Big Bang Theory Season 17 Ep. 07

"Um, hi, is Leonard there?"

"Sorry he just stepped out for a few minutes, can I ask who is calling?"

"Yes, is this Halley, it's Penny calling."

A loud shriek came across the phone, "OH WOW! AUNT PENNY, how the hell are you?"

A sigh of relief escaped Penny's lungs, "Oh Hi Halley, yeah, I'm good, how are you? I spoke with Amy earlier and she told me you're of age now. How does it feel to be an adult?"

She groaned out, "Trying, very trying! My mother is such a stickler. The only thing that is making it tolerable is Dad, or should I say Leonard. He treats me like an adult, not a little girl like my mother still does."

"Well, to her you'll always be her little girl. So you said Leonard is out? Do you expect him back soon?"

Yeah, he just stepped out to grab some lunch for Michael and myself. He should be back in a few."

"Still eating take-out, huh?"

She giggled, "Yeah, dad never conquered the stove, but he is very good at other things."

Halley giggled, "I wouldn't know Aunt Penny, even though I gave him numerous openings, but being the honorable person he is, he never took the bait."

"Halley, I'm shocked, that coming from a Catholic School girl like you, you should be ashamed."

Again she giggled, "You have no Idea, Aunt Penny, most of the girls lost their virginity long before coming to college. My old Catholic college and High School harbors so many sluts, it could double as a brothel. Let's table that, if you would, is there a reason you wanted to talk to Dad?"

All of a sudden a male voice came from behind Halley, "Who's wanting to talk to me Halley?" Penny let out a gasp, she was holding her breath as Halley talked away from the phone, "It's Aunt Penny, she was looking for you."

A voice came over the phone, "Hello, Penny, is there something wrong?"

She paused a moment, "No, no problem I have some news and wanted to share it with you and Bernadette."

"Oh, what news?"

She talked in length about her past career, which she knew he was aware of. She sprung the award on him and invited him, Bernadette and the 2 children to Vegas for the week-end and longer if things progressed the way she hoped.

"Well, that is a lot to take in Penny. I can't see why we couldn't show up for your big day. I'll have to check with Bernadette though. I know she has been slammed at work. From what I've gathered she is up for a big promotion and could be bumped up to the executive offices if all goes well."

"Wow, she really has moved upward hasn't she. She was always one to let nothing get in her way when she set her mind to it. She got you, didn't she?"

He chuckled, "Yeah, but only after everyone else cast me away?"

In a low voice she replied, "Not me, you are the one who left. Even though I don't blame you after what I did to you."

He let out a sigh, "All water under the bridge Penny. Listen, I have to feed my brood. I'll speak with Bernadette and text you."

"I was just touching base by phone to the one's most important to me. I'll be sending a formal invitation in the mail. I have to give Rajesh and Anu a call next. Amy and Steward already gave their reply, they will be there. I hope you four will come too, talk to you soon, bye Leonard and thank you for just being you."

He chuckled, "Who else would I be, bye."

She went and ordered food to be delivered. She was in no shape to cook or go out and with Sheldon still in Russia, she wasn't in any mood to dress up and go out. She poured another glass of vodka and took a seat and dialed Raj's number.

A female answered, "Hello?"

"Ah, Anu?"

"No, this is Alex, who is asking?"

Oh, Hi, this is Penny, I was looking for Raj, is he there?"

"Hi to you too Penny. No, he's still at work. He should be home anytime now. Well it's been a while, not to be blunt, but is there a reason you're looking for him?"

She was reluctant to tell her. She really wanted Raj and Anu there, but seeing Alex answered, she was stuck and would have to invite her too. She went on and on and after beating around the bush, she spilled the reason why she called. "I'd really like to have all three of you join me and the rest of the group to celebrate my award in Vegas."

"We were wondering when you were gonna call and invite us. Anu spoke with Eric Vaughn and she secured a number of rooms, more than you'll need for your guests. I have to say, it was nice to hear from you and get a personal invitation, it means so much to us. I have to say Penny, you really deserve that award. The three of us have a huge collection of your videos and I have to say, you are so fucking hot in each and every one of them. I'm in for sure and I can't see how Anu and Rajesh would decline. I'll speak to the two of them and if they have any questions I'll have them call. If they are on board, I'll have Raj test and confirm.

