All Comments on 'Baby Challenge - New Version'

Somehow it actually got worse. Didn’t think that was possible

To many lose ends not accounted for. Plus to much of the financial up and downs at the end was a bit confusing. What happened to Gary? No revenge on him? What about Linda what happened to the marriage and what happened to her in the long run. Just a couple of the lose ends. Needs to be a epilogue chapter of what happened in the future. Started out really good ended up flopping around like a fish out of water.

Rewrite & still horrible!

Never met such stupid women

I was hoping the husband's would get fully happy endings this time. Also don't feel the bosses and wives were punished enough. All around, quite depressing.

I'm sorry, the conversation between Linda and her husband before she goes to sleep with her boss is ludicrous! No women is that stupid. Drunk or not. And then he just leaves?! I'm not a violent person but really?! No confrontation?

Also, how would Linda expect her husband to let her keep working with Gary after knowing they had a one night stand? Her whole mindset from beginning to end was delusional.

Good writing, but too much detail in this story. Complexity, and covering all the bases works well in the creative mind, but not so much in the reader's mind.

Overall this was a fun read. The tax/financial detail got a bit tedious, but not enough to hurt the story. The main problem is typical of this genre. The wife says "I'm going to go fuck X." and the husband does nothing. In this case, a normal man (i) would have tried to prevent her physically from leaving the room (if you are trying to think like a lawyer, junior grade, and claim it's "illegal", under the circumstances she would hardly be willing to file a complaint) or (ii) would have gone with her yelling that he did not agree to let her fuck Gary, which would have put an end to the whole matter for the evening (again, she would not want the adultery brought into the open). Hell, he could have gone over and beat the fuck out of Gary, and Gary would have not dragged the law into it because he and the partners would have concluded that discretion is the better part of valor. In any event, the "launch", as it always is with these stories, is a fail. I also do not understand why any author would write that the husband is in the least conflicted about divorcing the bitch, especially when there are no children. Paternity fraud should be punished as a felony. 4

I passed when this first came out but being a rewrite I thought why not give it a read.

I found it OK and not really bad but a couple of things jumped out at me. Not enough to skip it or go into some rage but I like a bit more reality in my read.

I see where you were going with he lawyers having a contract. Being lawyers you figure they do contracts for everything. You also needed that in someway for his evidence in divorce or law suit. But being lawyers I feel they should be smart and not want anything like that in writing. Very stupid for them do document this activity and for her to leave it in an old purse rather than getting her own safe deposit box? Just stupid.

All the legal stuff is beyond me as I know nothing. So I cannot comment on who gets what or who settles what case. But for some nobody person to contact the IRS because of some lipstick recording and the IRS responds that quickly (was it a matter of days?) I find so unrealistic. Even of for some reason the IRS cared enough to investigate it would not be immediate. I don't know the timeline for the results of the investigation but again just the response appears over the top.

Then the entire bet thing. Again, being lawyers and making good money and the ladies being in that office making good bonuses to begin with I can't see any of them risking their reputation, marriage, future, and the life of a to be born child for that low amount of money. One or two said they were in it for the sex so OK but again keep it low key and not so public in the office. Was it $100K for life every year? I thought it was a simple $50k and then a potential $100K payout. Really not worth the risk. Have an affair and hope you don't get caught but to conceive?

Then last thing was her leaving the panties and feminine napkins where her husband can find them. If she was trying to convince him it was a one night only event (at this time she doesn't know that he is on to the bet) why risk it? She would have had the sex outside of the home and have no evidence left behind. The one night was no surprise but these after events were not supposed to be known

Much better than the original story. 5/5

Nice job with the rework. Without going to excess the "conspiracy" was built out nicely leading to a full conclusion leaving few loose ends. Since it is a BTBs story the only change I would have made was for at least one of the women to be pregnant by the lawyer but your ending was still a very satisfying conclusion. I did go 5* this time.

Good story, thanks for the read.

"Privately we were not so happy. "

Healing takes time and the length it take varies from person to person. Don’t rush into another relationship, give yourself a chance to adjust, figure out who you are and what you want. When the opportunity presents itself, you’ll know and you’ll know whether that person is the right one for you. Until then, smile through the tears…you can do it and good things will happen. As Frank Sinatra use to sing “Love is better the second time around!”

I read the original story, but I can't remember it being much different... the family intervention maybe?

