All Comments on 'Balance of Power'

Love it!!! Part2?

I love your writing. You develop your characters brilliantly and in framing this whole story in a dialogue you achieved a thrilling intensity. Your close was inspired but in my mind there is an epilogue; Natasha discovers how successful Martin’s business has been. Thank you and I hope to read more of your work again very soon.

Good story! I don't understand why they got married in the first place. Divorce is probably the best solution.

5

Great writing about horrible people. Good choice mostly leaving Martin's version out of the story, because that would have been a right mess to convey.

This was great. You write extremely effectively. 5 stars.

The two majn characters are, of course, grotesquely vile, just as you intended them to be. I'm glad Marty learned that a 10 who despises you is worth nothing at all. Too bad he still loves her - she strikes me as utterly worthless.

No man I've ever met, for the record, is swayed by a woman's job unless it's completely amoral. Law partner, cashier at Canadian Tire, hairdresser... doesn't make a diffetence to us, so long as their happy in life. If your job is impressive to you, that's awesome, and more power to you. But where women get this idea that their jobs are impressive to their men, I'll never know.

I should ckarify that by main characters, I mean Natasha and Angela.

Superb.

Thank you.

Is the author stupid or something, why would he be grateful to that hoe

The whole truth about the English. English men are weak, decadent, depraved, corrupt, mentally twisted. Maybe that's why they like cross-dressing and perversion. 1*

What a couple of selfish, entitled cunts these two woman are! I think I’ve seen their naked bodies pictured in pages of cuckold captions, threatening and ordering around their cuckolded boyfriends and husbands as they are fucked by “real men.”

This marriage was such a one-way street: he was an incredible support system, building her up to a successful career she wouldn’t have had without him, whereas it was obvious she didn’t even really know what he did or even believe the extent of his success, showing no interest in his personal growth or accomplishments, only that she and her girlfriend had taught him to dress and groom himself to be an acceptable partner to her in public. His wife always spoke about him and his business in diminutives, as if he couldn’t possibly be considered as successful and accomplished as she.

This is what happens when men meet beautiful women who are used to men catering to them and always ceding power to them, to get the women to date them and marry them. It’s bad enough when it happens to the average guy, but the inexperienced geeky guy is doomed from the start, which is why he allowed himself to be treated as a submissive cuckold and remained in the marriage so long.

Fortunately, he had a good friend whose advice he took, found a supportive therapist, and built himself up over the years to figure out what he really wanted: a relationship in which he was not subservient, but an equal partner, and a marriage which would give him the family he wanted.

Good for him! Excellent story, but scary, being in these bitches’ heads!

Yes, I have to agree with Highpike. The only thing missing is for these two women to have someday seen the success Martin has achieved in his career, the happiness he has enjoyed in his marriage, and the pride he has in his children.

What a great story, different in all ways, but a great journey lm gla d l went on.

Thank you for a wonderful story

5/5

Fantastically rendered characters. Well done.

Not my usual cup of tea. But extremely well written! Great character development Patrickson. I enjoyed the story. I loved Angela’s character even though you want to loath her.

A 5*. You have developed all the characters, and the story was engaging to the point that I had to read carefully and not just skim some of the writing. Good job.

Wow.....this was such a thoughtful tale that objectively looks at this particular fetish with no judgement. Simply shows the people, warts and all. Martin changed so much for the better, and did not need recent. Just pushed forward and became who he was supposed to be.

5 stars

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

another good story

Nicely done. Realistic sounding dialogue and a well thought out plot. No need for a follow up. Will the two friends learn from experience? I imagine they will, they'll find another man to train, after all there are plenty of suitable ones out there, but next time they won't give him any chance to rebel. Martin has obviously found what he was looking for, so they all live happily ever after. Thanks for sharing.

Very good writing. Interesting little twist at the end. Brutal to think through that kind of relationship

Beautifully written, with such rich characters. Not all endings need to be BTB or RAAC. Thank you for sharing. - gb

Wow, Great Writing, Great Story and Great effort! I believe this story really captures a truth of life. You dont really appreciate what you have until it is gone! 5 big Blazing stars. This is a very ecellent piece of work. I would guess 60 hours of effort. Thanks Very much. #Buster2U

Gotta say it, your sophistication of writing and nuance is way past what this site normally sees.

Wanted more from the ending. Maybe a part 2? Very well written

Crock of Shiite start to finish.

The author is an artist with this vivid portrait of narcissism painted using conversational dialogue, alone.

The story presents an illustration of a "wife" who is totally and completely ignorant of the concept!

