Being Jim Ch. 06: Lessons of Life Pt. 02

I turned my full attention to Maggie who was still standing by the projector table, her arms crossed over her breasts and her head with a pensive tilt giving me a slightly side long glance. She bowed her head a fraction or so and took three steps slowly towards me to close the gap between us. I didn't know what she had in mind but I could tell that she was working out what she was about to say to me. When she was mere inches from where I stood she raised her head up and tilted it back a bit as if she were almost looking down her nose at me but I did not get the sense that she was being condescending in anyway but rather she was about to say something of great importance. Those wide thin lips were pursed almost to the point of pouting, the bottom lip extended just a fraction. Her copper amber hued eyes were hooded, framed by her dark eyelashes, those raven eyebrows straight, immobile and very stern looking. I felt a bit of a chill run down my spine. This was all too similar to the look I used to get way back in high school in her typing class... at least early in the semester anyway. I stood my ground, waiting, curious if even a bit apprehensive. My eyes never wavered from Maggie's. Finally after what seemed like several minutes, though it couldn't have been more than a few moments, Maggie spoke.

"You understand that Penny shared with me what you did yesterday." She stated in a firm but neutral voice and paused.

Somehow I didn't think she was waiting for a comment, only informing me of her knowledge. Of course my mind instantly began a rapid mental recap of what happened yesterday with Penny. About the tour of the downstairs apartment, my questions about Maggie, and Penny, and about the two of them. I recalled my exploration of Penny's body including her peach. I thought about Penny showing me how she liked to be touched, and about her using my hand as part of that act. I wondered if that was too forward of me and had I stepped out of bounds somehow. I swallowed and broke eye contact momentarily steeling myself to begin an apology but before I could utter a word Maggie continued.

"I thought I knew you better than I obviously do. I've always thought you to be a kind sensitive and thoughtful young man..." Again she trailed off, perhaps searching for words. I felt my ears burning with the beginning of a sense of shame.

"Maggie... I'm sorry if I pried into your private life, I didn't mean to offend in any way..." I began only to be brought up short when Maggie spoke over me halting my words.

"You continue to push my perception of your true depths, and your warmth. I knew you were far too observant to have not questioned the relationship between Penny and I or that perhaps either of our orientation or preferences. That you asked does not bother me in the slightest, HOW you asked only reassures me of your maturity and sensitivity. No Jim, what I'm talking about what you did when you discovered one of Penny's greatest personal secrets, perhaps her greatest insecurity. No one, not a single person male or female, other than myself has ever showed her such understanding and... Love. You touched her heart. And..." Maggie paused with a catch in her throat that she swallowed, her eyes went soft as the closed slowly for a moment, her eyebrows actually rose slightly and those wide thin lips turned up at the corners ever so slightly as she leaned in to me and kissed me so softly as to make me hold my breath in wonder. As she pulled back smiling she added. "...You touched my heart as well. To fill her heart with joy is a gift that will not be forgotten."

It felt as if my heart had suddenly climbed out of my chest and was now in my throat. I knew beyond a doubt that Maggie's words were heartfelt and sincere. I simply had not realized just how deeply Penny had felt about my simple show of acceptance and reassurance. To assuage her fear of being thought of as a freak or ugly was not something I had even thought about, it was impulsive or instinctive perhaps. Maggie was still looking into my eyes and seemed to realize my own thoughts even without my speaking them aloud. She nodded and smiled then reached out and took my left hand in her right.

"Come with me." She said as she led me down the hall and to the door of the apartment letting me in after turning on the lights and closing the door behind us. Maggie stood and silently looked around the 'den' as she called the front room with the couch and television. She released my hand and walked over to the wet bar and removed a glass from the cabinet, turning to give me a look of askance. I shook my head no and she turned back to get a decanter of an amber liquid. Removing the glass stopper she poured a splash or two into the glass before replacing it and closing the cabinet. Picking up her glass she brought it to her face holding it in both hands and sniffed at the liquid that she swirled around in the glass. Her eyes closed and she bowed her head slightly as if in prayer before tilting the glass up to take a sip. With a momentary grimace as she swallowed the drink her eyes reopened and she settled her gaze once more upon me.

