Being Jim Ch. 06: Lessons of Life Pt. 03

I saw the hickey on the left side of her neck just above the collar bone, and with her robe splayed open I could see a series of other small hickeys trailing down her torso, the last one at the top of her thigh just above the edge of her silk stocking. The fingers of my left hand still idly grazing lightly around the edges of Maggie's plum, its outer lips parted and moistened with her heat and juices. I slowly dragged my fingertips between those lips and collected the nectar using it almost like the ink of a pen as I drew my hand up and up and up across her abdomen. Still looking Maggie in the eye I brought my hand to my face and inhaled the aroma from her juices. Rubbing my thumb and fingers together savoring the smell before touching my lips and letting my tongue sneak out for a taste. I murmured approvingly and closed my eyes momentarily and smiled. Cocking my head a little I then brought my hand to Maggie's lips in offering. Maggie squinted her eyes for a second looking at my hand then back to my eyes before she lifted her head ever so slightly and her tongue darted out to lick my fingers. Her eyes closed and she let her head fall back to the bed. I reached out with the same hand and lightly touched the hickey on the side of her neck. Maggie suddenly stiffened and she inhaled sharply.

"Wait... Stop, stop, stop!" She said with an exasperated sigh. "Go wash your face, brush your teeth and then bring me a glass of iced tea when you come back." She said as she crossed her legs and closed her robe over herself covering up those long silk covered legs and that very hairy oasis between them.

I knew better than to protest, I slid back off the edge of the bed, my erection dragging along the covers under my boxer shorts. I had no idea why she stopped me again and sent me off to do this. I did know that she would explain in her own time and I would probably learn something valuable from the seeming nonsense and my frustration. I walked from the master bedroom and down the hall to the bath room. I ran some warm water in the sink and soaked a washcloth before applying a little soap and then washing my face. I rinsed out the washcloth and wrung it out then folded it over the towel rack. Then pulled my toothbrush from the holder and applied a bit of toothpaste then began brushing my teeth. This was the third time in the last hour and a half that I was sent to clean up and then fetch something for Maggie. Now I would normally think of myself as a pretty patient sort of guy but this stop and start stuff was wearing me pretty thin today. I spat out the tooth paste and rinsed my mouth with some cold water. I dried my face and hands on a hand towel and then exited the bathroom to turn right and down the hall to the kitchen to retrieve a glass and fill it with some ice and tea.

As I entered the kitchen I found Penny sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in hand and some papers in the other. Her half frame reading glasses perched on her delicate little button nose as she looked up over them and smiled at me.

"Did you brush your teeth?" She asked giving me that knowing smile and raising one delicate eyebrow in questioning expression.

"Yes Miss Penny." I said as I smiled sheepishly to her. As I opened the refrigerator and pulled out the pitcher of iced tea that was always present. I poured about three quarters of the glass full as the ice clinked and rose with the cloudy amber liquid. "Penny?" I began as I returned the pitcher and closed the refrigerator door. Turning to her I continued. "I know sometimes I'm a little slow to pick up on the lessons but what am I doing wrong? Am I doing something wrong or is Maggie just teasing me or something?" I asked tilting my head slightly to one side then catching myself and returning it upright and standing up straight almost as if at attention. It occurred to me that my habit of tilting my head to one side was much like what dogs do when they are trying to understand their master's intent.

Miss Penny's facial expression softened and she set down the papers she was grading and her coffee cup then held out both her arms beckoning me to her side. I stepped up to her and she wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me into her. My now semi flaccid erection just a bulge under my silk boxer shorts seemingly nestling in between her soft womanly mounds of breast casually gathered together under her gossamer like silk robe.

"Darling, you've shown time and time again that you are thoughtful and caring and surprisingly intuitive. Trust what you know and what you feel and remember all that we've tried to teach you." Penny said looking up at me with a sad smile. Sad? There it was again. I got the distinct impression that there was something that she was not telling me, something that perhaps was affecting both her and Maggie.