As for the writing, this is a good story; as for the personalities (including the husband's), not so much.

You can't expect high marks by creating a story revolving around femdom crap. It was a pain to read the conversation between these two cunts. And it's the first time I'm using this word in a feedback. It's well written. Your use of your native language is very subtle and to the point. Well done from the writing and storytelling perspective. The femdom crap, however, killed it for me.

Wow, the ending with an advice to marry her friend was highly unexpected. You've done something that 9/10 LW authors are failing to do - go outside the cliches

Cagivagurl writes extensively on flr topics and husband humiliation but none of her 100 stories got as deep as this one. Should be a lesson

I concur with the previous commenter about Angela. Despite her actions, the character is oddly endearing. Her loyalty is admirable, if misguided. I'd actually be very interested in a story about these two women forming a relationship. Life is funny sometimes. Occasionally we end up in a place we'd never have suspected we wanted to be.

And it just ended.

Quite anti-climatic if I may express my feeling.

But this story is really hard to read.

But I applaud and appreciate the effort being down by the writer Patrickson.

Very original, if I may say so.,

But, to continue being honest about this story -- it was very nauseating, every paragraph of it.

The characters yes including the Martin was very disgusting hence the nausea I felt.

But I forced myself to read on hoping that a moment will come when Martin will grow some balls. I am glad that the writer made it so. So thanks for sharing this unique story...

Loved it, a clear 5, altho it wasn't something I could enter into at all, in any character. What I most enjoyed was the pace, the flow, how it moved at such a rapid rate. The settings were all nearly the same, but the conversations just MOVED. This is what I wish the writer, 'Chopped Liver', would get. His story, tho quite good, moved at a snails pace examining every possible detail.

The ending here seemed incomplete, but that's maybe because I was left wanting more. Thanks.

Run away!

Narcissistic women are always toxic, and will not change.

Really well written with complex, intertwined dynamics. My only criticism is I think you had Nat and Ang dance around her issues to the point I was saying, WTF! No high powered lawyer is that self-absorbed to hear her fellow, best friend, player explain she'll want a traditional marriage some day and continue to not evaluate her own marriage. Rounding up to 5*

I typically have no patience with sissy husband stories but I thought this was fascinating.

Wow that was definitely different.

Excellent character development in this story. Author wrote the women really well. Took a while for hubby to find himself and get grounded, but he did.

I gave this one five 🌟. Very well written psychological drama. It also is a good reflection of modern feminism, which seeks to minimize, even trivialize, the role of men in relationships and society. I’m not sure if that was what you were aiming for, but you sure did hit it.

Could've been better if the characters were relatable or admirable. Sadly, there are only a despicable slut, cold sadist and a sissy cuck. Hard to empathize with any of them.

Just excellent.

Wow, unusual and great. This story begs for a part two. How does Nat react? Does she change her ways? I’m assuming Martin was indeed a ceo and his business made a lot of money, does Nat find that out and how does that change the way she looks at him? Maybe she fights the divorce and learns more. Do the run into each other years down the road and she sees Martin with his new wife and kids?

Very nice. Sounds a bit like Nick Hornby's A Marriage in 10 parts. This one in 7 :)

5*

Was approaching a very solid 5*.

Then the story just stopped.

Way too many loose ends.

I would list them, but WAY TOO MANY!

3*

Another excellent story from one of my favorite writers here.

Please keep writing!

It's tempting to try and be profound in critiquing this story--but a straightforward waste of time. The skill of composition thoroughly tops out any "Writers' Workshop" list of "how to be a good writer" criteria, blending authentic dialogue with a well-paced developing plotline. And--the twists and turns of the three protagonists' psychological states of mind were both realistic and imaginative.

Loved it. Keep writing. Please.

MLJ

How do you claim to love someone, but don't have the balls for a face to face meeting. Went through all that to save the marriage, then when he finally gets her attention, he ghosts her and files. I'm not saying she didn't deserve it, just do your own dirty work and not hide.

Absolutely tremendous - the river of denial in which those 2 ladies lived.

You've done very well.

Aww. Thank you. That was a great story, but a sad ending. I would have liked to see if Natasha was willing to change and save the relationship. Her husband leaving could have been the wakeup call she needed. But hopefully things will work out for everyone.

Very well done. Thank you!

Very interesting and different story. 4*

How is it that the author’s readers don’t know brilliant satire when they see it? This is spectacularly good.

Narcissists can only love themselves. Natalie only lost her servant, as Narcie’s view their victims. She will find another one. Another seven with gender dysfunction and low self esteem. Fertile ground for a Narcie that’s a wealthy ten. For justice, I would suggest facial disfigurement (ten becomes two) accompanied by female circumcision.

