Back to Back Pt. 05

"That's what my sister said."

"Okay! So not all of her advice was shit."

It got quiet again as we both thought over what I had shared.

"Listen, Arthur... How do I say this?..."

Uh oh...

"You're lucky. That's what I was going to say, not weird. Trying to figure out your sexuality can be really difficult. You have age and experience on your side. All the internalized shit we have but aren't aware of you get to unpack in a mature and healthy way. The way I see it, you're going to get to skip a lot of really awkward, uncomfortable steps. Don't get down on yourself. You'll figure it out, especially if you can be accepting toward yourself, whatever happens."

Wow. Honestly, I was a little worried Conner was upset actually upset with me for stringing him along and that he was trying to find a nice way to chew me out. Instead, he offered me some really meaningful advice. I ruminated on his words.

"Thank you, Conner."

********

Conner and I hung out for a few hours after that, playing games and talking. I'm not sure he's had a lot of people to confide in about this stuff, because he was really appreciative when I inquired about his experiences. I was curious for my own sake, but also he seemed like he had a lot to get off his chest. He told me about growing up in a small, southern baptist town and how he wasn't really out back home. There was one out kid where he was from, but he was beaten so badly he had to be put in a medically induced coma. He said it messed him up and it made it really difficult to come to terms with his own sexuality. He waited till University to have his parents put him in therapy because he didn't trust the counselors in his town not to tattle. He spoke about it in a such a nonchalant way, with an almost far-away look in his eyes, but I could tell it was something that still deeply effected him. He really hammered home how fortunate I was to have the freedom to figure myself out.

Another thing that really stuck with me was what Conner told me about therapy. A lot of what he had been doing since he started going was unlearning the stigma he associated with homosexuality. When he was talking about it I felt a little guilty because I had some of the same ignorant thought patterns he had struggling with. And I didn't even have a church to blame it on. In the last few weeks I had thought of myself as freak, a pervert, a weirdo, unworthy of Miles' friendship, the list goes on. Over the course of that conversation I realized that if I could truly accept myself than nothing could really hurt me. If I'm okay with liking guys, then I should have no reason to give a crap what anyone else thinks about it.

By the time we started to smell the dinner one of his roommates was cooking I was emotionally exhausted, but eternally grateful. Marissa's words helped, sure. But putting myself in Conner's shoes and hearing the lessons he had learned really, really helped. I felt educated and empowered.

Conner's roommate offered us dinner but I wanted to get home. Miles and I usually spent our Sundays together watching TV and stuff, and I was hoping to still get some quality lounging time in before bed. Conner walked me home and on the way I expressed my gratitude.

"Conner, I can't thank you enough. I had no fricking clue what I was doing."

"I'm glad you talked about it with me. The hardest part of this stuff for a lot of people is having to go through it alone, and nobody should have to do that." He threw his arm around me and ruffled my hair. For about the millionth time that night I compared him to Miles, noticing how much smaller his body was.

"You really helped me, and you gave me a lot to think about. I'm hoping we can hang out again? As friends?"

"Yeah, I'd like that. " He said as he grinned.

We got to the sidewalk in front of my dorm and we stopped walking, turning to face each other.

"Thank you for walking me home." I looked into his eyes and the looks of attraction I'd been getting from him the last few weeks were nowhere to be found.

"No problem, Arthur. I'll see you around?"

"See you around."

He lingered there for a moment. Well, I guess we both did. So I pulled him in for a hug. Not quite as all-encompassing as a hug from Miles but not bad for a lanky guy.

He parted with a smile.

I had forgotten about how apathetic Miles was towards me earlier, but I was harshly reminded as I walked into our room. It was completely dark and Miles was laying in bed facing the wall. I say laying, because I know he wasn't sleeping. When he sleeps he has a specific breathing pattern and he makes this little snore noise every once in a while. I heard neither. I may have only been hanging out with Miles again for a few weeks, but I knew what it looked like someone was pouting. Normally when I get back home Miles is always waiting to greet me. He was being ridiculous. We didn't have plans. It's not like I ditched him in a foreign country, alone, without a passport.

I was tired anyway though, too tired to deal with his tude, so I just got ready for bed. I'd been out all day and had a really emotionally taxing conversation with Conner. I needed a lie down.