"You know of course that my late ex husband lived here. John had a taste for the finer things in life, spirits, food, tobacco... and... friendships. He was a generous man, to a fault." She said softly perhaps to hear herself say it more than for my benefit. "Penny of course shared with me your curiosity and her having told you how John strayed from our marriage. I was hurt, I felt betrayed. Love is a funny thing Jim, it can twist your mind as well as your heart. It can stretch shape and distort your very soul. It clouds your mind. When trust is broken, your heart can be torn apart. I hope you never experience that, truly I do, but you must be prepared for it all the same. More importantly, you must strive to never bring that pain on someone that you love by your own actions. John understood that, but only far too late. He never stopped loving me, and I him. But the trust was broken and it takes far too long for that to be mended. John's time ran out." Maggie grimaced as she looked once more into the glass then brought it to her lips and drained the last of the amber liquid in one gulp. She set the glass on the top of the wet bar and ran a single finger around the rim, her blood red nail shining in the light of the lamp next to the bar. Gathering herself once more she again reached out to me and took my hand and led me further into the apartment, through the kitchen, walking at a slow pensive pace, and out the other side into the bedroom. Releasing my hand she walked slowly by the long low dresser, trailing her right hand along the surface, stopping a moment at the ornate ashtray with the pipes standing ready and waiting for someone to fill and use. She brought her arms together across her chest and her hands under her arms as she turned and looked around the room lost in memory perhaps.

"Penny told you how John's lover, became his lover. How, the woman came to me to plead for my forgiveness of John. She told me that it was never meant to happen, there were never any designs, that it had only happened out of shared love and grief for her late husband. But the damage was done, and it took me years to bring myself to forgive him. And by then it was too late. You see Jim, despite the pain and anger and hurt from that betrayal I still loved John. When someone touches your heart, deeply and completely it changes you. Everything we say to another, everything we do for another or to another stays with them, it shapes them and becomes part of them. It's experience, it's life... it's what makes us who we are." Maggie settled her gaze upon me once more and smiled as if she realized that she was speaking as much to herself as she was to me. She turned to the bed and took a seat much like Penny had the day before. She patted the bed beside her beckoning me to have a seat with her. She clasped her hands together in her lap and composed her thoughts for a moment.

"Jim, you understand that sex is not love, don't you?" Maggie asked, and this time she waited for an answer.

"I do. But it can be confusing sometimes." I admitted.

"That it can be, certainly, because at the same time sex IS love." She said as she tilted her head slightly to see what my reaction would be. When she noted my knitted brows she continued. "Sex is a wonderful thing. It's an expression of affection. It can be an extension of strong physical attraction, it can be an expression of strong emotional attachment, including friendship. And it can be the physical expression of love itself. Any and all of those are of course built on our foundations we have with those other persons. Honesty, respect, and trust... They have to exist. I feel you have a strong understanding of this. I sincerely hope that you carry that in your mind and in your heart throughout your life. Sex, is a physical act, it serves a purpose truly it does, but it's just exercise unless you include feelings. When you put your feelings and emotions into it, it becomes love. Making love is a beautiful thing, you touch far more than simply one another's bodies. Darling, you will find that not everyone understands the differences. There will be those in your life that will use sex as a tool or as a weapon even to get what they want, as if it were currency in exchange for some reward. Be patient, be aware. Guard yourself. You will know in your heart if it's right or if it's wrong, you have shown both Penny and myself that you instinctively understand this, so I'm merely restating the obvious. We both have struggled over the years to instill this knowledge into so many young minds... with mixed success I'm afraid. Some just don't seem to grasp the idea or at least take it to heart. Most do thankfully. Some, like yourself excel however and those have left their marks on us. We become quite attached to them and when they are ready to leave our instruction, it can be emotional as I know you witnessed with myself yesterday..." Maggie's soft voice trailed off as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath as if to steel herself against the memory.

