by Kimtacular
getting some what horny with daddies friend outside the bedroom door to me having a real orgasm with him just feet away, love the story#
as well as the writing now go for the next part.
get on with it.... less plodding, more action.... doesn't have to be a "stroke story" but it doesn't seem to be getting anywhere....
Little teaser paragraphs suck. Write a real, and complete, story and it would be worth reading.
but not very positive ones, unfortunately. Actually, your writing style is excellent and the story line is developing at a good pace. Your mistake is breaking up the story into such small pieces that it's difficult for the reader to build up any momentum and get involved before having to wait for the next "chapter". My advice is to pace the story so that each chapter is at least 1 or 2 Lit "pages" long. You have talent, so don't let the initial low scores and negative comments discourage you. :)
As I said in my comment on chapter 1, you have a very good story line that can be developed into many chapters. I know what it takes to sit and and write a story and I agree that you should consider making your chapters/posts a bit longer. Again, I encourage you to keep this story going and I look forward to reading more......
Finally, please remember, it's easy for an anonymous person to leave a negative comment because you have no way of knowing if they have posted a story which you can use to judge their story skills.
I read the first chapter (although didn't comment) and I enjoyed the background that you were giving us. I like to see author's develop their characters before you throw them into the whole "sex scene". Having and emotional connection with them is important I think.
Your writing is good and I have no complaints about that. I just wish the chapters were a bit longer (or combined). I still have to read the third installment but I wanted to let you know you have a fan in me and will be seeing this story the whole way through.