Being Jim Ch. 06: Lessons of Life Pt. 02

"The man, in these photos with Maggie, was he her late husband?" I asked of Penny. She nodded solemnly.

"Yes he was, they were very much in love for many years, even after..." Penny abruptly censored herself before continuing too far. "I'm sorry Jim... Oh what the hell, Maggie would tell you herself if you asked... yes Maggie and John were very much in love. Over many years they were happy, but at some point John developed interests in another woman. He had an affair that lasted for several years before Maggie found out about it. She was devastated. She immediately separated from John and sent him packing. However, she learned from the other woman, John's mistress, more than she learned from John. The woman was the widow of John's lifelong friend, John was his best man at their wedding. He was beyond grief when his friend died in a tragic accident. They consoled each other as friends not lovers, at first. Neither had any designs for anything more, but over time it did develop and john struggled with feelings of guilt and remorse at having done so. The woman couldn't bear to see him in such turmoil and sought out Maggie to try to explain and express her regret and sorrow for having come between them. Somehow she convinced Maggie that John had never stopped loving her but had only shared his love with her as an extension of their friendship. By then John and Maggie had already divorced and were living separately. Maggie still loved John but of course the trust was gone, but they remained friends, even if it was a strained version of such. A few years later Maggie had an aunt pass away and was left a small sum of money from her estate. Maggie bought this house. Later when she learned that John had fallen ill, he had been diagnosed with cancer, she arranged for this small apartment to be part of the house. She had him move in and he spent the last three years of his life here. He's been gone for a few years now but Maggie just couldn't bring herself to get rid of all his things. Still waters run deep, and she loves deeply when she lets someone into her heart. I think you already recognize that though don't you?" Penny said more as a statement than a question, squeezing my hand. Turning to face Penny I asked.

"Penny, is she okay?"

"Yes, she'll be fine, she's a tough old bird you know." Penny smiled "She just has a little emotional baggage. I'm afraid you will find as you go through the years young man that we all acquire more and more. Every relationship leaves a mark on us, good or bad or indifferent. We experience, we learn, we remember. It's what makes us who we are. It would do you good to remember that every action, every word you share with another stays with them for the rest of their lives." Looking at me fondly, Penny raised her free hand and stroked my cheek and added. "I don't know why I have to tell you that, you seem to know that already. So much in one so young, you know you have made a mark on both Maggie and me alike. God bless Jules for having sent you our way..." Penny stopped suddenly and looked up at me sheepishly knowing she had let slip something that I was not supposed to have been told.

I smiled knowingly and bowed my head once. "Penny, I suspected that from early on but thank you for confirming it for me. Jules never told me that she had "recommended" me to you and Maggie. I guess she still takes discretion to heart, I would think that makes her a "good student" as well. Or should I say graduate?" I smiled and winked.

"You don't miss much do you darling?" Penny smiled warmly and nodded her silent confirmation to my statement. Then her gaze drifted off to some distant unseen horizon as she looked into herself, her memories perhaps with a wistful smile playing on those soft lips.

"Penny?" I began softly, hesitantly perhaps. "I know you are an exciting and sensual woman, and have showed me... interest... on many occasions. But... Not that it is any of my business, but I get the impression that you are quite... fond... of the fairer sex. Do you... prefer the company of other women to that of men?" I stood stock still counting my heart beats, wondering if I had perhaps overstepped my friendship with Penny in asking such a personal question. Penny stepped back half a step and looked me in the eye for what seemed like long minutes even if it were only a few seconds at most.

"You know that that is a very personal question, and if I had been a stranger it could have been very hurtful if not extremely rude..." She stared at me with a neutral expression but with one eyebrow arching high on her forehead.

"I... I'm sorry Penny, I simply am just trying to learn as much as I can about you... about someone I find that I care deeply for." I hung my head in apologetic shame. Knowing Penny's somewhat volatile disposition at times I fully expected to be slapped at any instant. Instead I felt her hand brush softly along my cheek before she turned my chin up to look her in the eyes.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Jim, I'm actually flattered that you bothered to ask rather than just formed some uninformed opinion of me." She smiled warmly, the warmth radiating from those soft blue eyes as well as her full sensual lips. "Yes darling, I do enjoy the company of other women, I guess I always have. That doesn't however mean that I cannot or do not appreciate a handsome and caring man as well. Does that bother you?" She asked tilting her head a bit to one side awaiting my answer.

