Bert to Bertha - 1888

The adventure that would change my life began in February 1888, upon my eighteenth birthday. I was then called Albert Smythe, lived with my family at a small house in Poplar and worked in a jute factory, together with my mother and three sisters.

To say I was unhappy with my lot would be a colossal understatement, for there was nothing about my lot with which I was the least bit happy! Yet all the problems that plagued me came down to the same thing, that I yearned to find some wise to become a woman!

I had always felt the same, even as a small child, when Mother would scold me constantly for trying on my sisters' toggery. And just as she would scold me, so would Father turn to the rod that I might learn to be manly.

I never did get on well with Father. He was a brutish cove, a burly stevedore who worked down at the West India Docks, and drank that of his wages which was neither gambled nor paid to whores.

In consequence all the family lived in dread of him, but none more so than I, for he hated me most especially for my soft voice and feminine nature.

Though each day that passed saw my melancholy grow ever worse, none was so bad as my birthday, for it marked yet another year spent in a guise which made me aught but miserable! Forsooth, I came to fear mine an impossible dream, and that I was doomed to end my days as Bert, a nondescript mechanic at a jute works.

Dark thoughts of this kind readily sank me so low that I oft thought to end my life, which sombre notion would turn me paler than any ague. Thus it was with little difficulty that I feigned illness on my birthday, remaining abed whilst my mother and sisters took themselves to work without me. As was his wont, Father had gone to the docks before first light, and thus by seven o'clock I was pleased to find myself at home alone.

Our house was but a modest crib with four rooms in all, the kitchen and parlour being downstairs with the two bedrooms above. Of the bedrooms, one belonged to my parents, the other being shared by my sisters, whilst I slept upon the settle in the parlour.

This arrangement I found most pleasant, for the settle concealed a chest, whither was kept much of the women's dunnage.

Having checked the coast was clear, I first repaired to my sisters' bedroom from whence I borrowed stays, stockings and drawers, these belonging for the most part to Hettie, the eldest and largest of my sisters. Forsooth, even her boots fitted me though not well, and I took her best pair, her others being then upon her feet.

I next returned to the parlour and took from the chest beneath the settle a petticoat, together with a pretty lace bodice and fine worsted skirt. Having thus attired myself, I took from my parents' room a fine cape of Mother's, together with a handsome hat and veil.

Thither kept Mother a tall looking-glass, into which I peered anxiously at length, making divers adjustments until I was at last fully satisfied as to my bearing. Only then durst I peep through the curtains, whence I was pleased to see the street swathed in fog sufficient to afford me ample opportunity to pass circumspectly into the street.

Such should have been my next course but that, ere I could make it, I heard without the voice of Father in converse with a woman, and next heard a key fumbling in the door's lock! Verily did my poor heart race and my every sinew tremble as I realized he had returned home, bringing with him a wagtail, as was his wont on those days that work proved scarce.

Of course, my first thought was to scarper, but whither to go was the question? The back door led nowhere save the privy yard, from whence there was no further escape, and I durst not hide in the privy, for it was shared amongst many.

As for the house, there was no crevice into which I might gainfully crawl, the whole crib being too small to conceal a fly. Thus was I trapped! The only plan I could hurriedly conceive was to brazen it out; to act the part of a woman with business about the place, and to trust that lush and lust might together have quelled Father's sensibilities.

With such in mind, I opened the door with feigned nonchalance, to find Father on the doorstep with his arm around the waist of Liverpool Lil, a dollymop known to frequent the Red Lion, his favourite boozing ken.

The briefest glance availed me of the situation. The stevedores are but casually employed and though Father, being a big, burly fellow, found himself wanted more often than not, there were days when even his services were not required, and it was just my rotten luck that this should be one such day.

In consolation, he had repaired to his boozing ken, finding Liverpool Lil thither. There they had drunk together till the hour was reached whereby our crib should by rights be empty, whereupon he brought Lil home that they might join giblets.

Yet the house was anything but empty! There I stood within the threshold, with Father staring at me blankly, as yet without a flicker of recognition. In silence I bowed a greeting and made haste to pass onto the street. But though at first he thought to let me by, yet did he swiftly change his mind, and so I found my escape soon blocked by his brawny arm.

"Not so fast, miss, if you please!" he said in tones that, whilst respectful, forboded menace for one who knew him as did I. "Before you leave, I should very much like to know just who you are and what you're about in my crib?"

I hesitated to reply for, though my voice has always been soft and feminine, so was it wearily familiar to him. Forsooth, he'd oft declared it the bane of his life! Thus I was loth to say a word, but rather stared at my feet whilst my face turned crimson, and Father the meanwhile began to cogitate a possibility that fair lent him towards apoplexy!

