Bending the Rules Pt. 01: Beaten Path

"And for good reason," Talib said. "You'd bring her back missing a hand or something."

"Come on, you know I hate escort missions."

"Uh, excuse me, we're trying to have a conversation here, this is very important," the runner announced brusquely.

"Say lad, what's your name?" Dakarai asked.

"That's not important. What's important is-"

"Cause I bet you haven't got one!" Talib said, slapping the table with laughter. "You're just a training spell to help the newbs get the hang of the quest system."

"Sir, I beg you," the runner said to Nuru, unfazed. "Will you help?"

"Bloody tutorials," Dakarai muttered. "Just say yes, will you? Make him go away."

"Uh, yeah, sure, whatever," Nuru said.

"Thank you! Go to the blacksmith, I've marked him on your map. He'll know where she was last seen."

The man left as abruptly as he arrived.

"I can't believe it. Here you are, asking us about the hot babe monsters, and you haven't done a single quest."

"What? How do you know that?" Nuru demanded.

"This guy only shows up for people who've gone a day or two and haven't ever completed anything," Dakarai explained. "Better go talk to that farmer, you'll be seeing reminders floating in front of your eyes until you do."

"Blacksmith," Talib corrected him.

"Oh, it's a blacksmith now, right. It was a farmer back when I was Level One," Dakarai said.

"Come on, you're only Level Forty, you're not that old," Talib said.

"Says the Level Forty-Five," Dakarai countered.

"Only if you count before the respec," Talib said. "And I don't."

"You respec'd?" Nuru gasped. Those potions were hard to find.

"It was an accident," Talib said. "I got a rare drop from a Glitched Skeleton. Wasn't even supposed to have it - was supposed to be a mana potion. But, what can you do? Looks just the same if you're in the heat of battle."

"Drank it in the middle of the Level Five boss fight," Dakarai said.

"Which I absolutely cannot tell you about," Talib reminded him. "Spoilers, you know."

"But we still beat him. Originally, Talib here was a thief. Imagine that!" he chuckled.

"Man, you could have sold that for so much money," Nuru said.

"Don't I know it. Life's a funny old thing eh?" Talib said.

Nuru sighed and stood. "I guess I better go. Thanks guys."

"Not a single quest," Dakarai guffawed. "Say, you care to wager on which cherry he pops first?"

"You're on," Talib said.

*****

"Hey there," Nuru said. "I can see you hiding back there."

"Oh. Oh! Thank goodness you've come!" the girl said. "I've been lost and waiting for someone to find me."

"Seriously? It's like a mile back to your house," Nuru said.

"Well, I... it got dark, and I got turned around. And there were wolves or... something."

"Something?"

"Well I couldn't really see them. I was scared, and I ran and hid."

"If they were wolves, you couldn't have hidden here. They would have found you. And it's daylight now."

"Well, I just don't know. Are you going to sit here and ask me a bunch of stupid questions, or are you going to take me home?"

"Well, see, I kinda don't like your attitude. Maybe I'll just leave you here."

"Oh, come on. You've come this far, you wouldn't leave an innocent girl all alone out here, would you?"

"I just might. What do wolves eat when they can't get lost blacksmith daughter? Somebody needs to think of them, too."

"Look, I really didn't ask to be out here. I could be at home washing the laundry, or cooking dinner, and that's the truth."

"While we're on the subject of the truth, how long have you been out here, actually?"

"Oh, it feels like days but it's really only been an hour I think."

"And the 'wolves'? Who are they?"

"No wolves. But there were two pushy men who run the training system. I think the farmer's girl, Deka, is giving them some kind of favors not to make her sit out here instead. I shudder to think what kind."

"In revulsion, or excitement?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you shuddering in excitement, or fear, or what?"

"Well, I... I... How rude! To even suggest-"

"Come now, you were doing so well sticking to the truth."

"I think I don't want to tell you."

"Why'd you even bring it up then?"

"I was hoping for a little sympathy."

"Well, then answer the question. If you're shuddering in excitement, then I sympathize."

"What do you mean? I- well. Oh. I see..."

She looked down, suddenly bashful.

"Do you mind if I sit with you while I figure out the shortest path back?" Nuru said.

"I um... no. Please do."

He sat.

"My name is Nuru."

She just sat with her back turned, shyly.

"What's your name?"

"Imani."

"Imani, that's a lovely name. Why did you let them bring you out here, Imani?"

