Ben Loves a Challenge Ch. 08

When Dean didn't turn around he sighed. "Dean, look at me." Dean didn't move. "Dammit, Dean. Seriously, look at me. Please? Do I look like I'm a ruined man?"

"It's only been a day," Dean dismissed. "It's gonna get worse."

"Fuck that noise, Dean," Ben snapped. "I don't care. I know you don't believe me, but I really don't give a fuck if people know I've sucked your dick. You wanna know the only thing that's fucking me up right now? It's not Hugh and Justin and the rumor mill at work." He paused, watching Dean. Dean shivered, then leaned on the sink with both hands. "It's how you broke up with me."

"It's for the best." Dean whispered it, his voice full of raw emotion.

"Why are you here, Dean?"

"You told me you needed to talk about something important," Dean said. He wished Dean would turn around.

"I asked you to meet me in my car! You didn't have to come to my house! And, it wouldn't'a been the first time you ignored me. Why'd D'metrius give you my address? Why'd he even look it up? Did you come because you still care for me? Is that why you're here?" Dean shivered at his sink, his shoulders sunk in defeat. "I need to know, Dean. What did I do wrong, that you dropped me so hard?" His voice caught in his throat. "I need to know."

"It's for the best," Dean repeated, his voice raspy.

"You keep telling yourself that," Ben growled, standing up so hard his chair fell backwards. Dean flinched, then his shoulders sagged deeper. Ben started pacing, his anger and nervous energy needing to go somewhere, and he was too afraid to touch Dean. "It's too late for that now, anyway. By tomorrow everyone in the whole building will be talking about how I'm sucking your cock."

"They already are. Why'd you tell them? Hugh and Justin?"

Ben shrugged. "Cause I don't wanna hide it. I'm not good at lying, I am who I am. Also, I don't care. I cannot tell you how much I don't care what Hugh and Justin think."

"Why'd you come looking for me then?" Dean asked.

Was he really gonna make him spell it out? "Because I care about you! I was worried about you, about how it would affect you, like the thing with Parker. I didn't want it to hurt you. I'm not worried about me, because I don't give a single fuck what people say about me. I don't want them fucking with you. I don't want this to be like the thing Parker."

A long moment of tense silence spanned miles between them before Dean spoke.

"You're right. It's not like the thing with Parker at all." Dean exhaled, his throat catching halfway. Was Dean crying? Ben wanted to pull him into his arms, to hold him tight. "I'm an idiot, aren't I?" Such an idiot," Dean half-laughed, half sobbed.

Ben stopped pacing, forcing himself to stay put despite the nearly overwhelming need to hug Dean tight. "Dean?"

"Ben?"

"Are you okay?" Stay, he had to stay, he wouldn't touch Dean, wouldn't give Dean a reason to bolt.

Dean laugh-sobbed again. "Am I okay? I dunno. I'm an idiot."

"I thought I was your idiot?" Ben said before he could stop himself.

"Ben, you said you loved me, right?"

He clenched his fists, afraid of everything. "Yeah. I did. I mean, I do. I still do." He held his breath.

"Even after all this? After Friday?" Dean croaked.

"I don't think anyone can fall out of love that fast, Dean," he said. He exhaled heavily, feeling light headed from holding his breath. Still, he caught another one and held it, too.

Dean laugh-sobbed again. "I'm so afraid, Ben. I want you so much. I don't want to ruin-"

"You aren't gonna ruin my life, Dean!" Dean flinched. He was done holding back. He stalked across the kitchen, thrusting his arms around Dean's waist. He caught his hands and squeezed Dean's back into his chest. "The only time I felt ruined was when you rejected me."

Dean choked on a sob, then bent forward, pulling Ben closer to him. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I'm s-s-so sorry, B-ben. I'm s-s-sorry."

Ben held him tight as he cried. Ben found tears falling from his eyes, too, as the emotional weight of the last few days crashed down on him. He understood what D'metrius was half-telling him on the phone now. He knew the last four days had been as hard on Dean as they had been on him. Being gay was hard.

"I love you, Dean," Ben said, squeezing hard, then relaxing a little. Dean grabbed his arms before he could pull away.

"P-please, d-d-don't go," Dean moaned. "Don't l-leave m-m-me."

"I promise," Ben insisted. "I won't. Dean, turn around, please? I wanna see you."

"No," he moaned, his back tensing.

"Please, Dean? The last few days practically killed me. I wanna see your face."

Dean twisted in his arms, wearing his pain openly. Tears stained his face and made his rosy cheeks puffy. His eyes were red, too red to have been fresh. Dean had cried over him before now. Ben's pain was still there, but muted, replaced by love and concern.