"Just a minute, I know this toggery!" he cried of a sudden, taking a firm hold of Mother's cape, "It belongs to my wife! Why, you are no miss at all but my Albert, done up like a margery! Well, this is the final straw, my lad! I shall gladly face the halter rather than have you gadding about thus and besmirching the good name of Smythe!"

Saying which he tried his best to grab my throat, and should have succeeded, but that I am nimble and he was too much swizzled! Despite the strictures of tight stays and boots, I succeeded to dodge his grasp and should have soon found myself at liberty, save that Liverpool Lil blocked my flight.

My first thought was to back hair the bunter, as I presumed her firmly on my father's side in the matter. In this I was wrong, for quite to the contrary, Lil next helped me dodge a well aimed hook at some little cost to herself, and thus stalled Father's progress just long enough to whisper in my ear-

"Run and see my Jack, he will take good care of you. Now, hurry!"

Those latter words proved fortuitous, for no sooner had she spoken than Father flung her aside like a rag doll and leapt at me like an angry bear! But luckily I was on my guard and took to Hettie's heels ere within his grasp, leaving him raging in the street and threatening blue murder, which was the last that ever I saw of him.

Down several streets I ran, being in such fear of my life that I durst not stop running till utterly exhausted. At last I could run no more, but sat beside a coster's barrow and took stock of my situation, which wasn't jolly. For not only were the clothes upon my back the property of others, but I had not a farthing about my person!

That which remained of my wages rested in the pocket of my work trousers, beneath the settle. Yet I knew them forfeit, for never again would I durst venture thither, save should I wish to pay for the excursion with my life! Thus was I left with little choice save to act on the advice of Liverpool Lil, and set forth for Limehouse, whither lived Jack Hand.

It was a walk of near two miles down crowded streets and alleys, yet on no occasion was I afforded so much as a sideways glance, which cheered me greatly despite my divers woes, for it proved me convincing as a woman.

Nevertheless, as Jack Hand's crib drew nigh, my nerves began to fail me. I knew but little of the cove, yet that little I knew was far from good! He'd been a stevedore alongside my father, but lost his position when made lame by some accident. Thereafter, he'd soon turned bad, becoming both ponce and snide pincher. Lil wasn't the only bunter that hooked for him, and it was oft said his ken was a nugging-house.

Had there been some other choice, then I should have willingly taken it rather than turn to Jack, no matter what. But as there was no such thing, it was with a trembling hand that I timidly knocked upon his door.

Something soon stirred, a strained shuffle accompanied by numerous foul oaths, and then the door opened to reveal a tall, swarthy cove with a countenance so fierce it fair put the fear of God in me. Only his game leg consoled me a little, for I knew that, should I choose to turn and flee, he would be hard pressed to follow.

"What do you want, missy?" he enquired, with a menace that did little to put me at ease. I replied that Lil had sent me, whereupon, with some reluctance, he bade me enter his parlour, whither I sat and, in answer to his questions, recalled the circumstances of my encounter with Lil, by which means I fain revealed my identity.

Upon hearing just who I was, Jack Hand became most animated. "Laws!" he exclaimed, "Blow me if you ain't Nat Smythe's lad, Albert? Well, just fancy! What I wouldn't give to see his boat just now! Why, this ain't half a jolly rum do!"

After grinning like a Cheshire cat and chuckling most raucously awhile, his countenance returned fierce of a sudden. "But have a care," he said earnestly, "for should you ever again fall within Nat's grasp, he'll be sure to work capitol upon you!"

This made me shudder, for of its veracity there could be no doubt! It was then Jack sat himself beside me on the sofa and began to give succour. "There, there!" he soothed, placing an arm around my waist, "You shall be safe enough here with me! Only understand that there is nowhere else you might go, and so it is necessary that you should humour me!"

What he said was aught save the truth, so I swore to do just as bade, whereupon he placed his free hand beneath my skirts and found my lobcock, which he teased with his fingers till it grew large and spewed butter.

He next enquired whether I had ever before lain with a man as a woman, to which I replied that I had not. "Never mind," said he, "there must always be a first time!"

Saying which he stood and removed his trousers, revealing his mighty steed, which was larger than I should have guessed possible, but that I beheld it with my own eyes! It stood before me like a guardsman at his sentry-box, its bright pink helmet glistening with drops of butter, and I trembled at the thought that he should try to prig my poor little roundmouth with an engine of such prodigious girth!

Perhaps because he sensed my trepidation, there next came a few kindly words, though as he spoke them he lay me upon my back to boot, and raised my skirts so far they all but hid my face.

I then felt my drawers pulled down towards my stocking tops, after which he held my legs aloft at some distance apart with his large, powerful hooks. A cold, soft dab, perchance of lard being applied betwixt my fleshy orbs, his gaying instrument followed soon after. He forced it within my roundmouth with great ferocity, then thrust it back and forth with such violence that I could but cry and wail.