I was kind of butthurt Miles didn't care to say goodnight. I liked saying it to him every night before bed, but whatever.

********

Miles

So, Artie ditched my ass. For the slime. And to do what? Who knows? Artie didn't tell me. One second I'm thinking of shit for us to do after brunch and the next he's telling me he's got plans. That don't involve me. Right, well he could have fun then. I dipped. I faked like I was there for the connections but I was just there for the free food and to chill with Artie. But I guess he'd rather hang with Conner.

The whole Uber home I was pressed. I didn't even know why, just that I was intensely irritated. As soon as I got home I got changed and hit the gym. I didn't stretch or warm up, and my body was going to be pissed at me tomorrow, but I needed it. I spent a solid two hours blasting music and zoning. By the end, I was beat. After a long, hot shower I got my ass home into bed and passed right the fuck out.

I woke up around dinnertime. After the beating I put my muscles through I knew I needed to load up on protein so I hit the dining hall in my PJs. I was still low key in a sour mood so I kept my hood up and my head down. I wasn't trying to see people I knew. Luckily, I escaped with minimal social interaction, only having to speak to the attendant and a couple of the workers.

As I was getting back into bed I looked out the window to see if the sun had set enough to justify calling it a night. I caught Artie walking up to the dorm with Conner wrapped around him like a vine. I could feel my lips press into a straight line. They stopped and talked for a second, before Artie grabbed Conner into a hug. Instantly I was fucking pissed. It's one thing for this dude to be all over Artie but Artie is one hundred percent encouraging it doing shit like that. And I've told him a million fucking times that dude's trying to fuck him. I could practically feel the blood rushing through my veins as my fist clenched.

I shut the blinds.

Then I turned off the lights and got into bed. I needed to be unconscious.

Artie quietly entered a minute later. I'm guessing he got ready to sleep because he got into bed and we both laid there in silence. For a while I was irritated, and then I was just laying there staring at the bottom of Artie's bunk. And then realized that the only reason we aren't shooting the shit right now was because I was being an asshole. I felt Artie shifted around on his bunk.

"Hey." I whispered.

"Hey." He whispered back, just like I did.

"What's up."

"Laying in the dark. What about you?" Snarky ass.

"Same." Two can play at that game.

"Nice."

Good talk. Okay, lemme try again.

"Did you see the fat ass hickey on Bridget's neck at brunch?" Immediately, conversation flowed.

"Oh my gosh, how could I not? It was somehow both dark purple and bright yellow. I'm not even sure I was a hickey. I think someone must have beaten her with a rolling pin or something."

"Dude, no. And she has a boyfriend back home."

"No fricking way... Please tell me you're making that up."

"Deadass."

"Holy crap..."

Then it was quiet again.

"How was chilling with Conner?" Subtle, Miles. Real subtle.

"It was good. Long. By the end I just wanted to come back here do nothing." Which gave me a slight lift. I took that as he'd rather be here with me.

"Wanna do nothing down here?" I almost cringed at how much I sounded like a loser on the playground trying to make friends. But Artie immediately made for the ladder.

I flipped over, made room for him, and we laid down together. I grabbed the remotes and pulled something up to watch while Artie got situated, and once settled in we got to talking. He told me all about the new Star Wars, which I had been curious about. I definitely didn't need to go see it, based on Artie's summary. Then he gave me the run down of what he did all day, and I caught him up with what I'd been up to. The way Artie explained it though, it sounded a lot like he went on a date.

"Dude, I think Conner might think he took you out." I propped myself up on my elbow to look down at Artie, who was laying on his back playing with the strings on my hoodie. Artie looked away.

"Yeah, he definitely did. But I told him I'm not interested." I felt a weight I didn't even realize I was ccarrying lift off my shoulders.

"How'd he take that?"

"Really well, actually. We're hanging out again some time this week probably. I think we're officially friends."

"Uh huh..." I find that hard to believe. The dude was definitely still trying to get in Artie's pants. But whatever Artie says.

"Wanna play Switch?" Artie asked.

And when Artie asks for something, I make it happen.