"Well, they give us 5 currency a month to have someone on call for this training mission. We need the money. My mother used to do it, but she isn't well and it truly isn't safe for her anymore."

"I see. I'm sorry to hear that."

"Well, she's eighty years old."

"Eighty! Good heavens, and you're... what, twenty?"

"Nineteen."

"She had you when she was sixty-one?"

"Well, they were poor, and Da didn't get an heir before then. We don't have much, but he didn't want it all to go to the city, so he paid for a fertility prayer and... here I am. Hardly a penny now for a dowry. I'll probably die an old spinster. Nobody wants me."

"I wouldn't say that," Nuru said.

"What do you mean?" she looked up, confused.

"Not for a wife, though. I'm an adventurer - and untested. I could die tomorrow. But you're a beautiful young girl."

"Speak plainly. I've no ear for fancy big-city talk."

"I want to love you, Imani. I want you to know what it means to be a woman, and love those parts of you."

"I don't know. They bring me nothing but grief. My mother always wanted a boy. And if I'm not a virgin-"

"Nobody thought about your feelings, Imani, you can return the favor."

"Hmm. I never thought about it that way. I suppose you're right."

Mentally, he kicked Adana.

(Hey! What do you want? I'm kind of busy here.)

"What do you say we get these clothes off and get to know each other?" Nuru said. "I promise, I'll be gentle."

(Oh, I get it. Worried you can't get it up?)

"But still, what kind of... girl...would I...be..." her voice trailed off as Nuru leaned in gently and kissed her. He took her fingers in his hands and rubbed them, massaging the tightness out of her. She moaned gently.

"That's nice," she murmered into his mouth. "Not the- mm. Mmmm."

Her voice dropped a bit as Adana cast a minor aura for Nuru. Imani relaxed into Nuru's embrace, slumping into his chest. Before long, he had her clothes off and was making out with her in the afternoon rain.

(I swear, you better be getting over that wight soon. I'm not a babysitter.)

"You know what? This is fun, but I'm getting cold," Imani giggled, then shivered, clinging tightly to his warmth.

He led her to the small alcove in the rocks where he'd found her. It was sheltered and relatively warm - a good hiding place, if you needed one that wasn't too subtle.

Imani found her outside voice, and Nuru evidently found her G spot at the same time. He was gentle and, noting that the sun was starting to go down, mercifully quick to finish.

"Did it hurt?" he asked.

"Why, no. I'm quite surprised, actually. I swear to you, I've never been with another man."

"I wouldn't care if you had. I guess you can't believe everything you hear."

"Something to think on. Thank you, Nuru. Shall we go?"

"Ah, you're a big girl. You can find your own way."

She slapped his arm playfully. "You won't collect the quest money if you don't."

"I already got what I wanted," he replied, winking. "Keep it for your dowry!"

She blushed.

"Well mister big-shot adventurer, maybe come back and see me again sometime, if you're ever in these parts."

"I think I'd love to be in those parts again," he said, waggling his eyebrows at her, glancing meaningfully down at her lower abdomen.

"Scallawag. Ne'er-do-well. Cad!" she called after him, grinning.

*****

"Shut up," he muttered.

(I wasn't saying anything. You shut up.)

"Not in words, no. But this incessant jabber in my head is killing me."

(It must be your weak male mind. Not a single useful thought in there.)

"Piss off."

(I thought that's exactly what I was doing. Pissing you off.)

"Well do it somewhere else. To someone else."

(But why, when I have a captive audience for my singing career? Laa la la la laaa lala laaaaaa laaaaa!)

"You want to dissolve the pact, is that it?"

(Thought you'd never ask. Now, first-)

"Shut up and listen to me. I'm not dissolving it. I have no interest in being a regular adventurer, and this is my only way out."

(Then you're just going to be that crazy guy who can't keep a job, living off the town charity fund and generally tossed in jail when they want you out of the way.)

"I've got a better idea. Why don't I become the guy who somehow found another way to play the class system? Who makes the Bard something besides an afterthought, or a joke, or a fixture in the town square that no one really pays attention to?"

(Now you're rambling. What's the point?)

"The point is, not everybody has to be a fighter. Not everybody has to go out, slay the Goblin Queen, and get the slightly-better armor. Questing is such a grind, I tell you. Day after day, same shit, same flail at the enemy, same rah-rah-kill-kill-kill rhetoric. Same bloodthirsty disregard for the lives of everyone. How many people beat all the quests without dying? How many people are truly happy, ever?"

