All Comments on 'Betrayed Husbands Anonymous Ch. 02'

Too convoluted, too many moving parts, and too many long-winded explanations. When I read Tolstoy, I expect this, and I work my ass off to read it, but it's not enjoyable per se. I tried to get into this, but I couldn't do it. Maybe the rolling dialogue, the constant 'telling' versus 'showing' worked against you. Hell, the story is intriguing, and if I'm not mistaken, either this is a rewrite or an earlier piece or this is a sequel. In any event, I never got into it. 3/5.

THis was a good story but that afterword made it legendary! AS someone whose met a natural born fuck up, I can say for sure, there's no cure for people like that

Violence doesn’t solve shit. And this club is a bunch of babies crying because someone took their favourite toy and now they want to hurt them.

Maybe there is a reason these boys were cheated on. Maybe there is a reason another man took over: these guys never grew up, never made their family the priority. Because their wives realized the same thing: they were evil, violent men.

boring badly written accessibly convoluted. This story is drowning in pointless crap

Like your writing, but this series feels a little flat.

Someone had this comment about Chapter 1:

"Revenge only works if the person you're taking revenge on knows you are responsible for their misfortunes. The art of revenge is doing that without them being able to prove you did it."

I agree with this 100%. It's what the series is missing.

I found this to be a difficult read although I got to the end and found out it wasn't the end.

I get the theme and see that this could be an ongoing series but could each chapter not be a full story in itself? I am interested to see where this goes and will read the next part but please finish this "case" then and move on to new cases. To see what I mean check out Saddletramps stories.

Love the whole concept of this & i have no problem following the dialogue. It must take you a while 012Say to vet out a story in this series and keep within the verbiage concept of BHA you created. 5*!

where can i join BHA?

although i wasn t a betrayed husband i was a betrayed fiance .... lol

where do i send my resume?

maybe start my own chapter .... lol

great job 012say ... i like your fantasy and wish it was reality

5* a couple of raging hardons and a satisfying orgasm

It's all over the place not easy to follow. Like a somersalting woman with the runs.

Terrible

Frustrating story. 2*

It's a great idea. I got lost a little in the details, though. And, for me, I'd more likely be on the other side of the organization. D

Boring!! Started skimming halfway through the first page and never stopped until the end. No drama, suspense, excitement etc. etc. Basically a story about nothing.

I don't usually care for stories with author's notes embedded, I believe that a story should explain itself, but here, with all the false names. I can't see how else we would know who THIS "Chuck" was.

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"I don't drink at all anymore. Could I have a glass of champagne?" - Champagne isn't drinking?

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This one was terrible. I know we're supposed to feel his confusion with Chuck, but it became almost impossible to follow.

first chapter was great this one sucked.

Very confusing read.

Nope

I gave you a 4 star rating. I' like the premise of the story but started to get lost in some of the story. Too many directions at once. You dropped what Brenda told the workaholic and how that resolved. Or is that for the next segment? Or did I miss it? It's one thing if you are developing your characters but you need to bring things back and remember the story. Don;t circle too much and then have it work out in the end. Of course the guy getting his wish is not supposed to know how it happened?

Dave Wilson knew his ex got left. But did he ever find out his 'wish' came true because it was delivered and it wasn't just fate or pure chance? Andperhaps somebody might come ask a simple favor in the future to help the next guy?

Good stories so far. The afterward was funny.

Dumber than a stump.

I really liked the first one BUT this one sucked.

I have commented several times on other stories that I think this author's sequel to 'February Sucks', 2 notes, was the best I'd read. Loved it, in fact. Now, I read this totally disjointed mess of words; I tried and tried to make some sense of it as I was reading, to no avail. It might as well have been in Greek. Wellburton, Armstrong, Trey, Robbie 111, Chuck- all these names just run together and I have NO idea who is who, and don't really care. If I've got to put together a powerpoint presentation on a story, just to understand it, then I don't need to be reading it.

This is one of the more convoluted stories I've read on this site. I'll just give you one suggestion - less is more.

This “story” is lacking in just about every way possible except, possibly, spelling.

If one is consumed by a fantasy I suppose revenge is better than kiddy diddling, only if the later is more likely to be acted on (more opportunities)

Story rated a three. The little bit at end rated a five. Split the diff for a score of 4*

Harry was a BIG FUCK UP. loved it.all

This was just difficult to read and figure out what the hell was going on. The story is going off on way too many tangents.

I'm only going to give this a 3, pending whatever happens in future chapters. As I noted in my comments on the original, this idea of an organization to help out betrayed husbands appeared in an earlier story, the name and author of which I don't remember. Anyway, this chapter was, as many previous comments note, very convoluted and confusing. Not sure what's going on, don't think the MMC is, either. Maybe that's the point. Also not sure what Bridget is all about. The MMC may trust her, don't know that I do. Anyway, enough for now.

I thought it a Great story. I've never written anything but Poetry but by being an Editor I do know you have, good, bad, ugly and probably others in between. I rate it at as 5 BIG FUCKING STARS and fuck all you other cry babies!

I like your writing voice. Your on to something, keep at it. Look forward to reading more of your work.

Thanks for sharing...

I like your concept, however I find your execution to compact & trivial. If you’re going for a series the characters need more depth in the dialogue.

Very hard to follow and I hope the sequel will clear things up a lot more.

Just couldnt get pulled into this one.

It just felt like it was sitting there and staring at me but doing nothing else.

So fucking complicated I gave up.

Sorry but I just couldn't give it any stars.

I'll never get that time back.

