Back to Good Pt. 01

For the next week after their date night went wrong - the night they had misunderstood each other and Shane was too rough with Scarlett during sex - they spent nearly every evening together at social gatherings.

Drinking and card games with their mutual friend and his housemates, the cinema with Shane's friends, a housewarming party for Scarlett's friend and dinner with Shane's friend and his wife.

They were rarely alone together and although Scarlett didn't feel like being sociable, she was relieved for the distraction. She wasn't sure why but she felt so nervous to be alone with Shane at the moment that she could hardly bare him to touch her in case he might think she wanted sex and she had to reject him. He had been rough before and sometimes, even when she'd asked for it, it was too much for her but the fear she'd felt last week when he held her down and held his hand round her throat without asking if it was ok had left her feeling on edge and vulnerable.

In the company of others they behaved as they always did: Shane sat with his arm around Scarlett's shoulders or with his hand on her thigh or they held hands or he hugged her round her waist. Scarlett missed the feeling of total comfort and safety all this used to give her, now it was peppered with apprehension and tension. Shane still treated her in his caring and protective way, stroking her back or her hand, gently and discreetly asking if she was ok, if she was having a nice time and kissing her reassuringly.

Walking home from the city centre after dinner with Shane's friend and his wife, Scarlett told Shane she had enjoyed all the invitations they'd accepted during the week but joked how she was exhausted from all the social interaction.

"I think you're more exhausted from avoiding the elephant in the room though" Shane said, squeezing his arm around her shoulder and looking down at her.

"Meaning?" asked Scarlett, looking at the ground, pulling away from him and kicking the early Autumn leaves under her feet.

"Meaning that I can just about hold your hand. You haven't let me anywhere near you, never mind wanted to have sex in over a week and you're avoiding being alone with me but we need to talk about what happened and how to fix it" Shane said, in a concerned tone, softly grasping hand and holding it tightly in his.

Scarlett took a deep breath and sighed "I'm not really sure how I feel or why." Scarlett's voice began to wobble "I know you didn't mean it to hurt me, I know you're caring and considerate and even if I ask for something when we're having sex you usually still make sure it's ok or you stop if I ask you to...I just...I dunno" her voice cracked, she shrugged and turned her face away from him. The wind stung her cheeks as she faced into it, trying to hide her tears from him.

"Scarlett?" Shane stopped walking and pulled her hand in towards him to try and turn her round to face him. She tried to resist but he could see she was crying. "Aw babe, come here" he sighed, in a soothing voice. He wrapped her arm around his waist and clasped her into his chest, encircling her in his arms, stroking and kissing her hair. He could tell she was embarrassed. "You don't have to hide anything from me, babe. I care so much for you, I just want to make sure you're alright." he said softly. Scarlett began to sob and he held her tightly. A white van drove past, beeping the horn as the passenger shouted obscenities out the window at them. Shane flicked the V sign at them. "Shall we go home through the park? Maybe it'll be easier to talk when we're not at home or in the middle of the street." he offered.

Scarlett nodded, breaking out of his embrace and apologised for the tear stains on his top.

They walked holding hands in silence, apart from Scarlett trying to compose herself, and sat on a bench near the trees.

"Let's see who can spot the most squirrels!" Shane joked but Scarlett was silent. Shane's voice was low and gentle "Ok...I guess I'll start? well...for my part...I just...I saw the way you were dressed. You looked sexy in your skirt and the fishnet tights and I knew... I thought... you were teasing me... more than usual...I knew you wanted to fuck when we got home from the restaurant, I know you enjoy teasing. I...I told you what I wanted to do and...eh...you didn't say you didn't want it. I guess I didn't think it was a big deal to rip your tights. I mean they're only tights, you can always buy new ones, eh?" Shane said nervously.

Scarlett stared at him. "I didn't say I didn't want it because I wanted what you said. You didn't say you wanted to hold me down, fuck me hard and choke me. 'Cos if you HAD, I would've thought about it, we would've talked about it and decided together." raged Scarlett.

"And yeah, they're 'only tights' but they were my CLOTHES. What if I'd been wearing trousers, is it ok to rip those?! I never wear skirts, you KNOW that. I finally plucked up the courage to buy one that I felt confident in. I felt pretty, I was happy we were going out and I was looking forward to having a nice night together." she took a deep breath.

"Instead I felt like some cheap date one night stand. You could've been fucking anyone for all the care you took. I'm not saying I want to be treated like I'm fragile but I just don't understand how you suddenly flipped." said Scarlett, sobbing.