He leaned in and brushed his lips over Dean's. Dean pulled away, looking panicked. "Don't," Ben begged. "Don't pull away from me, please?"

Dean watched him for a second with an unreadable expression, then leaned in quick. Cold lips closed over Ben's, forcing him to open for a deeper kiss. All other thoughts left Ben's mind, he couldn't think of anything other than Dean. He stepped forward, pressing their bodies together and Dean stepped back into the sink, moaning and pulling him tight against his chest. The kiss they shared was needy and frantic, their frustrations taking form. Dean ravished his mouth, kissing him savagely. It was amazing.

The kisses felt like a battle. Dean's hand moved from his lower back and tightened possessively on Ben's neck. It felt amazing, he couldn't stop himself from moaning. Dean smiled against his lips before a sob stuttered his whole body. Dean was crying again, and his whole body started shaking uncontrollably.

"Dean," Ben soothed. "Let's sit down?"

Dean didn't move for a second, then slowly released his deathgrip on Ben's neck. "Yeah, sure. Yea." Tears fell freely, and Dean wiped his face on his sleeve. Ben lead him to the couch, then sat him down and sat down too close next to him. He needed to feel the firm pressure of their thighs touching.

Nothing happened for a minute, then Dean pulled Ben into his lap, arms pulling him tight as he buried his face into Ben's shoulder. "I'm so s-s-sorry, Ben. I-"

"Hush," Ben chided, shifting his hips until he found a comfortable position on Dean's lap. "Don't be sorry, just, I need to know what I did. I need to know if you still want me."

"D-d-dammit, Ben. I need you. S-s-so much! You're all I n-n-need." Dean pressed his face harder into Ben's shoulder. A rogue thought had him longing for Dean to bite him. Hard. "I'm sorry! I'm such an idiot," Dean whispered. "I thought that I could make the few times last me forever, but I don't wanna. I'm selfish, cause I want more."

"You're not selfish. I want more, too. I wanna try so many things, do so many things with you. All of the things. But,

I need to know why," Ben asked, resting his head on Dean's. "I need to understand why. Why'd you treat me like that on Friday?"

Dean choked a little. He swallowed hard, then answered under his breath. "My friends, I wasn't ready. If they knew, it'd be real, and I'm so a-afraid."

"Cause of Parker?"

Dean nodded against his collarbone. "Because of P-parker. I pushed you away, didn't want that to happen to you," Dean whispered. "I knew it hurt you, I meant it to. Wanted it to. I wanted to scare you away, cause I'm..."

"Cause you care about me and you didn't want me to be hurt?" Ben hazarded.

Dean sighed, nodding his head, still holding him possessively. Ben wondered if he knew he was doing it, or if his dominance was instinctual.

"You did hurt me," Ben agreed. "It sucked, what you did."

"I know. I... Do you, are you done with me?" Dean asked, his voice hitching at the end. "Is it too late?"

He snorted. "As if. You came here, and you didn't have to. I'm sitting in your lap, aren't I? You're here, so I'm hoping that means you like me, right?"

Dean bit down on the flesh above his collarbone and he squirmed. "You're all I want, which is what m-makes me afraid. You're too good to be true, the straight guy who turns gay for love? It's a f-fairytale, not reality. I'm afraid to put my heart on the line, cause you're not gay. One day you're gonna leave me for a woman, and it's gonna kill me."

"I can't say what'll happen later, Dean." Ben sighed. "You worry too much. Live in the now. Be happy now. Later-Dean can figure all that shit out, with Later-Ben. Together. Now-Ben wants Now-Dean to be happy."

"Now-Dean?" Dean sniffed. "You're so weird."

"Good weird, or bad weird?" Ben asked, something Justin said to him a while ago making his stomach twist.

"You're my kinda weird," Dean said after a thoughtful moment, head still tucked firmly against Ben's collarbone, though he hadn't bitten him again. Yet.

He chuckled. "I can handle that. I'm still mad at you, by the way."

"Because of Zion and Bambi?"

"Bambi? That's ridiculous."

Dean shrugged. "It's a stage name." He seemed to have calmed down, though occasionally his body was still racked with occasional tremors. "His real name is Jimmy."

"You were embarrassed of introducing me to your friends?"

Dean bit him again instead of answering. It sent a pulse of desire through his body. "No, yes, I dunno. They..." He sighed. "That's a part of my life I wasn't prepared to share with you. It was..."

"Did D'metrius tell you we talked?"

Dean tensed up, then pushed him away, holding him by the shoulders to look at him. "D'metrius? When? You talked to him? After then?"

The look of panic on Dean's face was cute, but the desire from their kiss, and the bites, had him longing for stricter attention. "Yup. He texted and called me until I answered. He might have told me that you were upset. At first I thought you were pissed at me, but now I'm not so sure..."