Ch01 was a good setup for some finely crafted "Mission Impossible" kind of scheming, especially against a more formidable target than a simple cheating wife/asswipe homewrecker. Unfortunately, Ch02 is derailed by a huge detour into Jim's personal life. Perhaps unavoidable, since Jim specifically excludes himself from the more underhanded, potentially illegal part of PPP/BHA, but still a letdown.

Ch02 should probably have been split down the middle between Jim's role and the steps carried out under Chuck. The setup was already in place to tell us about things Chuck does that Jim is unaware of.

rambling

I gave up on this one. It feels like a lot of ravings. Who really cares. I'm with "Frank66" on this one. Sorry.

as one who llikes to help others i loved it

No idea what that ending was...4*

You should hire that company you created in this story, the one that does the planning and organizing. I am certain there are the makings of a great story in here, but I can't get the parts to come together in a way that makes sense or reveals the big picture. And I don't have a clue how to advise you to fix it, since I have an equal clue about what this whole story is meant to convey or accomplish. But it sure could be good. Kind of like a beautiful woman, you never get to meet. I hope you can pull it all together. Thanks for the effort.

an incoherent mess

Waffle.

I stopped reading. Just went on and on, became far too convoluted with no build up. Straight into it made it hard going.

I actually enjoyed the story right up until the non ending which was hopeless. So Dave is satisfied, how, why? The stuff about Mason and Trey was completely garbled and incomprehensible. Basically ruined a pretty good story and a good idea.

This one seemed all over the place. I’d suggest you add some ownership to some of the dialogue- especially when there are more than two people speaking.

I liked the first part - interesting concept. However, this chapter seemed like the longest 3 pages in site history. You have a good idea, just need to focus it a bit more.

Interesting.

It may be unusual

to start a complicated shorter story

without finishing it in one go.

But if it's interesting, I'll take it.

With the side story,

this part gets top ratings from me.

Interesting premise but part 2 was written in a way that made it hard to follow who was who. I hope part 3 gets more of an editing for clarity

There are people like "Harry". A story that can grow, I like it. Thanks for writing.

harry is a moron. That said I really really like the theme of this outfit and its goals. I volunteer to be a get the hands dirty executioner and not a planner.

This really IS a Curate's egg of a composition! . It's pretty putrid in parts but bloody brilliant in bits!

.

Great so far. When so we get chapter 3?

Your writing style is too disjointed, it makes a story hard to follow. Do one thing well as you cannot write multiple themes and keep them separate and remain interesting. You had a very good theme going here and them flopped it all into a stinker.

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I married my high-school sweetheart, but hell I was going to war (Vietnam) she abandon me for my friend. We were too young but we sure had lust. I wished I could have gotten revenge on this nemesis but eventually I won as my focus was 'live my life well'. Now she's on hubby #4 - I hope her life has been unfulfilling and painful. We all have crosses to bare.

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2*, hooyah

I sort of liked the premise of the story but I tend to agree with KRD comments and another commenter.

The story is pretty good about helping the wronged husband move along and exact a bit of revenge. The problem is it sort of went this way and that and my poor old brain got lost, especially the last few paragraphs. I am no literary scholar and not an English major either but I am thoroughly confused with the way the story ended. But it was interesting as I waited for a big climax to bring down some of the bad guys and selfish women, yeah, selfish women because that is what most cheaters are, selfish. The cheat because they think of nothing but themselves. They don't care or think about what there actions will do to the people around them. Their ex, their children, they only think of themselves. In my case what do you say to mother of your children when she tells you: "I just fell out of love, I want o go out and see what's out there, but if it doesn't work out, can I come back?" I cried and walked out the door, yeah I'm an 80 year old wimp, that was over 40 years ago. Luckily I found a good woman who I lived my life with for 40 years. 4 stars, it needs editing and finishing.

5 stars. Interesting so far. There is no way this is an ending. So, I'll reserve judgement until I've read more.

How soon until the next chapter?

5 stars for the joke.

Good story 5*****

Well the ending made this part, the plot sort of works for me, but you have made it confusing in some of it.

How many more tangents can a story have?

First chapter was very good. This one was so confusing that I lost track a good half a dozen times.

So confusing for us readers. Just because you think you know does not mean the reader too does. You spoilt the whole concept by by trying to be Agatha Christy...

a lot of people in america are really too stupid to help, they dont admit they need help, they refuse help out of stupidity, like the last BHA story, they dont even know they need help, think life is all karma and random luck. the one thing they all have in common is an inability to face reality and they all vote democrap. rk

The first part had an interesting idea behind it. A clever way to get even in safety. The second part was obviously aimed at a much more intelligent reader cause it lost me.

Good story, but chapter one was much better. Part 2 left me confused.

I quite enjoyed part one. However part two was very confusing. I never really got into it. Did anything happen ?

I've really enjoyed this so far, I hope someday you can finish up the next chapter.

Having fun with this. Wonder if Jim will see creating another division of the company for Betrayed Wives Anonymous (BWA?) in the future?

The first part of this story had my head spinning in circles trying to keep track of the different characters and what part they played. I thought about going back and reading it again but don't think it would help. The last part of the story was funny and more closer to real life than the first. Had to laugh about Harry being such a fuckup.

You get five stars just for that last part. I swear it sounded like someone was either playing the Abbott and Costello bit of “Who’s on first” or someone attempting to get some guy with Asperger’s Syndrome to be social and friendly of which he understood neither of those things.

I guess I'm just too simple for the BHA stories. I have a hard time keeping track of who's doing what to whom and how the whole process works. Think I'll skip the rest.