"So you were very fond of... Terry?" I asked knowing that I was risking another bit of pain for Maggie.

"Yes, it was rather obvious wasn't it?" She returned the question with one of her own as she opened her eyes and smiled at me.

"I didn't fully understand it but I felt there was a very strong connection between you, and even between her and Penny. When you brought me to witness Penny kissing Terry goodbye you squeezed my hand so tight it nearly hurt, but I realized that you were not even aware of that. I sensed the emotions even then but seeing the emotion on your face while sitting at the table hurt me worse than your hand squeezing mine. Are you okay now Maggie?" I asked softly, Maggie smiled again warmly and reached out and took my hand in hers and... squeezed it... gently.

"I'd be lying if I said I was over it, but yes, I'm okay. I will miss her terribly but I'm okay." She took on a curious expression and tilted her head askingly before saying. "When we introduced you to Terry yesterday, you seemed startled at first as if you recognized her. Had you met before?" She asked.

"No, I don't believe we have, but for a moment I thought Terry was Michelle. They both have about the same build, the same hair color and style really, and their eyes..." I trailed off. Maggie's hand squeezed mine again in acknowledgement.

"Ah yes, those lovely, beautiful eyes. You're quite right, Michelle's eyes are just as lovely indeed. They are quite captivating aren't they?" Maggie smiled wistfully sharing my appreciation, a small glimpse into her own mind and heart perhaps.

"They are different however." I added. "Michelle's eyes are very close to the same color but hers have those golden flecks in them that shine when she's happy... or angry." I spoke with a chuckle. "I find it amazing how a woman's eyes can reflect their moods or their thoughts. Some are far more expressive and... alluring... than others... Like yours." I amended before my mind could stop my mouth from uttering that personal observation. Maggie leaned back a fraction and tilted her head to the other shoulder and looked into my eyes before smiling almost shyly.

"Why Jim, you flatterer you... how nice a thing to say to your dear old teacher." Maggie quipped playfully.

"What is it with you and Penny? Who are these "Old women" you two keep referring to? Are they hiding somewhere out of sight?" I asked with a smile, this time I squeezed Maggie's hand.

"Penny is right, you are a charmer... and you are disarming indeed! I think we've created a monster. The women in your life will be in for an experience I'm sure." Maggie said with a short laugh. "I do believe you're beginning to come out of your shell. Penny and I will have to be on our guard and double our efforts to teach you properly."

"I am at your service and wish nothing more than to learn what I can from ones so knowledgeable." I bowed my head and smiled warmly. "I am yours to mold and shape as you will."

"Be careful what you wish for young man, even two old teachers can be tempted to take advantage of a situation now and again." Maggie teased, as she withdrew her hand from mine and stretched out on the bed lying on her side, propped up on her right arm, her head resting in the palm of her right hand. Those copper amber eyes studying me with that all too familiar gaze as her left arm draped across her hip, her hand toying with the tie of her robe. "Your curiosity is to be expected, and frankly both Penny and I find it refreshing. However, as Penny confided in me, your lack of experience along with that apprehensive nature of yours can be frustrating. It's okay to be tender and considerate, but as Penny and I both have explained, once you've received permission from your partner you can relax and be a little bolder even forceful to whatever extent is acceptable to her. We all have our limits of course, but discovering those limits need not be something to be fearful of. You have to explore those limits, you have to discover the nuances that are most pleasurable to your partner. There are basic similarities but the differences can be many and vary from woman to woman. Finding out her unique preferences will be rewarding both to her and to yourself. What's more, in the course of your exploration you may discover something pleasurable that is new to her." This last bit was spoken in almost a purr as Maggie's eyes nearly closed, but she never broke contact with my own eyes. Truly she was studying me intently, whether to determine if I understood all that she had just spoke or perhaps some indication that I did not, I know not which. I cocked my head slightly to one side and offered.