I only gave it 4* because you ruined the ending with the final paragraph:

"Privately we were not so happy... there are no winners in a divorce not even when we came out ahead financially like this."

Nope. He just dumped a 35-year-old cheating wife that betrayed him for her career. She was already past her prime, but the husband was the perfect age to replace Linda with a younger woman. The fact that he came out of the divorce far wealthier means that he'd have an even easier time dating hot girls until he finds one to start a family with.

Dark stories of betrayal like this need an uplifting ending. This should've ended with the husband having three kids with an attractive late-twenties second wife. Meanwhile, Linda spends a couple of years trying to find a decent guy, but her boyfriends keep mysteriously getting warned off about her past as a whore. She soon hits 40, then is too old to start a family of her own, and ends up a lonely, bitter spinster.

Entertaining and original -- need I say more? 5*

Great rewrite!

Good rewrite. You filled in a lot of gaps and eliminated others. 5/5!!

Very good

I remember the first rendition and liked it quite well. I give this story 5 stars. Last fall this writer posted 4 stories in LW and I thoroughly enjoyed all of them. Since that is the category I read the most I never looked at this writer again until today. Looks like I will have plenty to read for a while.

What was this rewrite for? Too confusing, 2*

I had some trouble keeping track of the players in this game, and who did what to whom. I willingly suspended disbelief for the plot, which was the bet. It got squirrelly when she told her husband she was going to sleep with a guy she sees every day at work and wanted him to believe it would be one and done. Then the minutiae took over toward the end. You wrapped up the lives of every character neatly in a little bow, which is not my cup of tea.

Started OK and then....went downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids.

Liked this better ! Thanks for the story.

Weird but not a bad story. I vaguely remember the first one.

Thanks.

Better. But still fell a bit short. It got too “clinical” attention end. Although the confrontation with Linda and family was OK, the lack of any real exchange with Linda alone deprived the story of any emotion. Plus…Linda seemed to lack any remorse, and….she really didn’t seem to grieve the destruction of her marriage.

4**** … but barely.

Well written story with all the details worked out and filled in more so than the first version. My problem is that the whole premise of the “challenge” is preposterous. Not believable that three lawyers would come up with something like this and not expect it would blowup on them. I know this is fiction but would be so much better if I could suspend disbelief.

It's hard to impossible to have any empathy with a wife who wants money before marriage. Does any wife really expect that she can go to another man with her husband's knowledge and have the marriage survive?

5 stars

I am happy with this rewrite. It was actually quite good, plus it was totally believable and possible. Please keep writing this way in the future and remember physical violence is never acceptable - no matter what the provocation.

That was enjoyable. Good work Gamblnluck.

/

Prostitutes disguised as wives. Stupid skanks.

This seemed to have been written by a "lawyer" and not a husband. To clinical as others have stated and not enough emotion. No remorse from the wives, Linda in particular. Linda just wanted a baby and the money, didn't care about who the father was. No real justice or ending at all.

nixrox.."remember physical violence is never acceptable - no matter what the provocation." If everyone during WWII thought like you the whole world today would be speaking either German or Japanese. Take your pussy cuck shit elsewhere. Some people need a good beat down.

One of my own first complaints about my original story was why I did not address the idea Linda and Gary waited to have sex at the resort. Was she doing it already? I was not clear but I hinted otherwise. I also hinted that it was because she had a night of wild sex with her husband the night before and needed to give Gary his shot for the challenge but did not specify that was the reason. In LW, if you are not clear, it gets missed by many. In this story I said she had never screwed Gary but was pressured by the other women to insure they got their bonuses plus of course the bet itself. The other women loved the sex they got cheating but wanted Linda on board.

After I wrote this I read "The Bridge". Yes I saw a few similarities in that they went to a private party and the wife gave him the "i need to do this and fuck you if you don't like it" speech. Beyond that, my plot was far different from that story.

I put myself in the role of John and thought how I would react. In reality, much the same. I would not have gone off threatening to kick the man's (Gary's) ass. I would not have thrown a hissy fit if I did not have kids to worry about. I would have planned to get get rid of the bitch and cause as much damage as I could without getting into serious legal trouble myself. The difference is my own case I would have gone public with the whole deal and burned her whole family and whoever took her side in the process. In the story, John liked his in-laws. He did not want to go out of his way to screw them, but he wanted them to ALL know who was at fault and how. He did threaten to 'not be discreet'. That was threat enough.

