All Comments on 'Bianca's Choice'

I'm rather intrigued as to where your story heads from here. Good stuff!

You should run any future stories by an experienced proofreader before publishing them. There are quite a few basic errors in this piece. Things like then/than, were/was, missing commas, things like that. Keep trying, but make sure to improve your craft while you do it.

I also agree with other the commenter regarding proofing your work. A couple of the mistakes, (missing words), are rather jarring, as it takes a few minutes to figure out what you're trying to say. Your readers struggling to figure out what you are saying is NEVER a good situation.

Spellcheck won't catch these type of errors. Sometimes, merely re-reading your own work won't catch them, either. There's something about reading your own writing that allows your brain to correct errors without you even consciously knowing there was an error. One way to 'untrick' your brain is to read your work aloud.

Reading your writing aloud will help you find errors you might ordinarily miss and help you discover awkward dialogue, as well. If YOU struggle or stumble when you read a character's dialogue out loud, you can be sure your readers will, too

Good luck with your writing, and thanks for all the hard work you put into your work; I certainly appreciate the free reading material(s).

You describe your main character using the phrase "Unlike most of her friends her tits were only a c cup. Bianca was a slim, 5 foot 2...". C-cup breasts on a slim five-foot-two woman aren't "just" anything - they are extra-large!

A weird story. But just the beginning. On to the next chapter. I agree with Anonymous. A C cup is NOT small on a 5'2". And please please get your stories edited or check them properly yourself. Innumerable grammar errors.