********

Artie

The day after brunch Miles got a text from one of his frisbee buddies. Apparently they were have an impromptu club meeting. That guy loves frisbee so he immediately agreed. He invited me along but I was still thinking about Conner's advice, thinking about taking Conner's advice, I should say. Miles said he'd be gone for a few hours and I knew then was as good as time as any.

Once he left I waited a few minutes to make sure he didn't forget anything, I locked the door. I grabbed my laptop out of my backpack and sat down at my desk. I didn't think Miles would appreciate me doing what I was about to do on his bed. I pulled up a web browser and just sat there for a few moments. I felt like I was about to take a polar plunge, except once I got in the water I wouldn't be able to come back out. Apprehension flooded me suddenly and I seriously considered backing out. Conner's words about acceptance echoed in my mind and I felt a second wind.

I did it. I typed 'gay porn' into the search bar and clicked the top result. I was brought to the gay section of a porn site and immediately my eyes avoided the male nudity on my screen, shifting around the room quickly.

I took a deep breath and recalibrated myself. I just needed to check it out and see if any of it made me horny. I could do this.

I forced my eyes back to my laptop and immediately I was inundated with the most graphic video titles I had ever seen. They all looked so... rough? I hesitantly scrolled, still avoiding direct eye contact, scared of what I might find. At the bottom of the front page though was a thumbnail of a guy who looked kind of like me. He was around my size, maybe a little shorter and skinnier. But he was blonde and our features were pretty similar. If I had a buzz cut and wore contacts we definitely could be mistaken as siblings. I figured that was probably a good place to start.

The deeper I got into the site the heavier the weight in my stomach felt, but there was no turning back now. Clicking through his videos, they all were with the same guy but going through various scenarios. Doctor Wolf assesses patient, step dad teaches his son, etc. I just clicked on the most normal looking one I could find. The video loaded and I checked the lock on the door one last time.

The video started out with the dad, I guess? Sitting at a dining room table reading the newspaper. He was sipping his coffee and reading when the me, 'Caleb', enters on screen wearing only an oversized jockstrap. Already I was so confused by the premise, but I had more important things to worry about. He looked good, his butt looked tight and round and for a moment I wondered how I'd look in a jock. But, I wasn't turned on yet.

The blonde walked up to the dad and they immediately began kissing. Wolf, or whatever his name was, turned Caleb toward the camera and started playing with his body, kissing him and plucking his nipples. I felt my breath shorten as I remembered what it felt like to have my nipples played with. Absentmindedly my hand came up and started rubbing them over my shirt. The older guy started grabbing the blondes pouch, gripping and stroking it firmly. The blonde just stood there taking it and my breathing intensified. He was grabbing him like he belonged to him and it was making my temperature rise.

The 'dad' bent the smaller guy over the table and kneaded his cheeks, showcasing his hole for the camera. My abs quivered as I thought about being bent over and exposed like that. Wolf, I guess is his name, had Caleb's pec in one hand and his cheeks in the other as he rubbed his hole with his fingers.

I unbuttoned my pants.

The me dropped to his knees and suddenly there was a hard cock dangling in front of his face. Quickly he started sucking on the large knob, looking up into the eye of the guy above him. He looked so much like me, it was so easy to imagine that was me servicing that cock. For a second, an image of me back in the sauna with Miles flashed across my mind. A vision of me sucking on the head of Miles cock just like that. But I pushed it out of my mind as quickly as possible.

He sucked on the top half for awhile, before lifting the cock and sucking on his balls. I imagined Miles telling me to open my mouth wide as he pushed his balls in. The guy slapped his cock on the blondes face as he sucked his balls and I moaned out loud.

After the blowjob, the tall guy bent the smaller one over the table again and the blond's balls were hanging out of the jock strap. I couldn't help but noticed how much his sac looked like mine. His ass was slightly smaller and hairier than mine, but It wasn't difficult to suspend disbelief. Especially once Wolf's fingers started rubbing Caleb's hole. I flashed back to my shower a few weeks ago and I flushed with embarrassment, but my dick throbbed even harder.