"You DID look confident and pretty and happy. I mean you always do. I didn't think about it being that I'd ripped your clothes, I'm sorry." he hugged her and she smiled awkwardly at him.

"But...there were other men in that restaurant looking at you...in a way I didn't like and I just felt really... protective or something." Shane said, agitated.

"Possessive, maybe? I know you say shit like 'You're mine' and 'I own you' when you're drunk and horny but actually I am my own person, Shane. Or maybe that's the problem?" Scarlett asked, in a sharp voice. Shane took a deep breath and shook his head.

Scarlett continued "But what I don't get is why? 'cos I'm YOUR girlfriend, I was in that restaurant with YOU, I wanted to go for dinner with YOU, I left with YOU, I want to be with YOU. Not anyone else or any of the men in the restaurant that were supposedly 'looking at me'. Is that why you never want to go out anywhere together cos other people might look at me?" Scarlett said, exasperated.

"No babe, no! That's not it. I got the wrong end of the stick, I didn't think how you might've felt, I didn't talk properly with you and I just assumed if you didn't like it, you would tell me but it was stupid of me to do that and not think how you would feel. I'm sorry, please believe that I'm sorry Scarlett. I promise it won't happen again but we need to make a better effort at communicating." Shane said, wrapping his right arm round her shoulders and holding her left hand in his, kissing her forehead. "Also, how could I not want to step out with this sexy redhead on my arm?!" he nudged her playfully.

Scarlett was still not completely convinced but knew she had to try and mend the rift. They needed to rebuild their trust. "Ok. I just felt very vulnerable and humiliated. I've felt strange this week and that's why I haven't been accepting of your affection. I know you've been trying to comfort me and I've been cold towards you. I'm sorry. We do need to communicate better." Scarlett said, looking at him. Shane grasped her into his chest. "I miss you but I'm nervous. That's pretty much it in a nutshell." Scarlett said, matter-of-factly.

"You miss me but you're nervous. Ok. I miss you too, obviously. I don't want you to feel like you have to jump right back into bed with me, we can take it slow again. Just spend time being together. What do you think, babe?" Shane said thoughtfully.

"Yes, that'd be lovely" replied Scarlett in a tiny voice, reaching up and stroking his beard and kissing him softly. "Shall we go home? It's getting dark and I'm freezing!"

They walked home and Shane went straight to the kitchen. "Cuppa and a biscuit, babe?" he called to her as she sat down on the sofa. He brought in a pot of tea, 2 cups and some biscuits before settling back on the sofa and Scarlett nestled against his chest as they watched TV. He was happy to feel her in his arms, against his body, so close again. They watched TV for a couple of hours, mainly in silence. They held hands, stroked each other in comfort and chatted about what they were watching. "Are you tired?" he asked, giggling when she yawned for the billionth time.

"I'm tired but I'm not sleepy, I feel a bit restless. I might have a bath, if that's ok?" Scarlett asked.

"Of course, you don't have to ask." Shane got up, looked through his bag and pulled out a paper bag, handing it to her. "I forgot about this! it's that bath bomb you bought the other day when we were at the shops. I kept finding it in my bag when I was in work but forgetting to tell you. Put that in your bath now, that'll be nice. I mean my bag has smelled like a lavender field this week so..." he shrugged, chucked and gave her a warm smile. "Do you want me to run the bath for you?"

"No, it's ok. Thank you." Scarlett kissed him and hugged him and he put his arms round her, kissing her again. "You go on to bed sure and I'll come up after." she said.

Scarlett ran herself a bath and relaxed into the warm water, breathing in the lavender scent. Afterwards she went up to Shane's bedroom, he was in bed with the lamp on, reading. She got into bed and it was warm and cosy. "Did you have a nice bath? You smell delicious" Shane whispered, stroking her arm.

"Yes, it was just what I needed" she smiled "I feel nice and relaxed." Shane put his book down and turned the lamp off. They lay in silence for a few minutes. "Shane, can I have a cuddle please?" Scarlett whispered

"That's my favourite question you've asked all week, Scarl!" he replied. "Of course you can, in fact I probably need it more than you!" he giggled softly. "There's always a cosy spot on my chest for you, babe" he whispered, guiding her to him in the dark. Scarlett lay her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and he wrapped his arms around her and stroked her back. "Mmm that's better." he whispered.