"Penny? Is there something bothering you... and Maggie? Something I should know?" I asked softly as I searched her sad bright blue eyes. For a moment Penny averted her gaze and the smile vanished from her lips. She took a deep breath and shook her head as if to clear any doubts before returning her gaze to mine.

"Darling, It just... well... We both so love doing what we do, teaching, expanding young minds, helping our... students. But... The teaching eventually stops. When our students have learned what we can teach them... and it's time to move on. We are always proud of the accomplishments but it's sad too, knowing that they are moving on. Sometimes we get rather attached to our charges. You saw how it affected Maggie not too long ago with Terry. I'm afraid we have a couple more graduations swiftly approaching and..." Penny stopped to swallow a lump in her throat and glanced away again. She leaned her head into my side and squeezed me fiercely before relaxing again and looking back up to my face. Her smile this time was genuine and her eyes crinkled at the edges. "It is bittersweet indeed. Go to her, don't tell her what I told you but keep it in mind. Let your heart guide you on this one Jim." Penny winked at me and gave me a swat on my backside as she turned back to her papers. She looked up and smiled at me as I left the kitchen and headed back down the hallway to Maggie's room carrying her glass of iced tea... and a new understanding growing in my addled mind.

I knocked softly on Maggie's bedroom door before entering. Maggie had sat back up amongst the pillows by her headboard again, composed with her robe tied closed, her legs crossed at the ankles. She held her magazine again and appeared to have been reading but then I caught something odd. The magazine was upside down, I didn't let on that I had noticed this however as I immediately thought this was just a feint, a prop. Once back to the side of the bed I offered her the glass of tea, Maggie set the magazine aside and smiled appreciatively as she took the glass from me. I didn't wait for her to pat the bed or motion for me to sit this time, I sat on the edge of the bed. My right leg hanging off the edge, my left tucked under me so that I was turned facing Maggie. Maggie sipped at the tea as she studied my face, I couldn't help but feel like I was being played. This was a lesson, an exercise I'm sure, but it felt more and more like... like a game of chess. No, not chess, this was more like a game of cards, poker maybe in one variation or another. There seemed to be some subtle subterfuge, distractions and bluffing. Bluffing? Of course! Covering up, hiding an insecurity!

Margaret Eileen Mays was afraid... but afraid of what? It was then that the words Penny had spoken earlier finally clicked. She had admitted that both she and Maggie sometimes grew attached to some students and then when they "graduated" they felt a sense of loss. It hurt them, it hurt Maggie. I had seen it myself weeks ago when I saw them say their goodbyes to Terry, and then Maggie's reaction afterwards. I now suspected that her and Penny both had become attached to Michelle... and me maybe? Was that even possible? Mentally I shook my head of that thought, for the moment and returned to trying to figure out what Maggie was hiding. Okay maybe it was this attachment to me or Michelle, or both even, but something else too. Maggie held her glass of tea lightly in the fingers of both hands as she sipped some more and studied my face as all these thoughts ran rampant in my mind. I could see her brows knitting ever so slightly, perhaps wondering at my pondering. It's amazing how time seems to slow down when your mind goes into warp drive during an epiphany. All these thoughts and considerations ripped at light speed through my mind seemingly taking minutes or hours but only a few heartbeats in reality. It was at that moment that I was struck again by a second flash of insight, another piece of the puzzle fell into place when I saw again that hickey on Maggie's neck at her collar. Of course!

Hickeys! Michelle had put hickeys all over Maggie during an exercise, a lesson. A lesson that had gotten out of hand and Maggie had let both Michelle and herself get carried away. She stopped it and handed off the lesson to Penny but moments later she met me unexpectedly at the door and she let herself go, again. The Teacher was displaced by the woman. Miss Mays, was pushed aside and Maggie, the wanton woman slipped out and took over. Slipped... Maggie is afraid that she's losing control, of herself. She's afraid of losing my respect, our respect, Michelle and I, that, and control. Maggie has always been in control, seemingly. She took control of her life when she found that the love of her life cheated on her with another woman, even as complicated as it was. She built a wall, a facade that other people saw. Well, most other people. There were few, very few people who saw past it. Penny being the most important one, though I suspect that some of her other students, ones that Penny say that she and Maggie became "attached" to have also seen past the facade. That's what Maggie was afraid of, being seen as vulnerable. This thought set me on my heels mentally. My ears and the top of my head suddenly felt warm and I could almost hear buzzing in my ears. Wow! How do I handle this?