Some readers seem to want a decades long idea of how the person's life turned out. Sometimes I do too. But in this case, I felt a few months or so was sufficient.

How do you hurt successful businessmen? You take away their money. I wanted it to be the spouses all got their half of the communal assets while the guilty asses wound up with the tax bill coming out of their half. No, Gary did not lose his balls or get his knees broken by some ninja in the night. He lost his position and wound up floundering at his new job because his bosses knew why he had been fired. Was that cheating with a subordinate or on his fellow lawyers. The hint was probably both. Greg and Bill had a hard time keeping secretaries and paralegals because 'somebody' told what happened to their predecessors. Again, you hurt somebody rich by taking away their money.

I left it that the main character, John and Dave were single at the time. Their buddy Steve got back with his ex at least as a fuck buddy, but would probably not remarry. Kind of like, "Well buddy, watch out! You know the score now. But you have kids to consider. We don't"

I personally do not like the epilogues where the main character goes to the store to by beer and crashes his cart into the next love of his life and live happily ever after. Or the cheating bitch winds up a wizened cat lady.

I am sure somewhere there is a whole bunch of studies on the very subject of evolution of the sexual anatomy in humans. The idea of the shape of the penis doing what I said is indeed one of those things that is theorized as a function of evolution. Along with pubic hair and axillary (underarm) hair holding pheromones. There are other theories I left out. Like why the doggie position is so arousing to some women. Think of how animals mate. Humans walk upright. Why the clitoris is so far away from the vaginal opening it does not get direct stimulation from the penis itself. The purpose of the orgasm to make the vagina spasm (other than just getting women to want to screw.)

I know I left my original story hanging in many respects and tried to correct them to my satisfaction in this revision.

I wanted to like this version but like the other, it got bogged down in minutiae and legal fantasies. It became tedious even though the prose was pretty readable. Much of the angst could have been avoided had the protagonist merely followed his wife to her lover's cabin and raised a stink. But of course, pfft, there goes the whole story. Even so, it rates an easy four.

...a much improved story

Excellent! Between this and the Slave Camp series maybe you are creating a whole new sub-genre, not just BTB, but BATC (Burn All The Cheaters)

I don't know what dream world you are living in, but that kind of financial outcome is a fantasy.

desperately NEEDS an EDITOR to make it readable (in the English language - reading may be done in Cajun, not English as spoken worldwide)

Sorry but you couldnt write an intelligent woman anymore than Trump can find an intelligent follower.

Too stupid for all the women to be a bunch of worthless skanks out to have their husbands raise another mans kid.

Pretty sure the women written here beat you in the smarts department by a mile.

Story is still ridiculous.

It got really wordy when Evelyn and Judy got involved. Then it got extremely slow and circular on page 4 when Linda's family showed up, The tried and true gambits didn't work well because the conversations between the multiple characters wasn't tight. Then Linda caved in too early to sustain any tension. It isn't possible to say whether or not the plot/story line is realistic because it's about lawyers.

LWlurker

Not clear to me where either Linda or John ended up. Seemed like the original story with no bog changes. Linda continuing to fuck Gary seemed a bit over the top. Stupid premise.

Nice job. Agree with concept of getting original back up!

P.S. GL … There are not two options on spelling the word that meaning keeping something secret. ‘Discreet’ is the only way to spell that word. ‘Discrete’ means something else! You spell it incorrectly in a location, then correctly within a couple of paragraphs.

Loved it. I remember the original but not well enough to remember the outcome with exactly. But if I am remembering the original ending correctly this one is a lot better. Thanks for the re-write. To bad they took the first one down I would like to compare the difference and see if the brain cells still work.

They all were nothing but whores, Both Linda & Sue showed no remorse. Julie is now friends with benefits. Too bad the sluts and the lawyers weren't accidental victims of the husbands fire range practice. THEN, they'd get their due.

Better than the first but a little too much planning and not quite enough emotion.

A decent enough btb story.

@nixrox

"remember physical violence is never acceptable - no matter what the provocation."

Acceptable? To who?.

There are multiple instances where it is entirely acceptable.

If a peadophile rapes a child and the child's father brutally murders said peadophile then not only is the violance acceptable, it is highly commendable.

