TBBT Website Battle 07 - Bernie TV

Welcome to the battle of the Bernadette vs Penny website series, Episode7!

Bernadette was on the phone with a local TV channel's morning producer.

"Yes, Mrs. Rostenkowski, we..."

"Please, call me Bernie."

"Oh! Yes, of course. Well, uh, Bernie, we took a look at your website, "Bad Bernie". As you may know, one of our competitor's had one of your rivals on as a guest a couple of weeks ago. Were you aware of that?"

She was very aware of Penny's appearance. Bernadette nearly had a stroke while she watched Penny and Leonard fuck, suck, and cum all over the producer and host of the show during their appearance. That show broke every ratings record for the TV station. Now the rival TV channel was calling Bernadette

"Um, I believe I heard about it."

"Well, we'd like to bring you on as a guest of our morning show, Pasadena Morning. Are you familiar with it?"

"Oh, yes, of course. It's a favorite of mine." Actually, the show that Penny was on used to be her favorite. "I'd be happy to be a guest on your show. My website was up and running first, has more views than hers, and is 10 times better than hers. My ratings are going to blow her ratings out of the water!"

"Yes, well, we can only hope. That would be great. Hey, uh, the, uh, 'suits' -- my bosses -- would very much like to 'meet' you, if you know what I mean. Would you be amenable to that?"

"Line 'em up!"

"Oh! Sure. Great. We'll see you then."

A few days later, Bernadette was on the set of Pasadena Morning, along with Raj and Stuart. They were seated around a large, raised table, in front of a long mural of the Pasadena skyline. Seated at one end of the table were the hosts of the show, Randy Rogers, a tall, handsome man who looked like he fell out of the pages of the latest GQ, and the ravishing blonde and former Playboy Playmate Candy Johnson.

The set lights came up and the cameras flicked on, along with the hosts.

"Welcome to another Pasadena Morning! Thanks for waking up with us! I'm Randy Rogers."

"And I'm Candy Johnson. Today we've got what should be a really interesting show lined up for you. Joining us in the studio are 'Bad' Bernie Peaks (she created a stage name for the show), and two of her co-stars, Raj 'Caramel' Koothrappali, and Stuart 'The Python' Bloom." Unbeknownst to the guys, Candy came up with nicknames after watching the videos on Bernadette's website. The two men looked at either with surprised looks on their faces, then smiled and nodded.

Raj leaned in to Stuart and whispered, "Dude! Your nickname makes you sound like a comic book hero!"

Stuart grinned. "Or like a badass villain."

"Oooooo, dude! A badass villain! That's even betta!"

Randy looked towards Bernadette. His eyes bounced from her incredible breasts that were on full display, to her shimmering eyes. "So, Bernie, you're the owner and star of the "Bad Bernie" website, is that correct?"

Bernadette sat up straight and proud. The studio lights made the sheer white t-shirt she was wearing almost transparent. It was quite obvious she had gone sans bra today. Her dark pink areolas were plain to see, and her gumdrop-sized nipples were practically shredding the light material. Emblazoned across her chest were the words "I banged Bernie!" with her website underneath them.

She smiled into the camera. "That's right, Randy!"

Randy looked into his camera. "Folks, Bernie's website has become a national sensation. And it's based right here in Pasadena! In her numerous sex videos you'll probably recognize some local landmarks."

*****

Penny spit out her cereal. "What the...holy crap on a cracker! Leonard! Get in here! Quick! You've gotta see this!" she chuckled when she saw Bernadette on her TV.

Leonard came racing into the living room from Penny's bedroom. "What?! What's going...holy crap! Is that...what's she doing on there?!"

Penny grinned. "That conniving little bitch! Good for her!"

"Uh, yeah, good for her," Leonard said quite unsure of himself.

She shook her head. "She's gonna have a hard time hiding this from Howard now. Ha!"

"Yeah...Howard..." He's gonna find out about the website! Then he's going to see all of us fucking his wife! This isn't good!

"Look at that shirt she's wearing! Jesus Christ! You can see right through it!"

"Yeahhhhh, look at that. Look at those tits. Wow," he sighed.

Penny shot him a look. "Really? Really? I'm right here. You like those big, fat titties of hers? Huh?"

Leonard snapped out of his gaze at the screen. "Oh! Uh, no. Nooooooo. Who would like those? Ewwwwwww! I mean, it's like a train wreck. I want to look away but I can't."

Penny frowned. "Shut up, Leonard. You're such a terrible liar."

*****

Candy chimed in. "Bernie, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself."