"Oh FUCK! I forgot, Eric told me about Anu's hotel corporation has secured room. I'm so sorry, it slipped my mind. Now you know why I'm retiring. I had my brains fucked out. Just to let you know, this was the informal invitation. I wanted to call of my closest friends and invite them in person. You'll still be receiving a formal invitation in the mail. Listen I have to run and call some more people. I'll be hoping for a text from Raj, if not have him call and I'll answer anything he has concerns about."

"Great hearing from you Penny, talk to you soon and once again, congrats!"

"Thanks see you soon Alex, bye!"

She called her parents, but with her mother ill, they declined and didn't wanna celebrate their daughter for doing porn. Her sister and brother-in-law passed too. She knew they wouldn't come with Leonard's brother a big lawyer and couldn't show up either. She called Missy and with her pregnant for the sixth time had to pass and Mary Cooper, just like her mother Susan wasn't feeling up to par at her advanced age, she reluctantly declined. There were a bunch of others who accepted, but none of them close enough to warrant one of the two top tables.

She was glad to get a text from Leonard and Raj to accept and she replied for them to watch for the formal invitation in the mail.

She worked on sending them out and sat back and basked in the feeling she was finally where she wanted to be in her life. She just hoped Sheldon would be back soon. She relaxed and worked out daily and spoke with Sheldon every night and he swore he'd be there in time. If not in New York to travel with her to Vegas, or he would charter a jet and fly directly to Vegas if need be. He already spoke with the CEO of Fox and Susan agreed to pay for the special flight if need be. She just hoped he's tie-up the loose ends in Russia and put the international weather network to bed and get it up and running.

The week-end of the award show was finally there and Penny was extremely nervous. She worked out on a daily basis and was never in better shape. She had a bikini wax and was as bare as a newborn baby. She had professional manicure and pedicure. She went to the stylist Eric had flown to Vegas for her and her hair never looked better. It was a perfect job, no roots and a very, shiny golden blonde with curls and waves never seen better on any porn star or Hollywood actress.

The evening of the award show arrived and Sheldon called from the expensive jet phone and informed her the plane would be touching down within the hour.

Penny was happy to hear he had kept his promise and gave him the room number and inform him she had his tuxedo pressed and waiting for him.

She had the professional stylist and make-up artist there to make any last touches. She stared into the floor length mirror and her jaw dropped, "Who is this star, it can't be Penny Cooper, she is absolutely gorgeous. She looked to her crew, "Thank you, you have no idea how happy I am right now."

She looked back into the mirror and saw a stunning blonde with her hair cascading over her shoulders, across her breasts and down her nearly bare back. She was wearing a silver gown with two tiny straps that threatened to snap from the sheer weight of her heavy, still firm tits. It dipped at her tiny waist and she knew all of those evenings on the treadmill paid off. Her hips pushed out the material and hugged them perfectly. The silver dress ran down to her ankles and rolled over her gorgeous, tight ass. She was wearing silver stockings and a matching silver thong. There was a long slit along her right thigh and as she moved, it seductively flashed the top of her thigh-hi stockings. She turned to Amy, who was dressed in a purple gown, showing her assets perfectly too.

Penny hugged her and gave her an air kiss, "You look amazing Amy, how the fuck do you look younger while we all look older?"

She giggled, "First of all, you never looked anywhere close to being old and secondly, a lot of money can practically make anyone look younger, even me."

It was time to head down to the banquet room, and Sheldon still hadn't arrived. She made her way to her table with Amy on her arm.

At the main table up front was set for ten people. The place cards were for Penny and a spot for Sheldon. Rajesh and Anu Koothrappali and Alex Jensen. One more for Amy Farrah Fowler and Two were for Kate Beckett and Richard Castle and the last two were for Eric Vaughn and Guest.

The second table had place cards for Steward and Denise Bloom, Leonard and Bernadette Hofstadter and two more for Halley and Michael Wolowitz. There were three place cards beside Bernadette that were blank, they just said special guests. It baffled Penny who screwed up, but she was so upset about Sheldon not being there yet pissed her off to no end. Everyone who meant anything to her was there and she was nearly in tears. She held them back, especially after all the work the make-up artist did, she wasn't about to screw it up.

The banquet began and as dinner concluded, the awards were beginning to be awarded. The time of the presentation of Penny's award was at hand.