"No ma'..." I smiled mischievously. "No Penny, it doesn't bother me at all. If truth be known it intrigues me, I mean we do have things in common do we not?" I asked with a wink.

Penny's smile broadened and a twinkle came to her eyes as she once again squeezed my hand in hers and winked back at me. "Yes I suppose we do then." Penny looked around the room and then pulled me over to the edge of the bed where she sat down and patted the bed beside her for me to do likewise. After I sat she turned about halfway bringing her right leg and foot up onto the bed, her left still dangling over the side. "Is there anything else you might like to know about me Jim?" Penny asked batting her lovely blue eyes in mock innocence, again tilting her head slightly to one side. My hand still in her hand, her robe coming slightly apart giving me a peek of that magnificent cleavage of hers. I studied Penny carefully as I thought for a moment or two considering several questions that had often played through my mind either in her presence or after having spent time with her. Looking down at the hand holding mine I decided on what I thought might be a relevant question.

"I know that Maggie was married, at one time, have you ever been married?" I continued looking at her hand, feeling a momentary flinch before she relaxed again and softly squeezed my hand once more.

"I have known and loved several men in the past, and yes I was engaged once, when I was in college. I was close to your age actually, when this happened. I was so in love, I thought the world revolved around my fiancé, he could do no wrong. He hung the moon for me, the stars all had my name on them, I was in heaven..." She drifted off for a moment with a faraway look in her eyes. Then her eyes refocused on mine and her smile took on a sad affectation. "I was very naïve back then, not long before our planned wedding I learned that my trust was sadly misplaced. My knight in shining armor was rather tarnished in reality. In fact, I caught him in the act with a friend of mine. I had come to her apartment unannounced to ask about some plans for the wedding and I walked in as they were in the middle of making love in her living room. Nothing was said, they both knew that I was hurt and there was no apology that would fix it. I fled in a rage... I shouldn't have tried to drive when I did but..." Penny trailed off with a lump in her throat. I could feel her hand trembling in mine as she relived that event as she told of it. She looked up at me with wet somber eyes so sad almost made me gasp. "I had an accident as I sped away. It was a bad wreck. My legs were pinned under the dash of my car and it caught on fire..." Penny gasped and she swallowed, her hand shaking as if it were vibrating. "A policeman came upon the accident thankfully, moments after I had wrecked. He was able to put out the fire quickly but my feet were burned. The fire department cut me out of my car and I was taken to the hospital. I spent a couple of weeks there, the doctors did what they could but there was permanent damage." Her expression was so sad it made my heart ache. I looked down at Penny's foot on the bed, encased in her ever present silk slippers. With my free hand I gently touched it and she gave a start as if she had been jolted with a bolt of electricity. Looking into her eyes I could see the hesitancy and uncertainty. I realized that this was one of if not the biggest of Penny's own insecurities. This was major, and personal.

Much like the intuitive impulse that made me stand up and give Maggie a shoulder massage earlier in the kitchen, I was again possessed to take Penny's pain and insecurity and show her kindness, love and affection. I withdrew my hand from Penny's and with both hands took her right foot softly and began to ease the silk slipper down off of her foot. Penny's right hand immediately grabbed my hand as if to halt me, a wild frightened look in her eyes almost pleading me to stop. I smiled softly and blinked my eyes slowly once in acknowledgement but took my right hand and squeezed hers reassuringly then removed it from my left hand so that I could remove the slipper. As the slipper came free from her foot I heard her gasp then hold her breath. I stood and then turned and knelt beside the bed so that I could study Penny's naked foot more closely. She had put both of her hands over the toes as if to cover them out of shame. I looked up at Penny seeing that hesitant pleading look still in her eyes. Gently I pried her hands away and softly held her foot in my hands and saw the scarred toes, the big toe and first toe of her right foot were fused together, the first toe had no nail, the next toe seemed normal but the next two toes were simply nubs with no nails. I gently stroked each toe as I examined them, then on impulse I lowered my head to her foot and softly kissed the top of her foot, then each toe in succession. Again I heard Penny gasp and I could feel her trembling through her foot. Setting that foot down I leaned back and looked down at her left foot still clad in its silk slipper. I looked up at Penny again this time seeing a puzzled almost bewildered look on her face. I reached down and gently lifted her left foot to my chest and eased off that slipper as well. The toes of this foot were all intact but they were covered in thick scar tissue that almost looked like molten flesh colored wax. Again, as with her right foot, I leaned in and kissed the top of her foot and then each toe in turn. When I had finished I replaced her silk slipper and set her foot back on the floor. I picked up the other slipper and replaced it on her right foot. By this point Penny was literally vibrating she was trembling and shaking so badly. Her normally vibrant generous lips were quivering as I stood back up beside the bed. She looked up with her beautiful blue eyes swimming in tears that threatened to spill over at any moment.

