Beauty and the Geek

She applauded loudly when he finished, and Benjamin took a bow. She felt like the kiss was behind them, but as they chatted she could tell things were different. He'd been deeply embarrassed, and the only reason for that was that he had feelings for her. Romantic feelings.

Not sure what else to say, Becky asked if the offer for a cup of tea was still available.

"Oh. Sure. I can do that," he told her as he put the trumpet down and turned everything off.

As he put a kettle on the stove, Becky racked her brain to think of something to say to get things to return to the way they were before, but no matter which way it tried to go, it felt hopeless. And then...she had an idea.

"What are you plans after high school, Benjamin? With regard to music? Or construction or...whatever?"

She felt like an idiot when she threw out the 'whatever' at the end, but she couldn't exactly call it back.

He stayed near the stove but turned around to face her, so that was a start.

"My dad was a Marine, and I want to be one, too."

His reply stunned into silence for several seconds.

"You...want to enlist in the Marine Corps?" she asked as though it was so out of the question she couldn't believe he said it, yet that was exactly what she was thinking.

"Yes. As a musician."

Thoroughly confused, Becky asked how that could be possible.

Benjamin finally smiled and asked her to give him a sec. He came back with a iPad and sat down beside her. He typed something in and a video appeared.

"This is the Marine Corps Band. That's Corporal Perez playing the trumpet. I want to audition in the Spring, and if I'm accepted, I'd go to boot camp next summer. After that I'd become a member of the band and play all over the country and the world."

Becky watched and listened for a minute or so then looked at Benjamin.

"That is such a wonderful and patriotic goal. I didn't even know they have a band."

She made a face that indicated her guilt for not knowing, and it made him laugh.

"I'm sure most people don't. The Marines fight wars, right?"

He was looking right at her, and she felt something inside of her change. What it was she couldn't say, but she could no longer look at him as she had before. He was still 18, but he was somehow...older.

"I can't believe you're only 18," she said very quietly.

Benjamin laughed just as quietly then said, "I'm actually 19. I had to repeat third grade because I had leukemia."

"Oh, my goodness! Benjamin!"

"I don't remember a whole lot. I just knew I was sick all the time and either in bed or at the doctor's or in the hospital. But the treatment worked, I've been cancer free ever since, and that's all behind me."

"Okay, so you'll graduate the end of May, right?"

"I've been able to take extra credits, and I'll actually graduate in January. Mid-semester."

"Wow. I'm impressed. On so many levels."

Becky was unaware that her eyes were moving back and forth with his, but she was aware that she was feeling something else that was new and had to turn away. The teapot began whistling, and when Benjamin got up to tend to it, she breathed a sigh of relief. When he back with the tea a part of her wanted him to sit next to her again, and another part prayed he wouldn't.

He handed her a cup on a saucer and sat across from her with the other.

"This is really good," she told him after a first sip.

He chuckled and reminded she asked for three sugars.

"Oh, right. I guess I should have said it tastes 'sweet'."

She smiled and he laughed which made her ask a question that was still bothering her.

"Are we okay?"

"Yes. We're good."

Benjamin's smile tried to hide his true feelings, and Becky knew things weren't 'okay' or at least not completely so.

"Really?" she asked with deep concern.

"I'm not gonna pretend my...stupidity...didn't change things, but I believe you when you say I shouldn't feel, you know...."

"Benjamin, please. Don't let this ruin things between us. Please?"

"I won't," he replied unconvincingly.

"Don't you have...a girlfriend? You're a very nice looking guy, and you're by far the most mature high school student I've ever met."

She thought for a moment then said, "You're actually more mature than most of the men I've known."

He laughed when he said, "Coach Andrews isn't all that high of a bar to exceed, but thank you for saying that."

She also laughed and told him she agreed.

"He's such an...ass."

Benjamin laughed and told her he agreed.

"I've used him as an example of how not to treat other people," he said. "In fact, I people in the old adage that every man...or person...is my teacher. Some are good examples I try and emulate, and others...aren't. They allow me to see what being a jerk or...an ass...looks like without having to make those mistakes myself."

