, I just couldn't shut up about the size of his cock. It can't possibly fit. It's so big. Ouch, it hurts.

I loved it when he told me I was pretty. When we were out, he'd sometimes point at a girl in a short skirt and over-the-knee socks, saying I'd look really good wearing the same. He bought me nail polish and then asked me to jerk him off, and I did, with my fingers wrapped around his absurdly fat cock, nails painted shock pink. I didn't mind. Not at all. On the contrary: I was thrilled that he found me pretty, that he thought I was cute. I wanted him to want me.

I wanted all of it. I wanted it so much.

And yet, now-

Everything was wet and sticky and rumpled and blurry. Come, lube, or both were leaking out of my hole, and although Jacob pulled the back of the panties over my butt, I felt dirty, dirty, dirty. I lay face down on the crumpled sheets, nauseous. The world was spinning around me.

The tiny satin bow was crushed under my belly. It was like a small butterfly, baby boy blue.

Was I still pretty?

Jacob's pretty baby boy. In teeny-tiny white panties, ruffles on the butt, a little blue bow on the belly.

Such a beautiful boy, willowy and dewy. Cute. Just asking for it. How could Jacob resist? It was so easy to put a hand down the frilly little panties, slide a finger inside. With the crotch pulled to the side, something bigger slipped inside almost as easily.

A pair of butterfly wings began to flutter in my belly again.

"Call me pretty," I mumbled with my face buried in the pillow.

"What did you say?" Jacob bent down. His long hair tickled my shoulders.

"Call me pretty again. Your pretty little baby boy," I repeated a little louder.

Jacob gave a little ah sound. He touched my butt and slid his hand under the panties once more. "Pretty baby boy. Look what you made me do."

"Just like that," I exhaled. My body flooded with dizzying relief. Jacob knew. He understood. And although I hardly understood this - this thing, this need - myself, I knew with a scalp-tingling certainty that I wanted more, more, more.

"Yeah," Jacob went on, using the gusset to rub the sloppy mess of come and lube on my skin. "It was your own fault."

"Really?" I encouraged him. I hissed when his finger trailed over my sore rim.

Jacob shifted off of me and turned me around. He snapped the waistband of the panties with a tut. "Look at yourself, baby. I barely needed to touch you before you made a mess in your panties. I knew you'd like it."

"Mh-h." I glanced down at my lap where my pubic hair and plumpening cock showed clearly through the soaking wet silk.

"That baby blue bow and everything. You were so pretty I couldn't help myself," Jacob continued.

We were both staring at my crotch now. The panties were so tiny they hid nothing from view: it was obvious I'd gotten hard again.

"Oh fuck, Ash," Jacob said.

We did it again. This time, it was a rush of shame and thrill. Of joy and relief. I wasn't sure if Jacob felt the same, but he made me touch myself while he whispered unspeakable things - nauseating things, dizzying things, things I'd never even dared to dream about - in my ear. After I'd come, he peeled my soiled panties off and used a dildo on me until he could get his dick up again, and when he finally fucked me, he did it slowly, gently, gasping for breath, his face buried in my hair. By the time he came inside me, we were both trembling.

***

Before I left, we kissed clumsily by the door. I lost my balance and almost tumbled over into the hallway wardrobe. It was dark. Jacob's thick coats carried the smell of the cold winter air. He caught me and wrapped an arm around me, then grabbed my neck with his other hand and sucked a bruise on my skin under my wool scarf.

"Are you sure you don't wanna stay over?" he asked.

I hadn't even showered, just pulled my clothes on my tacky skin while Jacob booked me a taxi.

I wasn't sure at all, but "Yeah, I am," was what came out of my mouth.

He kissed me again, and by the time his phone beeped the arrival of the taxi, we'd gotten hungry and hasty and breathless all over again.

"I'll message you," Jacob said as I slipped from his arms out to the stairs.

At home, I cooked a bag of instant ramen and ate it while standing at the kitchen counter, a towel wrapped around my waist. I felt weird: restless and euphoric all at once. What was that? What did we just do? My skin prickled when I remembered the things Jacob whispered in my ear, and I pushed the bowl away, feeling nauseous.

I typed a message to Jacob: "Miss you. Come here," but deleted it before sending. I stared at the phone, hoping it would blink to life with a my-pretty-baby-boy message from Jacob, but the screen remained dark and lifeless. Finally, I gave up, plugging the thing in and muting it.

After popping an ibuprofen, I turned the TV on and selected a nature documentary to watch while I waited for the painkiller to kick in. The narrator's calm and authoritative cadence was familiar from my childhood. Although I'd always found it soothing, this time I was still restless when I went to bed. After tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable but failing miserably, I grabbed my pillow and duvet and went to sleep on the couch. There, I finally managed to drift to sleep to the comforting glow of the TV and the steady drip of the rain in a tropical rainforest.

***

In the morning, I frantically rummaged around in my closets, looked through the drawers, and even climbed up to inspect the contents of the boxes I'd stored on the top shelf of the wardrobe, but it was all in vain: I didn't seem to own a single piece of clothing resembling the panties. Desperate, I tried on a pair of swim trunks, but while the material was the right kind of slick, the fabric was too thick, the black color too opaque, and the whole garment way too drab.

Finally, rummaging through a box of papers and gift wrappers, I found a roll of light blue satin ribbon. It would have to do.

I wrapped a length of ribbon around both my thighs like a pair of garters. I meticulously adjusted the size of the loops and tightened the knots until the bows were even and smooth. When they were pretty enough, I leaned to the wall, squeezed my legs together and imagined Jacob there, pulling a pair of silk panties to the side to finger me. You're so fucking tight. You were so pretty I couldn't help myself.

Later, I took a picture of my splattered thighs and sent it to Jacob. I pressed Send so quickly I didn't have time to second-guess and chicken out, and my phone beeped an answer before I could even make it to the bathroom. "Pretty baby boy. Feeling alright? Miss you. Wanna come over tonight?"