Too much about contracts and guns, just drones on and on re these two topics.

Another story that focuses on how to make a box cake, and mostly ignores what's in the cake, why its in the cake, and why the cake is being baked to begin with. We have no information about some sudden change in Linda's personality or character, so she's always been a greedy shallow indifferent wife, who just hadn't had a chance to fuck around for some real money? We are supposed to believe the sex with her asshole was mediocre, so its appears her adultery was all about the money. Except it wasn't just adultery, but true cuckolding.

Which begs the question, does Linda have so little respect for her husband that she thinks trading money for parentage is a good trade? Or maybe Linda has this Universal Motherhood attitude that all children are equally precious and worthy and with the extra money they can provide the best possible life for "their" child, the DNA donor being irrelevant to their family's quality of life? Maybe Linda is truly an open minded selfless paragon of love, compassion, and self sacrifice for the betterment of her children and the world at large?

Nawwwwww, .. .., just another stupid greedy skank who wants her cake and eat it too. Too bad the author didn't at least explore what could make a previously loving loyal faithful wife into one of the office's cum dumps. And forget burning the bitch. Linda has no morals, no ethics, will do anything for the right price, and has a functioning vagina surrounded by a reasonably attractive corpse; Linda will do just fine. God help the next man who doesn't do his due diligence before marrying this succubus.

If this is the improved version of the original story I wonder just how bad the first one was because this is incredibly inept.

Could you add some charts so we can keep track of everybody and their bets?

Not sure a rewrite was necessary. I may have missed some of the details but I felt it was basically the same. Still don't know why any guy would walk away and let his wife go to another man's room for the night. Especially when he has a gun in the car.

4. I had retained a copy of the original because of the author's "challenge" to other writers, and I quote, "why don't some of you readers take it up and finish it?" It was unclear if Gamblnluck meant to re-write the epilogue, or just to carry the story forward from where the epilogue left off. This revision folds the epilogue invents into the story proper, and goes into greater detail. It's still a decent candidate for a "what happened next?" sequel, at least where the MC and his friend Dave are concerned. And contrast that with what happens to the ex-wives.

It's not literature nor is it erotica. What exactly is the point of this hateful little diatribe? You're happily married but you're not. You are a great marksman that threatens to shoot but doesn't. You're better in bed than your wife's lover, but she sleeps with him repeatedly anyway. You're a financial planner that has money in the bank, but your wife seeks her money elsewhere. She's a crack paralegal, who falls for an open ended contract. Your in laws are the family you never had, so you take great delight in continuing to needle them after they have a full understanding of the whole sordid affair. One of these things would make for an incongruent story in the National Enquirer. This crap has no place here.

I gave this a 3 and think I may have over-scored it. Cumbersome, wordy as hell with no good reason, no explanations on how that many whores all worked at the same place (or does this author think all women are whores just waiting on the right payday?).

As the original version is not available, I can't tell how this version is different. Seems the same to me. Please avoid naming different chaactors with similar names. I could not clearly distinguish between Greg and Gary.

I liked it, but I would have liked it MORE if ALL THREE of the women were pregnant, by the lawyers, but their husbands stayed married to them and made the wives sign a post nuptual stinger agreement. Just my way to finish it

Not your best story!! I stayed confused on the names since they were similar and would have rather had a confrontation between the husband and the asshole attorney than one with her family

This is one mess of a plot with so many holes in it that the only way it can be accepted if you really do not read it carefully. The fact that the whole thing is just absurd ought to occur to anybody reading it.

One important thing here needs to be noted because it is repeated in LW stories - "man is on the hook whether he is biological father or not."

Where did you get that nonsense?

In almost every state a husband that is not a biological father can (and most will) file rebuttal suit to disprove paternity and he would win the cases where wife was aware of the real father while deceiving the husband. That is the reality and you do not need to spice this up for moronic BTB "man is always screwed" mantra. In fact, it is almost always women that end up in a real bad position as single mothers. That can easily be seen in government statistics where single mothers are the poorest layer of the society.