Becky's opinion of him changed yet again as she realized she'd never met any man with his perspective on life. He was a talented musician, carpenter, and mechanic, and smarter and wiser than any man she'd ever dated.

"Why can't you be 30 years old?" she said with a smile which disappeared in an instant when she saw the hurt the thoughtless comment caused.

She looked down at her cup and shook her head.

"I...I should probably go. All I do is hurt you."

She knew Benjamin was standing up but had no idea he was coming to sit next to her until he did.

"You've never hurt me, Becky. I hurt myself."

"What?" she asked, barely able to look his way.

"I let myself believe that when I took you home that you might possibly, you know, have feelings for me."

She turned her to look at him as he continued talking.

"I know how...childish...that is now. I let my hopes get up so high that I guess I talked myself into believing you felt the same way."

He looked down for a moment then looked at her and smiled.

"I was wrong. But...you can't blame me, right?"

His smile wasn't quite enough to make her smile, too, but she felt a bit better but was also confused.

"I don't understand," she said rather quietly.

"Becky, please. You're such an amazing woman. You're flat out beautiful, you have a heart of gold, and you're quite possibly the nicest person I've ever met. How could I not hope you might like me? Like that."

The truth was, and she'd been keeping it from herself, was that she did like him. Like that. But there was a practical side, and it told her than even though he was a year older than she'd assumed, he was still a high school student who lived at home, his many talents aside.

She sat up and pulled her leg up on the couch and turned his way.

"The truth is that...I could feel that way...about you."

"But?"

She put her hand on his and said, "IF you were older and living by yourself."

"I can't change when I was born" he replied a halfhearted smile on his face. "But I won't be living here that much longer."

"Benjamin. I really do like you. A lot. But don't you see? I'm not just a couple of years older than you. Or even...ten years older."

She made a face that made him laugh.

"I'm 33, Benjamin. And you're 19. You understand that, right?"

"I'm actually really good at math, Becky," he told her, and the way he said made her smile.

"So how could you and I possibly ever, you know...."

He moved his hand in order to take hers in his then said, "I understand how you feel about me, and I'll respect that. But it doesn't change how I feel about you. At all."

Becky felt like she couldn't speak or even think as he looked at her. No matter what her rational mind told her, she couldn't think about anything but wanting him to kiss her again, and she knew that if he did, she would kiss him back.

Fortunately...or...unfortunately...he didn't kiss her again. He just let his finger run back and forth across the top of her hand as he looked at her.

On the verge of losing her ability to resist, she gently moved her hand away then said, "I...I should really go. I've taken up too much of your time already."

She put her leg down, picked up the teacup, and stood.

"Here. Let me get that."

Benjamin reached for it, and as she handed it to him, the desire to be kissed returned even more strongly. As he walked away she wanted to run to him and kiss him and tell him she did have feelings for him, but her legs were frozen, and she couldn't move.

As they stood by the door, Becky's resolve to do the right thing returned. She smile pleasantly as she thanked him for the one-woman concert and the tea.

She turned more serious, then said, "And Benjamin? Thank you for sharing a little bit about your amazing father."

He'd been staring into her eyes but stopped for a moment when she said that.

"I...I've never shared those things with anyone before."

She saw him, at least for a moment of her own, as two people.

The first was a 19-year old high school boy with an unlimited future in front of him. The other was an incredibly talented and highly skilled young man who was also now quite handsome to her. There was a momental war being waged in her mind before the impossibility of the situation won out.

"Then that will be an even more special memory for me," she told him before thanking him again and turning to open the door.

"No. Please. Allow me," Benjamin said as he reached around her.

He sort of turned his head as he grabbed the door handle, and that put his face just a few inches from hers. He stopped opening the door and looked into her eyes, and that same desire to be kissed hit her so hard she lost control.

He gave up and turned his head back, but before he could open the door, Becky moved slightly, put her arms around his neck, and kissed him in a way she had no business doing. Benjamin kissed her back and pulled her to him, and Becky moaned softly as their tongues briefly touched.

And that's when the horror set in.

"Oh my god," she blurted out, pulling her arms down, looking away, then bolting out the door.

Benjamin started to holler, "Wait!" but let her go.