Egotistical, self centered bitch deserved more than just the loss of her husband. He deserves a lot of the pain she gave him because he put up with that shit all the way up to and including their marriage. I can't understand why someone would put up with that shit if there's no kids to endure it for.

So while his tolerance was, I'm my estimation, unrealistic, that's the only real rub I have with the story. I could see what was coming before the end of page 1 however. The conversations the two women were a little contrived and over the top (in short, you made the direction the story was going too obvious).

The character development and flow was excellent however. It's not far off from being an outstanding effort. As it sits it's ready good. You should take pride in your efforts here, but realize that there is still room for improvement.

This was one of the strangest stories I've read all year. That might sound harsh, but it's not intended to disparage your work.

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I personally found the marriage to this obnoxious bitch to be revolting, and had nothing but contempt for the husband for tolerating all the humiliation they piled on him. But on the hand, this was really well written, with some fascinating conversations and genuine character growth.

It was wonderful to see the husband grow a spine, stand up for himself, then ultimately dump the toxic mega cunt. Reading about Natasha's devastation at being divorced by her husband was tremendously satisfying, as she fully deserved to end up alone.

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The only problem was the incredibly abrupt ending.

You could have written several more scenes of Natasha's life imploding. She was in her early-thirties so it was all downhill from there, and as her looks faded, it would be increasingly hard to get attention and validation from men. Meanwhile, her ex-husband would be moving on with Aisha. I can just imagine Natasha's hysterical reaction to finding out about Marty getting remarried, or them having their first child.

What vividly etched characters these two women are. Totally off-putting, of course, but so cleverly developed. As the story progressed, I found myself wondering about Marty, but he remained an absent enigma. In the end, his absence wasn’t a problem, because the real story was centered around two villains. I haven’t read anything like it here, so I appreciated the quirky originality. I almost passed it up because of the low score, but once I saw that it was a Patrickson story, I eagerly began reading. Thanks for sharing!

Brilliant. Thank you for sharing your work.

This is just my opinion but occasionally, during prolonged dialogue sections, I'd lose track of who was speaking.

Great work and thanks again.

Natasha and Angela. I would love to be standing behind these two on the platform as a non-stop train passes through the station... These two are the epitome of wicked and evil. I have a feeling that there are going to be some 'aftermarket' part II's as a result of this piece. Will Patrickson open this story up for alternative endings and twists on justice deserved? Angela makes many comments about truly mean and harmful things she did to Martin. And Natasha, the great enabler of Martin's misery. Natasha allowed and encouraged Angela to deconstruct Martin and make him a lessor soul. They do not deserve to live happily ever after.

If this is an accurate representation of English wimp boys and femdom girls in marriage relationships then I can see why the Irish, Welsh, and Scots want nothing to do with England!

“thank you for all the love”, really? If that was love, I’d be thrilled to be hated by those two sadistic bitches.

Fascinating, well written and like a slow motion train wreck. Incredibly self absorbed feminist, and a husband with submissive - effeminate tendencies who finally recuses to be emotionally abused and further.

What took him so long?

Incomprehensible that any man would self worth would submit to that kind of marriage proposal. Toxic love for sure.

Hard to believe. A story whose like I don't think I've ever seen here. High marks for originality.

I think it was an excellent choice (as well as courageous) to write it all as conversations between Natasha and Angela. It can't have been easy including the needed story and development information that way, but I thought it worked out well.

The character of Martin was a bit hard to accept. Maybe work in a bit of background as to why he originally had no self-regard (read "total doormat")?

Anyway - great story! Keep on doing it.

Well told story but l do not know any men like that!

intro recap:

promise of no cucks

(this promise is always a 100% guarantee that thar be cucks ahead) automatic one star for the promise regardless of whether or not its true

[which it always is not]

.

pg 1 recap

we discover the whore and her slut friend talking about the fact the whore has been fucking around on the cuck since before they were married and still does so after the marriage WITH the cucks permission making his what? Oh thats right a cuck/

/

serious in the very first scene after the promise of no cucks we find a cuck

.

did you even try?

honestly I am so sick of this crap, so I opened every single one of your stories and voted them all one star as punishment

.

.

do better and stop lying

Well done

My problem with stories like this is the female and male characters only ever end up being one of two ways.

The men are either a faithful supportive, loving wimp...or the beefcake stud with no emotions,whom you can't take seriously.

The women are either the narcissistic,emasculating, femdom loving shrew....or the perfect wife until one precipitating event flips her world view and it's down the rabbit hole to the determent of everything she once held dear.