"What'd he say?" Dean demanded.

Ben smiled coyly. "No, that's between me and D'metrius. Weren't you apologizing to me, for being mean?"

"I thought you liked it when I was mean," Dean teased. His face fell instantly and he began to push Ben away.

He frowned. "Hey, woah. Hold up. I do like it when you're mean to me. Don't go. I like it, but not like that." He swallowed hard. "Listen, Dean. I want you, but I don't wanna keep chasing you. It's starting to feel like I'm just spinning my wheels. Like every time I make progress, we immediately go two steps back."

Dean sagged, looking down. Ben's heart thudded in his chest, already regretting the words. He'd chase Dean forever, he knew it. He opened his mouth to take it all back, but Dean spoke, low and clear.

"D'metrius told me to trust you. Called me last night, told me your address and told me to trust you. I fucked up, Ben. He's a good judge of character," Dean said. His tone was neutral, and Ben didn't know how to read him. He was frozen in place, hanging on Dean's every word. Dean sighed. "I'm an idiot."

"You said that already," Ben pointed out. Stupid mouth. He cringed, worried that Dean would shut down, or snap, but he didn't do either.

"I'm an idiot, Benjamin DeLuca, because you really do love me, don't you?"

"I've only said it a hundred times," he teased.

"Words are cheap," Dean dismissed. "But you proved how much I mean to you today. You really don't care? That your friends are calling you a homo now?"

Ben couldn't stay still. He leaned into Dean, his stomach sour at the thought of Hugh from lunch today. "They aren't my friends if they're calling me that, are they?" he said, resting his head on Dean's shoulder again. He could both feel and hear Dean's heart beating like a techno song.

"You should care," Dean insisted.

"I do care. I care what you think about me. I could give a shit what Hugh and Justin think, especially if this's how they're gonna be about it. I won't abide them talking shit about my boyfriend." He hugged Dean tighter, enjoying how his thin frame felt beneath his arms. He didn't feel anything like a woman, but that didn't matter anymore. He felt like Dean, and he felt good.

Dean twisted his arms free, then cupped his cheeks. "You stood up for me today. You protected me. You're too good for me, Ben."

He snorted. "Hardly. Dean, you deserve to be happy. Can I make you happy?"

"You do," Dean muttered. "I, ah... I got you something, to apologize. It's, no, nevermind." Dean shifted uncomfortably beneath him. "It's stupid."

"I'm sure it's not stupid. What did you get me?" Ben asked, shifting back so he could look at Dean again.

"Nothing, sorry, forget I said anything," Dean said. If he hadn't been sitting on Dean's lap, he was sure Dean would've tried to escape again.

"No, you're apologizing, right? So, finish apologizing. Unless you weren't apologizing, and I misunderstood..."

Dean missed the teasing tone in his voice. "I am, I'm sorry. It's embarrassing..."

"Now I really wanna see it," Ben said, over-emphasizing so Dean knew he was teasing. Dean shifted underneath him. "No, no escaping," he warned.

"It's in my pocket," Dean explained. Ben snorted, but gave Dean some wiggle room as he dug in his pocket. He pulled something out, something attached to a cheap metal-balled chain. "It's nothing, I mean, I didn't know what to get..."

Shaking, Dean held his hand out, slowly uncurling his fingers open. A metal dogtag sat in the palm of his hand, attached to the chain. He picked it up, Dean's body heat making the metal pleasant to the touch. He held it up to read the inscription etched into the metal in black ink, 'BITCH', all in capital letters.

"Sorry, it's stupid, I told you. I mean, I wanted to get a collar for it, like, ah, nevermind, sorry," Dean dismissed, trying to escape again.

Ben leaned in, catching Dean's face with his free hand, pulling him in for a kiss. This time, it was soft and sweet as he expressed himself through the contact. Dean tensed, then melted into it. After a second he broke away, resting his forehead on Dean's. "I love it. You were gonna get me a dog collar?"

Dean was trembling again. "Sorry, it's dumb, I just, I'm-" He put his finger against Dean's lips, but Dean couldn't seem to calm down. "I didn't mean, I know you're not a dog, but I thought-" Ben pressed his finger between those lips and hooked Dean's lower teeth, interrupting him efficiently.

"Shut up, Dean. I love it. I wanna wear your collar. Maybe we can pick one out together." The last part was whispered, Dean bringing out his submissive nature in just the right ways. His cheeks burned as his temperature boiled and his dick firmed.