Bernie went into her life story. Catholic up bringing. Her father is a retired police officer. Her mother smoked while she was pregnant with Bernadette and ran an illegal daycare in the basement of their home. Four younger siblings. Straight A student in her all-girl Catholic high school as well as in college, noting that some of those grades may or may not have been aided with "after class extra credit exercises" that may or may not have involved oral "arguments" and "exams" of her now-famous chest.

"Is it true you weren't allowed to ride a bike as a child because your parents were afraid you would lose your virginity if you hit a bump?" Randy asked.

Bernadette nodded. "Yes, that's true."

"And now you own a pornographic website where you're the star."

"What's your point?" Bernadette asked sharply.

"Between the over bearing cop father, the overly protective mother, and the extreme Catholic upbringing, would you say that's what drove you to rebel and have abnormal amounts of sex with strangers, record your sexual escapades, and place them on the web for the whole world to see?"

Bernadette's eyes narrowed. "What? Are you a shrink or something, Randy? Is this Dr. Phil?" Raj and Stuart both knew that tone of voice. It frightened them. It had the same effect on Randy.

"Oh, uh, well, uh, no. I'm, uh, just, you know..."

Candy stepped in to save her shaken co-host. "And these are two of your co-stars, Raj and Stuart? Isn't that correct, Bernie?"

Bernie shifted her focus away from a cowering Randy. "That's right, Candy. These two really get me going, if you know what I mean," she said with a wink.

"Did you know them before you started having sex with them? Did you hold auditions? How did that work exactly?" Candy asked. She smiled at Raj and Stuart. "How exactly did you meet these very talented, handsome young men?"

Bernadette squirmed in her chair. "Well, uh, I, um, yes, I had met them before, you know..."

Raj nodded and smiled. "I'm her husband's best friend. Ow!" Bernadette kicked him under the table.

"And I'm his bestie," Stuart said, nodding at Raj.

Randy and Candy both looked at Bernadette and asked in unison, "Husband?!"

"Well, uh, you know...husband...ha ha ha...No, uh, no, there's no husband." Bernadette looked into the camera with bedroom eyes. "I'm single as single can get, guys. I'm available for each and every one of you." Bernadette glared at Raj. "He...he...it must be the bright lights. I think the bright lights have him confused."

Raj jumped in his seat. "Ow! Yes, yes, I...I'm confused. I must be thinking of another best friend whose wife and I have wild, crazy sex with on a regular basis," he said without conviction while he reached under the table and rubbed his aching shin.

After an awkward silence, Candy finally said, "Moving right along...Bernie has been kind enough to agree to share with us some tips and tricks on how to be a porn star. Shall we get started?" No one objected. "Okay, great. Randy, would you like to help Bernie demonstrate?"

"Uh, yeah, absolutely." The girls were surprised by the hesitation in his voice.

Randy and Bernadette both climbed off of their elevated chairs. Randy and Bernadette were face-to-face in profile to the cameras.

"First of all, Candy, men want to be the focus of your attention," Bernadette said while she moved in and rubbed against Randy.

"That must be tough when you're getting gang banged by two, three, or even more men as you have," Candy observed.

"Well, it can be, Candy. In all honesty, it's not that hard to make a man feel special when pure, unadulterated sex is involved, even when you're servicing more than one man at a time. As long as they're, you know, thingy is happy, they're pretty happy." She paused. "But I'm sure you know all about that, Candy," Bernadette said snidely while she ran her hands up and down Randy's chiseled chest. The camera caught Candy glaring back at Bernadette. "Most men seem to like naughty talk, too. How nasty can I get?"

Real fucking nasty! Raj thought to himself with a smile.

"Get as nasty as you want, Bernie. We're on a 15 second delay. We'll just bleep out anything inappropriate," Candy assured her.

"Oh-ho-ho, we're gonna keep the censors busy today," Bernadette giggled. "Okay, here we go." She stared into Randy's hazel eyes. "So, Randy, do you like my tits? Hmmmm? Do you like my big, fat tits?" she cooed while she rubbed against him.

"Oh, uh, yeah, mmmmmhmmmm. They're, uh, great," Randy said, quite unsure of himself.

"I'll bet you want to grab them. Don't you want to grab them? I know I want you to." She grabbed his hand and lifted it to her chest. Randy softly, gently caressed the breast the camera could see, then raised the other hand and palmed the flesh out of sight. "Mmmmmm, that's nice. That feels gooooood." She squeaked when he pinched an erect nipple poking through her shirt.

"Oh yeah, they feel awesome," Randy replied.

"So, Bernie, are those real? Or have you had implants? " Candy asked. She could already feel the heat building between her legs.

"These babies are all real," Bernadette said proudly. "How about yours, Miss Centerfold? Are those real or plastic?" she asked with disdain. Just as with Penny, Bernadette quickly viewed the pretty, homecoming queen blonde as her sexual rival.

