Bad Guts

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Something like that could really entice a girl to come out to KFC with you :) I might even eat the Smints and do what you said with the plasters ;)

Love,

Tiffany xxx

His heart began racing as he read the email. He was well aware that IT regularly snooped on the employees' emails. What would they make of this if they saw it? He followed the link in the email, and it took him to a webpage selling a moderately priced women's watch, a pink Casio G-Shock. He typed out a curt response to her and then promptly deleted the email.

On Wednesday morning he arrived an hour early in the office. The office was deserted. He put the parcel containing the watch in Tiffany's in-tray and went to his desk.

At ten minutes past nine, he saw an email arrive in his in-box from her.

From: Tiffany Spector

To: Joshua Whittaker

Sent: Wednesday 6 October 9:09 am

Subject: WATCH!

Joshua! Thank you so much for the beautiful watch!!! Its exactly the one I would have chosen myself -- I LOVE IT!!

Of course, I will meet you for dinner tomorrow. I would LOVE TO!!!

See you then Joshee :) Thank you,

Love,

Tiffany xxxxxxxxx

He had mixed feelings about her email. His gift had obviously had the desired effect, but the amount of exclamation marks and kisses was bound to raise a red flag with someone in IT. However, the email had got through to him so maybe it was OK?

The following evening, he left the office promptly at half past five and walked to the KFC in the shopping precinct next to the tower block. He saw Tiffany sat on a bench outside and he approached her.

"Hello, Tiffany," he greeted her.

"Ah! Joshee! Hello!" She leapt to her feet and gave him a hug. "So good to see you! I've seen you in the office of course, but I know you want me to be your dirty little secret, so I'm very discreet, don't you think?"

"Yes, yes. I appreciate your discretion."

"Thank you so much for the lovely watch. It suits me, don't you think?"

She held up the gaudy pink plastic time piece that was strapped to her wrist.

"Yes, very nice."

"And I did what you said. I ate all of the Smints you gave me by three o'clock. My breath is minty fresh!"

"Excellent, well done. Shall we get something to eat? Then maybe a drive afterwards?"

They went into the KFC and Tiffany ordered a two piece chicken meal with fries and a Pepsi. Not knowing what to order, he asked for the same. They found a booth at the back of the restaurant and sat down to eat their food. Tiffany devoured her chicken zestfully, eating with her hands and licking her fingers. Joshua gingerly picked at his chicken with a plastic knife and fork as if he was a biology student carefully dissecting a dead rat. Tiffany talked loudly and enthusiastically about her friends while she ate, Joshua kept his replies short and worried that someone from the office would see them together. Fortunately, no one did. After their meal, they walked together to the underground carpark where Joshua had parked his car. Tiffany got into the passenger seat and he drove them out of the city and to a hill in the countryside with a beauty spot at the top. He parked the car and they looked out over the city at night together.

"This is romantic, isn't it?" said Tiffany.

"If you say so."

"Can we put the radio on?"

"Yes of course." He switched the car stereo on for her, and she fiddled with the tuner until she found a station playing an old love song.

They listened for a few moments together. He looked over at her. She looked back and grinned.

"Tiffany, how are you feeling?"

"Really good thanks. I've had a lovely evening. It's so nice being here with you."

"Yes, but how are you feeling in your guts?"

"Hmm, a bit bloated maybe?"

"You said fried chicken has a bad effect on you?"

"Yes, sometimes."

"And you ate the two packets of breath mints?"

"Yes, all of them."

"Tiffany, are you going to try for me again?"

"Yes," she giggled. "You are so silly."

"If you turn around and kneel on the seat facing away from me maybe?"

She did as he suggested. She found that by winding the window down she could crouch on the passenger seat with her head out of the window, and her bottom pointing towards Joshua in the driver seat next to her.

He lifted up her black skirt, revealing a pair of turquoise briefs, and pulled these down to expose her large, womanly buttocks. He pulled these apart and studied what was between them. He was pleased to see that Tiffany had followed his instructions carefully. The hair around her anus, perineum and vagina was freshly shaved. Her arsehole was immaculately clean, no trace of excrement or toilet paper could be seen anywhere. And, her vagina was completely covered with a single large flesh coloured sticking plaster.

"Beautiful," he muttered.

"Oh, thank you," she said looking back over her shoulder at him.

He brought his face in closer to her naked rump, until the tip of his nose was almost touching her anus. However, he was careful not to make any contact, his twitching pink nose holes hovered a fraction of an inch from her pouting brown arsehole. His face suitably positioned in her bum crack, and his hands resting on the fine fleshy cheeks of her arse he said to her "Now, Tiffany. Do it now."

Her body tensed, and he heard her strain, and suddenly, her arse burst forth with a loud trumpeting sound, he saw her hole dilating and contracting again before his eyes, and he felt the warm breath of a long, rumbling fart blowing against his face. And then the smell hit him. He inhaled through his nostrils, sniffing the fart gas up directly from Tiffany's bum hole. The smell was incredible, overpoweringly rotten, sickly sweet and so, so stinky. He reeled backwards in his seat, overcome by the intensity of the odour. Tiffany giggled. He quickly returned his face to her arse crack as he realised that she was still pushing. A second, longer, louder fart bugled out of her bottom and blew against his face. The pungent smell became even stronger, and he cried out with astonishment. Tiffany was laughing uncontrollably, and the laughter seemed to stir her innards, as a third fragrant fart tooted out of her anus and wafted against his top lip. The stench was so overpowering, and the feeling it produced in him was so intense, that Joshua slumped back into the driver's seat, taking his hands from Tiffany and staring up at the ceiling, he let out a great moan of pent up emotion.