I slid my pants and underwear down to my ankles and one hand wrapped around my cock as the other squeezed my balls. My jaw went slack as his pointer finger slid inside. I suddenly really wanted to know what that felt like. I slid down in my chair and pulled my knees to my chest, resting my feet on the edge of my desk. For a split I second I felt shame and humiliation at my positioning, but I reminded myself of Conner's advice again. My hand slowly resumed jacking while the hand grabbing my balls slid lower, drawing soft, slow circles around my hole. I applied more and more pressure as my hand moved faster up and down my cock, which was already dripping precum. My hole, taint, and balls all tingled as my finger circled closer and closer to the center of my hole. My legs would spasm toward each other and I'd spread them again, every time flushing at the exposed feeling it gave me. The guy started sliding his finger in and out rhythmically and I matched his tempo, pressing against my center every time he bottomed out.

He pulled his finger out and positioned himself behind the blond. I knew what was coming next, and I wanted to see it happen.

He spit on his cock and pushed the head up against his hole, and I did the same to my fingers. As he slowly slid inside, so did I.

"Ohhhhh." A long, low-pitched moan escaped me.

I watched as Caleb's hole swallowed the head of the thick cock and a glob of precum dribbled out of my dick. I was so entranced I barely registered the slight burn from the stretching I was doing to my own hole. I felt so naughty perched on my chair spread wide open but I don't think my dick had ever been harder. I pushed my finger all the way inside and held it there as I rubbed my cock with long, firm strokes.

The dad started a rhythm, pushing and pulling the blond up and down his cock. He was taking it all the way and I watched as his eyes fluttered. He looked like he was in heaven. I matched their rhythm with my finger and my penis throbbed every time my hand made contact with my taint.

I pulled my finger out to spit on my hand again, this time pressing two fingers against my hole. They wouldn't fit and my hole burned as it stretched to accommodate, so I pressed the tips in hard and wiggled them around. The sudden force made my while body light up. It probably should have felt uncomfortable, but instead it made my hips involuntarily thrust up and down in my seat. I moaned and panted, and my hole relaxed just enough to slide my pointer and middle finger in to the base.

"Mmph!" A high pitched sound from the back of my throat came out as the the stretching sensation suddenly registered. It burned slightly but I couldn't stop. I stuck two fingers from my other hand in my mouth to wet them, then rubbed the excess spit around the edges of my hole. I felt the stretched ring with my free fingers, fascinated by the contractions around and under my fingers. The slapping sounds of sex echoed around the room and I was suddenly jealous of Caleb, wishing it was me being filled that way. I slid my fingers in deeper and wiggled them around forcefully like before. My breathing sped up and my dick bounced, then leaked in response.

. The blond was on his knees with his butt at the edge of the table and suddenly the guy thrusting switched angles. Instead of thrusting upward he started going downward and the blond's moans could suddenly be heard over the slapping noises. I dug around at the same angle trying to feel whatever feeling the guy on screen was.

Then, I found it. The spot inside me that made my eyes cross. My fingers banged into a hard nub and as the tips of my fingers made contact my entire body shook. My legs quivered and my abs contracted pulling my body into an even tighter curl. I pulled my legs back further and stuck my elbows into the crooks of my knees, locking me into place. I felt like such a dirty slut, and just thinking those words made me moan out loud. I pounded that spot with my fingers, slowly pulling them almost all the way out before slamming them back in. My free hand grabbed my cheek, kneading it before spreading it wide for my rough fingering. My dick head was dark red and it felt so full of blood it could burst at any moment. I was almost scared to touch it.

A third finger joined the second two and the stretch almost made me cry. In a good way, I think. I felt so physically overwhelmed but I couldn't stop. I had completely lost myself. I wasn't looking at the screen anymore, my vision had gone completely blurry. The hand grabbing my cheeks flew to my cock and jacked furiously, matching the merciless pace I was running on my hole.

"Ohhhh my goshhhhh" My voice was barely above a whisper. I didn't even mean to say it. It just came out of me.

I could feel pressure and heat building in my lower body, starting from somewhere behind my balls. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think. I stopped jacking my cock and focused solely on the tingling stemming from my hole. I had felt orgasms before, but this was different. I had lost all muscle control. My body was convulsing regularly and every time I did a little bead of precum would leak out and add to the pool on my stomach. My body curled inward harder and harder, before