"Mine are all natural, thank you very much," Candy snapped back.

"Sure they are," Bernadette sarcastically replied before she turned her attention back to Randy who was still fondling her. "So, how 'bout it, Randy? Would you like for me to suck your cock? Hmmmm? Would you like for me to drop to my knees and suck your big, fat cock?" She started to slide down his body.

"Uh, yeah, sure. I mean, who wouldn't, right?"

Bernadette dropped out of sight behind the raised table until all you could see was the very top of her head. The boom mic clearly picked up the sound of a zipper. Randy grunted when she reached inside his pants and gripped him with her small, soft hand.

"Awwww, isn't that cute?" Bernadette whirred while she held his limp noodle. "Are you nervous, Randy?"

Randy went red with embarrassment. "Well, I, uh, I've never, you know, done it with, you know, an audience."

Amateur! Raj chuckled to himself.

*****

"Awww, poor guy," Penny said sympathetically.

"Yeah, poor guy," Leonard said flatly. He didn't feel bad for him at all. Watching a handsome, popular guy fail sexually actually brought him joy.

*****

"Really? Never?" Candy asked with surprise. She also found herself surprisingly disappointed. She suddenly realized she was quite curious to see how big her co-host was.

Randy shook his head. "No, never," he said quietly.

"Well, let's take care of that today," Bernadette purred.

Randy's head snapped backwards when Bernadette took him into her mouth. "Gah!"

Candy looked into the camera. "Let's take a short break. When we come back, we'll talk to Bernie's two co-stars and see if Bernie can get Randy up. Pasadena Morning will be right back."

Just before the camera shut off, the mic picked up Randy saying, "Fuck you, Candy."

Candy looked at her co-host. "Ha ha ha! Randy can't get it up in front of a national audience! Ha ha ha!"

Randy scowled back at her. "Fuck you, cunt. Not everybody on this set is a fucking slut. When I get up, I'm gonna fuckin' wreck your ass, you can bet on it," he growled.

"Ha ha ha! I can't wait." Candy looked across the desk at Raj and Stuart. "When we come back, I'm going to focus on you two studs. Sound good?" The two men nodded.

"Sounds good," Stuart said agreeably.

Raj winked at her. "Bring it on, baby."

Candy looked at Randy. "I'll bet these two can get it up."

"Already up!" Stuart volunteered.

"Ready and willing," Raj said with dreamy eyes.

Candy nodded at them. "See?"

"Fuck you, Candy," Randy hissed. Bernadette felt him growing quickly in her mouth during all the chatter.

The red light on top of the camera clicked on and focused on Candy.

"Welcome back to Pasadena Morning! Randy, how's it going over there?"

The camera switched to Randy. His hands were on the back of Bernadette's bobbing blonde head, which could barely be seen above the raised table top. The mic picked up her slurps clear as day. What it didn't see was her mauling her own chest or her hand stuffed inside her flowery skirt. "Just great! Ol' Bad Bernie here sucks dick like a pro! I see why she's a rising porn star now!"

Stuart nodded his head. "She really does give great blow jobs." Then he frowned and bowed his head. "Not that I have a lot of experience with that."

"She really does!" Raj chipped in excitedly. "Wait until she swallows you! You should get the camera to do a close up of her throat. It...it's amazing!"

Stuart concurred. "It really is mind blowing."

"I'm sure it is," Candy said flatly. "Wow, look at her go!"

"She really does love cock," Raj volunteered.

Randy's head snapped back. "Oh Christ!" Bernadette gagged and gurgled.

Candy's eyebrows raised. "Wow! That really is amazing! Her throat stretched and took on the shape of Randy's cock!"

"We tried to tell you," Stuart reminded her.

Candy turned her attention to the guys. "Uh, well, since Bernie has her mouth full, let's talk to her two studly co-stars. Raj, your day job is what exactly?"

"Oh, yes," Raj said in his thick Indian accent. "I work at Caltech in their Physics Department. Very important work."

"You were named one of People magazine's 30 under 30 people to watch and have been awarded the Newcomb Medal. And you attended Cambridge University, correct?"

Raj puffed out his chest. "Yes, that's correct."

"That sounds very accomplished. And yet, you're doing porn."

"Yes. Well..."

"You're from India, Raj, correct?"

He nodded. "Yes. Yes I am. I come from very humble origins, Candy. I grew up in terrible poverty. It was very tough growing up in my situation."

"Will you stop with that already?" Stuart asked in a disgusted tone.

"What?!"

"C'mon, man. Your dad's a gynecologist, he drives a Bentley, and you had a house full of servants who you may or may not have lost your virginity to."

