Beautiful Gifts, Small Packages Ch. 02

Hello my beautiful readers!

Thank you for waiting so long for the second chapter of this story and I apologize for the wait. Unfortunately I've been struggling really hard with depression and doing anything at all has felt difficult. That said, I tried my best to write and good chapter for you all and I hope you enjoy it. Fingers crossed the next will come sooner!

Much love, xx

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Riley's Pov:

"Why did you make me gay?" I whispered to god as I looked up to the white ceiling above me as my mind raced with thoughts of a certain tall, toned, male soccer fantasy that I couldn't stop thinking of.

I was laying on my bed, in my dorm room, relieved that my roommate was out for the moment. I felt like I was going to have an emotional breakdown or something and I didn't need a witness.

A small part of my brain tugged at me, reminding me of my mother's words that being gay was a sin. I supposed that maybe that's why I was.... deficient; I was sinful and god knew in advance so I was being punished. It made sense, only... other guys weren't being punished for being gay so I couldn't understand what made me so special.

I sighed and rolled over in the bed, contemplating if I should touch myself or not. It was a question I thought of often and in the end, it was always the same. I couldn't. If the very men I desired never thought I was worthy of the same lust, then why did I even deserve to feel good?

I felt tears run down my cheeks as I made my decision; I felt so fucking lonely and repressed. I wanted someone else to touch me. I wanted to feel desired, even if it was just for my asshole... I needed intimacy or... something. I could live off the breadcrumbs of someone's affection if I had too. I knew I was defective and I felt like I deserved very little because of it. Besides that, I'd take any sort of affection over being teased and humiliated like I had been during high school.

Until then, I'd thought I was perfectly normal for any guy my age but my first day of P.E. I'd realized that something was seriously wrong with my cock, as the guys around me stripped to show off rather large dicks in comparison to mine, even while soft. I never changed in front of anyone, once I saw how everyone else looked and I was grateful that I hadn't tried to change before some of the others. My secret was safe... until my ex boyfriend left me that is.

I wiped away my tears, feeling frustrated. I did not want to think about him, not when I needed to get up the nerve to go to this frat party I had been invited to.

You don't even go to parties, my thoughts taunted. You just think the jock is cute but you should get over it, he's not gonna be your submissive or anything! Even if you did hook up, he'd be the one topping you! You have nothing to offer... dumbass.

I blushed and tried to shush my thoughts with a shot of whisky from the bottle my roommate kept under his bed. Then I got dressed in a dark wash blue jeans and an army green tshirt before trying to make my hair look decent. I started to put on my glasses but then I decided to leave them behind. It made things a tad blurry but I could see for the most part and I wanted Thomas to want me.

Well, I wanted him to want to fuck me anyways, since the option of fucking him would never be available to me.

Besides, I desperately needed the affection and he clearly liked me. I blushed again, thinking about how I told him I wasn't gay. I was sure he could see right through my lies but I'd trained myself to deny my sexuality for years, before I even had a boyfriend as a teen, so going back to that denial was easy when my breakup became so messy. I hadn't wanted anyone since, even if my body needed the attention.

That is until Thomas had spoken to me a few weeks ago and then again today. The first time we talked I'd only let myself acknowledge that he was good looking but when he found me again, I couldn't deny that I actually did want to get to know him... but I was terrified. So instead, I decided I'd just let him use me for a night. He was a beautiful jock, just like my ex. I knew there wasn't any real potential for an actual relationship and even if there was, he'd end it or use my size against me once he found out. At least if he fucked me tonight I could probably get away with hiding my cock and then the flirtation could be over. He could find another conquest and I could go back to my studies, my secret still safe.

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I took another shot before I re-hid my roommates bottle and then made my way to Greek Row, and although every house seemed to be partying, I had little trouble finding the front door to Alpha Sigma Phi. I took a deep breath to steady myself and then fully pushed open the door which stood ajar.

I felt instant regret as I entered, for I was suddenly in the middle of a crowd of people. Everywhere I looked there was someone dancing, drinking or making out with another individual and I almost felt as if I'd stepped into a party scene from a summer movie.

