All Comments on 'Being My Sister's Sperm Donor Pt. 03'

by Vikingwarrior32

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11 Comments

Peter_Cleveland about 2 years ago

This continues to be an interesting, very enjoyable, and very erotic series. It appears to be building slowly (though not TOO slowly) towards a climax: incestuous sex with Sarah. Sarah and Amy are attractive, complex, and well-developed (by the author, I mean) characters. I'm liking the narrator too, now that he has pretty much gotten over the excessive fear, panic, and angst that afflicted him in the first chapter.

The new girl, Lauren, seems less successful as a character (so far)--a simple adolescent-male fantasy more than a plausible real person. The section involving her seems an interlude, a distraction even, from the plot. (Perhaps her character--and her connection to the story--will be developed more in later chapters.)

One other quibble involves the punction & syntax of the story: the many "comma splices" get a bit annoying. (That means, what should be two separate sentences are joined together as one sentence with a comma in the middle.) Otherwise, the writing style in this series is very good indeed.

Vikingwarrior32 is a very promising new writer with a lot of talent, and his stories range from good to excellent. I'd give this chapter a 4.5, but I don't mind rounding that up to the next whole number.

Vikingwarrior32 about 2 years agoAuthor

Thanks for your comment. I will take your advice and try and improve on the next instalment. Lauren’s introduction that this point was to serve as a catalyst to push things along. She will feature in more sections and get fleshed out to hopefully been an interesting addition.

Mashaton89 about 2 years ago

I'm enjoying this very much. Dying to see what happens next.