"Penny there is not a part of your body that you ever need to feel ashamed about, every inch of you is beautiful inside and out... Thank you for sharing with me. I will never forget it." I said softly looking into those conflicted eyes as she tried to decide on being ashamed or elated or both at the same time. I guess she came to a decision as she lunged out at me and wrapped both arms around my waist and grappled me with one of the strongest tightest hugs my short life had ever experienced. I could hear muffled gasps and sobs as she pressed her weeping face tightly into my abdomen. Her upper body and arms wracked with the silent sobs for several minutes before she calmed down and collected herself. Breathing more or less regularly again Penny loosened her gorilla grip around my waist and leaned back to look up at me with tear reddened eyes and one of those sloppy post crying smiles. Suddenly she stood up beside the bed in front of me and lunged again, her arms going around my neck , her breast smashing into my chest her tear soaked cheeks and lips in my face as she locked lips with me and began furiously kissing me with abandon. This was not a slow sensual kiss or the more exciting tongue lashing passionate kissing I was familiar with at this point, but rather a very happy sloppy wet kissing that covered my entire face, my lips, my cheeks, my eyelids, my chin, my nose, and of course my lips again and again.

After a few moments of this face bathing Penny pulled back to look me in the eye. She was breathless and something else. The hesitancy, the uncertainty the fear and shame all gone... in their place was a visceral hunger, perhaps a bit of mischief as well. Penny's eye brows danced as she turned me around so that the bed was behind me, her arms came away from the back of my shoulders. With her hands, palms flat against my chest, she shoved me backwards causing me to trip and fall backwards onto the bed. In an instant she leapt atop me straddling my body her knees and legs on either side of my waist, her hands by my sides just under my arms. Then her strawberry blond hair formed a cloud that framed her animated face as she leaned down pressing her breasts onto my chest, separated by only her silk robed and my thin tee shirt. Once more her lips locked upon my own, this time they were pressed gently to mine. It was a soft sensual familiar kiss that would warm the soul of any receiving it. Of course this was Penny and as enjoyable as that kind of kiss was it soon evolved into her more signature ravening passionate style of kissing. Her tongue seeking out and engaging my own in a dance of shared lust and desire. My hands had found themselves seemingly of their own accord sliding up Penny's flanks, along her rib cage until my thumbs encountered her under arms. When I became aware of them I wrapped my right arm around her side with my hand in the middle of her shoulder blades pulling her even more tightly into my own body, my left hand slid back down her flanks and found itself grasping her right side of that that tantalizing pear shaped bottom. This groping and grasping elicited a long low moan from Penny's lips as she pulled away to breathe momentarily.

I too was breathless and my heart was racing with excitement. With all her weight supported by her body pressing against my own, Penny raised her arms to bring her hands to my face. She stroked my cheeks with either hand then brushed the hair from my forehead as she studied my face and stared intently into my brown eyes with her soft blue red rimmed eyes.