He now knew that she'd been lying. She did have feelings for him, and it was obvious they paralleled his. The only question was how to win her over, and at that point in time, he had no idea whatsoever.

"Should I call her or...follow her home?"

He ruled that out immediately.

"Wait for a few hours then text her?"

No, she needed time to think and sort through what she was feeling.

"Do nothing for several days and see if she contacts you?"

Yes. Best option so far.

"And if she doesn't then you send her a casual text devoid of desperation and romance."

Satisfied with his decision, Benjamin savored the moment of their second kiss which remained as fresh as when it happened for those several days.

He was now working on what to say when he texted her when, later that afternoon, she texted him. He felt a rush like he hadn't felt before as he opened it. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then peeked with one eye and began reading.

"I'm not sure where to even start. I'm sure an apology should come first, so please accept my apology. My behavior was...unacceptable. Beyond that I can't decide if there is anything more to be said or if that's enough. I have no idea what caused me to do that, Benjamin, but it was inexcusable. You are amazing young man with a wonderful life ahead of you. You're smart, talented, skilled, and yes, you're also very attractive. I want to wish you all the best and hope that you won't look back and think about the crazy part of me you saw for five seconds. I'm so much more than that, but I accept responsibility for my actions.

I'm rambling, and that wasn't my intent. I just hope you will be kind and forgiving, and again, I sincerely apologize. All the best. Becky."

After reading it a second time, he realized he'd been right all along. Most people would read that text and take it at face value. Benjamin didn't. He was willing to bet the farm...or at least the trumpet his dad gave him...that her feelings hadn't changed. She was just trying to be a responsible adult and do the right thing.

His first impulse was to go to her house and pour his heart out to her. But here again, he knew that was a mistake. He waited until his mom got home, and when she did, he had a meal waiting for her.

"Oh, my word! Benjamin. This is so nice! I know it's not my birthday, so what's the occasion?"

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too. But why all of this?"

He moved closer and then took his mom's hands in his.

"Mom? I really do love you. So much."

"But?" she asked with a sense of dread.

"No 'but'. I only want to tell you that I recently met someone, and that I...."

"Honey! I'm so happy for you! Do I know her?"

Benjamin felt terrible, but he had to tell her the truth. She wanted it to be a girl from school. Especially a girl named Alicia he'd dated for a few months.

"No. You don't know her, but she's the most amazing...woman...I've ever met."

He touched her face then smiled.

"Next to you, of course."

His mother's eyes were gleaming as she waited to hear who this lucky girl could be.

"Her name is Becky. Rebecca, actually, but it's like Dad and me with Ben and Benjamin only she doesn't mind being called either one."

"I understand. That's important. Thank you for telling me. So when do I get to meet her?"

"I'm not sure, Mom. I need to go talk to her. We had a kind of misunderstanding a few days ago, and I have to straighten things out with her."

"Well, yes. Problems don't get better with time. Go talk to her. I'm sure she'll realize what a wonderful young man you are, and when you do, I'd love to meet her."

He needed another second but readied himself before telling her this 'girl' is older.

"Oh? Older?"

"Yes. She's older than me, but I think I'm in love with her."

"Love?"

The look of confusion on his mother's face was painful to see.

"Do you trust me, Mom?"

"Yes. Of course. You're the most mature, hard-working, focused person I know. Of any age. And I'm not the only one who feels that way."

"So I'm asking you to trust me about Becky, okay?"

"O...okay?" she said, not sure what else to say.

"I'll clear the table, and put the dishes in the dishwasher before I go."

"Benjamin? I can take care of that. You just go."

He gave his mother a real hug that made her day then kissed her on the cheek.

"Thanks, Mom. You're the best!"

"Good luck, sweetheart!"

Her son waved as he grabbed the car keys and his wallet. He made a quick stop on the way, and ten minutes later he was at Becky's door.

She opened the door when he knocked and stood there like a statue.

"May I come in?" he asked politely.

"Um...I...okay."

She stepped aside for him then followed him to the living room.

"Would you like to sit down?" Becky asked, her tummy rolling and roiling.

"That's okay. What I have to say won't take long."

He said that in a kind, serious tone of voice then softened the tone even more.