"You're too perfect, too good to be true," Dean insisted, his breath catching again. "You really wanna-"

He kissed Dean again, trying to communicate his need through a more physical connection. Dean seemed to finally understand and kissed him back, his hands moving to Ben's hips. Ben moaned, wrapping his hands around Dean's neck, careful not to drop his new dog tag.

Dean's kisses grew more confident, and soon Ben was gasping for breath between kisses. "Bed?" Ben suggested just before Dean captured his mouth in another kiss. Dean nodded, but didn't break off the kiss. Instead, he deepened it, kissing Ben with the full force of his passion. "Bed," Ben demanded after another breathless kiss.

Dean chuckled. He playfully bit Ben's lower lip as he pulled away, then pushed him off his lap. "Lead the way," he whispered, after they both stood up, leaning in for another kiss. Ben went to engage but Dean pulled away at the last second, kissing his forehead instead. Ben whined and Dean chuckled, and everything was suddenly right with the world.

Ben lead the way to his bedroom, Dean on his heels. "Sorry, it's a mess..." he said, flushing as he turned on the bedside lamp.

Dean didn't even look around at the dirty laundry on the floor or the unmade bed. His eyes locked on Ben, and then he was pushing him backwards. Somehow their lips connected again, messy, on-the-move kisses. Dean kissed him as he messed with Ben's belt, then the buttons of his khakis. They slid down his legs as Dean's fingers dipped into his boxers. Ben shivered in anticipation.

Dean pushed those down next, and dropped with them to the floor. He looked up, then pushed Ben backwards. He stumbled, then fell onto the bed, his legs tied up in his pants and underwear around his ankles. Dean chuckled, taking advantage of the situation to take off his socks, pants and underwear on one slick move. He looked up at Ben and smiled, and Ben decided right then that he would do anything to make Dean smile like that at him forever.

It felt weird to have his shirt still on, so he pulled it over his head, Dean's eyes watching greedily. Dean studied him for another second, then returned to his task.

His fingers traced Ben's legs, stopping at his knees. Dean shifted, throwing Ben's legs over his bony shoulders, pulling Ben hard enough to slide his ass to the end of the bed. The position had his hard cock on display, only a foot from Dean's kiss-puffed lips. He shivered again, his cock bouncing once with need.

"When you're alone, do you imagine me sucking you off?" Dean asked, leaning close enough that Ben could feel the warmth of his breath on his member.

He bit his lower lip, nodding his head. Dean looked up at him expectantly, somehow dominant even in a submissive position. "Yes," he moaned.

"Good boy," Dean praised. "Tell me what you imagined."

"I..." His throat tightened up, but his cock bobbed eagerly. "I think of you blowing me, looking up at me with that look in your eye..."

Dean leaned forward, his tongue extended. Ben shivered as it caressed his flesh, starting just above his balls, then moving slowly up his cock, but so very lightly that Ben strained his hips forwards to increase the pressure. Dean chuckled deep in his throat, controlling Ben's hips with his hold on his legs, denying Ben the satisfaction of a firmer lick. Ben trembled, leaning back on his hands, trying to push his hips forward in vain.

Dean leaned back, a devilish look in his eyes. "Ben," he said. "Tisk, tisk. What else did you imagine, you naughty boy?"

His trembling grew stronger. "You... asking me..." He couldn't say it, it was too embarrassing.

"What did I ask you, Ben?"

"You made me..." He started again, his breath heavy and voice soft. "You moved my head, to please you, and asked me if I wanted your cum." He turned away.

"I thought we were talking about me sucking you off?" Dean asked.

He shivered. "It always changes into me taking care of you," he admitted hoarsely.

"Does it now?" Dean asked, a coy look in his eyes.

Ben nodded, then shivered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." Dean reached up and cupped his cheeks, a serious look in his eye. "Do you?"

"Do I want your...?" He shivered again. "Yes." Barely a whisper.

"Where? Where do you want my cum?"

"Anywhere, everywhere." He tried to look away but Dean held him firmly.

"You're too good to be true," Dean moaned. "You're everything I've ever wanted." Dean reached up to embraced him, pulling him forward. He hugged him hard, and it was several seconds before he released him. "Do you want me?"

"God, yes," Ben moaned. "Sir," he remembered a second later.

Dean tisked again. "You don't get to cum until I do, do you understand?"

"Yes sir," he whispered into Dean's mouth as Dean moved in to kiss him. He felt the smile on Dean's lips, then lost time as they made out. Somehow, at some point Dean had laid him down and mounted him, his legs still hanging off the bed, Dean's jean-covered ass grinding into his swollen member. It was too much stimulation, and not enough at the same time. He whined and Dean laughed.

"I think it's time to give you that cum you wanted."

Ben swallowed hard. "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." He didn't move, mostly because Dean still pinned his hips to the bed.