Beneath the Ice Ch. 07

"How was the store this morning? Busy?"

At his question, with Zoe engrossed in the movie on the TV, Charlotte shrugged and glanced at him for a split-second. "Not very. A few people stopped in but it wasn't anything crazy."

"That's good. And only you and Ursula were there?"

"And me," Zoe piped up from his other side, grinning up at him.

"And you." He patted her knee. "I bet you did all the hard work, right?"

Zoe nodded, all seriousness, making even Charlotte crack a smile.

Alexei looked back at Charlotte. "Can I make dinner for you tonight?"

She hesitated, the look crossing her face making his stomach clench. With what, he wasn't sure, but he didn't like it. Something was really off and he needed to get to the bottom of it.

"Can we have hamburgers?" Zoe asked.

"You want hamburgers?" Alexei glanced at Charlotte who nodded. "All right. Hamburgers it is. Wait, how about cheeseburgers?"

The next half hour turned into a debate of cheeseburgers versus hamburgers versus hot dogs, and Zoe was ready to arm wrestle him to the death that hot dogs beat hamburgers.

At some point, Charlotte asked if he could keep her occupied while she wrapped the last of Zoe's presents in her bedroom.

"Of course." He stood up though and followed her into the bedroom. They wouldn't get into it here and now, but he wanted to do one thing.

As they rounded the corner, disappearing from Zoe's sight, Alexei tugged Charlotte into his arms and held her snug to his chest. She resisted, her body stiff for a long moment. Then her arms came up to his back and she hugged him back. It was over all too quickly when she pulled back, her cheeks flushed as she avoided his gaze.

"Hey." He grasped her chin and forced her to look up at him. "I missed you."

She blinked and let out a shaky breath. "I-- missed you, too."

What was going on with her? Alexei exhaled and bent to brush a kiss over her lips. He kept it light, knowing this wasn't the time or place, but she let out a trembling breath at the soft contact. He let her go and closed the bedroom door behind him as he rejoined Zoe in the living room. He'd give Charlotte the space to do the presents and they'd talk later.

After the movie ended, Alexei and Zoe got up to start getting dinner ready together. He had to pause to answer a couple phone calls, and some text messages from a few teammates asking if he had plans for the night. It was nice, and had always been nice in previous years that no one on the team was left alone for the holidays, whether they celebrated them or not. This year though, in spite of whatever tension there was with Charlotte, Alexei was happy to have his own family to celebrate with.

After dinner, Zoe fished through the presents on the floor under the Christmas tree, toying with a ribbon here or there, but not shaking anything. She'd tried once but Charlotte had threatened to hide them all until after Christmas if she did it again.

Finally, Zoe and Charlotte set out the plate of cookies and glass of milk for Santa, along with a scrawled note that Alexei helped Zoe write. Then it was story-time and Zoe conked out a little later than usual, but with her usual ease.

Left alone together, Alexei wanted to grill Charlotte on what was going through her head. His first instinct was to plow in headfirst, much like he did on the ice when facing an opponent. But this wasn't hockey, and Charlotte had no protective gear. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, and he suspected she was already hurting. Over what, he didn't know.

He helped her clean up the kitchen, stuff Zoe's stocking with all her Santa treats, and then followed her into the bedroom when she went to change.

"Lyubov moya, talk to me." He leaned on the wall beside her walk-in closet and crossed his arms. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" Still, she refused to look at him as she shucked her jeans and sweater, slipping into light cotton pants and a T-shirt that had seen better days.

"You've been upset about something for days. Ever since dinner with your sister." He didn't move as she turned to leave the closet, blocking her with his body. They were going to talk about this. "What happened?"

"I told you, nothing happened. Dinner was fine." She looked up at him, her chin tilting up at a stubborn angle. "I'm fine."

"No. Don't lie to me."

Charlotte's eyes darted over his face, then away. Her hands fluttered in front of her midsection before she clenched them into fists. "I don't want to do this right now, not on Christmas Eve."

His stomach took a dive. "Do what?"

"Alexei, don't."

He moved then, reaching for her hands and holding them between his own. "Have I done something? Are you angry with me?"

"Of course not." Her tone was bitter and laced with frustration. "You're perfect, what could I possibly be angry with you over?"

He blinked. "I'm not perfect."

"Let me go, please. We can talk after Christmas."

"About what?"

"Alexei--"

"No." He shook his head, squeezing her hands once. "I can't enjoy my night and tomorrow with you knowing that something is upsetting you this much. Let me help, let me make it better for you."

"You can't, okay?" She tugged at her hands, trying to draw them away. "There's nothing you can do to fix this."

"Fix what?"