Now while I enjoy these stories, I can forecast what will happen from page 1. I read in order to seek out the few who can subvert the formula and actually get me thinking. Keep trying everybody

It wasn't too little, but it was WAY too late.

\

He ate some guy's cum out of her vagina, and sucked some guy's dick to please her? He suffered continuous cruel piercing humiliation and contempt, for her pleasure, for Years. Just so he could be the name on the marriage license with hers? Yeah, they had a piece of paper. They had No marriage. So what the guy finally had enough and walked out of the insane asylum he put himself into. Considering the time and suffering its difficult to have any feelings of victory for the husband. He should have never married the promiscuous slut. Makes one wonder what his next wife makes of his gutless wimpy submission to the monster he married. You left the ending interesting enough to have a decent sequel. I would love to read it.

Awesome writing! You allow us to get into the characters' minds, which is the only place 'why' can be answered.

I've dated really really beautiful women before. Almost every single one of them is fucked up in some significant way.

No woman...even the physically beautiful ones are worth what the cunt wife character in this story put her husband through.

Sticking to the vocabulary of the story...it's better to be with a 7 or an 8 who loves and respects you and will be faithful in a healthy relationship. Than to sacrifice all the things that make you a good person and uniquely yourself for a 9 and a half or 10.

Physical beauty fades with time. Real beauty is within and only grows with love, devotion and attention.

The wife character in this story was a horrible human being. Maybe a 9.5 to 10 in physical beauty...but a 1.5 as a functioning human being. Absolute sociopath. Run from this bitch if she ever shows interest in you. Run away. Fast.

Could if been a damn good 2 page story.

To much repeat, I said to much repeat, I said to much repeat.

Get the idea :-)

I loved this story and I'd love to see an alternative from Martin's point of view

1 star

The story is full of cuckoldry.

Nailed it. Absolutely nailed it. Exquisite. The libbers couldn't have been presented any better. The guy slowly withdrew from the libberized society in which we have chosen to immerse ourselves. They were just right, not overdone at all. Thank you.

(As usual, the good guys take it to heart and the chauvinists don't feel a thing.)

Conversations with the women were excellent. Did not like or relate to husband at all. Ending too abrupt. 3

The wife Natasha and her best friend Angela are pieces of trash with no redeeming qualities, nothing more to say there.

Honestly it was hard to feel sympathy for the husband Martin, Natasha literally showed him what a vindictive bitch she is by purposefully going out and spending the night out getting fucked then rubbed that fact in his face. And she did it right after he proposed to her and he still chose to marry her, Martin for most of the story came off as a glutton for punishment.

But hey at least he finally got his head out of the sand, realized that he was in a toxic one way marriage, got help for his issues, divorced the bitch and moved on. So the story gets 4 stars from me for that.

GRRREAT story!!!!

Very well written! I would love to read the epilogue ;)

Excellent writing; clearly a #5.

Brilliant. No editing required!

Very well written, and novel approach to a story

"Over my head." - Heh, they're IN LW, don't know the cliche.

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"He is a good husband." - He's a good husband, too bad she's a shitty wife.

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"His little business is going well" - We don't know at this point how "little" his business is, but this seems disrespectful.

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"He's super gorgeous" yet she treats him like shit. How many "super gorgeous" men would put up with her crap?

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His "little" company is newsworthy?

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"Martin is getting one hell of a good deal being married to you." - Oh, he has SUCH a good deal! He takes care of her, supports her, and lets her fuck other men. Just what does he get?

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"This has worked for me" - Yes, for HER! But a marriage is a partnership, it's supposed to work for BOTH partners.

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"Because he's hot and he knows it. It makes him a real dick to deal with" - You could even say that SHE'S hot and knows it, and it makes her a real cunt to deal with.

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Christ, Martin should have run, not walked when she brought home a cream pie for him, and withdrawn his proposal.

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"Thank you, Ang. It's nice that someone appreciates me." - So fucking marry Ang!

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He's been seeing a therapist for five years and is only now speaking up?

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So what happened next?

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I'm not sure, but showing her confrontations with Martin might have been better.

Both the cunts deserve a heavy beating - to remind them of their role and place.

The wife Natasha and the best friend Angela are pieces of trash with no redeeming qualities so nothing else to say there.

Honestly the husband Martin was hard to sympathize with, Natasha literally showed him what a vindictive bitch she is by purposefully going out and spending the night having sex. She then arrogantly rubs it in his face and he still marries her, Martin comes off as having no self respect and a glutton for punishment for taking that and the other messed up shit she made him do throughout their marriage.