"Life has a way of surprising us doesn't it? Little unexpected happenings and revelations, it can be overwhelming at times." I couldn't help but to think of several instances that surprised me to the point of being somewhat gun shy when it came to exploration as Maggie called it. "Sometimes they can be downright frightening." I added. Maggie smiled that understanding smile and patted the bed beside her beckoning me to stretch out beside her. After I lay myself down on my left side facing Maggie in a mirror image pose such that she was in, my head propped up on my left arm and hand, Maggie continued.

"I can't possibly know exactly what you might be referring to as they are uniquely your own experiences, however you did share one of those with Penny and of course she related it to me. You might be referring to your... excitement... around the young lady who suffered an epileptic seizure while in delecto? Yes that could be rather disturbing indeed. However, according to what you told Penny you handled the situation quite admirably I understand." Maggie fell silent for a moment or two as she formed whatever she was going to say further. Her left hand reached over and ran softly along my bare right arm lying on my side.

"You will find other surprises throughout your life Jim, you mustn't be afraid to experience the joys of life simply because chance is a fickle temptress."

"Chance?" I questioned.

"Chance, or often more commonly referred to as Lady Luck." Maggie snorted softly at her own joke and smiled warmly. "She is called by many names, indeed, the Greeks called her Tyche, the daughter of Aphrodite the goddess of love, and Zeus, the king of the gods. The Romans called her Fortuna. No matter the name she is always a female and capricious in her nature both a temptress and a protector according to her whims." Maggie smiled a little self consciously realizing she had drifted into academic mode describing chance to me.

"The saying, 'Luck favors the bold.' I've heard or read somewhere. Is that what you're telling me?" I asked.

"Very astute of you Jim, yes I am but not as simply put as that. Luck, or Chance does favor the bold, but only the bold who are pure of heart. Those with ill intent often find that Luck can be quite the Bitch as it were." Maggie smiled an almost feral grin and one eyebrow arched questioningly for a couple of heartbeats before she chuckled softly, her grin softening to a genuine smile. "Don't look so serious darling, I wasn't implying anything about your character or your intent. I don't think that Chance would find you worthy of wrath whatsoever. Besides, it's just folklore and superstition. Isn't it?"

"I would hope so, still though it gives one pause to consider it doesn't it?" I nodded as I asked the question not needing a reply.

"Well you certainly are considerate so that shouldn't be a problem for you." Maggie conceded.

"So if my intent is to give pleasure to the one whom I'm interested in, taking a chance will not likely be detrimental... within reason I should think." I voiced aloud more for my own ears than for the conversation. "I need to learn more about the how to please then... at least sexually anyway." I couldn't help but blush again. Maggie stifled a chuckle as she reached up with her left hand and patted my cheek.

"Yes, in one way or another all your lessons have been building an understanding and comprehension of this. So few understand that sex is not simply a physical act, it is an extension of everything else combined. Honesty, Respect and Trust, the foundations, then refined with friendship, mutual attraction and like emotions. When it all comes together sex can be magical and very fulfilling." Maggie's voice tapered off to almost a whisper and I got the distinct impression that her mind was suddenly in another place or time as she remembered someone special or perhaps more than one someone. And then she came back to the here and now. "Darling, both Penny and I have concluded that you have a firm grasp on everything we've been trying to instill within you, and you have arrived at this point far more quickly than most of our previous students. It would seem that now you merely need to be taught some finer points of... application. You will continue to learn certain skills throughout your life, with experience so we will teach you some of the more basic techniques from which you can build upon."

"Application? Techniques?" I parroted questioningly.

"Yes darling. Now that you know the importance of touch, and being touched, we will teach you how to touch and where to touch. According to Penny, even in this you are already quite astute. However, as you know from learning to type, some skills require practice." As Maggie said this she reached out and took my right hand and brought it to the tie of her robe. I raised one eyebrow with a questioning look into those hooded coppery orbs as she studied my face.

"Would it be bold of me to consider this unspoken permission?" I asked hesitantly as I fingered the satin like material of the sash binding Maggie's robe closed.