Also the reason why child custody is usually (but not always) awarded to a woman is a simple fact that women are almost always more into raising children then men. It has been that way since the time of a cavemen. It is easy to whine about that but the fact is that men are generally poor in parenting skills. There are plenty of sociological papers with polls done that are proving this beyond any doubts. When was the last time any of you BTB bullshiters checked the vaccination schedule of your children? You probably do not even know that such a thing exists.

dark2donut2, I'm claiming NO expertise here, but I think it depends on timing. If a husband suspects infidelity and challenges paternity at or soon (how soon likely depends on the state) after birth, he will likely be more or less in the clear. But once a period of time (again, depending on state laws) has gone by with the husband raising the child as his own, he is usually stuck. Frankly, unless he's a really cold fish, he's probably bonded with the child anyway.

dark2donut2... actually several things I said are VERY true. Once the man's name is on the birth certificate and it is filed, he has accepted paternity. It takes a lot to remove it. In most cases by the time he has gone through the pregnancy he is invested in the child and he never checks unless something comes up years later. Again he is screwed. He has accepted fatherhood, just like an adopted father.

Women tend to get a far more receptive treatment in a divorce despite your statistics they are are in the lower strata. Some of those stats are simply the result of the numbers of dumbass women who chose to not have a career.

In my own family both my son in law and my brother inlaw are the 'home parent'. And for very different reasons. You must be a woman to believe all the horseshit you spouted.

Another of my friends got divorced in Texas. His wife cheated on him and then moved in with the man. My friend paid alimony until the wedding. He continued to pay child support for both children even though the boy moved back in with him. Why? because he had to go back to court and pay the attorney to refile an amendment costing him MORE than the child support for along time would be. His wife was not about to let him off, she demanded every cent.

She cheated, got half the assets, alimony, child support and still screwed the guy for a while until she got remarried. Not such a stretch in these stories.

Dark2 donut2 Also in Louisiana, the husband only has a year to challenge. If he does not, guess what? My stepson knew the dates were off when one of his girlfriends claimed he was the father. I paid almost a thousand bucks to get an invitro DNA test. Turns out it was money well spent. Stepson claimed he knew he was not the father as she was off somewhere during the time.

Dark2donut2. Sometimes it's just better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

In what fucking alternate reality do you live in?

My ex wife was a stay at home mom with my 3 daughters. She decided one day that she would like to fuck a friend of mine on a regular basis. When I found out...I kicked her ass out. Guess who got primary custody in the divorce? She did. And I paid.

She could have taught school. She had the degree. She had the credentials. She only needed to renew her license. Did she? Nope. Why you ask? Because it was easier and a lot less hassle for her to collect alimony and child support from me than to actually have to work a real job. And with what I was paying her? It was equal to what she would make in her first few years starting salary for a teacher. And she got all of the boyfriends she was fucking after that to help pay for all the extra shit she wanted. Didn't see much suffering or her in poverty either.

And dumb ass...want me to show you my kids vaccination records? I have taken them all to doctor's appointments over the years and had to cope with all the reactions...all the screaming in the offices...had to literally hold down my 2nd oldest while the pediatrician finished giving her the last shot she needed to start kindergarten. So...just because your experience might be that you or the men in your life are absolute morons and failures as fathers...doesn't mean all fathers are. I have always worked full time and cooked, cleaned, did laundry and shared every other household chore there is. That includes changing thousands of diapers as well with all 5 of my kids.

I don't doubt you are a fucking slope headed caveman. But again...in today's world necessity requires a person (male.or female) to simply adapt and do what must be done.

As for your opinions about how easy it is to simply not be financially responsible for children whose birth certificates list you as the father? If you can prove through a DNA test that the child isn't yours...that your wife might have lied? Then all responsibility for raising and providing for the child are just removed completely from your future, right? WRONG.

I don't know where you live, but it ain't so cut and dried in most of the cases I've ever read about. Most judges don't give a fuck what the situation might have been surrounding the conception. What they care about is providing for the child. And what is best for the child. And I your name is on the birth certificate? And you've spent as little as a year or two providing and caring for the child? Then you will continue to provide foe the child. DNA proof or no DNA proof. The judge does not care (and the law is NOT clear in most states). You do not just get to walk away from child support of a child you have been parenting for years (birth certificate dad) just because you find out it is not biologically yours. You will still pay in most cases.

So you think this story is farfetched in its premises? Look it up. Do some research. It happens more than most people think...once you accept responsibility for a child and act as a father? You are on the hook.

So maybe before you lay a bunch of criticism in the future about shit you really don't have a clue about...maybe you should just pass on sharing your genius with us all. Keep it to yourself.