"I always try and put myself in the other person's shoes," he began. "Whether I'm ordering fast food or in a classroom or just talking to someone, I try and be that other person and ask how I'd feel about...me...and the way I'm treating them."

"That doesn't surprise me," Becky said, her mouth dry and her tongue thick.

"So were I you, I'd be incredibly concerned about...having a relationship with any man, but especially with one who was considerably younger than me."

He saw her look away for a moment and waited for her to look at him again.

"If you didn't, you'd be...reckless...and that wouldn't be a character trait I'd admire."

He scanned her face for hints of emotion and only saw a kind of worried anticipation. He took a step toward her and stopped.

"My parents met in junior high and got married on their graduation night. Neither of them ever had a single moment of regret. I think I inherited that gene. I don't want to 'play the field' or date around. I want to spend my life with a woman I trust and love."

He moved closer then took her hands. Becky's eyes were darting with his and her heart was thumping in her chest.

"In spite of what you said in your text, I know you have feelings for me, and you have to know I have them for you."

"Benjamin...."

He gently put a finger on her lips and continued telling her how he felt about her.

"I haven't stopped thinking about you since the moment we met. I told you I'm good at math and I've 'done the math' with regard to us and our...ages...and no matter what the answer comes out as, it doesn't change the fact that I've fallen in love with you, Becky Tate. The only question is whether or not you feel anything like that for me. So...do you?"

He saw her eyes filling with tears, and for the first time, he doubted himself.

"I've been in so many bad relationships that I've lost track of them. And all I've ever wanted was someone to love me. For who I am. And to not try and control me or treat me like they own me."

Benjamin didn't say a word. He let talk and figuratively kept his fingers crossed.

"You are everything I've ever wanted in a man, Benjamin. But...."

"But," he repeated quietly and someone despondently.

"Think about the things people will say when we're together," she said as though she was pleading with him to understand.

"I have. Many times."

"That doesn't bother you? Being asked if your 'mother' wants the same thing you do in a restaurant?"

"No. I've thought about that...a lot...and I honestly don't care."

The look in her eyes told him she did care. For once his 'social radar' couldn't read through all of the chaff and tell him what to believe. All he felt he knew was that she couldn't take hearing things like that.

"What else?" he asked in a kind tone of voice.

"What?" came her reply.

"What else bothers you. About...us."

"Nothing. But that's a huge...but. How am I not right?"

"I'm trying as hard as I can to put myself in your place right now, but the answer I hoped to hear is so loud it's drowning out everything else. You may actually be right, Becky, but you're only right for yourself. I understand that's all that ultimately matters, but it's...it's a total non-issue for me."

Tears fell and ran down her cheek.

"Benjamin. I am so sorry."

"Me, too," he replied as he fought back tears of his own.

"I really am sorry. I...love everything else about you, Benjamin. I truly do. And were things different, I'd say 'yes' to...anything you wanted. But...I can't."

Heartbroken, he forced a smile and thanked her for being honest.

"I feel terrible," she told him as she squeezed his hands.

"I'm just glad you were completely upfront with me. I couldn't stand wondering if you might have, you know, thought there was a chance that we could...."

Also heartbroken, Becky hugged him and held him tight. She cried openly, and although she wanted nothing more than to tell him she loved him, too, she just couldn't do it. She walked him to the door where he wished her well, and she then did the same.

When he left, she stood there, her back against the door before slowing sitting down, crying and sobbing until she could no longer cry.

Back home, Benjamin's mom couldn't wait to find out when she'd be able to meet this older girl of his, but the look on her face shattered those feelings.

"She...she doesn't feel the same way about me," he got out before his mom hugged him.

"I'm so sorry, Benjamin. Love is so wonderful and it can also be so unbelievably painful."

He knew she meant losing his father and hugged her back.

"I'll live, Mom."

He pulled back, did his best to smile, then asked if there was any dessert.

"I brought some cheesecake home. What do you say we have a slice?"

*****

Halloween came and went as did Thanksgiving. As the Christmas holidays approached, both Becky and Benjamin continued to think about one another nearly all of the time, but neither of them contacted the other.