"Darling, you are going to make some one very happy, no, not one, many women I should think. There is something about you that just begs to be... experienced. You have a way about you that I'm sure many will find as enticing and exciting as I do... Maggie too." Penny spoke in a soft sultry voice. I must have had a questioning expression on my face at this mention as Penny smiled broadly and said. "Oh yes, Mags has spoken of you on more than one occasion. Like me..." Penny actually looked momentarily abashed. "Maggie has experienced a few men over the years but none have impressed her or I or certainly not intrigued either of us as much as you have. For one so young you seem to be mature far beyond your years. Where most men, your age seem to be in such a testosterone driven hurry, ruled by their own desires and lust rather than their emotions and their hearts. Even men far older than you tend to be this way as well. Some however, rare ones, like yourself seem to be more in touch with your feelings and the feelings of others. I hope you never grow out of that." Penny smiled and pushed herself up so that she was sitting upright on my waist, her robe barely closed and hardly concealing her womanly charms as her marble sized nipples were nearly poking through the silky material of her robe. Her hands drawing slowly down the front of my tee shirt across my chest and to my abdomen. Penny tilted her head slightly to one side and said. "Was there another question you wished to ask of me... before I got carried away?" She smiled apologetically. I smiled up at her and tried to decide how to approach my next thought.

"Actually I was going to ask about your feet and why you always had them covered with slippers, but you shared all of that with me before I could ask. Thank you again. I smiled softly and squeezed her forearms as they were still resting with her hands on my abdomen. Again Penny swallowed but smiled sweetly in return. "You said you were engaged but obviously that marriage never happened. You didn't say anything about any other... engagements... I get the impression that this betrayal scarred you... in more ways than one." I smiled sadly and again squeezed her forearms reassuringly. "Was that a catalyst perhaps, for other interests?" I asked softly. Penny looked down at me and smiled warmly.

"There you go again... Most would have been rather blunt in their questioning about sexual preferences, condescending even. But not you, you have a way of asking but leaving room for dignity and... discretion. That's a kindness in and of itself. To answer your so delicately framed question Jim, no and yes. Yes, that fiasco nearly averted did scar me, and not just because of the injuries from my car crash. But also No, as even before I fell in love and became engaged I knew that I had interests and feelings for others of my own gender. Well, a few particular girls over the years, even as a young girl growing up. Of course there was confusion and uncertainty but these things have a way of working themselves out. Like minds and hearts find each other in time. It's no different than what is considered normal male female attraction. I know that many think that something traumatic has to happen to turn someone to one preference or another, and while that may be true in some cases it's not all encompassing. Not everyone is changed or turned into what they are. More often than not, it's natural, though I know for a fact that far too many will never accept that thinking. Often, very often in fact, many people simply acknowledge an innate attraction to another person and it doesn't matter what gender they are. If you love someone, you love them, gender assignations simply don't matter. It is possible to be attracted to and to even love the same gender as well as the opposite. But you will find that this is rare, if only because of social norms and acceptance. I know you are very aware of that or you would never have been introduced to Maggie and myself through Jules. Again, a testament to your open mind and gentle heart."

"I have the feeling I already know the answer to this question, and to ask it may even be rude, but if you will indulge me..." I paused to let Penny know I was serious about not trying to be rude. "Are you and Maggie... lovers?" I mentally held my breath and caught myself counting my heartbeats as I waited on Penny to consider my question. I needn't have worried however as she looked down at me and smiled warmly.

"Yes, you do already know the answer to that question but thank you, again, for asking so considerately. Many would simply assume and go from there whether that assumption is correct or not. To answer your question, yes. Maggie and I have shared many things over the years and that includes sex. I'll go one step further though, you may not have asked because I am not she, but Maggie, like me does have an interest in men... well... a few men... now and then. Again, it's not so much a gender thing as the person. I think you already know that Maggie is... shall we say... guarded with her affections. She doesn't readily express herself as openly as say I do. However, that said, if someone makes an impression on her, really touches her heart, that well is deep my young sir. You will not find another as loyal and steadfast and caring as she." Penny smiled almost dreamily as she looked off into the distance in her mind or heart then she came back to me and looked down into my eyes and added. "You, darling, have touched her deeply. You didn't even know you had done it, and more than once. Know this, she will be your champion for life, you are golden. Show her the same love that is in your heart and it will be returned tenfold." And Penny nodded knowingly before adding. "That goes for me too young man." Penny lifted her hands from my abdomen and took my hands in hers.