Behind the Scenes Ch. 08

We had always been each others' rock. We could always bounce anything off of each other. Any problem, thought, worry. I was always there to help him out, and vice versa. He was not my anchor though. Or at least, not the person I wanted my anchor to be.

You see, the difference between a rock and an anchor is simple: A rock is strong and like an anchor it can keep you steady, whatever happens. You can hold on to it. But a rock doesn't budge. You can't take it with you. Only an anchor can follow you around, and only an anchor can be carried.

A rock won't change it's position, it will stay put for you so you can always come back to find it. But an anchor can be raised up... Or let down, I supposed.

Billy's message was almost normal, I almost didn't have this whole reasoning about anchors and rocks in my head, if it weren't for the hesitation in his voice. I had a feeling I knew what he wanted to say. After what had happened on the dance-floor, I wasn't so sure how to feel about that.

God, even when being gay wasn't difficult, it was still difficult.

--

Connor's POV:

He told me he'd pick me up in a few hours.

A few. Fucking. Hours.

What was I supposed to do? The guy of my dreams was literally a few doors away from me, gay and almost surely crushing on me. And I just had to sit and wait for him to come and pick me up?

I opened my eyes and pushed away from leaning back against the door, I'd have to distract myself a bit. The room was pretty awesome, as I expected. It was spacious and characteristic. Perfect for a... couple. Frustrated with my constant thoughts about Leo, I started to unpack my bags quickly.

I snooped around in the room a little more and then flopped down on the large, soft bed. It was hard not to tell him. It was so hard not to just fling my arms around his neck and kiss him. God knows that's what I wanted.

But I couldn't.

What if I did? What if I did just that, and it freaked him out?

He's gay, granted. And he likes me, I was almost one hundred percent sure of that. Still, I had to be certain, completely certain, before I'd make my first move. That's where my teasing came into play.

I tried teasing him before, and acting a little affectionate around him. And it seemed like he got flustered and uncomfortable. But I'm still not sure wether that means he liked me, or really, really didn't.

But it was so obvious, right?

Fuck.

Never in my life had I been so unsure of my ability to flirt with someone. I just could not fuck this up. It was literally the only thing that mattered to me.

I didn't want him to think that I was teasing just to bully him because he's gay. I wanted him to pick up on my hints and... well I just wanted him to... I wanted him to fucking take me or something. I was getting so freaking agitated not being able to just do what I wanted.

I'd had a hard time controlling myself in the Jeep. And an even harder time in the elevator, not so figuratively speaking. I wanted to climb him like a fucking tree. And who could blame me? Really. Everything I found sexy, attractive and mouth-watering about a guy was Leo.

Jesus, I was gay. I still couldn't really believe it, but I needed Leo so bad. I wasn't even ashamed of myself for it. All these years of pretending with Caytlin, jerking off to gay porn in secret. I was done, right? I had come out of the closet, and I had no intention of wasting one more second pretending I didn't turn into a bitch in heat at the thought of Leo.

His arms, his hands, his legs, his butt, his lips, his eyes.. God his eyes.

And now I'm just laying here in a hotel room doing nothing.

A few hours.

What the hell was I doing?

I have to get ready! That night, I was going to make his mind reel so bad, that he just couldn't ignore it anymore. I was going to make him want me like I wanted him.

I'd waited long enough. We both had.

That night, I'd know for sure.

The next day, I would either be the happiest guy on earth, or the most miserable.

The only thing I knew for sure then, was that I couldn't wait any longer.