"No more!" I cried. "Oh please sir, have mercy!" Yet alas, my pleas had the contrary effect to that intended, for they caused a wide grin to appear on Jack's face, and he began to work his fine steed all the harder, till my poor legs shook beyond all control, my roundmouth feeling burnt as though by fire.

Yet still Jack continued to punish me, going like a locomotive at full lick and blissfully oblivious to my imprecations, till at last came his flood of bliss that filled my aching roundmouth with hot butter. Only then did he deign to withdraw his withering steed and let go my legs, which fell lifeless upon the sofa.

Overwhelmed by the events of such a turbulent day, I soon fell asleep just where I lay, not stirring till nightfall, and then only because Lil shook me awake.

"Get up, lazy bones!" she chided, "There is much to be done ere the punters arrive, and Jack won't like it much if you shirk, and it's never smart to get on his wrong side!"

Though she couldn't half harp on, Lil was a diamond at heart and showed me the ropes. In no time we transformed the parlour into a lushery, after which she took me upstairs to a bedroom whither she lent me a pretty frock, clean stockings and a pair of red slippers that fitted me much better than Hettie's boots.

Thus was I readied for my first night hooking it as a gal-boy pinchcock, and what a night! Whilst I had slept upon his sofa in blissful ignorance, Jack Hand had been busy abroad spreading word of his new acquisition, so that a brace of tars came that night to church the margery.

Ere I slept again I was took by fourteen coves, though I shall not tire the reader's patience with an account of each encounter when the first alone should suffice to give ample flavour of all that followed.

All a tremble, I sat upon the bed awaiting I knew not whom, till at last the door swung open and there entered a tall, swarthy ship's engineer, his visage blackened by coal and oil which concealed nigh all his features save the eyes, which shone like cold, blue lamps. Cold they were and cold I thought him, for there was aught of warmth about his countenance.

In a commanding voice he bade me hang his jacket, which stank of coal and tobacco. A flicker of a smile next burst his lips, the only sign of humanity I should see in him, the cause his wicked notion of how he might best enforce dominion over me.

To wit, he bade me stand before him with legs apart and skirts raised, then placed a calloused hand upon my lobcock and stroked it as though a cat. And despite my fear of him, perchance because of it forsooth, my lobcock grew to be a modest steed.

With his cold stare upon me and those blue eyes watching my every flicker, I blushed crimson as he teased from me a pearly shower that wet my drawers and plashed upon my stays, much to his further amusement.

The pearly shower complete, my poor legs failed me and I was forced to sit once more upon the bed. But never do the wicked get much rest! Muttering divers oaths, the tar took off his trousers and bade me kneel before him, whereupon he presented his white staff before my trembling lips.

His was nothing like so large as Jack's, being perchance half a foot at most, to boot lacking the girth of the latter cove. Yet it throbbed and bulged with an energy that made me tremble! Forsooth, I fear it had me mesmerised, for I stirred not a long while, which sorely tried the cove's patience.

"Stop wasting time!" he growled irritably, "I am not paying you to stare at it; get about your business!" Saying which, he placed a firm hand behind my head and pressed his steed betwixt my lips so hurriedly that I was wont to choke.

Such was my introduction to the art of gamahuching! Furiously did I suck upon his white staff, till at length I tasted a little of his warm, salted butter.

Soon after that first taste, I got the first of many warm gushes. They came upon me fast and filled my quail pipe past its capacity, with much butter dribbling from my lips though the greater part I managed to swallow.

With his sting of pleasure complete I believed our business at an end, in which I was mistaken! "Lie back!" said he, addressing me as a man might his dog, which was just what I soon came to expect of a punter, "It is your job to keep me entertained while my vitals recover."

Thus was I made to lie upon my back with raised skirts, that he might further tease my lobcock. This he did till it grew to be a steed once more, whereupon a further pearly shower plashed upon my stays.

He then began to tease himself, as though he were about to fetch mettle, but it was another matter that occupied his mind; the matter of my back avenue!

His white staff having regained all its glory, he bade me turn over and press my face into the bedclothes, after which he forced his engine, which was prodigious once more, into my roundmouth, using for lard my own butter.

This second prigging was not so violent as the first, the tar being not so generously endowed as Jack Hand, for few coves are. Yet what he lacked in girth and span was compensated by persistence, for he carried on so long that I came to believe him incapable of a further critical period, though at last he proved me wrong, and a great flood of warm butter once more filled my aching roundmouth.

This is all I wish to tell for now of how I changed from Bert to Bertha, yet pray understand I crave no pity! For much as I should rather not be one of Jack Hand's bunters, yet the life I live now is a far better one than that which I lived as Albert Smythe. I was meant to be a woman, but the Lord made a mistake. I have set it right as best I can.

Limehouse, May 1889