Eric Vaughn, the person who single-handle resurrected her career was already back stage. He came out, "I'm here to present a special award to a very, very special woman. This woman was the brightest star in my stable of adult film artists. She performed in over two hundred and seventy-five interracial videos and countless other videos. I'm presenting the award of the "MILF Interracial Actress of the Century." I'm proud to bestow this award on my dear friend Penny Cooper."

The entire room began to roar and applaud and she looked around and still saw no Sheldon. She was assisted onto the stage by one of her lead actors, Lexington Steele. He gave her a kiss and she kissed him back and the entire room once again applauded even louder. She hugged Eric and kissed him and looked out over the crowd. She saw her great friend Brandi Love, Sarah Vandella and countless other stars in the business, both male and female. She kissed the award and stood before the podium, "Wow, I never, ever thought it would come to this. I just did what came naturally to me and I end up here, receiving an award. One for actress of the century. If that doesn't make one feel old, none ever will. I have countless people to thank, Most of all, Eric Vaughn, my mentor and savior. Without him, I don't know where I would be." She scanned the crowd again and finally caught sight of Sheldon. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head. A huge grin crossed her lips, "Aw, ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry for being dumbstruck, something a lot of people think I'm like that most of the time. My husband who has been overseas for the past two months just arrived. I'm so glad he is here, but that isn't what is such a shock. The shock is that behind him, is a man who has been declared head for fifteen years, Mr. Howard Wolowitz!"

Bernie spun around, and standing, stared at the man she believed to be dead for the past fifteen years. She looked to Leonard and back to Howard and fainted there. Leonard caught her and gently planted her in her chair.

Leonard stood, "This is your time to shine Penny, please finish your speech and we'll attend to Bernadette here."

Penny watched as Sheldon walked with Howard over to their tables and Sheldon took a seat at his place card as Howard took a seat beside the fainted Bernie. Two gorgeous brunettes who were clinging to Howard took seats beside him in the empty place card seats.

She stared at her notes, "Sorry, but it seems my husband sprung this surprise on us. As a side note, he has been in Russia negotiating their airwaves for Fox's new international weather network." She looked to Sheldon, "Well did it happen?"

He gave her two thumbs up and blurted out, "As of a week from Monday, I'll be officially retired."

She chuckled, "Wow. Both of us out of work in the same week. Okay ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the chaos, but if I can continue. I'll make it brief. I'd like to thank everyone at the tables where my friends are. I was going to thank all of them individually, but I'll cut that back. I'd like to give a special thanks to Alex and Bernadette. Bernadette can't hear at the moment, she's the one who passed out. These two ladies are the two who unbeknownst to them are the two who guided me to the first interracial orgy I performed in. If it wasn't for them, I may never have been in a single adult video. It is a mixed blessing. Because if it didn't happen, my life my have been a lot tamer and hopefully still married to my ex-husband Leonard Hofstadter who is trying to wake Bernadette up at the moment. Leonard, I've said it a million times, but I wish things would have turned out differently, but that's life. I'll cut it short now and tend to my friends. I'm going out on top, something I rarely did when making videos, thank you!"

There was a sudden burst of laughter and applause. They gave her a standing ovation and she walked off the stage and out of the limelight of the adult film industry.

As they continued to pass out awards, the entire group from the two tables filtered out during a brief intermission. The group took several elevators up to the main suite. They had Bernadette in a wheelchair and she was still half awake, still not believing what was happen, actually happened.

As they got into the room, they all huddled around.

Sheldon and Howard took Bernadette, Leonard and Penny into a separate room. He looked to them, "Okay what Howard and I are about to tell you has to go to your grave. None of this can be revealed or he could be assassinated and all the work I did on getting him out and the work I did for Fox News will be out the window." He looked to the three of them, "Do you agree to keep it confidential?"

The three of them were stunned. They looked to each other and nodded. Sheldon looked to Howard, "Do you wanna begin or should I?"

Howard, who was tan and sort of buff shrugged, "You begin and I'll pick up after that."

Bernadette was now alert and was sipping some water. She stared at her so called dead husband and she barely recognized him. He must have put on thirty pounds, but it was all muscle. His hair was shorter and combed back and has a wave to it, no longer straight. She wondered about the two gorgeous tall, brunette models he walked in with.