I pushed my way through until I found where they kept the alcohol and helped myself to a rum and Coke, not realizing that mixing my liquors would get me drunk faster. I slammed the first drink down, then a second and poured a third before I started making my way around the frat house, looking for Thomas. I didn't really like being around so many people I didn't know and the alcohol wasn't doing much to sooth the anxiety I felt, at least not yet.

After 20 minutes or so of searching, I still hadn't found Thomas but I found myself in a smaller room that held a karaoke machine. Someone was singing and I stopped to listen, wanting to try myself. I always loved singing but I was usually too shy to participate in more than my old churches choir. However, I smirked to myself as I looked at the playlist, it didn't seem as if any church hymns would be available to me tonight.

I finally finished off my third drink and then picked up the microphone when there was a lull in the performances. I was feeling much braver now that the third had fully entered my system and I quickly selected "Before he cheats" by Carrie Underwood and began to sing.

Much to my shock and chagrin, a small crowd of guys began to form around me, catcalling and cheering me on. One of the guys passed a shot up to me when I momentarily froze at seeing so many gather, and once he did, I began receiving shots every time there was some sort of instrumental break. I finished the song and began another, this time "I kissed a girl" by Katy Perry. Now... I definitely had kissed a girl once in high school but I was not inclined to agree with her assessment.

I'd lost count of how much I had I drink and I knew I'd be paying for it later with a spectacular hangover but by the time someone started playing "Toxic" by Brittany for me to sing, I really didn't care. I was sort of enjoying myself being the center of attention and I was feeling a bit worked up and horny, so I pulled off my sweaty tshirt and began to dance around suggestively with the music.

Part of me was just playing and having fun with my situation and the other hoped that Thomas had managed to wonder in for the show. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, for some creep decided that now would be right moment to grope at my crotch. I stepped back from him immediately, feeling ice cold terror run through my body; somebody had almost found me out... in front of a crowd of college guys... it was literally one of my worst nightmares and it had almost come true.

I didn't even realize that I'd stopped singing as I stepped back, trying to escape as more hands grabbed at me, while insults where thrown at me, telling me what a piece of meat I was in this moment. I didn't want to hear what they were saying to me, as their taunts triggered the same feelings I'd gotten when all the guys in the locker room had taunted and bullied me in high school after my breakup. I wanted to run... to hide... but I had no one to help save me. No one... except... maybe?

"Thomas?" I cried out weakly, searching the jeering crowd faces for his perfectly kind one.

"Move it, president coming through!"

I quickly turned towards the voice and felt instant relief as I saw Thomas making his way towards me. He held his arms out to me and I let him help me off the pool table. I felt a shudder pass through me as his muscular arm wrapped itself around my smaller body but all too soon he let me go.

Now, I was very drunk but I wasn't so drunk that I couldn't walk, at least not yet. However, I pretended that I was and swayed when my feet touched the ground.

"Whoa, hold on! I got you!" He told me and I was instantly scooped up into his arms and I loved it.

I took a moment to breath him in. He smelled so good, like cinnamon and vanilla and outdoors with a hint of cannabis. After a few seconds I came to my senses and began to question him.

"Where were you? I searched the whole house," I accused.

"Outside," he told me with soft hazel puppy dog eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't think you were coming."

I felt a blush creep over my face so I turned to hide myself against his chest before realizing how gay that made me look. I contemplated moving for a moment and then changed my mind, shrugging off the care about how I looked when he felt so safe around me. I was probably more drunk that I suspected.

After a few minutes we'd made it to a quieter part of the house and he set me down on a bed before he addressed me.

"I didn't know you had to be drunk to hang out with me," he teased as he took my hand in his.

I looked at our hands, feeling shy and embarrassed over my actions but loving how they'd brought me to this moment, the moment of our hands together; and I wished that our hands could stay like this forever... but I also knew I wasn't boyfriend material.

"I got drunk so I could... so we could..." I could feel heat rush to my cheeks as I faltered so instead, I attacked Thomas with my kiss, hoping he would understand and be willing to play with me.

Unfortunately, he pulled away the moment our lips touched and I felt the cold, harsh reality of rejection wash over me. I was unwanted. This beautiful man had already decided I was unworthy and I hadn't even taken off my clothes.

"I thought you weren't gay," he told me with his palms up, offered in surrender.

