All Comments on 'Baby Doll Ch. 12'

I really don't know what to say exactly. This story started out really good to the point where I would be excited to see a new chapter. But then...it just got a little less good..then worse..then to the point where I was just skimming through to get the gist of what was happening. I wanted to stop reading but my dedication wouldn't let me stop without completion. I'm not sure if it was because the writing was being rushed or what but..no.

To be honest the last two-threeish chapters IMO were really bad. It was like when Eric became DIRECTLY involved(starting with Cliff) that's when the story went downhill. It felt incredibly rushed and wasn't fun to read.

Regardless, I still look forward to see what else you have in store.

I loved all of the chapters until about 9, I think. Then you got weird with Eric in lust with Cliff and Cliff fake-reciprocating it. I don't care about male/male sex, that's not the icky part. I didn't like the last two chapters at all until the end when they killed the asshole! You also rushed the ending. It also sounded like Cliff developed a few of Eric's bad habits in the end. Please consider rewriting the ending of this. Thanks!

Not much else to say. You went against the grain of your characters and got salty it was pointed out to you.

Kudos for finishing the story, but for once I wouldn't have minded it being abandoned.

I know I know, sounds harsh, but you've got enough potential I want to see more from you and I want you to write more stories.

Plan ahead, make your characters believable and consistent and for don't lose one bit of your drive and imagination, even if we're complaining.

I am afraid I must agree with the other comments, that your ending leaves something to be desired. My interest also began to wane by chapter 9, too much detail on the sex and not enough story line action. It was almost like the entire family vanished.

Although I am not a fan of Male-Male sex encounters, I endured it, although an aggressive alpha type male such as Cliff becoming so subservient was a little bit of a stretch.

I think a rewrite of the last couple of chapters to include more interaction with the family would greatly enhance the story. And the fight scene? Here's a guy who can use his voice to have people do things they would not ordinarily do with no effort at all and he gets handled by Cliff? The same Cliff who just spent weeks bending over for him?

The guy has two brothers, they should have been there at the campsite fight. It would have been more plausible, that the vampire could not mind control four 'Beasts' at a time and would therefore be slaughtered by Cliff plus his siblings.

But, overall, a good story, well written from the girl's POV. You seemed to have shifted to Cliff's POV in the last chapters. Might have been better to pay more attention to keeping it the other way.

Keep writing, look forward to more.

I loved the way Cliff played on Eric's ego & used it to bring him down. Eric's seduction of Cliff was classic. I get so tired of all the gratuitous girl-on-girl sex that it was refreshing to read something different. Thank you!

Now the pet pig, on the other hand, was totally irrelevant, & didn't add anything positive. It didn't fit the rest of the story.