Some people take this stuff way to seriously. This is just a story…fiction. In storyland you can make up your very own rules that all the characters IN THE STORY have to follow. Lighten up…it’s just a story for entertainment.

Very good story but not enough done to Gary. Even though you have written he was a decent person there should have been some hurt laid on him.

Wait 2 years after the divorce then act and attack. Balls crushed is the end result.

Retain their law licenses???? They co-mingled funds that at least some of which should have been held in escrow accounts. Also, what was the build up regarding guns and his shooting skills only to have nothing come about???

Overall, not a bad story but I think if you would have extended the story by at least 3 more pages you could see have had some serious fun with it.

"... he had joined Dave and I going to the range."

I know I should not be so sensitive about this error because virtually every author on LW does it wrong. But despite an otherwise grammatically clean contribution, it is such a disappointing revealer of lack of education. It's "Dave and ME"!

A fresh twist on the shopworn Wife Announces She's Going On A Date trope, so high marks for that. I do have a an objection though : the situation would have been more credible if the MC and Linda had been married for only a few years, not 14.

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Think how many thousands of intimate conversations and interactions must have transpired between the two during such a long marriage. And yet the MC had o clue that his wife was stupid, shallow, and selfish. What does that say about him?

"We just flirted a bit." - So when he expressed his concern about Gary, and she said there was nothing going on, she was lying.

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"Silly. We love each other too much for that." - Obviously not too much to cuckold him!

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"But I wanted to know why. I needed to know how it came about." - Who the fuck cares, besides she already told him.

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"You were not cuckolded. One night of sex and you knew about it." - Knowing about it doesn't make him less of a cuckold, and it doesn't matter if it's one time, one night, or a year.

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He should have replied to a text about the birth control pills.

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"it would be best if we could get proof of what is going on." - That text exchange wasn't proof? What is it with authors here that they are obsessed with getting MORE proof when they already have enough?

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"The only way we get screwed is if one of our husbands finds out he is not the father and divorces us before we give birth." - That's not true. The time period varies state to state, but paternity can be challenge up to a certain time after birth.

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"I want to see if we can find out what the lawyers have at stake first." - Again, who cares? The only thing I would do is let the lawyers' wives in on what's going on/

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If she and Gary didn't use the marital bed, didn't they then use the spare room? So why is he using it? Or are there three bedrooms?

Decently written, with an interesting angle on the standard "We need to talk" trope. Realistically, the bet was far too complicated to work, especially with written contracts. Written contracts only work for legitimate or at least legal activities. I doubt there are many places you could get such contracts enforced, if any. Still, it made for an new angle and was fairly well explained, so I give it good marks for that alone.

And that was how they got Capone- the IRS. The Bear approves. I loved it. A thinking man's solution, but no bloodshed. 6 stars; you can't win them all.

The BEAR

Great story!

The rewrite was too confusing with narrative and too convenient for the husbands to execute their plans!

typical story with a mess of Whats?

I recall a little of the original version, this version is better

Although this is an interesting story, and is written pretty well, an unsatisfying ending was almost inevitable.

These wives were unquestionably prostitutes (it was about the money, after all), and they definitely deserved to face consequences for their marital deceit. But the "awarding" to the husbands of so much of the money they had "earned" lying on their backs had the actual effect of turning their husbands into their pimps (ironically, by legal edict in family court).

The story proves the adage that, in a divorce, there are no winners, but ALSO proves that sometimes ALL of the parties can be scumbags whenever there is a possibility of monetary benefit!

Revenge factor is pretty good, but ethically speaking .... Highly Unsatisfying!

Very well written version of the story. Quite a lot of effort to flesh out the plot and characters. Some people like that. No reason to attack the effort.

Well thought out and written.Takes talent to keep people invested in a story and you have that.One of the good stories amongst a sea of dross

If he works at home, why the need to take guns/ammo to the office and let his boss know what was happening?

Very good BTB (burn the bitch) story. 5 stars.

First paragraph:

You are going to have a difficult conversation that might involve gun play and he prepares by getting a whiskey buzz? Really? Apparently your main character is a complete dumbass. First paragraph!

A good story,but holes.Statements that made no sense, not lodgical or somewhat contradicting from previous statements/situations.On the whole its a successful tale as it holds a readers attention to see how it winds down.

