Beastly

He paused to take a drink of water.

"Point two. Most of the rest of the judges on that court are men on their second or third marriages. I've met their wives. They are mostly much younger. Thus, I suspect that sex figures in their relationships, too."

He continued, after drumming his fingers for a moment.

"Third, I've been to a couple of the Christmas dinner parties the judges on the appellate court have had. They always go to Steakhouse Charlie's in the capital. Judge Margolis is the most liberal, lefty, fruity judge on that court. She didn't have the steak last time, but she had the fish. Atlantic salmon, I think. Before the salmon, she had the antipasto with salami, prosciutto, pepperoni, and ham. Ate at least half of it. She's a little ample. Loves cheesecake. Doesn't like cats either. All the rest of the gang had the steaks. You understand?"

He looked at Marie's lawyer as he said it. She nodded reluctantly.

"What I guess I am saying, Counsel, is that I am going to grant the annulment on the basis of fraud. There was obviously deception from your client about their sexual lives together. Your client can appeal, but I am not optimistic that she would be successful. I don't see the point anyway because, even if she were to win the appeal, by the time the case comes back here, they'll both have been living apart for more than a year, and they'll just get a divorce for that reason but only after spending a bunch more money. They've got no kids, no property, and screw-all for any joint assets, making it a 15 or 30-minute hearing tops. So, I would recommend that you tell your client to be honest when she is dating the next time around about what she wants and to focus on looking for an asexual, non-gay, vegan man who loves cats. And good luck with that."

He then shooed them back to their tables with a wave of his hand and delivered his verdict from the bench granting the annulment.

Marie stomped out of the courtroom as Jim ignored her and shook his lawyer's hand. They walked out the door and over to the parking lot and, along the way, Jim's lawyer gave him a summary of the bench conference with the judge.

"So, what now?" Jim's lawyer asked.

Jim thought for a moment. Then, he realized that judges spent their lives balancing the evidence and deciding things. Perhaps you could consider their views expert opinions when it came to figuring out what to do.

"I don't know what the future holds," he said, "except that, this weekend, I am going to go down to the state capital and check out this Steakhouse Charlie's place that all these judges love and eat my way into a meat coma. Then maybe find a Brazilian or Argentinian meat-skewer churrasco place for dinner next weekend."

Getting laid could wait. After all, as a former teenager, he knew that he could get through life by relying on masturbation. But he would take death gladly before living a life without bacon. Even turkey bacon. Next time around though, Jim was going to let the woman pick all the restaurants while they were dating, just to be on the safe side.