"Jim? What is it darling, you look as though you've seen a ghost." Maggie asked with more than a hint of concern in her soft voice.

"Maggie... I've noticed a... a change..." I began haltingly in a very soft voice, my mind still whirling putting my thoughts in order and trying to form words out of the chaos.

"A change?" Maggie asked hesitantly.

"Yes, a change. At first I thought it was in you, but now I realize that the change was in me. I've come to see things, or rather, sense things that I hadn't picked up on before." I continued slowly. Maggie's head turned slightly to one side as she studied my face. She reached over to the night stand and set the nearly empty glass of tea down.

"What kind of things are you 'sensing'?" She prompted.

"Little things, at first, things that I wasn't even aware of until now really, yet more recently I couldn't miss them. Perhaps it was because I am better able to see or pick up on things now after all the work Penny and you have done with me. You both have opened my eyes and awareness in so many ways with the things you have taught me." I stated a little more confidently as my mind brought into focus what I needed to say and do for Maggie.

"Darling, I'm not sure I follow what you are saying." Maggie said hesitantly.

"You both have taught me to pay close attention to the women in my life. To learn about them, to find out about them, what makes them tick, their likes, their fears, their insecurities..." I went on, shrugged my shoulders and smiled softly. "Both you and Penny keep telling me to trust my instincts and to rely on those foundations of honesty, respect and trust. They are important for any kind of relationship I will ever have with anyone but especially with the women in my life. You've worked with me on improving my self esteem, my confidence and overcoming my natural shyness. I'm afraid that even the two of you will not be able to completely cure me of the shyness I think but I really am improved. There is one thing that you or Penny have never really addressed however." I teased a little with a slightly wry grin breaking eye contact and looking down at my hands in my lap.

"What would that be Jim?" Maggie asked intrigued.

"My curiosity..." I slipped out bashfully bringing my gaze back up to be locked on those bright coppery irises of Maggie's. "If anything, the two of you have caused my curiosity to grow in leaps and bounds. Before I met the two of you it was but a small animal hiding in the fringes of my shyness, now however, with the tools and knowledge I now posses it has grown to monstrous proportions. Sometimes it's nearly all consuming to my conscious mind." I continued my smile broadening.

"Curiosity is not a bad trait to have Jim, but you have to be careful how you go about 'feeding' this curiosity. Sometimes you might learn more than you want to know or needed to know about someone." Maggie cautioned in her teacher's voice still studying my face wondering where I was going with this.

"Indeed, with that knowledge comes a responsibility I would think. Especially if this knowledge is of a private nature or a personal nature. If someone did not possess those all important foundations, that knowledge could be hurtful or embarrassing. Honesty, Respect and Trust. I'll have you know that I have all of those. And for you in particular they are immeasurable... that honesty, respect and trust. Miss Margret Eileen Mays... I respected you from the moment I met you, all those years ago. You were my teacher, an authority figure, someone to be looked up to. I put my trust in you as a student to a teacher does. As such I was honest with you, and I have to assume, you were honest with me. All these years later I meet you again under far different circumstances. This icon from my past suddenly revealed to me as a woman. Yet you were still a teacher... perhaps a different kind of teacher to be sure, but still an authority figure who I looked up to and admired and respected. I trusted you with this... different kind of instruction. I have been open and honest about everything we have discussed and the lessons and exercises. And I had thought that both you and Penny had been the same... open and honest with me... However, just now I've come to the realization that at least you have not been completely open and honest with me. Perhaps not even with yourself." At this statement Maggie's eyes widened, and she sat up straight

"Jim, what do you me..." She began to protest but I cut her off by raising my hand in a halting manner. When she stopped mid question I smiled softly and closed my eyes slowly for a moment while bowing my head once. Returning eye contact I went on.