Tiffany was still giggling at him, She looked back over her shoulder at him. "Good grief, you really enjoyed that didn't you?"

"Oh Tiffany, oh Tiffany. I have never... I have never ever experienced anything like that before."

"There's plenty more where that came from! Come back over here."

Joshua realised he was breathing hard, panting for breath and his hands were shaking as he put them back on Tiffany's gyrating rump. He stretched her arse cheeks apart so that the hole between them flared before his face, and he excitedly pressed the tip of his nose into is, feeling its tight warmth.

Feeling his nose wedged in her sphincter, Tiffany forced out another powerful fart, which vibrated against our hero's snout, the malodorous air jetting into his nasal cavity. To his great surprise, Joshua realised that he could recognise the smell of the fried chicken in her farts, the spicy greasy notes clear to him in the gases that came out of her anus. He sniffed up the wind that blew from her guts with great delight, revelling in the putrid odour of it, overcome by her appalling bad manners and thrilled by his own perversity. He held her cheeks apart and watched her hole spluttering in front of his eyes, marvelling at the prodigious winds that were expelled from it.

"Oh you dirty girl!" he shouted at her. "Oh, you filthy, dirty bitch!"

"What did you call me? How dare you!" she retorted mockingly, and strained extra hard to force out an enormous, reverberating fart. Whether Tiffany had pushed too hard, or if Joshua had misjudged the laxative qualities of the breath mints he had made her eat, it is difficult to say. But as she forced out this final enormous expulsion of flatulence, more than gas escaped from her anus. Contained in this final, booming fart was a quantity of liquid shit. Quite a large quantity as well. It spurted from her hole like a brown geyser. Some of it splattered onto Joshua's face, some of it dripped onto the handbrake, but most of it squelched out around her hole, staining the inside of her crevice brown with runny poop. This final indelicacy was a step too far for Joshua.

"Tiffany! No! You have followed through!"

"Oh no!" she shrieked.

He opened his door and leapt out of the car, furiously wiping his soiled face with a handkerchief. He hurried round to the passenger side, where Tiffany was still hanging her head out of the window. He pushed her head back into the car and opened the door. "Quick, get out!" he barked at her.

"What?"

"Get out before you get it on the upholstery!"

He grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out of the car.

"Josh, you're hurting me!"

"Go over there in the bushes and do your business."

"I'm not poohing in the bushes!" she complained.

"You're not getting back in my car until you do! I have some baby wipes in the glove compartment, I'll bring them over to you in a minute."

Reluctantly, Tiffany went a few paces into the bushes and squatted down in the dark. While she relieved her aching bowels with a very loud and wet sound that Joshua could hear from the car, he busied himself cleaning up the car's interior with a few wet wipes. Fortunately, not too much of the gooey shit that had come out of her had gone on the car, most of it had ended up on her or him.

Tiffany finished shitting and pulled the sticking plaster off of her pussy so she could piss as well. When she had finished, she called to him.

"Josh! I've finished. I need to wipe."

He took the wet wipes to where she was squatted behind a bush and turned his back so as to not watch while she cleaned herself up.

She tossed the wet wipes into the bush, stood up and pulled up her knickers. "There! All done."

They went back and sat in the car, where the radio was still playing romantic love songs.

She looked at him. He seemed pensive.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that," she said apologetically.

"It's OK, it's not your fault. It just took me by surprise. I supposed it was always going to be a possibility."

"I didn't feel it coming at all. I just thought it was a fart! I wasn't expecting that!"

He started the car and put on the air conditioning. He offered to drive her to the bus stop, but she persuaded him to drive her home instead. She thanked him again for the watch and for a lovely evening, and they parted company.

When Joshua arrived home his children were already in bed and his wife was wearing her pyjamas and drinking a cup of herbal tea in the front room while watching the ten o'clock news. He apologised for his lateness but didn't offer any explanation. His wife assumed he had been delayed at the office and didn't press him for any details. He went upstairs, showered, put on his pyjamas, and got into bed. He did not sleep well that night. The image of Tiffany's muddied rear end kept appearing to his mind's eye. He struggled to reconcile the excitement he had felt at her flatulence with the horror he had for her faeces. His sleep was fitful. However, when he woke up in the morning, an idea was already fully formed in his mind. He felt happy, he felt purposeful. He had a solution to his problem.

During the lunch hour that Friday, he walked to a card shop in the shopping precinct and selected a suitable card, a Japanese print of Mount Fuji, he liked the colours and the boldness of it, and it was left blank for your own message. He also went to the bicycle shop and bought a small hand pump. Finally, he went to the pharmacist and bought a large syringe. He carefully avoided Tiffany all day at the office. That evening, he sat down at his desk at home, and carefully composed a message to her.

Dear Tiffany,

Thank you for your help and support over these last two weeks. I know it has not always been easy for you, but I appreciate the professional manner in which you have acted, and the way in which you have faced challenges with grace and good humour. Our project may have hit a couple of snags, but I believe I now have a solution...

Joshua turned over all of these events in his mind as he sat in church on Sunday morning. He whispered a short prayer, asking God for forgiveness if he had done any wrong in all of this. Reverend Fisher announced that God forgives all who truly repent, and Joshua felt much better about the way he had acted with Tiffany.