Raj shrugged his shoulders. "It was still very hard." Stuart buried his head in his hands.

"So your father's a gynecologist? Do you think that's how you developed your fascination with pussy, Raj?"

"Well, I, uh..." Raj stuttered.

Randy removed himself from Bernadette's face with a "pop". "C'mon, bitch, stand up. C'mon, stand up!" Bernadette's hand appeared on the table top as she pulled herself up. Her hair was tousled. Her glasses were askew and she threw them onto the table. "Take 'em off. C'mon, take 'em off," Randy demanded, waving his hand at her short skirt. Bernadette disappeared when she bent over to pull the garments off, then reappeared.

Bernadette turned to face the camera, smiled, and held up the yellow boy panties she had been wearing. "Hey guys, these will be on the website up for auction later today. Bid early and bid often. Who knows? You just might get lucky." She winked at the camera.

*****

"Balls!" Penny shouted. "She's selling shit on her website, too?! Goddammit! I'll bet my thong sold for more than her nasty shit sells for!" The thong that Penny wore on her TV appearance went for $873 autographed.

Leonard nodded. "Oh, yeah, I'm sure." He didn't tell her Howard's the one who won her auction.

*****

Randy grabbed her hips and pulled her back. "Bend the fuck over!" She gripped the edge of the table and bent over while the others watched.

She turned and looked over her shoulder. "Oooooo, are you gonna fuck me with that big, fat cock? Huh? Are you gonna fuck my tight little pussy with that big, fat cock, Randy?" she purred.

He slid between her legs. "I'm gonna tear that shit up," he hissed back at her.

"Oooooo, I can't wai..." Her head flew back and her back arched when his hot knife sliced through her slit like it was butter. "Oh sweet baby Jesus!" she howled.

Randy rested his hips against hers. "Jesus Christ, you weren't kidding! You really do have a tight little pussy! Jesus Christ!"

Raj looked at Candy and nodded. "She really does."

Randy leaned in. "Gimme those fucking tits." He palmed both mounds through her shirt, drew his hips back, and threw them forward. The sound of skin slapping skin echoed throughout the studio.

Bernadette's head flew back again. "Oh dear Lord!"

Randy gave a wicked laugh. "Ha ha!" Then he proceeded to use her fleshy globes as handles while he pummeled her velvety folds.

Candy turned to Stuart while the fire between her legs grew. "So, Stuart, I believe you own a store of some kind right here in Pasadena don't you?"

It was Stuart's turn to puff out his chest. "That's right, Candy! The Comic Center of Pasadena! Pasadena's finest comic book store with the widest selection." He turned to the camera. "And anyone who mentions 'The Python' this week gets an additional 10% off their purchase!"

"Wow! An entrepreneur! You must do quite well for yourself. I'll bet your quite popular with the ladies," Candy said with a sexy smile.

Stuart nodded. "Oh yeah, comic books really make the ladies hot." Raj choked back a laugh. "Okay, that's a lie. It's like having the plague, alright? And I'm broke, okay? I live in the store. I share a can of tuna with a stray cat for dinner. I'm severely depressed most of the time. Look at me. I'm pasty white. I'm sickly. Okay? Yeah, I'm a real catch."

"Awwww, you poor, poor thing," Candy said with genuine concern. "But you're very, very talented in (ahem) other ways."

"Yeah, well, I do have an art degree," he said, cheering up a little.

Candy shrugged. "Well, sure, there's that. But that's not what I'm referring to." Her mind started to drift to what she was referring to, which was the "talent" between his legs. "So, (ahem), what made you to get into porn, other than, you know, your hidden talents."

Stuart shrugged his shoulders. "Well, the three of us were having sex one day..."

"You mean yourself..."

"Me, Raj, and Bernadette, right. So, anyway..."

"So, you were having sex before the website even started?"

"Well, yeah, I guess." There was a pause. "So, anyway, Bernadette told us she was posting pictures on men's websites..."

"Wait. So she was already involved in porn before?"

"Well, no, I wouldn't say that. Just posting, you know, naughty pictures of herself." Another pause. "So, anyway, after we were, you know, done, we said, hey, you should start your own website."

"How much do you get paid to perform in these videos?"

Stuart shrugged his shoulders. "Paid?" He looked at Raj. They both shrugged their shoulders. "Well, I guess, uh, you could say she pays us by letting us having sex with her."

"Mother Mary and Joseph! You're going to make me cum with that fat cock of yours!" Bernadette announced.

"Jesus Christ! You're squeezing me so hard! I...I...I'm gonna bust a nut!"

"Do it! Do it! I want to feel it! Come on! Give it to me!"