(See, I've been saying that for years. What kind of fighting am I good for? I'm a succubus. It's just not what I do. But they count me in the army rolls anyway. And send me those silly newsletters.)

"Exactly! This is why I wanted you. I was hoping you would understand."

(Well smartass, here I am. Do you have a plan?)

"I'll be honest, I've never done this before. I mean, I'm Level One. I did one quest, and that was just so I'd get that damn fireworks display out of my head."

(Did it work? You made some fireworks of your own, there.)

"Heh, yeah. And I haven't seen it since then, so yeah, I think it did work."

(Scraped by on a technicality, it seems to me.)

"Look, not everybody was born with silver DLC spoons in their mouth. I can't afford the good equipment, and I don't have connections to the inside tracks at any of the guilds. I'm just making do with what I've got."

(So how's that working out for you then?)

"Well, way I figure it - I've gotten laid twice, and my friends are virgins and still chasing wild boars with wooden sticks, or wishing they could. I think everybody's happy, not least of all me."

(You are... not what I expected. I need to think on this.)

And then she was silent. Not just not talking, like she'd been doing, but fully withdrawn, giving Nuru no distractions whatsoever. No horrible off-key jingles. No twisted nursery rhymes. Completely silent. It was a good time to go do some research.

*****

"So tell me about the factions," Nuru demanded jovially to the dwarf sitting by the side of the road. He had a giant sign with an exclamation mark behind him, marking him as a quest giver.

"Ha-haa! An inquisitive sort are ye? Already chomping at the bit to make your choice?"

"Something like that," Nuru said.

"Why, I wasn't even Level Three before I started asking questions. What is it ye want tae kno?"

"Everything."

A mind-numbingly long diatribe commenced, in which the dwarf detailed the ins and outs of the diffeent faction alignments, the class bonuses, the quest lines, the tribute due, the raids. The equipment variations. The lore. Nuru's head was spinning, but he kept listening for any clues he could use. Anything he could exploit. Faction selection was was the biggest day of a person's life, and it was the moment that Nuru dreaded the most. Shackle himself permanently, to one of a few (OK, a dozen, but still) choices? What if none of them felt right? His father had always been fond of the Knights of the Blue Sun, but Nuru was not an elf, and in the end none of them had saved anyone he loved from the blight. "Acceptable losses," they had called it, and life had moved on for everyone but him.

"-tenth level, that's the moment. Just you come on back and see me, young lad. An ambitious one such as yourself will be here in no time, looking to break the level ceiling."

"The level ceiling?" Nuru's eyes narrowed. This was something completely new.

"Well, sure. I mean, I'm not supposed to talk about it - one of them rules ya know. Unwritten. Just don't talk about it."

"So, wait. I can only get so far, and picking a faction will let me grow again?"

"Now ye've got it. Everybody figures it out for themselves before too long."

"And if I, for some reason, never gained that level?"

"Ah, I wouldnae worry. You join up, they'll be givin' ya quests out of your ears. You get all the EXP you want, before too long. Well, until that new feat catches yer eye, a'course."

"Right, OK, and until then..."

"Well, ya see that gate, there. Goes out to the Forbidden Forest. Lots of loot there, yaknoe. Well, the gate's charmed, see. Build by The Rulers themselves, they say. And if yer less than Level Eleven, why, you simply can't go out, not an inch. For your protection, you understand; it's too dangerous for Level Ones like yourself. You'd be killed in half a minute. No sport in that. No glory."

"Ah. And I'd be here..."

"Sure, ya ken do whatever ya like, long's ye still be in here where - not my words, you understand, I'd never be so indelicate - some folks call it the Tutorial Area. Training Area. Noobie section, what have youe. Nice enough, and I like it here meself, but there's a whole world out there waiting for adventurers to explore. Think of the possibilities! Fame, fortune, the hippest of all the armor sets. And of course, personal development. EXP like you've never dreamed! Lore you can recite around the campfire for hours! It's the adventure of a lifetime."

So, the exit to a cage in other words. He was stuck here, and the only way out of this trap was to pick a side.

"Well thank you, you've been very helpful, and very inspiring."

"Thank ya, good lad! Come back when you're ready, I'll be waitin'! Ah, so exciting to see the young ones grow up."