Sheldon began, "I caught wind of a engineer from Cal Tech who was on a rocket from the space station. I investigated, but was stonewalled at every turn. I began to grease palms of several officials, both for the weather network and for information about the so called dead astronauts. About three months ago I had a breakthrough. It seems they had Howard there in a secluded tropical island. He was in Siberia for several years at first, but after his usefulness waned, they decided to ship him there. He was given a plush home and those two gorgeous women to keep him happy. He was cutoff from the outside world and I negotiated his release, but he signed an NDA. So everything you are hearing here, remember never happened. I got the contract for the Fox International Weather Network, but it will be null and void if any of this comes out." He turned to Howard, "Okay, you're up."

Howard cleared his throat, "Well, when the space capsule went off course and caught fire, luckily it landed in an area of Russia and the flames were extinguished almost immediately. The Russian authorities covered up the failure of the accident and reported to the world that the space capsule burned up during reentry. They had me working for them and I was compensated richly. I was between a rock and a hard place. I could work for them and have a comfortable life, or I could fight it and end up a casualty of the fake capsule mishap. I worked for them and after I outgrew my usefulness, I was given what Sheldon just informed you about. I was given twenty million euro and swore to keep everything that happened quiet.

Leonard spoke up, "Okay, I sorta believe everything that both of you just said. It is way too far-fetched to be made up. My question is, what are you going to tell the authorities, all of your friends and your two grown children?"

Howard nodded, "Okay the Russian authorities should be releasing a statement as we stand here. They are going to say that I survived the reentry, but I had lost my memory and I wanted to stay there. They will be saying they tried to help me regain my memory and didn't want to return me until I was healthy enough to return. Through some regime change in Russia, my existence fell through the cracks and I was forgotten about. With the investigation of Dr. Sheldon Cooper, I was rediscovered and promptly returned to the United States. They are announcing a formal apology and they hope our story stands."

Bernadette spoke up, "What about those two bimbos out there who look like Russian spies?"

He chuckled, "It is part of the settlement. I have them and I hope to get them visas to stay here. I'm going to give them their freedom. Let's talk about this later Bernie. We are here to celebrate Penny's award and her retirement."

Penny hugged Howard, "That is so insignificant compared to the celebration of your return. Let's go out and enjoy ourselves."

Sheldon stopped them, "Remember, no talk about forced imprisonment or you could be putting his life in danger and unravel all the work I did to get this deal made."

"Howard nodded, "I just wanna go out and enjoy my now grown children."

They headed out, but Bernie was still upset about the two bimbos, as she called them and she had a tough time accepting them.

They walked out and everyone else in the room was wondering what happened. Howard took the lead. "I just wanted to spend a couple minutes with my wife and her husband. The man who orchestrated my return and his wife. Now I'm here to return to a normal life and hopefully pick-up when I left it over fifteen years ago."

Bernie huffed, "How can you say that with these two women hovering over you. How could you do that to me?" He stared at her, "I never knew if I'd ever see any of you again, What did you expect me to do, become a monk? It looks like you did okay for yourself, marrying two of my closest friends before even knowing if I was dead or alive."

"That was different, I was told you were gone and after a lot of soul-searching, I decided to get on with my life."

Alex blew up, "What the fuck are you talking about, Bernadette? It was you and you alone who tore apart a marriage to get what you wanted."

Bernie glared at her, "Keep your mouth shut, or I will shut it for you."

Leonard and Penny looked to Bernie and then Alex. Leonard stepped closer, "What are you talking about Alex?"

Alex's look was so intense, Bernie backed off, "I'm sorry, but I can't keep this bottled up any longer. I wanted to tell you both years ago, but Bernie threatened to ruin my relationship with Raj and Anu, but no longer."

She came over to Penny and grabbed her hand, "I'm sorry, but I'm sure you don't know that Dr. Lorvis is my uncle. Bernadette contacted me and asked me to have him persuade you to try out the Deja Vu medication on the black porn stars. Unknown to you, he added one to your wine and it lowered your inhibitions. You were acting on instinct, unaware that Bernie set-up the meeting with you and the urologist for the porn industry. He was so obsessed with you, he'd do anything to fuck you. He jumped at the opportunity to have a shot at you. She even set-up the follow-up meeting to seal your fate."