"I... I'm not," I sniffed pathetically, wishing my sexuality away before accusing, "I thought you liked me... I must look so desperate!" And I couldn't stop the tears the followed my words.

Thomas shook his head in disbelief, "I do like you," he told me before asking, "But do you like me? You didn't even want to be friends this afternoon and now you're drunk, kissing me and throwing yourself at me."

I winced at his words.

"I'm not gonna be an experiment for you," he continued. "I told you, I don't do hookups," he said as he brushed hair out of my face and I shuddered at his touch.

"If I get to know you, it'll hurt more when you leave me," I slurred, not meeting his eyes.

"Why would I leave?" He challenged. "Just give me a real chance before deciding how things will be," he begged, forcing me to look him in the eye.

I thought about it for a moment... before mentally shaking my head. It wouldn't work. I was too small... I wasn't worth his attention for more than a night.

"Please just fuck me... I- I'm not someone you date," I muttered sadly.

Thomas suddenly put his hand on my thigh and slowly slid it up to my crotch.

Terrified of discovery, I grabbed his hands before they could get too high, knowing I was blushing all over from humiliation.

"N-no need for all that. I'll get on all fours and you can fuck me from behind," I quickly offered as I began to turn over.

"I like to look at the person I'm sleeping with," Thomas said, making me freeze on the spot for a second before I was rushing to get out of there.

I hurriedly pulled my t-shirt back back on and tried to stand, all while muttering apologies as the sense of rejection rolled over me in waves.

"Sorry, sorry... I feel so stupid," I told Thomas but he stopped my progress instantly by pulling me close to him.

"Riley, please stay, get to know me. We don't ever have to date or have sex. Let's just try and be friends."

Friends???

I wanted to leave. I hated the implications of the word, even if Thomas didn't understand.

"First it's friends," I spat the word back at him. "Then I'm helping you with your homework, then I'm helping you with your cock! Then I'm your little fuck toy before I stop being good enough to associate with because some other well muscled, hung dude wants to date you!" I ranted as I continued to blush out of shame. "I know how it goes when you're friends with a jock!" I accused before taking a few breathes to calm down.

Then I stepped closer, trying to be seductive, "Let's just skip to the sex part for a night. I won't bother you again after we are done but right now I'm horny and you're probably the sexiest guy in this whole school." I finished with what I hoped was an enticing smile, for my last words were meant to be complimentary towards Thomas.

"So.. you want me to be your fuck toy then, is that it?" He accused with a sad expression on his own face.

I instantly felt guilty but I couldn't understand why this guy was playing so hard to get. This was college and people fucked around all the time here. Didn't they???

"Look man, what's your deal?" I asked. "I know plenty of guys who would be cool with using me for a night... one night is all I'm good for," I finished lamely, reminding myself of my own shortcomings, all the while knowing I really didn't have guys lining up for me.

He shook his head at me. "I want to date and fall in love. That's all I've ever wanted," he said as a slight blush colored his own cheeks.

"You won't fall for me," I told him with a bitter laugh. "I told you, I'm only hookup material."

"Why's that?" Thomas challenged, trying to catch my eye.

"Reasons," I muttered, refusing to look at him.

"Why did you say you weren't gay?" He asked after several, quiet, uncomfortable moments.

"I-I'm not," I lied pathetically, even though I knew I was being stupid for even trying to lie at this point.

"Clearly you are at least bi," he insisted.

I tried to come up with any excuse I could but in the end, I finally admitted that he was right, "I wish I was," I told him.

"Why?" He asked, and I knew he could never understand.

How could he? The guy looked physically perfect and was an athlete in a fraternity. What did he know of shame and low value?

"Girls might be nicer," I answered with a noncommittal shrug.

"I'm nice," he insisted and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Nice people didn't typically claim their nicety. They just were.

"Please, just get to know me," he insisted. "I'm not a bad guy."

I stared at Thomas for a long moment, considering what to say. What I really wanted was to ask if he truly did promise not to leave me, but I couldn't, it was way too soon for talk like that. So instead I asked, "Do you really promise not to.... be a dick, if I get to know you?"

"I swear," he agreed, taking my hand to shake in agreement.

As our hands touched, I almost believed him. I wanted nothing more than to meet someone that could love me... but I also knew that I could never satisfy anyone enough to stay.