But hey at least Martin finally got his head out of the sand, realized that he was in a toxic one way marriage, got help for his issues, divorced the bitch and moved on. So for that I give the story 4 stars.

What hindsight2020 Said.

Interesting. Plenty informative. Would definitely like his perspective. Also would enjoy reading a pt2 where she sees him happy with kids. I like how you touched on a few of the cuck themes with just enough info. And didn't go overboard with it great story

You need to use correct TAGS. There is not a single likeable character in this story. Natasha is mentally ill and Martin is only a 1/2 step behind. Just another sick cuckold story, unlabelled in order to ambush unwitting readers, a despicable tactic.

I don't think it's possible to fit that much deluson into two heads. The story read almost like a comedy.

Brilliant. A real Goldilocks story - just right. Not too short; not too long. Five sparkling stars.

Nicely done, these kind of cluelesss narcisstic bitches are everywwhere these days, just watch Real Housewives of wherever, or ask the young men in their 20's who wont date or marry because of the attitudes in young women are reflected in this tale. great job

It took too long to get to the story

Interesting!

Well done. Was surprisingly entertaining hearing the back and forth dialog between two narcissists. Poor Martin. At least he got help and escaped.

Got to be among the slowest growing set of balls in history. Thank you for sharing your stories with us.

Wouldn’t want any of them to reproduce

WOW Unique interesting and so readable. Thank you.

You are a serious talent.

Instead of being a sissy/cuck fetish story, this is both the backstory for that relationship and the conclusion, without the icky middle. Neat idea that the unbalanced relationship stemmed from the wife having all the power. When the husband gained footing, he legged it.

Wow! Hard, really hard to choose how to vote. Which way to go.

On the one hand, this seems well written, thoughtful and very original in its point of view.

On the other hand, you are dealing with a very sensitive and controversial subject, and on top of that none of the characters are attractive or likeable.

In the end, I don't think I have to put myself in your shoes as an author, or even as a proofreader or literature teacher. So I shouldn't judge the time, effort, work, substance or form of the story. Just like every story or book I read, I just have to be in my place as a reader.

And unfortunately, the theme treated was too particular, too sensitive to really appreciate and love this story. I'm sorry.

It's nice to read a story in which the victim, however slowly, extracts himself from a toxic relationship and reclaims his life and dignity. Too many of these female domination stories simply end with the husband becoming a feminized zombie slave. Telling the story through the dialogs was a clever and effective approach.

Thanks for the story.

-jog

Escape as another comment said. But I don't understand that mentality

Therefore no rating. Hoping for different ending

Wasted my time but my fault

So I don't think I've ever read someone who could write sadistically evil, quite as good as this. It's hard to mind of capture sociopathy without going over the top.

I guess my only gripe is the ending, while I don't judge anyone for their kinks, it felt almost... Disrespectful towards sexual abuse/domestic abuse survivors to have this end so limp dicked after how insanely brutal 90% of the story was.

Other than that, it was written pretty well, dialogue could be a little confusing as far as point of view was concerned, but I enjoy how it was just back and forth the whole time.

It's amazing how you could take the, uh, ordinary sadistic cuckoldry on this site, and turn it into a believable relationship with real human beings. Hat's off.

Also, I am ALWAYS impressed with the unreliable narrator, who (convincingly) fails to see what is clear to the reader. That's an elegant, difficult effect. You've pulled it off beautifully here.

The only extra piece i would like, is for Nat to discover just how much she's underestimated Martin's career. Maybe Aisha's profile got published and Nat (or Angela) reads it, and it contains revenue information about the company. But I'm quibbling. This is excellent.

An anonymous commenter mentioned the "feminized zombie slave" stereotype; and another says that when the husband gained footing he legged it.

But the husband FIRST tries to rescue the relationship with his wife! That's what makes the story so fascinating, and so potent. He still loves her, and wants the marriage to work. The feminization isn't the problem for him. It's the lack of growth & movement (for example towards having a family), and the lack of investment on her part.

And no shouting or violence or OUTRAGE. I've previously said the outrage is a critical component of this niche of stories. You've shown me to be wrong.

How was this guy not a willing cuck. The intro is blatantly false. Who could be so clueless that he agrees to clean her, but does not like it. Or he blows a guy bit does not like it. What, he did not know before that he did not like it? Really he i so lacking self awareness that he has no idea what is happening? Pretty long reach ther, which makes this a stupid exercise.

Fun story, amusing, clever dialog. Maybe there are people like this; glad I don't know any of them.