If you knew where Gentleman Jack’s two fingers have been, you wouldn’t be sucking on them, that’s for sure.

That’s too bad. What you have written is simply a mishmash of stories you have read on this site. You don’t have characters or a plot. You have caricatures and clichés. None of the participants in this story behave anything like humans, and the situation(s) you put them in are unbelievably far fetched. Just about the only thing that would make it more ridiculous is if you gave them magic powers.

Your major plot-point is inconceivable. Seriously, a bunch of partners in a LAW firm are planning to do a ridiculous contest that will cost them a bunch of cash, expose them to huge risk and liability, with little or no reward to them. Why? Also, unless they all failed law school, they would also know that they have entered into a conspiracy to commit fraud. That has criminal consequences.

I know you just wanted to write a story where the hero gets shit on by an unimaginably stupid woman and kicks ass, emerging on top! Like all the rest of the stupid stories here. Here’s a problem, though. The wife’s smart enough to be a paralegal, but is too stupid to foresee that telling her husband that she’s going to fuck her boss while she and her hubby are trying to get pregnant could possibly cause a problem!

Did you not consider this in your zeal to write a female character you could trash? Do you really think that all of your readers are as stupid as the characters you write?

If you’re taking writing advice from the trolls and chuckleheads that infest this site, you are just going to continue to write shit.

Some research maybe would of been appropriate as to the legal information. And your MC came out on top really because it really didn't sound like it? I don't think it's crazy to suggest that any red blooded male would want every person at that law firm paid for what was done to them.

Except your MC seems a few sandwiches short of a picnic so his half cocked revenge plan was the best you could come up with?

thats warped but hey its lawyers

One unusual good thing in this story: reasonable amounts.

Main characters in stories in this category too often get multi-million dollar payouts while their enemies are sent to prison for thousands of years. At least the outcomes here are somewhat realistic.

Awesome story….

Too much talk of guns and not any use of them

Original and entertaining.

Ed

Interesting premise, not well handled: Our Heroes never make a misstep while the foes commit one blunder after another. It doesn't work like that.

True that, no one really wins in a divorce, besides the lawyers for each side.

The cucks were way to civilized and very little real emotion. There should have been serious payback on the lawyers and the wives.

Shirt if a 5. It needs either more payback or more of a life well lived.

Way too long. Story was told and retold. Finally got bored.

Not a very satisfying ending though the rest of the story was interesting and kept you engaged... it seems that a lot of writers on this site put all their efforts in the beginning and middle but, then at the end, they just seem to run out of steam, get sloppy, and just finish as quickly as possible.

What a clusterfuck!

Jesus Christ. I feel like the husbands in this story did not treat what their wives did with the gravity warranted. What Linda and the other wives did is pure evil. Cheating and then happily making their husbands raise babies that were not their own. How did her parents not lose their minds once hearing the depth of their daughter's cruelty. LW has a lot of evil wives but Linda is near the top of the list. She didn't get punished nearly as much as she deserves. What she did is unforgivable.

Great story, man

What an overly detailed account of just about nothing that couldn’t have been adequately handled in about a page and a half. Why do these authors insist on regurgitating in excruciating detail the financial steps one takes in preparing for a divorce? Is it a rule that Lit requires it when posting a story?

Frankly this “story” read more like a business report than anything else. 2*

started out good, then got to be way too much with the "challenge" and all the $

Really lame. Reads like a creative writing essay from high school.

Far fetched scenario is putting it mildly.

Sexual Harrasment does not apply here.

The women agreed to the affairs for money and were dedicated, by their own admission, there desire to continue. This actually constitutes prostitution. Also, attempt to defraud comes into play. So, a serious misdemeanor and a Felony Charge.

The results if the IRS investigation fraud and tax evasion.A FEDERAL FELONY. ALSO, conspiracy to fraud lying force the husband's into fatherhood; conspiracy also a FELONY.

The women, being a willing participant in that plan, are also guilty of criminal conspiracy. So, maybe 20yrs + Federal and 5 State Prison time. The women would probably plea ou as witnesses for the prosecution. The woman with kids would lose them owing to here criminal history.

A bit convoluted but l still enjoyed this updated version

4/5

Huh? Way too boring and convoluted.

5 pages too long of the cheating bitches and cuck husbands