She stared up at him, her lips pressed into a thin line and her eyes growing watery with tears.

"This isn't working, Alexei."

"What isn't?"

"Us." She jerked on her hands again and he released her, the single word washing over him like a bucket of ice water. "We aren't working. This isn't working. I can't keep doing this."

"What are you talking about?"

She shifted on her feet, looking at some spot over his shoulder as he tried to get his thoughts in order. She was... breaking up with him?

"Alexei, we've both been having a great time, and you're wonderful with Zoe, I can't deny that. But honestly, what are we doing? How long were we going to do this?"

He shook his head, each word rattling him more and more. "I don't understand."

She made a frustrated noise and brushed past him, walking to the far side of her bed and the room. "Don't make this more difficult than it needs to be, okay? I think we should just call it now."

He faced her across her bed, his mind reeling. "What are you talking about?" He could not comprehend what she was saying.

She threw her hands up in the air. "I don't know how to say it any more clearly, Alexei. I can't see you anymore."

"Why?"

That stumped her for a second and her mouth opened and closed a few times. "I just-- I think we're not right for each other."

"That's a lie." He scowled and crossed his arms over his chest again. "We're exactly right for each other."

"No, we're not. I'm a disaster, one bad winter drive away from needing a new car, and going nowhere in a hurry with my life."

"That's not true." Well, the thing about her car might be true, but he'd just buy her another one. That certainly wasn't a reason to stop seeing each other.

"No."

He glanced up at her. "No, what?"

"I can see it on your face. You're not going to buy me a new car."

"Why not?"

"Because we're not going to be together anymore, Alexei. This is over."

"You haven't given me one good reason yet."

More mouth gaping. She glared at him. "I just did!"

"Nothing that made sense. You think I care about your car or your job?"

"You'd be an idiot not to. What could I possibly bring to this relationship?"

"What do you need to bring?"

"I don't know." She threw her hands up and paced along the side of her bed. "Anything. Anything that's not an obligation or duty. You don't need to be taking care of me."

"I like taking care of you, and Zoe." It was true. He'd lived his whole life never caring for anyone but himself and nothing had brought him joy like doing things for his girls in the past two months. He couldn't imagine his life being any different now that he had them in it.

"Well, I don't need you to." She faced him and lifted her chin, her expression fierce.

"I know you don't."

"And I don't need to become so utterly dependent on you that I can't take care of myself and my daughter when you get tired of us."

"What?" He shook his head, not following. "You think I'll get tired of you?"

"Won't you? That's how relationships work."

"Is that honestly what you think?"

Her cheeks turned a darker shade and she looked away. "I don't know. I guess so."

"Because I can't see myself ever growing tired of you, or Zoe."

"You say that now, but forever is a long time." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Look, I didn't want to make this a big, dramatic thing. I just think we're in different places in our lives and I don't want you sticking around out of some sense of obligation."

"I'm not."

"Alexei, it's fine. You're a great catch. You'll find someone better in no time."

Something inside him snapped at her words, at last spurring him to a different reaction. He stalked around the bed, her perfect aquamarine eyes going wide at his approach. He grasped her by the upper arms and bent low so their faces were level.

"Do not say that. I want no one else in my life but you."

Her lips parted, a soft breath leaving her. He barreled on, not giving her a chance to speak, to spout more lies.

"I love you. And Zoe. I have no desire to look for someone else, now or ever."

"Alexei, you can't know that."

He wanted to shake her. Did she doubt him so much? Where had he gone wrong that she didn't know this already? Failure and guilt swamped him and he swallowed hard before speaking again.

"I do know that. I didn't know what a family was, or how to love before, but I didn't need to. Everything in my life has led me here, to you." He rested his forehead on hers, swallowing again, his voice rough when it came out. "I don't need another ten or fifteen years to know I'll never grow tired of you, and your smiles, and the scent of your skin when we wake up in the morning. I don't need another five days, never mind years."

Her breath caught and he stared into her eyes, willing her to see that he meant every word. "I will never give you up, Charlotte. Never. You are my life now and I will spend every day making you understand that."

"Alexei--"

He straightened, shaking his head. "No. Say nothing else about this. I will give you some space now, to let you think."

"Space?"

"Yes." He nodded once, dropping his hold on her. "I won't push you tonight--" though he dearly wanted to, "--but know this: I'm not letting you go, lyubov. I don't care what you think or assume, we're in this together."

He walked away then, because if he stayed, he'd toss her on the bed and prove with his mouth and body that she belonged to him always. And he meant what he said. She needed space and some time. They'd talk again, because he wasn't going to let her go and he'd do whatever he needed to in order to make her understand.