"Now bear with me. Let me explain the observations and my thoughts. If I'm wrong I apologize for taking liberties with my thoughts. Just know that none of this is any way a complaint or intended to make you feel disrespected." Maggie nodded silently and I continued.

"Okay. Perhaps I did you a disservice by putting you on such a lofty pedestal in my mind. I spoke of looking up to you both in school and now years later. In my mind I may have made you out to be more than you are. In a way I idolized you, you were untouchable. Yet with your teaching more recently, your involvement of our lessons and exercises you let slip small glimpses of something other than an untouchable icon. You blushed... several times now that I look back with this new realization. You got flustered several times and it confused me at the time but now it's clearer. Finally, there was yesterday." At this Maggie brought her left hand to her lips and her face took on a saddened almost remorseful expression.

"Jim, darling... I..." She began again as if to make an explanation or an apology, but again I cut her off, gently, silently shushing her with my raised right hand while tilting my head slightly to one side and smiling softly again.

"Yesterday was a day I will never forget for the rest of my life. In no way should you be embarrassed or ashamed of what happened between the two of us. I feel honored, I feel blessed. I will never be able to thank you enough for what you shared with me. Maggie, even if it wasn't the best sex I've ever had in my life or if it might pale to things to come in my future, it was a precious thing to me. Do you know why? Nuh uh uh... that was rhetorical, I'll tell you why. I saw for the first time Maggie the woman. The woman with no facade, not the untouchable icon I all but worshiped, but a living breathing touchable vulnerable girl. If someone would have told me that she existed before yesterday I would have had a hard time believing it... so high was the pedestal. Today however, it's been eating away at the back of my consciousness. I knew that something was troubling you, you seemed so distant and 'guarded'. It was something that Penny said in passing earlier that finally made everything come into focus. Penny mentioned that both you and her get attached to some of your students, and when your instructions with those students comes to an end you... and she... are quite saddened. That's when I realized that you were struggling with those very thoughts... for Michelle... and perhaps me. It was seeing the hickey on your neck again just now that cinched it for me. You let your guard down with Michelle and let yourself get carried away with her... because you are very fond of her. I can't fault you for that one bit." I chuckled shyly. "And the very same afternoon you slipped up and let yourself get carried away with me as well. And today, you've been beating yourself up over it, all of it. For letting yourself become enamored with each of us, possibly berating yourself for so many others before us like Terry perhaps." With mention of Terry's name Maggie's eyebrows shot up and her eye began to water. She gave me a pleading look then broke eye contact bringing her other hand to her face hiding it behind both hands.

At this point I faltered thinking that perhaps I had gone too far. Maggie was clearly in distress now and I felt absolutely awful. One, two, three times I began reaching out with my left hand to touch Maggie but each time brought my hand back to my lap to rest it there as a useless appendage along with my right hand. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat softly.

"Maggie... I still idolize you, perhaps now more than ever. Now that I've seen the vulnerable woman... I see how strong you really are. I also see how deep you feel things even if few others can. I still trust you explicitly, and I can honestly say that I respect you now more than I ever have. If you are worried about keeping up appearances around anyone else know that your secret is safe with me." With that said I looked down at my hands again and waited for some kind of sign or some word from Maggie. Again time seemingly took a break. A single heartbeat took about a week from start to finish. Two, three, four... I was just about to excuse myself and get up and take my leave. Perhaps this was the end of our 'relationship'. Lessons are over, no more exercises, I would become un welcomed in Maggie's presence perhaps in Penny's as well. Then something startling happened. I felt a soft hand, no two hands lay on my slumped shoulders. I snapped my head around to see Penny standing behind me at the bedside. She was looking down into my face with watery bright blue eyes and a quivering trembling smile. She winked at me and nodded her head towards Maggie. I turned my head back around to find Maggie's molten coppery eyes ablaze and swimming in watery tears that leaked down her face. But there was a smile that was at the same time timid and radiant. Maggie reached out her hands and took both of mine in hers and held them as if they were a lifeline.